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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 6:47:56 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Also, do have a full hormone check to make sure nothing's out of balance and your thyroid needs to be tested as problems there can mimic mood disorders.



Yep. A friend of mine suffered terribly with depression until his early twenties, when he was finally diagnosed with a thyroid problems. The cure was very quick thereafter.


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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 7:48:05 PM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		I just want to thank everybody who took the time out of their day to respond to me, particularly those who went out of their way to send me private messages. It's good to know that there are so many caring people in this world who will extend a helping hand to a total stranger. Please be reassured that I am in a safe place emotionally. A few minutes ago I had a small epiphany: the mere fact that I am on here discussing this must mean that I am not truly suicidal, if I were I would have done it by now, or at least have made a serious attempt. Having had this discussion was very helpful to me though, I think I have gained more insight into my own psyche through this one thread than I have in a year of therapy. Not exactly sure where this leaves me, I guess suicidal thinking is just another escape strategy that is allowing me to hang in there. It's obviously not a healthy coping mechanism but it works, proof is that I am still here. Sorry about worrying everybody, that wasn't my intention, at least not a conscious one. Maybe it's just a process I need to go through to get to a place where I CAN and DO accept the help that has been and continues to be extended to me. I'll admit that right now I'm in a state of total confusion but I don't think I'm a danger to myself.

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 8:01:28 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thanks for checking in, I'm glad to hear you're thinking along more productive lines. :)

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 8:18:25 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		That's a fallacy, that truly suicidal people don't talk about it.

Thinking about or planning a suicide attempt is the definition of a psychiatric emergency. Do go to a psych hospital and get help.

I've been there, many of us here have been there. We urge you to get help.


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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 8:22:44 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Welcome back, lildude.

Have you read any of Daniel G. Amen's books? I'm thinking of this one in particular for you:

'Change Your Brain, Change Your Life'

What I like about his work is the ability to SPECT scan your brain to physically see where sections might be over or under-active. Depending on that, he can make recommendations for the correct medications, cognitive therapy and (vanilla) lifestyle behaviors. Combined, his method has helped many devastatingly ill folks to mental wellness. SPECT scans are not always necessary to determine where the physical brain problem lies; there are questionnaires in the book you can answer yourself that should give a good baseline for what's going on with you.

We're cheering for you! Wishing you wellness.


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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 8:53:23 PM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		I can't right now, I have too many loose ends that need to be addressed, if I were to check myself into a hospital things would get so out of control that I probably would end up being a danger to myself upon release. I need to help my employer transition their IT infrastructure that I used to manage, I can't just leave them hanging, it would jeopardize other people's livelihood. I owe that to them, they have hung in there with me much longer than any other company would and considering that they are sponsoring my work visa and their generosity and patience has allowed me to stay here up to now I am deeply indebted to them. I also have a pending eviction I need to get a handle on, if I take a timeout now I will find myself and my belongings on the street, I have less than 10 days left before my court date, I need to act now. I'll consider it once I tie up all the loose ends, I just don't want to do anything that will make things worse for me right now.

Again, I have learned a lot from this discussion and am in a much better place now. I realize that first and foremost I need to accept myself as a human being with a right to exist. I need to stop letting the judgments I have faced from other people in the past dictate my own thinking. Maybe I'm not the best person out there, I obviously do have a lot of flaws and the majority of people out there may not approve of me but I have to learn to accept myself for who I am, if I don't then who will? The hospital can't help me with that. I have a long and rocky road ahead of me, self-acceptance won't be easy, let alone coming to terms with having a kinky sexuality but when I see that others who have it much more difficult, like those with transgender issues, have managed to come through I see no reason why I can't. It'll be a struggle, but it's one I have to face, no one else can do it for me. Checking myself into a hospital is akin to my TPE escape fantasy, it would ultimately be giving up all responsibility and expecting someone else to pick up the pieces.

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 9:48:15 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

I am starting to wonder if there are any real dominant women at all

We are all so glad you asked this question.  It is a topic that truly needs to be addressed.  To answer your question:

Nope, only the artificial ones are into TPE.  The good news is that like artificial plants, you don't have to feed or water them.  Just dust them off once in a while. 




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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 10:20:47 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

Checking myself into a hospital is akin to my TPE escape fantasy, it would ultimately be giving up all responsibility and expecting someone else to pick up the pieces.



I know what this feels like, and I wish you the best.

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/12/2011 10:34:14 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va

I just want to thank everybody who took the time out of their day to respond to me, ............. A few minutes ago I had a small epiphany: the mere fact that I am on here discussing this must mean that I am not truly suicidal, if I were I would have done it by now, or at least have made a serious attempt................



Try to think of other things to be thankful for too. Gratitude is a mood lifter.

The fact that you posted your feelings was you reaching out. You took the step. Suicide hotlines are there to help those who reach out. It's an internal decision to hang on a little bit longer.

There are all sorts of people pulling for you (me included!). I hope you find the help you need to feel good about yourself.

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 2:47:31 AM   
MistrixMsE


Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline 		One side note... please lildude81va when you are finally ready to find a relationship/dominant, avoid those who relish severe humiliation play. For subs who have problems with self image, depression, or similar concerns a heavy dose of hiumiliation can go from play to self loathing really easy. May sure any dominant you play with or become involved with truly knows the depth of your (hopefully by then past) depression and both understands and is compassionate with regards to your history.


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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 4:10:16 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Have you read any of Daniel G. Amen's books? I'm thinking of this one in particular for you: 'Change Your Brain, Change Your Life' What I like about his work is the ability to SPECT scan your brain to physically see where sections might be over or under-active.


My mother recently bought this book to look into this for my brother, who is mentally ill.

I first learned about the SPECT scan in 1999, after being diagnosed with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, after working for two years in a building that turned out to have toxic mold. I got a SPECT scan to support my worker's comp case. It showed hyper perfusion in 4 areas of my brain.

While I'm much better now that I was initially, when I couldn't walk down the laundry detergent aisle in the supermarket without having a reaction from the artificial fragrances, I still have a problem with colognes and perfumes and am very lucky to have had an employer who supported me in a fragrance-free workplace.

The SPECT scan has been a useful rebuttal over the years - "Yes, it is all in my head and I have the SPECT scan to prove it."

I had it done at the University of Connecticut.


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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 4:30:20 AM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		That's sound advice MistrixMsE. I'm very interested in severe humiliation play but have to agree with you, it probably would be a terrible idea in my case. I'm attracted to it for all the wrong reasons and it could obviously backfire on someone emotionally unstable. I don't know that I could stay away from it but given that up to now women have expressed zero interest in being anything more than just friends with me I'm probably safe, lol. Haven't even managed to get a vanilla date in over 8 years and my handful of encounters with women before that barely qualified as anything even close to a date. At this stage I seriously doubt that I will ever find anyone, let alone a dominant. Oddly enough that's not even depression talking, I have always known that I would end up alone, even long before I had my first depressive episode. It's a romantic idea that there's someone for everyone but there are plenty of people far older than me who never found anyone so I don't think it's true. Even close female friends I've had have reluctantly agreed to that and would occasionally make comments like "oh, he's not a guy, he's just so and so" when people questioned the platonic friendships. I've been told that I make a very good friend, despite how self-absorbed I am I can also be very generous, loyal, caring and insightful. I can think of several women I have helped make it through difficult times and reach their full potential and while they all have been eternally grateful they never seemed to develop even the smallest attraction, seems they all viewed me as a close "girlfriend" more than anything else. It's okay though, I can't be bitter about it, I have met some amazing people and while sadly most ended up leaving once they found a romantic partner I am glad to have been part of their lives, even if it's just as a friend. Being alone is not easy but for the most part I have learned to live with it, I still need to fully accept it though, it's difficult in a society where the general theme seems to be that a single person is somehow inferior or less valuable. We seem to value people not for who they are but for what they have and who they're with. Oh well, guess we all have growing to do before the world becomes a just place.

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 4:33:50 AM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		I have never heard of a SPECT scan before but sounds like something I need to look into. 

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Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 4:40:27 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hey,

You've had some awesome advice, now's the time to log off and act on it.

Good luck and all that.

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 5:04:03 AM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		Sorry crazml, I know this thread is in the wrong forum and the title is misleading, it's obviously turned into something I did not originally intend and has taken on the form of a support thread and journal. I'll log off when I'm truly ready, it's a slow process but I have to do it at my own pace. It's been very helpful to me but I understand that some may be a bit frustrated that it's in the wrong forum and that I'm still on here. If any admin comes across this feel free to rename and move it to the off-topic discussions, I feel it could be helpful to others in similar situations but it truly is in the wrong place. 

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 8:24:50 AM   
imperatrixx


Posts: 903
Joined: 3/29/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lildude81va
my definition of a true slave.


Guess there aren't any sub guys into TPE either.

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Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 9:17:19 AM   
lildude81va


Posts: 30
Joined: 12/10/2011
Status: offline 		Probably not too many. Can't speak for anyone else but my desire for a TPE relationship is obviously questionnable and motivated by a desire to escape and satisy my own kinks rather than a desire to serve. Guess one would have to be genuinely selfless and free of any selfish motivation, however hidden it may be. I suppose it could work if someone is truly in love with the dominant party and only motivated by making him/her happy without any regard to his/her own desires. Seems that it would have to be something that develops over time, not something one can just decide on one day and find online. Wait, I think someone tried to point that out to me about 5 pages ago, lol. Took me a while but I think I got it now. :-)

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 11:04:48 AM   
archetypeInside


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/27/2011
Status: offline
quote:

starting to wonder if there are any real dominant women at all. Seems that very few genuinely want a slave, let alone a live-in slave, but rather someone they can financially exploit in exchange for occasional play. Am I wrong for wanting a domme who cares about me and respects me? If all I wanted to is give someone money for the occasional play time I would go to a professional which would probably be cheaper on top of it. Working outside the home, while I'm perfectly capable of it and have done it for years, is not my definition of a true slave. I would be a slave to my employer and my relationship with my "owner" would merely be tied to my income. I want someone who respects me as a person, who I can serve full time by performing all the mundane chores around the house and fully dedicating my life to her. Guess maybe there is no such thing :-(


i  to have run across the same problem,    .   i did find a Mistress at 1 point that "Sed that She was wanting a tpe, and Made Herself out to look like all i could ever want.   and for 10 months it was the Best experience of my Life.  However, as time went on, She stopped looking at me with the same love as She once had. at month 11, i was asked to leave , i was told i did a good job as a slave. and i was not at fault for things changing. She no longer wished to be a Mistress, or have anything to do with the BDSM seen any more and She did not want to be a Dominant over Her bf.
     that not only hurt me .. but has left me vary  Careful when looking for a new Mistress,  and i now have a protocol of my own that i go by when interviewing a potential Dominant , 
1st, W/we must become Friends in Real time,  once W/we have trust  and a Strong Friendship,   the next step is taken

2ed, i offer my serves as a sub,  .. Not slave.. Not yet. slave = TPE.    once W/we know that are styles are a Good fit,  and Mistress is Not a danger to me.  i move to the next step.

3ed, i will offer myself Completely, as a slave TPE, and once accepted, my limits are set by Mistress. all safe words are Held by Mistress,  and Mistress becomes my new representative of a Devinne Being ,   i will let Mistress into all of me . and hide Nothing, sharing all. giving anything that i am able to. 

i hope that these 3 steps can help  to find a fitting Mistress,  and protect the heart from those who wold lie to it.

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RE: hang in there lildude - 12/13/2011 11:43:07 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Changing the thread title for those who see it on the scroll and just read page 1 :)

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RE: Are there any real dominant women into TPE? - 12/13/2011 12:37:04 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistrixMsE

please lildude81va when you are finally ready to find a relationship/dominant, avoid those who relish severe humiliation play. For subs who have problems with self image, depression, or similar concerns a heavy dose of humiliation can go from play to self loathing really easy.




(in reply to MistrixMsE)
Profile   Post #: 100
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