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RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 12:59:47 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

For the submissive side... is there any part of your life you have absolute control over and will never relinquish regardless of what type of relationship you enter?

As has been expressed earlier in this thread, I prefer the term "authority" over control.

That said, we are progressing to that point. There is very little I still feel reserved about but as trust continues to grow toward absolute, we're getting there.

Really, I would not have involved myself with a man whose moral code was so different than mine that I had to put up a lot of protective barriers. Family is important to him, as it is to me. Maintaining my friendships is equally important to him. Keeping me emotionally healthy, happy and safe is important to him. He has proven himself to make decisions that support our combined happiness and keep our relationship healthy, so there isn't much I feel I need to hang onto under my own authority.

If anything, my cat might fall into that category, but I've watched him develop his own relationship with my little guy and feel better about that. Since I know more about caring for a four legged pet than he does (he's not much of an animal person) I continue to make decisions regarding my little guy. I won't be giving the cat up, though. That was talked about before the Man and I even made a commitment to each other. The cat comes with me, wherever I go. And the man agreed we'd be a package deal. Just recently he made a comment of "The cat is mine, too" which I admit made my heart jump, but I trust him, so there really isn't any concern there.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 61

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 1:01:24 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

The point of this thread was to see if any Dominant would actually state they had control over all areas of a sub/slaves life. I have yet to see that. Among the subs/slaves, i have seen the desire expressed, but, yet again, not seen the actuality expressed.

Then maybe you haven't been comprehending what some have been telling you! I for one have all the authority and control over my two girls. But authority and control is NOT about micro-managing. It does mean at any time... I can and do exercise my authority and control on any aspect of the girls lives that I so choose.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 62

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 1:16:56 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Mbes. I see it as you do but perhaps define what you do differently and to me the only perception of his control varies. While it seems his control is not there when you are making determinations. He still has absolute control even when you are making the decisions he allows you to make. The fact to me that he allows you gommske the decision and he has veto power to me indicates his control is absolute only the perception may be what creates the illusion of your having control.

I see many people utilize the illusion the perception makes and easily use the illusion as the truth of the situation.

Angel

Oh, I agree, I just had a hard time wrapping my thick head around it for a while, and I have to revisit it often. I wanted more overt control, but was usurping that control by trying to dictate the manner in which it would be shown. So some days it feels as if I have control, but he who holds veto holds the control. It's nice that he lets me feel that way sometimes, though, as I am an incorrigible control freak. I think it's sometimes fun for him to let me get all comfy then.... poof!

Aren't head games great??

In reality, he does have the control, even over the things that I sometimes wish to hang on to. The fact that he allows me to make decisions doesn't negate that.

< Message edited by mbes -- 12/6/2010 1:23:08 PM >

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 63

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 1:24:04 PM

ownedbyPF

Posts: 126
Joined: 2/18/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

The point of this thread was to see if any Dominant would actually state they had control over all areas of a sub/slaves life. I have yet to see that. Among the subs/slaves, i have seen the desire expressed, but, yet again, not seen the actuality expressed.

that's not actually true tazzy. several slaves have posted not about a "desire" to have their lives completely controlled, but the day to day reality of it. my point was that even with absolute control, a slave still has responsibilities. but those responsibilities do not indicate any authority or control.

more subs/slaves tend to post than Dominants, that's just the way it tends to be online. my Master hates message boards actually, he doesn't have the temperament for all the back and forth. He's more of a blogger...putting his uncensored, uninterrupted ideas out there for you to like or not, agree with or not, he doesn't really care, lol.

I'm like riding your coattails tonight daddysprop ;) second one I've quoted you on. Anyhow, yes, I agree, I don't understand what you mean by this tazzy? Does the actuality of it mean somethig different to you? Just trying to get a clarification.

To answer the question, in a word, no. There isn't anything in my life I control. What I eat, when I sleep, work/don't work clean/don't clean, how to fold a shirt, kids, animals, everything. I might decide what to make him for breakfast, but it's based on what I know I'm allowed to purchase from the store. What I'm allowed to purchase is based on his taste and his dictate on what our nutritional guidelines are.. to which he is quite specific. That's how everythig is. He doesn't have to wake up every morning and say, "slave, today you will get up, make my coffee, cook this breakfast, pour my coffe for me to take to work, work out at this time, do these exercises, eat this lunch, eat this way, at this time, piss at this time, drink this amount of water, take this vitamin, check the kids homework, let the dogs out at this time, clean this shirt, and so on" He's already defined all of that. My choice is simply, do I want to make him the eggs he likes this morning, or the bagels with salmon that he likes? Should I eat the turkey, or the protein shake and half an apple? Micromanaged, absolutely, but he doesn't have to reiterate every day, every minute what to do, he's already laid it out, I work within that. Kids? Dogs? hell, he's paying for my oldest sons college education, damn straight he has a whole lot of say in that. My dog made it clear to me, that she still loved me, but belonged to him by the third month we were dating. (I called her a traitor.) There's nothing. Who to have sex with? Nope, that's his also. I can tell him I am not attracted to someone, that only makes it more fun to him. I can tell him what I think on something, or that I'd like to try a new thing at the store, or whatever else, he gives it a go, or says no, period.
That's just the way it rolls in His house.
~s

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 64

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 6:36:58 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

The point of this thread was to see if any Dominant would actually state they had control over all areas of a sub/slaves life. I have yet to see that. Among the subs/slaves, i have seen the desire expressed, but, yet again, not seen the actuality expressed.

Then maybe you haven't been comprehending what some have been telling you! I for one have all the authority and control over my two girls. But authority and control is NOT about micro-managing. It does mean at any time... I can and do exercise my authority and control on any aspect of the girls lives that I so choose.

I did get a * grandparents are a different species* comment which totally missed the point.

M DOES and CAN decide what will or will not happen with my boys (and with my older chidren )......The important factor is, that he knows that I know them FAR better and have IMPORTANT and vital input.

My boys, as big as they are, at 16yrs and 18 yrs, know that M has the *veto* vote on everything. It got them into the schools they wanted, it gave them a man to look to for encouragement and advice when the going got tough, it gave them a man to rely on when Mama was struggling. They KNOW that he can and WILL sort things out.........How do they KNOW that? Because he was clearly there for their mother, before, during and beyond.

He doesn't DO things the way I do at all, I'm thankful that they have a solid source of information and stability that's second to none, despite that!

I couldn't offer them what he has, and even when they are irritated with his *authority* , the fact that they can STILL acknowledge that it's been vital to them over the years, really sums it up.

My point in my previous post was that all SORTS of people can be an influence, even if it's fleeting, in children's lives..... for the GOOD.

I can't be the only mother whose children admire teachers, other people's parents, people in charge at work.......The rules that they have to adhere to, in those relationships, are viewed as a GOOD thing. If they view them negatively, then they do not spend time there.

So no , grandparents AREN'T a different species..... That may well be how YOU view it , but here, being blood-related doesn't mean a change of principles. (you threw me with that one. How daft!)

M OWNS me, therefore he owns all the crap that goes along with owning me. (which hasn't been insubstantial)....and NO, he never could have, if I'd hung onto bits and bobs.

He can't govern my children if he cannot *own* me. He did both. Those things go together.

And although he and I have differering views...... there are at least TWO young men that understand that *differing views* means *choice*, not penalty.

So basically, if I have to keep parts of my life to myself, then nope, you do NOT own me. You can be all sorts of things , but you won't
be MY owner. Either you're in charge ....or you're not.

That seems quite sensible really...

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 12/6/2010 6:40:56 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 65

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 6:47:51 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

I really wouldn't want to have a sex change operation done. :)

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 66

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 6:54:01 PM

LadyRian

Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
For the Dominants... male or female (heh)... is there any part of your life you have (and prefer that way) no control over?

I prefer not to have control over any friend or loved one who isn't my (submissive) relationship partner. Live and let live is a great motto, and saves me a lot of annoyance, drama, and grief. Also my career depends on creativity- I let my music and art do what they want. Better work results from not trying to micromanage either one!

_____________________________

"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 67

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 7:25:47 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Haven't a clue what you're referring to, sorry. Try being less subtle? ie..* What are you going on about?*

agirl

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 68

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 8:25:15 PM

anniezz338

Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline

lol...just answering the OP's question. I didn't read much of the rest of the thread. And I really want to earn another handcuff.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 69

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 8:36:22 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

The point of this thread was to see if any Dominant would actually state they had control over all areas of a sub/slaves life. I have yet to see that. Among the subs/slaves, i have seen the desire expressed, but, yet again, not seen the actuality expressed.

Then maybe you haven't been comprehending what some have been telling you! I for one have all the authority and control over my two girls. But authority and control is NOT about micro-managing. It does mean at any time... I can and do exercise my authority and control on any aspect of the girls lives that I so choose.

Nor did i state you didnt. But, as you stated, if you so chose.

quote:

It is important to appreciate that M/s relationships strive and often have a total authority transfer. But, I been around long enough to know that such a state is more a journey that it is a destination. Meaning that every now and again, one comes to places where the transfer is not complete and the relationship might put in alittle overtime in these situations.... but their is never any doubt where the authority belongs. Many of these bumps in the road are discovered accidently and are the result of a lack of awareness rather than wilful intent.

Based upon your own post here, its authority to you and not absolute control. If i misread it, then i did. But what it said to me was there are still times, even in your relationship, that you dont have absolute control.

Again, im not judging, just asking questions and trying to get a handle on something.

I have no idea why people are taking this so personally! No where have i stated, or infered, that people and their descriptions of "what they do" is wrong.

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 12/6/2010 9:00:29 PM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 70

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 8:47:02 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

So you are lying when you claim no wrong answers. Only YOUR opinion counts and you are policing the thread trying to determine who isn't fitting the responses and styles YOU think are correct. I don't care what you think of my posting style it's not your business how I post nor should you be policing people as to their answers and yes tazzy you are policing not only me but others whose opinions are a lot like mine. So you may want to back off and stop trying to police people and then preach no answer is wrong. Everyone disagrees and you don't get to determines who disagreement is ok as I see YOUR disagreement is ok snd then tell me and others we can't disagree or our disagreement is not tazzy approved.

So which is it tazzy? No answers are wrong or somehow you are putting conditions applied to only some people and it seems to be people you disagree with?

Angel

Its absolutely impossible to have an exchange of ideas with you, angel.

Try this again. I asked people how their relationships worked. You expressed how yours worked. That was great, fine, dandy. Then you started in on how others worked, and how it was wrong in your opinion. I dont care if its wrong in your opinion. That wasnt what this thread was about.

No where have i told anyone their description, examples, or anything else...... now, make sure you get this part........ about their own relationships were wrong.

Dont like my threads? Dont respond to them. Its truly that simple.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 71

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 8:54:54 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Im not sure you understood what i was saying. I went back and counted. 11 posts, at least, shows me my saying...

quote:

Among the subs/slaves, i have seen the desire expressed, but, yet again, not seen the actuality expressed.

... is accurate.

no, that is not accurate. just doing a quick scan over the thread, myself, agirl and littlewonder have all expressed the "actuality" of having every aspect of our lives under the complete control of our Masters. besides being inaccurate, i also found that comment of yours rather condescending, though more than likely that was not your intent. sort of like saying, "well i see plenty of you subs/slaves desire a Dominant to take complete control, but the reality is it just doesn't happen." unless i've misread you entirely, that seems to be the gist of what you are saying and re-iterating, with your repost above.

you missed KoM's girl as well in your count. still 4 against 11... 2 - 1 by my math skills... lol.. which often are off base, but i dont think so this time.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 72

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 9:01:14 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I can control any part of my girls life...So then the question becomes, do I want to?

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 73

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/6/2010 9:02:28 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

LP answered that quite well, and even pointed out the problem with my post in regards to the Dominant. Sadly, it seems some did not read the whole thread.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 74

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/7/2010 1:19:40 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i sort of separate my son and parenting of him from my relationships. i dont see that he is involved at all, other than being made to feel part of the togetherness. so for me it isnt about my Dominants control stops there because it just isnt relevant.

there are things i will never give up, like my paganism, my country lifestyle for a town, but those are things i see as part of my personality as much as anything and no one should be seeking to alter a persons personality to that degree. so if a person doesnt agree with paganism or wants to bury me in a concrete jungle we're not going to work out anyway and i dont go there.

if those issues start to become a tug of war over control then IMO, there has to be something wrong somewhere.

years ago now i had a Dom who was jewish. there was a rule that no dairy could be eaten with meat. was fine with me, but when he applied that to my son, so he couldnt have his ice cream pudding after his meal, though i went along with it, it felt very wrong to me. it ended up being just another reason why we didnt continue. since then ive been more protective of my sons rights with regard to relationships. in fact when i think about it, i still feel a bit irritated by that mans stance over my non-jewish sons right to choose ice cream for his pudding. makes me feel bad even now, and it was ten years ago nearly

< Message edited by lally2 -- 12/7/2010 1:25:05 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 75

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/7/2010 1:42:42 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Angel,

Here's a question: what if in an absolute M/s relationship the Master ordered you to make your own decisions about your career (for example)?

Would that delegation make the M's relationship less absolute?

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 76

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/7/2010 4:43:36 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Crazyml go back and read my post i address that.

Angel

My monitor is dying so I am typing on my phone and I think it's clear in my posts how the control still applies when he delegates the specifics of the decisions to the slave. He still has absolute control. If you read what many women are saying it's a concept of them not trusting him to not harm her. That he will exert his control in a way that is bad faith and not conducive for the whole.

When a woman actively states she will not acknowledge or allow him control over certain aspects of her life she deems the most important to me that is not an m/s concept but a d/s one.

This to me is different from the man allowing her to make the specific decisions and she acknowledges he does have the absolute control to veto or withdraw his allowance for her to make the specific decisions.

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/7/2010 5:03:29 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 77

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/7/2010 4:50:37 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Lol. Tazzy I am not the only one who sees you doing that it's funny you are making this personal with me. Perhaps it's your issue not me. Your attempt to make this about me while others are telling you that you are indicating people are wrong and you sure seem defensive in most of your posts You can SAY you aren't doing this but your posts are making you a liar. I suggest you quit trying to police people and if you want to exchange ideas you quit making it personal with me and others and acting like you are the only one allowed to disagree with people.

Tazzy you aren't a saint in the posting department as we both know so you really may want to reevaluate yourself instead of worrying about how others post.

Angdl

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 78

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/7/2010 5:00:28 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Angel,

My apologies, I didn't read your post properly!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 79

RE: Another thread about control.. and anyone can reply! - 12/7/2010 5:05:23 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Crazyml no issues I am on my cell. But I edited my post to you trying to explain more

I also think it's important to note that I also see some d/s relationships described on the boards are concepts of m/s.

Angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 12/7/2010 5:10:03 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 80

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