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IrishMist -> RE: Don't criticize the educatonal system or students (2/19/2011 6:38:15 AM)
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This is a general reply to the 'off topic' that has become part of the discussion here. The discussion that seems to be centering around who is responsible for the raising of our children.
I am kind of torn on this, mainly because I fimly believe that the raising of children, resides solely with that of the parents. BUT, I also APPRECIATE an outsider who steps up and takes an active interest in a child that is not their own.
I have raised 4 children, 3 who have already left home; since their daddy passed away almost 14 years ago. I did it while working full time, sometimes 24/7, there were even times that I was required to be gone for days on end. I can honestly say that I would not have welcomed any outside interference or help. They were my responsibility and I did my best to do right by them.
I think that I have been half lucky in regards to their schooling. My two boys both struggled very hard through school, the only reason they stayed in was because they both wanted to join the military, which they did after graduation. I can proudly say that they are both career military now, even though they still deplore and struggle with anything 'educational'. My oldest daughter, from 8th grade up till her graduation, and even on to med school....struggled through math, she failed her math classes the first year in high school, the only thing that helped was the fact that we managed to find her a tutor that could help ( I am terrible at math ). It tore me up that I could not help them enjoy school much more than what they did, but, to this day, they still tell me that they hated highschool. You have to remember too that through all this, I was only home about 3 days out of a week, the rest of the time was spent working. I can't remember a single teacher that went out of their way to help them, or to ask if they needed help, or to just offer up a shoulder if they needed to unload. I do however, remember quite clearly, be told by the school system that my kids needed special help and medications because they were not doing well.
That was their solution. That was their only offer of support.
We are not big talkers when it comes to asking for help...meaning that unless the school had asked me what the problem might have been, the kids would not have said anything to anyone about how hard those early years were for us.
Thankfully, we managed to somehow overcome and all three of them graduated and went on to do even better things with their life.
My youngest, for some reason, is another story. In some ways, she has endured the worse in regards to being in a one parent home. Her daddy died when she was just a baby, she does not even remember him. She was basically raised by her brothers and sisters while they were still here, and then with the help of some distant family when I had to be out of town...it does not seem to have held her back at all. In fact, I would go so far as to say that she actually thrives and does better when I am NOT here lol. My absenses seem to have actually brought the two of us closer together. There is not a single aspect of her life that I do not know about or that she is afraid to talk about...and vice versa.
I had one issue with her in regards to school and it was in her 6th grade year. She came home with a D in her english class. I looked at the grade, I looked at what the teacher had listed in regards to her efforts, and I knew right away what the issue was.
She was not applying herself; missing homework, not studying, etc. The usual things that kids go through for the most part.
Along with her report card was a summons from her english teacher for a conference.
My daughter knew I was upset over the report card, and she knew why I was upset.
You see, I had always told all the kids that the actual grade does not mean as much to me as the effort put forth. You can try your hardest and still fail a class, simply because it's too hard or you are not understanding the content. What I refused to accept though, was a bad grade because they were refusing to try.
My daughter lost everything for a grading period that year...the computer, the phone, the television, her books...she was allowed only library books that were required for her reading classes.
Taking those things away just about killed her because, let's face it, she had grown up with those as her companions.
When we went to see the teacher, he started to explain what was happening but I cut him off, and told him that I knew exactly what was wrong. Then I looked at my daughter and waited for her to admit it.
She did. She told the teacher that she had not been doing her homework, was not studying, was not applying herself.
She took responsibility for herself and promised to do better.
She's never gotten less than a B on her report cards since then.
What I am trying to say with this is that, there ARE some teachers in the system who DO take an extra step in helping the kids in the schools...BUT, their options ARE LIMITED NOW. When I was in school, when many of us were in school, things were quite different.
Now, you can't even tell a child that they need to do better because it might damage their self esteem.
I don't have a lot of faith in our educational system anymore...It does however serve a need. It's unfortunate that we have allowed a few 'grumbles' to change how that system works.
For me, and my own family...it's not up to a school system or a 'village' to raise my children to be responsible adults. THAT IS MY JOB. I took on that responsibility when I petitioned for custody, and when I gave birth myself. It's a job that never ends, and I hope to hell that it never does.
What's more, I am very outspoken when told HOW I can raise my own kids. I don't allow ANYONE, to interfer in our personal life, and that includes their upbringing. The law be dammed.
Kids now a days are being to left to determine their own upbringing. They are being allowed to decide how their accountability and responsibilities should come about. Parents have become LAZY when it comes to accepting their own responsibilities in regard to their own children. Yes, I said LAZY. I don't give a flying fuck if two parents are working...it is THEIR responsibility to look after their children and raise them to be responsible adults. All it takes is an active interest in their lives. For ALL THEIR LIFE.
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