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ORIGINAL: jbcurious

VC...I can "Domme up" for the take over... as long as I have *cough* someone to submit to...

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ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Rochsub, your sarcasm got in between the JB/VC lovefest. I'm going to assume it was an accident this time. Don't let it happen again

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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Yes Ma'am.  So very sorry.

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

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DesFIP: I would make the world's worst top, stopping every moment to see if they were all right and apologizing for hurting them.

If you are aware that they are enjoying the impact play and that you are actually pleasing them by hitting them, why would you feel the need to apologize?

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ORIGINAL: catize


Here's an idea; you can (really and truly!) look for someone who chooses to submit to you but already is quite capable of taking care of herself, who is in control of her own life. That way, you don't have to try to “fix” her. The truth is, you cannot be therapist to someone who you have an emotional attachment. It just doesn't work very well.
I often wonder where the belief comes from that all submissive folk are basket cases in need of basic life lesson from a dominant You might ask yourself how did they manage to survive and thrive without you all these years?

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

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DesFIP: I would make the world's worst top, stopping every moment to see if they were all right and apologizing for hurting them.

If you are aware that they are enjoying the impact play and that you are actually pleasing them by hitting them, why would you feel the need to apologize?

I can't answer for anyone else, of course, only for myself. Yes. I can not hit someone hard enough for them to enjoy it anyway, and in attempts in the past to service top, have ended up in a puddle of tears. It is not something that every slave is capable of. I even get ansy and annoyed when my Master is on His knees for good reason, like to look for a pen that rolled under his desk - I offer to do it myself, artheretic knees be damned, if he'll just get up off his knees!

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

. there is something deep into your psyche that tells you that hitting another person so that it hurts is just wrong. If you didn't have this belief (of which you are maybe not even aware) you would have no problem whatsoever to hit your Master. But you do have a HUGE problem hitting him, even if he wanted it and enjoyed it. I am quite sure that you think deep down that it is wrong to hit a person, no matter what are the circumstances or their wants and needs. At the same time you have no problem whatsoever being hit. Which means that you think the following:
Some people should always be respected and revered and never treated wrongly, not even if this is their desire (for example your Master),
and some other people can (and maybe even deserve to) be treated wrongly (for example, you). Which then means that some people are simply more worthy, more valuable and have more human dignity than some other people, and you do not belong to this group. Which, after such analyses shows that I was not so terribly wrong when I assumed that subs "quite often" have the issues with self-esteem.

Of course, I still believe and hope, that this happens only in minority of situations, and that most of them want to be submissive in relationships for completely different reasons.

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Why do you assume that a consensual spanking is treating someone wrongly? It isn't.
I enjoy it. I'm glad he likes doing it.

But I'm still not capable of doing it myself. I absolutely hate it if I have to discipline my kids even though they may need it. I do my damnedest to find other ways of handling the situation, usually involving talking them to death and announcing we need to spread gravel/cut wood/etc. Something that needs to be done but is time consuming and a lot of unpleasant work.

And I am not allowed to revere The Man. He finds that to be setting up a major problem in the relationship down the road. He knows he is human and fallible and that being revered would prevent me from helping him to avoid problems. I'm supposed to tell him when he's going about things the wrong way so we don't waste time, money etc on doing it like that and then have a worse problem we need to fix later on.

What you see as most subs having self esteem issues is something you're seeing because you're looking to find that. Most people I know have self esteem issues if you dig hard enough. You were a fat kid in school? You have self esteem issues over weight even if you're a size 6 now. You were skinny and made fun of in school? You still have self esteem issues about your looks even though you're now a supermodel (read interviews with them, this is so common). You had a French teacher who derided you about your inability to speak it properly? You avoid French restaurants now.

This isn't a sub thing, it's a people thing. You want it to be a sub thing for your own needs.

And I don't believe anyone ought to be revered or automatically respected. It's earned. You don't earn it, you don't get it.

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

.OK, this clarified many things. I tend to agree with you. Maybe I just saw this "people thing" just a little more present in subs.
The point is not that it is only sub thing. Of course that it is people thing. However, these very issues of self-esteem may just be one of the many things that cause someone to be submissive or that form the submissive mindset, along with many other factors.

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
Also, I think there must be some internal cause of their submissiveness. Low self esteem seems like a very logical explanation.

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Apart from that, I don't get it why are people so easily offended by some statements.

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I said this whole thing in context of practices that might help them be more assertive, and not make fun of them because of some possible issues with self esteem or anything similar.

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ORIGINAL: jbcurious
Get it through your head.... that in my submission is where I feel value, not in my ability to take charge.

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
As a dominant I would try to heal these wounds in my sub if they were present. I would try to lead her to develop a stronger personality on her own. I wouldn't direct her much at all. I would try to unleash her own natural strength that was probably been repressed for years by strict parents, bullies at school, or abusive partners.

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ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally




All these poor little submissive types, thank goodness we have dominants to fix us up and make us better people, we would be fucked without them