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Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 2:49:21 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Without getting into specifics or giving names, the topic of people that come on the boards and delve into personal details and/or make personal statements about their spouses/significant others/dom/master/owner/sub/slave etc have always struck me as completely inappropriate and horrific. Am I alone in this?

I'm not referring to the posts asking for general relationship advice or responses that use those relationships by example, I mean the ones that actually say my guy cannot get it up, or air every relationship issue in detail, especially when only one party is present for and consents to that disclosure.

Does it make you shudder when someone does this? Would this be acceptable in your relationship? Do you believe there is a limit as to how much you should and could share about your personal issues on a public forum?



< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/23/2010 2:50:27 PM >

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.
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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:10:20 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I have to say that I used to be much more open about my personal issues, but as I've spent more time here and on the internet, I've realized that I was out of bounds.

If I had a serious issue now, I'd either talk to other lifestyle people I know off the boards, or post anonymously. But like I said, it took me some time to learn that.

I'm kind of nosy anyway, so it doesn't really bother me when people bring their issues here. Just don't make me part of your punishment, please.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:11:41 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Let me channel Ron or DG to fully express how I feel.

I would beat the fuck out of any twat that dared air my personal business on here.

However, I find it sadistically delightful to read when others do. I have zero respect for the parties involved, but it brightens my day none the less.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/23/2010 3:13:14 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:14:41 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		When looking for advice, when you ask a question without detail people decide to fill in the blanks.

I have been called just about every name in the book, without proof that I had done anything at all.... People simply assume and fill in their own history. No need to actually know what happened just make it up.

Because of this I have been known to open the window if my life fairly wide. Giving as much detail as possible so that filling in the blanks are not necessary. Here I have learned that even then it doesn't matter much, posters here seem to perfer to make you someone elses life rather than read what they have said.

So I have been asked why I would bother to ask questions here?

Well I have a handfull of friends that I know well enough that they could understand the dynamic that my girl and I have, so in order to get an actual unbiased opinion I turn to many people..... where else do you have to ask such questions?

Personally I like getting perspective from lots of different people. What is sad is I find lots of people like to attack problems. Anytime something in a D/s style relationship shows friction I have found that around here a lot of people seek fault and not solution. It seems that people are more interested in telling you why your choice of person was wrong rather than suggesting working something out.

I can show you 20 posts saying leave someone, or someone's Master is abusive, or Run don't Walk, for ever one post you find where someone says stay and work it out.

This is one of those things that bothers me.

As for airing of the dirty laundry, where else should one air something that is bothering them when part of their issue is that part of that laundry is the person they are with....... who else are they expected to turn to.... other than other people in the lifestyle who should understand, but what I see happeneing more often is condem them for being a part of it in the first place.

QSM

_____________________________

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"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:15:38 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		never mind.

< Message edited by hlen5 -- 7/23/2010 3:17:17 PM >

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One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:19:18 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		People do it, why because they are ignorant as to what it could do to them.  First time they get burned they will learn their lesson.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:21:13 PM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Without getting into specifics or giving names, the topic of people that come on the boards and delve into personal details and/or make personal statements about their spouses/significant others/dom/master/owner/sub/slave etc have always struck me as completely inappropriate and horrific. Am I alone in this?

I'm not referring to the posts asking for general relationship advice or responses that use those relationships by example, I mean the ones that actually say my guy cannot get it up, or air every relationship issue in detail, especially when only one party is present for and consents to that disclosure.

Does it make you shudder when someone does this? Would this be acceptable in your relationship? Do you believe there is a limit as to how much you should and could share about your personal issues on a public forum?




So I guess I shouldn't bring up the hair on my taint that I keep shaving but it keeps growing back.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:23:17 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I'm not sure how dirty the laundry is when it's aired by anonymous screennames with no pictures. I try to take posts at face value and answer the post as best I can and if I can.



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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:30:08 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		From my Blog:

"As a slave, one of the greatest services i provide to my Owner, and myself, and our relationship, is privacy. Privacy is a core foundation of trust, it is what enables us to hold that sacred, safe place between him and me, and it is what facilitates his ability to act out any and all of his desires with me, without fear of it being shared and judged by others. Nobody needs to know our private business, whether it is activities we do in the bedroom, the dungeon, or the latest relationship discussion we had about fine-tuning our interactions. Nobody, but he and i, needs to know these things."

"The heart belongs in the chest and not on the sleeve. When you are private, you protect your Dominant man, you protect your relationship, and you protect yourself. As spoken by the actress Jacqee Gafford, “You become less a satellite, and more a sun.""

Link here if anyone is interested.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:40:36 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		*giggle* this made me laugh because I probably have about 3/4 of a book written that is very personal, extremely revealing, and full of juicy details on how I got to be the twisted soul I am now. 

(in reply to laurell3)
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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:44:28 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Most of the time when I see a question here that makes me think "wtf would they post that?"  it is because it is a question that, for me, I would only trust the voices in my own head to answer.  I would never think of asking someone on an internet message board about it.



_____________________________

yep

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 3:55:00 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Airing dirty laundry online doesn't make me shudder - it might make me roll my eyes  -  or laugh.

I came to America from New Zealand - and was absolutely appalled at what people would tell me - essentially a stranger. Within the first week of work, i got the skinny on a divorce, including sexual details that, at that time, made me blush.

Not every culture is so ...... open about private stuff.  I wouldn't air my dirty laundry online -and i also wouldn't do it in the local bdsm community.  If i couldn't figure it out myself, i wouldn't probably ask my therapist -  and yes, that is a bit of laundry that some  might consider, stained, if not dirty. lol.

I am a lot more open now than i was 25 years ago, and don't see it as such a bad thing, but context is everything.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:00:24 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		As a problem solver (at least when I feel like it), I don't mind if people bring issues here of any sort. If I think I have something relevant (or relevant in a snarky way that you should at least ponder) to say, I would rather have the chance to make a difference in someone's life.

That not all of the parties are present seems impractical to me. What is somewhat more irritating is when two posters here start becoming vicious with one another. It's sad to see, however entertaining it might be. Somebody needs to buy boxing gloves and put them in the corner here when we need them.

Personally, I'll give out snippets of who, what and where I am in life, but I tend not to denigrate others. That's just who I am. If I REALLY need advice or just want to froth (that'll be the day), I would do so without naming names. People you know know other people they know know other people THEY know who belong to other bb's that might know someone I know. You know?

What I find really odd is that when you try to get some idea about who the posters are here, and you can fathom almost NOTHING about them personally, from their posts. (Well, maybe me, but I'm an open book to myself.) Not naming names, mind you. I wouldn't wish to pry, not even in emails. Just my nature.

Jeff

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:08:46 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		It doesn't bother me at all to see these sorts of posts. The boundaries between public and private are shifting due to online interaction, paticularly social networking. I assume most people who expose personal details do so knowing full well it's all under an anonymous screen name which they can delete the next day if they want to (not that it is usually necessary). I don't think a lot of people who post this way realize, however, how vicious and bloodthirsty a group like this can be, and I imagine many people's first airing of their personal affairs on this forum is also their last due to the horrific way they are typically treated.

With that said, I don't air in public...I've seen this group in action and would rather not invite such...ugliness...in my direction. There is one exception: if I think that relating some difficult episode from my life will help someone else out more than I will help myself by keeping quiet, I will do so.

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"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:13:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I suppose the first thing that I'm going to ask is what kind of dirty laundry are we talking about here?

It occurs to Me that it's easy to share the good stuff.  When everybody is happy and everything is wonderful, we want to share those things.  There's a lot to be said for things running smoothly and everything is in place.  It all looks so effortless to have a perfect dynamic when all you do is talk about the success.

Which is great, if you want to paint some fairy-tale picture of life.  It makes for a great story to say "and they lived happily ever after".  (I'm repressing an urge to start singing.  Welcome to Duloc, it's the perfect place ala Shrek.)  I'm not especially sure that is an accurate representation.

It's not nearly as easy to come here and ask for advice of others when people are having bumps in the road.  Especially in those cases where everybody else is painting that perfect picture to compare your dynamic against.  At the same time, it might be the only way for some folks to hear stories that will actually help them in their current situation.  By talking to people who might have been before in the exact place where they are now and getting constructive advice on what they can do.

I've literally sent clip here after the first time that I punished him.  I wanted him to get input from other people and give him the opportunity to hear how other submissives dealt with their feelings of being punished.  Sure, I could have told him stories of past submissives that I'd had or allowed him to wait until the next submissive sig (special interest group), but neither of them were really going to fit what he needed at the time.  I wanted him to hear other people's experiences in an area that he was dealing with for the first time.

I suppose what I'm saying is, I'm not especially sure that all I think this place can be used for is the light and fluffy, happy, happy, joy, joy aspect of a D/s or M/s dynamic.  It makes for great fairy-tales, but it's not always an accurate dipiction of life.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:23:55 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not referring to the posts asking for general relationship advice or responses that use those relationships by example, I mean the ones that actually say my guy cannot get it up, or air every relationship issue in detail, especially when only one party is present for and consents to that disclosure.


Again, I am not referring to general requests for relationship advice. Please re-read the OP.

I am referring to specific instances of people coming on a public forum to declare that their husband/bf cannot get it up anymore, or worse yet, air their relationship squabbles when other parties in that relationship are on this forum.

Is there a line that you feel should be drawn?

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/23/2010 4:25:44 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:32:25 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Everyone draws their own line, and they deal with the consequences, whatever they are.
Unless they are breaking tos, and not naming real names, then no...I guess there is no line.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:33:46 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I try to say only positive things about those I have been involved with. It is my way.

Others have different ways, and i do not involve myself with those people

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:37:06 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I would definitely object to the airing of any disagreements I had in a relationship.

But damn.... I do so love it when others do it...:)

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 7/23/2010 4:38:00 PM >

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RE: Publicly airing your dirty laundry - 7/23/2010 4:41:29 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Everyone draws their own line, and they deal with the consequences, whatever they are.
Unless they are breaking tos, and not naming real names, then no...I guess there is no line.
What blushes said, I think.

I don't talk about my personal life on the boards. There's a list of people I'd talk to if I were having a problem, and I would do that privately. But I have to respect others' desires to hear a broader range of opinions. Should people post details of their partners without the partners' consent? That's a grey area-sometimes letting the partner know would invalidate the advice. It's a question of the partner's right to privacy versus the poster's right to solicit advice.

Difficult one, Laurell. I don't know where I stand.


_____________________________

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