quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you talking about hostile profiles?

I think it does come out of frustration.  Yes, we all get mail that we don't want, but after a period of time, I think some of it gets old.  I love the mail that I get from folks on the forums, but the 'drive-by' mail tends to get tedious after a while.  I'm very specific in My profile about only being interested in local people and some kinks that I have no interest in participation.  At minimum, at least ten times a day, I write replies that go to the tune of, "the word 'local' appears in My profile three times".  Take that minimum of ten times a day and multiply it by being here almost three and a half years. 

I can see the potential for folks who are one orientation or another getting more irritated from certain contacts.  Most will put "No Men" at the top of the profile and I honestly think that should be respected.  Unfortunately, this is being said on the forums and most folks who use the forums aren't the ones who can't seem to do that.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Erm... Aqua, not Val. Val has the penis. I have the boobies.

And I agree with you on one count at least - I probably wouldn't contact them either. But still... if that's who they are or that's how they want to make their profile... let 'em go for it. I don't have to read it and I severely doubt I would contact them to let them know I disapprove of their profile. I suppose there is some circumstance in which I might but I'm hard-pressed to think of one.

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ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I am wondering about something: the hostility here. I am not talking about a heated discussion on the boards; what I am reacting to is the anger, the meanness, in the profiles that pop up when we log on or off. I am not dissing women OR men, but it seems that women in particular are enraged that men evidently contact them (or so they say) when they indicate a non-hetero orientation. I mean, they really sound furious, and the name calling is fierce. I dont get it. I understand it might be frustrating, but dont we all get mail we dont want?

quote:

The thing is, some of the "ranting" is so severe, it mostly depicts a person not in control of his or her emotions, and I would think that is a turnoff even to those who "fit" our preferences or requirements.

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ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Why does it bother me? Im not sure I would use the word "bother". But as someone who has made the management and understanding of emotions her life work, and also just as a citizen of the earth, I think there is often a stunning lack of self control, which adds to the problems of individuals, relationships, communities and the world. Moreover, many of these folks are doing/saying things they would not, were they in our presence, so in addition to it being hostile and inappropriate, it is also cowardly. I understand that inappropriate emails are annoying; but as someone else said, preferences can be defined, refined, etc. and I go back to wondering why these contacts seem to elicit RAGE in some people. Seems to indicate an unbalanced personality.

For example, I have noticed more than one profile saying something like "You are such losers" regarding the men who contact them. Why is it necessary to respond to inappropriate behaviour with an equally inappropriate response? Seems to me that makes the ranter a loser also.

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ORIGINAL: Somethingrandom
This seems absurd. Technology is supposed to adapt to people, not vice-versa.
Wouldn't it be simpler if the programmers of the site  site simply arranged it so that it auto-blocks?  You check a gender box. They check a gender box.   You happen to be a lesbian, and don't want to hear from men?  They're already auto-blocked because their profile does not fit the definition you created of the types you DO want to hear from. Simple.
Same for geographic region, commitment status and whatever else you wish to filter according to.

Could a horny annoying person create a fake profile and still pester others? Again,
technical solution.  Forward an inappropriate profile to support, and they block the ISP address entirely, not just that account, as well as report the incident to the internet service provider itself.

Or, we could stay with uber-bitchy chip-on-the-shoulder fed-up rants on profiles. That's charming.

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ORIGINAL: kdsub

I would say that most of the hostile profiles are women. These women I believe live two lives. In the first or real life they find themselves less than desirable for any number of reasons. In the second or online lives they find that men usually don’t care what makes them undesirable in their real lives. Being men they are often only after sex and are aggressive in their search…it is what men do… one of their main purposes in nature.

This gives these women the feeling of power and desirability they don’t experience in their real lives. It is like being drunk on power even if false. They then take their revenge on those that would not look twice at them if they met on the street.

I am not condemning women and I understand the frustration of being bomb boarded by mail from men who don’t read their profiles. And these men deserve what they get.

I actually feel sorry for those that believe CM gives them power to change their pitiful lives…this power is only a dream.

Butch