Recovering a submissive

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Recovering a submissive - 5/10/2012 5:15:29 AM

racecardriver

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/22/2012
Status: offline

I started seeing a 34 year old lady who has discovered that she is a sub only few years earlier when she was in a vanilla marriage. She was unable to sustain her marriage due to her husband's vanilla nature. She divorced and almost immediately started a relationship with a self proclaimed dominant. Initially their experience was more like rough sex, then progressed into escalating abuse. Physical beatings where using the safe word would only cause more violent attacks and also severe mental abuse. I can list the many examples she gave, which would fill page after page. Instead this would illustrate the type of person this guy is: she was driving and talking on the phone to a friend (not a love interest), he becomes irritated and chokes her while driving to the extent that she blacks out, almost causing a wreck. Later when they get home she receives a sever beating. Because of the chocking her eyelids turn blue from blood vessels rupturing. The amazing thing is that he is a boyfriend, they do not live together and she needs him for nothing else. It has been several cycles where the violence escalates she stops seeing him for a while then she invites him back. It is almost like an addiction. My relationship with her started a couple of month ago, she proclaimed being a sub but doing the usual spanking and other dominant activity in a safe and loving manner with her she is able to submit during the session but not enough. We started as a casual relationship, as she was going through the usual cycle with the other guy, where she was just starting to see him again so no abuse yet. Soon I start seeing bruises that are not what you expect from a D/S relationship. At the same time I was beginning to really like her. We discussed us having a monogamous relationship, and I brought up her bruising. After a bit of coaxing she revealed the whole relationship and was in total denial about the abuse. It was her first experience in what she thought was a D/S relationship. Over the course of several days and showing her endless internet and other sources she realized she was in an abusive relationship and how a real dominant should behave. I did a sort of intervention and used what little submission she gave me to separate her from him with the help of one of her friend. She has not seen him in 6 weeks, she is going to therapy, but by no means cured of her addiction although much less. My issue is that my relationship with her suffered for a while as she subconsciously resented me for forcing the issue, but it is coming back slowly. The abusive guy was able to force her to submit by using his large physique to physically subdue her and severely beating her with a belt or a shoe, but he was able to get her full submission. She would feel her submission by merely hearing his voice or him touching her. In the last week I was able to extract some submission from her during our session, but certainly far from a level that I strive for. My plan is to slowly, over a period of a couple of months ease her into full submission. I have been able many times to have the submission of a woman in the various relationships that I had over the years, usually without having to deal with her being already submitted to another person. This has proven a lot harder, as I have to also de-condition her submission to the abusive person, who is now out of the picture. I would appreciate any pointers or suggestions from experienced Doms on the best way to de-condition her strong submission to the abusive guy and retrain her to submit to me?