ChatteParfaitt
Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SailingBum
Ya know this all sounds like High school drama... "did you hear about lilmiss noname I heard shes a real fill in the blank" The gossips and the backbiting is precisely why I don't attend those types of functions. It happens at all events where "clickish ppl" hang out. It's all about choices and I prefer not to hang out with ppl that "label" other folks.
Last time I checked we are all adults here. I don't need someone to tell me "be careful that persons is a "whatever" I can make that determination on my own.
BadOne
Surprisingly enough, most of the time I agree with your comments. This is not one of those times. Your post is the kind of thing someone says who has never had to deal with a predator, and doesn't have a clue how hard they are to spot and how much damage they can do before you realize you've been taken, badly.
First, let me define the term predator as "one that victimizes, plunders, or destroys, especially for one's own gain." They are everywhere, not just in BDSM circles, but I do believe they are quite attracted to kink b/c of the numbers of "victimy women with bad boundaries not taking responsibility for their actions." (quote from Kali)
Of course not all predators are male, and not all victims are women. But if you think they there are not that many floating around the general population (i.e. not in prison or the nutward), read the following excerpts from a Psychology Today article entitled: This Charming Psychopath, How to spot social predators before they attack.
These often charming—but always deadly—individuals have a clinical name: psychopaths. Their hallmark is a stunning lack of conscience; their game is self-gratification at the other person's expense. Many spend time in prison, but many do not. All take far more than they give.
- Know what you are dealing with. This sounds easy but in fact can be very difficult. All the reading in the world cannot immunize you from the devastating effects of psychopaths. Everyone, including the experts, can be taken in, conned, and left bewildered by them. A good psychopath can play a concerto on anyone's heart strings.
- Try not to be influenced by "props." It is not easy to get beyond the winning smile, the captivating body language, the fast talk of the typical psychopath, all of which blind us to his or her real intentions. Many people find it difficult to deal with the intense, "predatory state" of the psychopath. The fixated stare, is more a prelude to self-gratification and the exercise of power rather than simple interest or empathic caring.
- Don't wear blinders. Enter new relationships with your eyes wide open. Like the rest of us, most psychopathic con artists and "love-thieves" initially hide their dark side by putting their "best foot forward." Cracks may soon begin to appear in the mask they wear, but once trapped in their web, it will be difficult to escape financially and emotionally unscathed.
- Keep your guard up in high-risk situations. Some situations are tailor-made for psychopaths: singles bars, ship cruises, foreign airports, etc. In each case, the potential victim is lonely, looking for a good time, excitement, or companionship, and there will usually be someone willing to oblige, for a hidden price.
- Know yourself. Psychopaths are skilled at detecting and ruthlessly exploiting your weak spots. Your best defense is to understand what these spots are, and to be extremely wary of anyone who zeroes in on them.
Here is a link to the entire article:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199401/charming-psychopath
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RE: Predators - 
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