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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 6:12:40 PM   
candystripper


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I agree with you 100%, its gotten way out of hand. I see it as the American Way, an easy excuse. " I cannot be responsible for my behaviour because I have XYZ syndrome."
Before the "doctors" get their panties or boxers in a bunch I do recognise that there are many people with genuine problems, it exists in my family. I just get tired of those problems being used as an excuse or easy out when dealing with the problems becomes hard work.



My harange on this is the kids with "ADD" or some such thing whose parents, irrespective of need, receive SSI and Medicaid for the kid.  It overtaxes the system; makes no sense to me since aren't parents supposed to support kids?  What wages are being replaced for a 7 year old?
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 5/27/2006 6:24:57 PM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 6:20:04 PM   
candystripper


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

We contemporary models do not use plugs.  (Nor are we deceived by crude earthling ruses.)  When did you learn about alien life forms, the 20th century or something?  Obviously you are not up-to-date when it comes to Alpha Centauri biotechnology.


What i wanna know is, do alien-androids f**k?
 
candystripper

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 7:14:10 PM   
ArchangelMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I'm just kind of stunned that people are speaking about PD's as though they were real things, just because they're listed in some diagnostic manual.  Really, how do you apply those criteria to DIAGNOSE someone with NPD?  What does "excessive" mean?  What does "preoccupied" mean?  Almost everyone in the world would qualify as a narcissist by someone's interpretation of that language.

If you can show me physical abnormalities in the brain that contribute to these characteristics (as in the case of dementia, depression, and so on), then I might take this more seriously.  But as long is at all depends on observing someone's behavior and deciding whether it qualifies as "excessive" or "grandiose," the concept sounds fictitious and very dangerous.


Generally, if a personality disorder cause the person to be unable to function properly in society, that's the major criteria for determining if there is a problem. Most of my research has been in addictive disorders rather than personality disorders, but it you can draw parallels. There is a set of criteria that reserachers use to define the disorder (those criteria for NPD have been posted here) but in clinical trials, the extent to which these criteria apply are always defined specifically for the purposes of the research. Although psychological research can often be difficult to quantify, the question that is alway asked is, "Does the degree of the criteria prevent the person from functioning?" That is, does it interfere with work, school, family, friends, etc.? It's possible to have some of those criteria at extreme levels or all of then at minimal to moderate levels. The question that also must be asked is how much of a danger does this person pose to both himself/herself and those around them? If someone has NPD and they're just an asshole to people without causing any real harm, then there really isn't much of a problem. Let them be an asshole. But if that person is aware of their problem and wants to change, then there is a case for developing some kind of treatment.

The study of personality disorders can be helpful just in learning the different ways that people behave and interact with others. The downside is that it can be a tool for pre-judging someone, but on the other hand it can be helpful when you have to deal with someone who exhibits these personality traits. If you see a pattern, then it may give you a better idea of what approach to use to communicate with them, whether or not they have any type of "disorder."


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 7:40:09 PM   
ArchangelMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyV


quote:


(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) 
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) 
(4) requires excessive admiration 
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations 
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends 
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others 
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her 
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes


I see this list.. and I wonder why so many of you have such problems with diagnosing this as an actual disorder.  Does it hit too close to home?

I can say I'm close.. cept numbers 6 & 7.. and not sure #4 is entirely accurate of me either.

Most people have had most of those traits at one time. Some people have some of those traits all the time.  But not everyone has all of those traits at once all the time.

6 & 7 alone are indicative of someone not having a properly functioning conscience.  Which having an occaisional bout of it.. is normal.  But to constantly have the problem.. is dangerous.



My research on addiction defined having an addiction as having 3 or more of a number of criteria. I'm not sure how many of the NPD criteria you'd need to have in order to be considered NPD, but I'd gather that if someone displayed all of them most of the time, then yes, they have a disorder that has the potential to be dangerous to themselves and others.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 7:44:45 PM   
Sunshine119


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quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I agree with you 100%, its gotten way out of hand. I see it as the American Way, an easy excuse. " I cannot be responsible for my behaviour because I have XYZ syndrome."
Before the "doctors" get their panties or boxers in a bunch I do recognise that there are many people with genuine problems, it exists in my family. I just get tired of those problems being used as an excuse or easy out when dealing with the problems becomes hard work.



My harange on this is the kids with "ADD" or some such thing whose parents, irrespective of need, receive SSI and Medicaid for the kid.  It overtaxes the system; makes no sense to me since aren't parents supposed to support kids?  What wages are being replaced for a 7 year old?
 
candystripper


Candy,

The child can only receive SSI and Medicaid IF the family is income eligible (ie. on welfare themselves).  The child can be declared disabled, but if the family makes above the poverty line in income, they get nothing.  The SSI is given in lieu of welfare for the child and it is considered income for the family, often knocking the family off of the other income they recieve.  Sadly however, the SSI of about $570/month is better than what they were receiving and the extra is given in consideration that these kids are more expensive to raise.


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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 7:44:52 PM   
Sirandlittle1


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Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Its very unlikely that any of us, will ever meet someone sufferring from this disorder. Its very very rare.
If you do meet someone (ive been doing psychiatry for 23 yrs, ive met 3! just 3.) anyhow, if you do meet them. You will be guided by your own repugnance to such a individual. Quite simply, they are absolute wankers!
Your hardly likely to want to play with one, so the risk to you as a BDSM player, is minimal.
You are far more likely to get crush injuries from a falling St Andrews cross at a club, as you are to being abused by someone with this disorder.
A little perspective please ladies and gents.
little1collared

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 7:49:44 PM   
ArchangelMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

We contemporary models do not use plugs.  (Nor are we deceived by crude earthling ruses.)  When did you learn about alien life forms, the 20th century or something?  Obviously you are not up-to-date when it comes to Alpha Centauri biotechnology.


No plugs? That's a shame. Plugs are fun!


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 7:51:19 PM   
Sunshine119


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Why does everyone keep assuming that you could not possibly have met a narcissist if you don't believe in NPD?  Believe me, I've met narcissists.  I work with one.  The word existed long before the alleged personality disorder.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978

Again I will say what many of us have said in this thread. You can argue about personality disorders are real until Tom Cruise and Brooke Shields come to our rescue, but if you have ever had significant direct contact with someone who has one, you totally understand this is not about one or two symptoms and at least a name for how these people live and behave is valuable.



There is a huge difference between a narcissist and one who has NPD.  Narcissists are just irritating assholes.  People with NPD do a great deal of damage and are usually non-functional. 


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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 8:45:01 PM   
Lordandmaster


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I'm glad to hear that it's rare.  But I'm wondering--how did you determine that those three people (and only those three people) had NPD?  There had to be more to it than just applying the DSM criteria, because in that case I know dozens of people who would qualify.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Its very unlikely that any of us, will ever meet someone sufferring from this disorder. Its very very rare.
If you do meet someone (ive been doing psychiatry for 23 yrs, ive met 3! just 3.)

(in reply to Sirandlittle1)
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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 8:51:02 PM   
candystripper


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I agree with you 100%, its gotten way out of hand. I see it as the American Way, an easy excuse. " I cannot be responsible for my behaviour because I have XYZ syndrome."
Before the "doctors" get their panties or boxers in a bunch I do recognise that there are many people with genuine problems, it exists in my family. I just get tired of those problems being used as an excuse or easy out when dealing with the problems becomes hard work.



My harange on this is the kids with "ADD" or some such thing whose parents, irrespective of need, receive SSI and Medicaid for the kid.  It overtaxes the system; makes no sense to me since aren't parents supposed to support kids?  What wages are being replaced for a 7 year old?
 
candystripper


Candy,

The child can only receive SSI and Medicaid IF the family is income eligible (ie. on welfare themselves).  The child can be declared disabled, but if the family makes above the poverty line in income, they get nothing.  The SSI is given in lieu of welfare for the child and it is considered income for the family, often knocking the family off of the other income they recieve.  Sadly however, the SSI of about $570/month is better than what they were receiving and the extra is given in consideration that these kids are more expensive to raise.



That is not my understanding, but i have no statute or reg to back me so wtf.  i'm too lazy to go find out.
 
candystripper

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 8:58:08 PM   
ZenDragoness


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I grew up with a mother, who was diagnosed as narcisstic. She was depressive, suicidal, an alcoholic and  a freudian diagnosed her as narcisstic. Unluckily that meant, that he told her: your alcolism is only a sympton of your narcisstic personality, we treat the disorder the alcolism will vanish. Both stayed with her and her 14. attempt of suicide brought her in current state, a waking coma.

She was extremely insecure about her abilities and her selfworth, but expected herself and others always to excel. She was never content. Although she had men, that loved her deeply and truly, she was unable to feel this love, the same goes for me. She could not feel my love. For me i compared her to a black hole, she sucked live energy out of me and it never bettered her situation. Around 12 years ago, i decided (an only child here) that it has to be, me or she. She called me night and day, drunken, depressive, out of her mind, i even started therapy.....

I choose me and gave her hard frontiers, i saw her not for long time. I needed to cleanse myself of this black blood. But all the time, we wrote, because there was something clear for the both of us, may it all be so very difficult and may there are some burned soil, after all we are mother and daughter and there is love between us.

Then we started to telephone again, in the summer she went, i wanted to visit her, and she did not wanted it, ( i later understood, that she not wanted, that i see her in her state), we finally set a date and i became one day before ill, with high temperature, we postponed it, but before we could meet, she decided to leave.

If NPD means you can not - most times - feel love, love yourself and trust in being, than there is such a disorder.


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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 9:37:20 PM   
ZenDragoness


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In reply to the opening post, i have met in the lifestyle a good share of very self centered people, but i would not call them narcissistic.  But as some of the posters explained, it really becomes a disorder or syndrom or -ism, when the person concerned can not longer function properly concering work, family, relations or what have you.


I have the Impression that the percentage of people who are disturbed in one way or the other is higher in the lifestyle, than it is in the general population, but i can not proove it, so is remains  an impression.

Basically i am strongly against throwing diagnoses around. There is a difference between somebody been sad because par examplé he lost somebody and a depression. And that difference goes for a lot of things. I renember in school, 25 years ago, people started to throw the word paranoia around. It rubbed me the wrong way, because i had seen (another family member*g) a full blown shizophrenic paranoia and this is really not very funny. But like the use of Atmo currently in the german language, who once upon a time, i only knew as a word used by people who made movies or radio, to describe what you do, when you use sounds to create/give an atmosphere, it is now used in hip circles for everything, this fad will pass. Atmo will be used forever....or as long as the ants do not take over.



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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 10:03:04 PM   
Sirandlittle1


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The diagnosis of NPD is done using the dsm, and can only be done using that formula.
You must have had a full psychiatric evaluation, which include psychological testing. A history that substanciates findings consistantly over the course of a lifetime, not just a bad year.
Your personality is set by the age of 5. So most adults have quite a bit of history by the time their path of destruction leads them to psychiatry. The law seems to be a motivating factor.
So that is how i knew, that the 3 diagnosed, where correctly diagnosed. By people qualified to do so. and not the general public with a book on their home shelf  - 'psychiatry 101'.
That's not to say that we wont all have the misfortune to meet egotistical self centred sweeties along the way lol
little1

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 10:28:20 PM   
knees2you


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Well, I'm very skeptical that there really is such a "disorder."  For one thing, the DSM grounds for diagnosis are so vague and subjective that three-quarters of the people I know could qualify.


quote:


(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) 
(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 
(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) 
(4) requires excessive admiration 
(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations 
(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends 
(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others 
(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her 
(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes



I'm not saying there aren't narcissists in the world; I'm saying that I doubt narcissism is really a DISEASE.  We don't diagnose things like tuberculosis or pneumonia by the same wispy criteria that we're asked to accept for NPD.  Really, who hasn't been envious of others or hasn't shown arrogant, haughty attitudes?

I Think LaM Qualifies!
 
Ant,

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 11:11:20 PM   
BuxomGoddess714


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I recently had a very dependent young man who is a typical attention whore and Narcissist tell me he was going to be the next Antonio Bandares; all unaccomplished 280# of him, and would not be able to give the likes of me the time of day when he was a millionaire and famous.  This is clearly a lack of reality and a thought process that will cause demise to a person while they ignore realistic goals and chase pipe dreams.  The fable behind Narcissist is that He gazed into his relfection so long into a pool of water, he drowned himself.  Cofidence is a good thing, especially in a Dom;  we all need it.  Lack of reality is bad.  Someone with NPD has unrealistic views of themselves which cause them to lose real relationships, real jobs and other opportunities.  I dont know if its a "sickness" but its not a realistic view of life and causes the person looking at themselves with this twisted view a lot of pain and disappointment.  Oddly enough, the Narcissist is actually a very insecure person deep down, just like the Egomaniac.  Its a protection mechanism and plate of armour.  That will be for another class, grasshoppers.

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 11:23:52 PM   
Sirandlittle1


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Any personality disorder is NOT a disease.
It is not a illness. It cannot be treated. It cannot be cured.
They simply are.
Which is why, in the uk, you cannot be committed for treatment of a personality disorder. Only if you break the law of the land.
Not so here in australia, god, the psych services are full of PD's. Dunno why, how are you supposed to stop a cunt, being a cunt? You cant.
We all im sure have the odd narcissistic traits, which is why it takes me so god dam long to take a fetish photo lol delete, capture, delete, capture, delete capture lol
little1

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 11:30:17 PM   
Padriag


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

The diagnosis of NPD is done using the dsm, and can only be done using that formula.
You must have had a full psychiatric evaluation, which include psychological testing. A history that substanciates findings consistantly over the course of a lifetime, not just a bad year.
Your personality is set by the age of 5. So most adults have quite a bit of history by the time their path of destruction leads them to psychiatry. The law seems to be a motivating factor.
So that is how i knew, that the 3 diagnosed, where correctly diagnosed. By people qualified to do so. and not the general public with a book on their home shelf  - 'psychiatry 101'.

Ayup, this is not something that can be diagnosed without training.  Just having the DSM definitions isn't enough because there are the methodologies and implied meanings not spelled out in the DSM, but are assumed because it is assumed the DSM will be used by trained professionals, not the lay public.  The definition given by the DSM is not as vague or inaccurate as it may seem, when you figure in all the things not printed there.

Regardless all this debate has really wandered off the topic.  The OP asked if someone with NPD would be likely to be attracted to this lifestyle and the answer is, that should they become aware of it, yes they would likely be attracted to it for the reasons I gave in my earlier post.  Likewise, narcissist (not NPD, but simple narcissism) would also be attracted to this lifestyle.

In point of fact, and many of us have seen it, this lifestyle attracts a lot of social misfits precisely because as self styles "doms" and "masters" they imagine they can create an environment where they do fit in, where they are in control.  Simply put, there are many social misfits who perceive this lifestyle as providing a place to fit in, because they are unable to adapt to normal society.

Its one of the reasons I tend not to be as sympathetic to the idea of accepting any sort of kink or person in this lifestyle.  I realize there is a segment that is involved in this lifestyle for unhealthy reasons and no... their kink is not okay.  Sometimes I think Aleister Crowley had it right... so long as it harm none, do as thou wilt... which is a lot more limiting that it sounds.

As to genetics controlling behavior, its very popular these days to attribute all sorts of things to genetics.  But the fact is genetics cannot directly control behavior, especially in higher order organisms (like people).  DNA simply doesn't work that way.  At best it can influence behavior in a variety of ways, by attenuating perception in specific ways, or through specialization in biochemistry, organs, etc.  But these things cannot govern behavior.  A simple example would be our ability to taste.  We can all taste things that are sweet, and our sense of taste is genetically attenuated to cause us to be inclined to like things that taste sweet.  However, despite this genetic attenuation, we don't all like sweets... why?  Because behavior among higher order organisms... namely people, is far more influenced by what we learn, past associations, etc.  We generally put far more importance on what we are taught, what we have learned than we do what our senses tell us.  This limits the impact genetics can have on our behavior.  Watson believed that given enough control over what a person learns from childhood forward, you could shape them into virtually anything you wanted.  Although probably not literally true, the extent to which it is true is none-the-less remarkable.  We behave as we have learned to behave.

Narcissism, like any other form of generalized behavior (including dominance, submissiveness, aggressiveness, cooperativeness, etc.), is an adaptation of behavior designed to help that individual get through life in a way they believe will be successful.  We are all trying to succeed in life, at life's tasks (ref. Adler, Life tasks).  How we go about that varies from individual to individual based on past associations, experiences, what that person has not only learned, but learned to belief.  If being narcissistic as a child was successful in getting them what they wanted as a child, they'll continue as an adult, and that behavior will go on until it becomes so crushingly unsuccessful the person has to face that it isn't working.  At which point a radical change in their life is going to occur and without help could result in severe depression and suicidal behavior.

Does NPD exist, absolutely.  Are disorders the same as diseases, no.  A disease is biological in cause, a disorder psychological (including physical nerve damage).  Scarlet fever is a disease, its biological in cause (a virus).  The high fever resulting can cause physical damage to the brain which can result in mental disorders (retardation, nervous disorders, etc.).  Is it confusing trying to understand how behavioral disorders are diagnosed... yes it is, even for people trained to do it.  Skinner complained bitterly about it in "Beyond Freedom & Dignity" in 1971, and things have not greatly improved since then.  We still lack a "technology of human behavior" as Skinner called it, psychology as a hard science in the same sense as physics or biology.  And when that understanding fails us (as it must because it remains limited), we turn impulsively to technology in various forms for answers (most recently to genetics).  But the answers do not lie in technology, they lay within understanding our own behavior.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/27/2006 11:55:14 PM   
Lordandmaster


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Well, can you give an example of something a professional would know, but isn't printed in the DSM, that would make terms like "excessive," "grandiose," and "preoccupation" anything other than subjective evaluations?  A subjective evaluation by a professional with a university degree is still a subjective evaluation.  And I am deathly afraid of supposed disorders that are diagnosed by subjective evaluation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

The definition given by the DSM is not as vague or inaccurate as it may seem, when you figure in all the things not printed there.

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/28/2006 12:14:51 AM   
Padriag


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That's precisely why psychology still isn't a hard science, much of it is subjective and currently has to be because of the nature of the subject.  There's no way to measure how happy a person is in quantifiable terms.  There's no "happy meter" to guage it objectively and compare it to other results.  This is the problem with much of psychology, there is no objective standard because there is no way to objectively observe what is happening internally.

If I say I am sad... what do I mean precisely?  You don't know.  You can infer some general things, such as "I am not happy" (opposite of sad), "something must have caused me to be sad" (which is making an assumption), "this is not normal behavior for me" (assuming you know me well enough to know that I am normally happy), etc.  But if you were asked to describe how sad I am, measure it, quantify it, you'd be at a loss.  The same is true if we say we are in love, or we are angry, etc.  Its only by continued observation, by asking questions and making comparisons that we begin to establish what a person really means when they say they are happy, sad, in love or angry.  And the whole process is very subjective and imprecise.  Despite this, we manage to still communicate how we feel to one another, and to give reasonable approximations of those feelings over time.  We've developed both language and ritual to convey these expressions, and we continue to modify both as time passes.  All intended to indicate through expression and association what we mean when we say "I'm happy", or "I love you."  Psychology attempts to be more precise in that, and while it has made progress in the last 40 years or so, it still has a long way to go to catch up with other sciences like physics or biology.  We still don't have a happy meter.



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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 5/28/2006 3:55:26 AM   
MsIncognito


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I'm surprised our own resident narcissist hasn't weighed in on this thread. It's a shame because he's usually pretty entertaining.

I've never met anyone who had or seemed to qualify for this disorder as I understand it. I've met plenty of assholes, but being an asshole doesn't qualify for a diagnosis of NPD any more than going to McD's twice a week makes one a hamburger.

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