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Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 5:21:35 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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For the submissive side... is there any part of your life you have absolute control over and will never relinquish regardless of what type of relationship you enter?

For the Dominants... male or female (heh)... is there any part of your life you have (and prefer that way) no control over?

For myself, i have my son. I may take a man's advice over certain situations when it comes to problems he may have, but i would never just turn all control over to him. My son is now 24, which some will say makes that a moot point. But its my place in my son's life to determine the best interation with him, the type of advice i give him, and the issues i decide to deal with in regards to him. This is a source of control i have always maintained, no matter what his age, and something i would never give up.

The second is my career. I will ask for advice. I may even take that advice. But the issues related to my career and the tasks set forth, as well as educational requirements (nursing related here) are all within my control and will remain as such.

There are just two areas. Im sure if i dug deeper, i could probably come up with more. How about you?

This isnt meant to be a snark filled thread. Im just curious about the absoluteness of control.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

Post #: 1

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 5:29:50 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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There is nothing in mine and Alandra's life that we have absolute control over. In our house we do not speak of things in terms of the word control, we prefer the connotations of the word authority more. The only authority we have is what is delegated to us by him and at any point he can (and does) take back that authority and exercise his own will.

Work, finance, kids, house, extended families, activities, vehicles.... there really isn't any area of our life that we are doing our will instead of his.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 6:14:07 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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Just a question, kyra... and no way a judgement. Is he the father?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 6:41:38 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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They are his kids (his and Alandra's biologically and mine by love).

I can appreciate that a woman with children may not want a new partner having a say in how they are raised; suggestions and such are appreciated as you mentioned but not the authority to impose those suggestions. With my Lord this would prevent that woman from ever being his slave; he may bring her into our family as a submissive or as his bottom (this may not be the criteria for other Masters). One of the resulting consequencse is that this person would not be allowed to live with him.

I don't have human children of my own, but I do have furry four-legged children. It was very important to me to know who he is as a person so that I could hand over the authority of their care. That is how we approach our relationship and I can appreciate that what we do just doesn't fit for other people's lives.

As a note, he did have a slave for a short period of time who had children of her own and he had complete authority over them. In many ways it is a bad example because she was not the healthiest, but it does show that the expectation will hold even if they are not his children biologically.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 7:54:00 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

But did those children give consent for him to have complete control over them? Because first, my kids haven't and secondly, my son is still a minor and therefore unable to give informed consent. That's why we have laws protecting minors.

My father is elderly and has dementia. That makes him someone else who cannot give consent. The Man can make suggestions but he cannot take control.

He doesn't want control over my father's care either. I'm sure he would speak up if he thought my father was not being cared for properly but as that is not the case, it has never come up.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 7:54:01 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Kyra,

But KOM isn't your average or even typical dominant is he? He has a succesful career and long term stable marriage with her as part of all this. Surrendering yourself fully to someone who so clearly has his life wired tight is sort of the "ideal".

I give far better advice to others than I give myself so I am very careful when and where I take control. There are parts of my life that I would love to find a woman to put in charge of them as I am wise enough to recognize when someone else has more talent than I in something. For me, the goal is to enhance OUR lives, by leveraging OUR strengths and if that means she orders my food because I get tired of wanting what she ordered...then so be it!

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 12/4/2010 7:55:16 AM >

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 8:00:37 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I refuse to direct my submissive in her worship or her voting.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 7

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 9:07:59 AM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

We've been together a long time, and there's no area I would deny control. There are a few I don't want to give it, but if he insists, he can have it.
I recently had to give over on an area which I tried to keep. It was and still is difficult, but it's been the best thing I've ever done.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 8

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 9:13:30 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

this is simple for me.

No

Master has control over all of my life. What he wants he gets. I didn't just choose to be with him willynilly. I took my time to get to know him to realize how smart a man he is and that I trust him unfailingly. He wants only the best for me and I know any decision he makes is not one he has not thought long and hard about. He's not one to just make rash decisions.

This is not to say we don't talk about his decisions. We do all the time. He allows me to question, he allows me to give my views which he usually takes into consideration. He almost always explains his reasons to me and they make complete sense. He sees things from an outside perception and is a good judge of character. There are times I don't think things through completely or don't see what he sees from the other side.

If I didn't trust him completely with everything in my life I would not have agreed to be his slave.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 12/4/2010 9:18:18 AM >

(in reply to mbes)

Post #: 9

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 9:18:20 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

~FR

Thank you all for replying... and the replies are giving me a deepr insight into the differences between the kneels.

I want to reiterate... there is no right or wrong answer... only what is right or wrong for your relationship.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 9:49:36 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Me retaining control over my children is non-negotiable part of my package. I love getting suggestions and even advice, but what I choose to do with them is my decision and their father's. So for me...finding someone whose views on parenting is similar to mine has always been right up there in precedence. That way whatever advice my Dom would choose to give me would more or less echo how I already feel, and we'll usually be in sync on what needs to happen or how things should go. I'm a damned good mother, it's an area I don't need much help with but support....sure, I'll take it

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 10:07:38 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
For the Dominants... male or female (heh)... is there any part of your life you have (and prefer that way) no control over?

While I fully admit that there are areas that I don't have control over, I'm not especially sure that I would phrase it as I prefer it that way. My husband's career is a very good example of this. Certain concessions get made with military life. Looking at the overall picture, I can't have the positives without the negatives, such as not having control about final decisions about deployments, etc. In a perfect world, I'd have all of the positives and still have control, but that isn't exactly reality based.

The wording that I would use would be that I accept lack of control in certain areas of My life, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a preference.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 10:11:10 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Thank you LP. In fact, i had alot of difficulty in wording that particular part of the OP. Im glad to see those who have replied understood the question behind the poor wording.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 10:33:17 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I hope you didn't feel that I was slamming you for the wording. That wasn't My intention. It's just that preference wouldn't really fit. If I could rearrange the cosmos somehow and make all of the situations the way that I wanted them to be, I'd probably want that. I can't deny that I wouldn't like to pick and choose. Unfortunately, the universe doesn't align like that.

I tend to think that I'm a bit different in this area than some Dominants. By nature, I think Dominant people prefer control. (That's My own "duh" statement of the morning.) Yet, I think we fall on a scale of how well we deal with areas that are not under our control. I tend to lean on the side of being better able to accept the authority of what I'll call 'areas bigger than Me' because when I'm the authority, that's how the situation is and it is what I expect. Knowing that I'm not the ultimate authority (I'm not playing God here) I also know there are areas where I don't have control and I have to accept some things just as they are.

Cases of injustice aside, I'm not one to have difficulty accepting authorities greater than Me. If the speed limit is 55 and I'm caught doing 70, I'm going to be respectful to that nice policeman who pulls Me over and gives Me the ticket. I may not agree with a decision that the boss makes at work, but I'm going to do it his way because he's in charge. I may bitch about it during My off hours or vocalize how dumb I think the new policy is, but at the job, I'm going to implement whatever is being put into place. I'm just the type that recognizes there are authorities greater than Me and acceptance of that fact makes things much simpler.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 11:26:42 AM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
is there any part of your life you have absolute control over and will never relinquish regardless of what type of relationship you enter?

You know, i kind of took that whole "Know Thyself" thing pretty seriously. i expect anyone i'm with to believe that i did and take into account any input i have along those lines. Consider it a service: there's an easily accessible resource a D can go to to find out how to arrange my overall life that keeps me holistically healthy--in optimum condition, and it's me. i won't give up ultimate control over doing or being what makes me truly happy, truly content--i pretty much know what those are and i don't require anyone telling me differently.

If there are people or animals i consider under my care i'm willing to ask and hear opinions or advice, but final decisions made are mine.

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 11:33:16 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

IMO, stress is the bane of all submissives. As long as all is well, I'm not so naive as to get between my girl and her own flesh and blood. If all is not well, ie she's stressing, then I tread and choose my words carefully in helping her resolve matters.

Same for work situations etc. She's the one who's there everyday so I'll trust her overall judgement - up until work interferes with our personal dynamic; ie, she's stressed.

My control isn't absolute and I think that's an unhealthy ideal to aspire to. Yeah, I make the decisions etc but it's still a partnership and I'd be doing both of us a disservice not to include the thoughts of a fellow mature, intelligent adult into my decision making processes. Esp a female adult as women see very different things when looking at the same thing males are.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 11:39:00 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

No slam felt, LP. I knew that wording was fuzzy. Thank you for taking the time to help me clarigy that.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 11:45:21 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Focus - another quality response man.

Personally, I tend to select successful, ambitious, self-confident and independent types. When it comes to her career, family, politics or faith I would seek to support, rather than control.

That said - if I had issues with her career, family, politics or faith I wouldn't partner with her in any case!

If / when issues arise, I'll advise if asked and offer my advice if I think it's needed, but personally speaking I've no desire to exert such a high level of control over someone that I'm responsible for all of her decisions and choices - It's not that I would be afraid of that responsibility (as a father I'm used to it in some regard) it's just that I'd find it a drag.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 18

"The first step in solving a problem....is admitti... - 12/4/2010 11:50:27 AM

CerVeza

Posts: 156
Joined: 10/13/2010
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"The first step in solving a problem....is admitting that you are one."

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 19

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/4/2010 11:56:00 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

But did those children give consent for him to have complete control over them? Because first, my kids haven't and secondly, my son is still a minor and therefore unable to give informed consent. That's why we have laws protecting minors.

This is another example that there are indeed stupid questions. If children had the maturity to make all of life's decisions then they would be able to go and party at the bar after they popped out of the womb. They would be handed their drivers license instead of taking some sort of test. Yes stupid comments.... that are very deserving of a stupid question!

It never fails to amaze me that people throw out the "LAW" is there to protect minors..... Once again people seek to not take responsibility for BEING the parent! Regardless of being children by blood or by love.... it is a choice that one makes to take on the responsibility of children. Nuture them to the point that they can mature and make decisions that life will throw at them. IT"s not the laws job to protect children.... it's the parents job... the unfortunate reality is the laws are their becaause some just can't do the job. Just about anyone can be a mom or dad... but the hell one goes through just to get a driver's license is rather amazing in comparison.

When my children are mature enough to make Informed choices... they can make whatever choice they want with regards to their relationship with Kyra or even their Parents.... but until then... In this family anyways... I will decide what is best! And that goes for anyone one that brings children into my house that choose to be my slave.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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