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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/11/2011 4:19:52 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I faked my way through much of my life! Of course, I ascribed to the depression = weakness mindset, and was convinced that my will could overcome, and if it couldn't... (yes, I worshipped G. Gordon Liddy!)



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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/11/2011 5:26:16 PM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		I just feel so much anger and hate toward myself for feeling this way. Much of the time I think maybe I am just weak, someone who has never had to endure any real hardship and gets off on throwing pity-parties and attention seeking. A weak and lazy person not willing to own up to anything and throwing a temper tantrum every time he doesn’t get his way. I have no right to feel this way, I was never abused, tortured, molested, haven’t seen war, been the victim of a violent crime or anything else. I feel like scum, a bratty spoilt child in a man’s (or something like it anyway) body who feels entitled to have the world served to him on a silver platter. Sometimes I question whether I’m really depressed or if it’s just something I use to manipulate the world around me and to keep from having to take any responsibility. Honestly, I don’t even understand how any of you can be so empathetic; while I appreciate it I don’t think I deserve it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/11/2011 5:36:46 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		Nope...not a one.

Any other questions?

(in reply to lildude81va)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/11/2011 5:46:32 PM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		fr
Anger is normal.
You don't WANT to feel like crap..no one does. So it gets frustrating.
The voices telling you that it's just you being a pussy, or victimy? Tell them to shut the hell up. Try and come to a place where you can accept what IS..accept that yeah, this is what's up. No blaming, no being a victim...just acceptance.
From there, you springboard onto change, and finding what you can do to truly honour yourself by taking care of you.
Do things that release endorphins. Volunteer. Help others. Do physical things, walk, etc.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/11/2011 6:15:33 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		We're empathetic because we've been there--not that surviving depression makes you kinder by any means.

I can't be more practical because I'm not on the ground there with you. I owe my life to my family who didn't allow me to wallow. I was furious with myself that I couldn't just snap out of it. And you can't, no one can.

Someone mentioned ECT. A lady I was in the day hospital with had that. It took her three hours to get ready. She was dressed, perfect hair & makeup...and thank goodness, was not allowed access to automatic weapons. I have never seen so much rage concentrated in one person. Scary. I hope it worked long term.



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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/11/2011 7:18:58 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Lildude

I just feel so much anger and hate toward myself for feeling this way.


This is called circular reasoning. Boiled down, you feel bad because you feel bad. the remainder of your post is simply repetition of the same cycle. Breaking this cycle is really all you have to do to turn in the correct direction. Then it is a matter of advancing. It is plain that you have difficulty seeing this. Perhaps it would help you to see how offbase the chain of cause leading to effect leading to cause is if I said it instead of you. This time, these words are mine. Tell me if you can, what is wrong with them.

Much of the time I think maybe I am just weak, someone who has never had to endure any real hardship and gets off on throwing pity-parties and attention seeking. A weak and lazy person not willing to own up to anything and throwing a temper tantrum every time he doesn’t get his way. I have no right to feel this way, I was never abused, tortured, molested, haven’t seen war, been the victim of a violent crime or anything else. I feel like scum, a bratty spoilt child in a man’s (or something like it anyway) body who feels entitled to have the world served to him on a silver platter. Sometimes I question whether I’m really depressed or if it’s just something I use to manipulate the world around me and to keep from having to take any responsibility. Honestly, I don’t even understand how any of you can be so empathetic; while I appreciate it I don’t think I deserve it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 5:27:31 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake


Depression will tell you things, particularly things about yourself and what you are worth, that are simply lies. The tricky thing is, those lies get told to you, by you. That makes it real hard to argue. It is important that you DO argue when you or anyone else puts you down. Don't think you have no choice, you can reject a putdown, even if it comes from inside.

When you do, you are rejecting depression.




Excellent advice. Well said.


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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 5:56:10 AM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		To be completely honest it doesn't even matter if it's depression, wallowing in self-pity, or anything else. It's a moot point. Fact is that I have no more right to be in this country than your average border jumper in front of the local 7/11 store. I may have come here legally but at this point I have overstayed my welcome; I am no longer a productive member of society and I would expect any even remotely patriotic citizen to be outraged by someone like me who has come to the U.S. and is now a burden on society. As much as I wish it were the case, I obviously don't have a God-given right to be here; I had every chance to make it work and if after 10 years I can't manage to integrate and lead a normal and productive life I have no one to blame but myself. I have been given more opportunities in life than most people can even dream of and still I am ungrateful and "depressed" because I wanted more and no one catered to my despicable sense of entitlement. Had I bothered just once to get off my lazy ass I would probably be fully employed and married by now. I chose not to, and that's what makes me a true failure. As one of the few friends I have left recently put it, what I need isn't therapy or medication but a good kick in the ass. However you choose to look at it, I can't continue being a burden on this country and if I were less selfish I would go back to where I was born but there too I was never able to integrate and would end up being a burden on the social system and/or my parents. I'm obviously unwilling to make the changes needed because it would involve actual work, heaven forbid. The only thing I have left is a sense of morality that tells me that I cannot continue to be a burden on everybody around me, by choosing death I will be doing myself and the world a favor. I know it's a coward's way out, if I had any respect for others I would have at least joined the military or done something else to give back to society but I chose not to, I'm too selfish and self-absorbed to even contemplate doing something for someone else. Reflecting on this I can't help but conclude that I truly am a bad person.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 6:25:26 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		Then change that.

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There is no spoon.


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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 6:46:18 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

To be completely honest it doesn't even matter if it's depression, wallowing in self-pity, or anything else. It's a moot point. Fact is that I have no more right to be in this country than your average border jumper in front of the local 7/11 store. I may have come here legally but at this point I have overstayed my welcome; I am no longer a productive member of society and I would expect any even remotely patriotic citizen to be outraged by someone like me who has come to the U.S. and is now a burden on society. As much as I wish it were the case, I obviously don't have a God-given right to be here; I had every chance to make it work and if after 10 years I can't manage to integrate and lead a normal and productive life I have no one to blame but myself. I have been given more opportunities in life than most people can even dream of and still I am ungrateful and "depressed" because I wanted more and no one catered to my despicable sense of entitlement. Had I bothered just once to get off my lazy ass I would probably be fully employed and married by now. I chose not to, and that's what makes me a true failure. As one of the few friends I have left recently put it, what I need isn't therapy or medication but a good kick in the ass. However you choose to look at it, I can't continue being a burden on this country and if I were less selfish I would go back to where I was born but there too I was never able to integrate and would end up being a burden on the social system and/or my parents. I'm obviously unwilling to make the changes needed because it would involve actual work, heaven forbid. The only thing I have left is a sense of morality that tells me that I cannot continue to be a burden on everybody around me, by choosing death I will be doing myself and the world a favor. I know it's a coward's way out, if I had any respect for others I would have at least joined the military or done something else to give back to society but I chose not to, I'm too selfish and self-absorbed to even contemplate doing something for someone else. Reflecting on this I can't help but conclude that I truly am a bad person.



[EDITED because it would have been a breach of my pledge]




< Message edited by crazyml -- 12/12/2011 6:47:29 AM >

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to lildude81va)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 6:54:23 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's up to you, really. I am not going to tell you that it isn't a daily struggle even now, and that it's not going to be a struggle forever. Do you want to be miserable? I am guessing you don't, it's been my observation that those who DO have a lot invested in being not-happy don't realize it.

So, do it, or don't. No one can make that decision but you. I decided to become functional purely for other people, which my doctor tells me is wrongheaded. That's how it is, though, I am externally motivated, and I drape myself with responsibilities because that's what keeps me going, knowing SOMEONE ELSE is counting on me. Figure out what your motivation is. Invent one if you don't already.



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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 7:00:50 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

To be completely honest it doesn't even matter if it's depression, wallowing in self-pity, or anything else. It's a moot point. Fact is that I have no more right to be in this country than your average border jumper in front of the local 7/11 store. I may have come here legally but at this point I have overstayed my welcome; I am no longer a productive member of society and I would expect any even remotely patriotic citizen to be outraged by someone like me who has come to the U.S. and is now a burden on society. As much as I wish it were the case, I obviously don't have a God-given right to be here; I had every chance to make it work and if after 10 years I can't manage to integrate and lead a normal and productive life I have no one to blame but myself. I have been given more opportunities in life than most people can even dream of and still I am ungrateful and "depressed" because I wanted more and no one catered to my despicable sense of entitlement. Had I bothered just once to get off my lazy ass I would probably be fully employed and married by now. I chose not to, and that's what makes me a true failure. As one of the few friends I have left recently put it, what I need isn't therapy or medication but a good kick in the ass. However you choose to look at it, I can't continue being a burden on this country and if I were less selfish I would go back to where I was born but there too I was never able to integrate and would end up being a burden on the social system and/or my parents. I'm obviously unwilling to make the changes needed because it would involve actual work, heaven forbid. The only thing I have left is a sense of morality that tells me that I cannot continue to be a burden on everybody around me, by choosing death I will be doing myself and the world a favor. I know it's a coward's way out, if I had any respect for others I would have at least joined the military or done something else to give back to society but I chose not to, I'm too selfish and self-absorbed to even contemplate doing something for someone else. Reflecting on this I can't help but conclude that I truly am a bad person.



I think you need to turn off the pc, after you find a number in your local area for mental health.

I dont know if you are sub or slave, nor does it really matter. What I do know is that you are not in a good frame of mind to serve anyone. And that is what you need to work on.

Would you want a Domme who is depressed all the time? How could she take care of you, let along herself?

Thats the same way it is for us. We have to take care of ourselves so when we find that special one, we can take care of them.

I wish you luck, I really do... but more than that, I wish you happiness.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to lildude81va)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 8:11:39 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		There really isn't anything for you to do except seek professional help. If you are this depressed, there is probably no way you will ever get better without some kind of professional intervention. You can't deal with this type of thing by hoping it will go away- I assure you it will not get better by sitting on your ass and continuing with your status quo.

You need professional help - get it. It's Monday, business offices are open. Make some calls and get an appt somewhere asap. The rest of your stuff can be addressed once you are at a level where you can function and start to face it. Trying to face it now while you are ill is just going to dig you in deeper. Go start to get better and give yourself some tools to work with.

In case you missed it, go make some calls and get an appointment somewhere with a professional who can help you. Today.

(in reply to lildude81va)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 10:31:32 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The only thing I have left is a sense of morality that tells me that I cannot continue to be a burden on everybody around me, by choosing death I will be doing myself and the world a favor.


The guy just left a suicide note. The 'dude's profile is also gone.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to lildude81va)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 10:50:16 AM   
Fornica


Posts: 2986
Status: offline 		OP- if you read this..I truly hope you find what you seek.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 11:00:47 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Lildude,

Part of being depressed is that voice that tells you that you're worthless. Part of that, in turn, is a voice that tells you that you don't deserve people's help.

This is bollocks.

Self worth is your birthright. You should feel it because you are human. You don't need any other reason.

Please come back from where you are now.



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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 11:38:00 AM   
SweetCheri


Posts: 228
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Hopefully in my place.
Status: offline
quote:

The 'dude's profile is also gone.
Its only hidden, you can still email it. I sent him a few words of encouragement.

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Grandit je ne sais pas.


CG/HH

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 2:08:04 PM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		Sorry, had some things to take care of today so that's why there was no further response from me. Thank you all for being so supportive, I will follow your advice and call a crisis hotline and try to see if I can get things worked out with the professionals. I have my doubts but it's not like I have anything to lose at this point. Thanks again.

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 3:31:09 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

Sorry, had some things to take care of today so that's why there was no further response from me. Thank you all for being so supportive, I will follow your advice and call a crisis hotline and try to see if I can get things worked out with the professionals. I have my doubts but it's not like I have anything to lose at this point. Thanks again.



Good. When I lived in California I called suicide hotlines and rape crisis hotlines whenever I needed to for about a year. It pulled me through the worst of times.

quote:

To be completely honest it doesn't even matter if it's depression, wallowing in self-pity, or anything else. It's a moot point. Fact is that I have no more right to be in this country than your average border jumper in front of the local 7/11 store. I may have come here legally but at this point I have overstayed my welcome; I am no longer a productive member of society and I would expect any even remotely patriotic citizen to be outraged by someone like me who has come to the U.S. and is now a burden on society. As much as I wish it were the case, I obviously don't have a God-given right to be here; I had every chance to make it work and if after 10 years I can't manage to integrate and lead a normal and productive life I have no one to blame but myself. I have been given more opportunities in life than most people can even dream of and still I am ungrateful and "depressed" because I wanted more and no one catered to my despicable sense of entitlement. Had I bothered just once to get off my lazy ass I would probably be fully employed and married by now. I chose not to, and that's what makes me a true failure. As one of the few friends I have left recently put it, what I need isn't therapy or medication but a good kick in the ass. However you choose to look at it, I can't continue being a burden on this country and if I were less selfish I would go back to where I was born but there too I was never able to integrate and would end up being a burden on the social system and/or my parents. I'm obviously unwilling to make the changes needed because it would involve actual work, heaven forbid. The only thing I have left is a sense of morality that tells me that I cannot continue to be a burden on everybody around me, by choosing death I will be doing myself and the world a favor. I know it's a coward's way out, if I had any respect for others I would have at least joined the military or done something else to give back to society but I chose not to, I'm too selfish and self-absorbed to even contemplate doing something for someone else. Reflecting on this I can't help but conclude that I truly am a bad person.


Looks like someone else told you all of these things, probably your parents or past girlfriend or roommates. I have difficulty believing that these are internal tapes you came up with all on your own. You can either be satisfied with who you are and take a helpless role and look for the easy way out, or you can see something about yourself you don't like, then CHANGE IT. Start with one small step in the right direction and force yourself. You don't have family dragging you by the ear into therapy, a better diet, getting out of the house, exercize, so you are going to have to suck it up and do it yourself.

Look...it cannot get worse than it is now. If you feel you would get better in a boot camp environment instead of someone gently holding your hand, then find a counselor who can talk with you the right way. Find a Major Payne instead of Counselor Troi.



(in reply to lildude81va)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 6:39:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It's a disease, not a moral failing. MRI's of the brains of suicides show actual changes in the brain vs those without this disease. There's a strong genetic component also.

I'm fourth generation mood disorder. Suicides and lots of suicidal ideation in all five of the generations that have inherited it. We get together in a group and discuss who is on what med.

I strongly suggest you also write down a family tree of everyone in the family with probable mood disorders. That includes the batty great aunt who nobody would visit for fear it was catching. Doctors find this helpful if you can prove this is a genetic disorder and show them what runs in the family.

When I go to a new doctor and they ask for family history; diabetes, hypertension, etc. I always write down mood disorders in the 'other' line. It eliminates all that nonsense about you have to have a reason for it. People who don't smoke get lung cancer. People who haven't been abused get mood disorders. It really is that simple.

And again if SSRIs and tricyclics and NSRIs have all been tried, as have anticonvulsants and atypical antipsychotics, and none of them help. Then it is time to consider electro shock therapy.  At age 16, back 40 years ago when it was done in large dosages that destroyed short term memory, I begged my doctor to refer me to a psych hospital which would do that. I had been suffering from severe, clinical depression since age 9 at that point. She refused.

It lifted in my late 20s when the hormones changed. It came back in my mid40s, but by then there was a cornucopia of meds to try. I walked into my primary's office and told her I was feeling suicidal again. I refused admittance to a hospital but asked for a referral to a psychiatrist's office with experience in genetic mood disorders. I was lucky, the starter Zoloft pack she gave me to carry me for the weekend worked immediately. If it hadn't, I would have worked my way through every med available. And if none of them had worked, I would have asked for electro shock. Which today does not have long lasting side effects like when I was a kid.

Also, do have a full hormone check to make sure nothing's out of balance and your thyroid needs to be tested as problems there can mimic mood disorders.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 80
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