RE: Recovering a submissive

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RE: Recovering a submissive - 5/14/2012 4:44:09 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

The sentence went along with my whole post. Taken away from the rest of the post, it can sound like something different than it was intended.

It must of course be read in context. I merely wish to clarify whether that statement was intended as part of a pointed commentary on the OP having culpability in this situation, or whether your position includes an actual lack of distinction of degrees of severity.

quote:

Maybe my words might seem to be extreme, but I take abuse of this type, followed by a physician playing dom with her and then being encouraged, seriously. Working a great deal of my life with the abused... its a little hard not to take it seriously.

I believe it is possible to take things seriously without losing perspective or discarding nuance. It seems healthier to me to maintain this distinction. Given how you call them "the abused", and not "people who have been abused", you presumably know how many make their experience a part of their identity, and I think neglecting perspective and nuance will be detrimental in regard to that. Similarly, perceptions regarding just how much they can do in terms of their own recovery, how much intervention is required, and so forth, is an area in which it is crucial to be accurate in perception. Sorting them all under one heading would work against that.

Hence, the question.

IWYW,
- Aswad.

I wasn't talking to the op... I was responding to someone that suggested that the op was fine doing what he was doing and that because someone that was abused was so lonely they would go back to the abuser it was best to do it.

I don't claim to say exactly the right thing or have the exact wording that would make everyone comfortable or be the best presentation, though I do try. I do agree with you and don't mean to clump people together or as victims. I will note what you have said... but then again... my wording may reflect that and I may remember and then again... I may not. The effects of stroke have had their way with me. Some days I am better than others. I wasn't very happy when I made that post. In fact, I thought the person I was responding to, was once again... condoning bad behavior in enabling something horrible. In other words, going on history of the person I was responding to.

Still... I would make the post again, I am sure.

And to clarify even further on this post. I have a headache starting... who knows if I have even said what I really wish to say in the way I wish to? lol At this point I don't post much unless it is lighthearted, yet I didn't want to ignore your post because with the headache, I might forget to come back later when better.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Aswad)

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Post #: 101

RE: Recovering a submissive - 5/14/2012 4:51:32 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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OP - if you are continuing in an emotional relationship with this woman (even as plutonic friends), you might suggest attending a session with your friend. Seems it would be better to get information from the horses mouth (so to speak), than rely on an acknowledged "fibber".

And i agree with previous assessments - the sex is a tactic to keep you in her life. She may or may not have feelings for you, but at this stage, they are very suspect.

and good luck with the situation....

(in reply to Aswad)

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Post #: 102

RE: Recovering a submissive - 5/14/2012 5:32:06 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Great to see you posting, Aswad !

And you.

quote:

In theory, a therapist of any ilk will be able to help the person make more positive and informed choices. In reality, not all therapists are great, and not all people in therapy are truly committed to changing their behavior.

In my experience, a lot of therapists are inclined to forget that it is crucial to recovery that a person be enabled in a constructive direction, rather than invalidated. The most successful rehabilitation facilities here are pretty focused on the importance of being clear that people who aren't in a psychotic state can make valid choices and exercise good judgment. I assume that's what you mean by "[helping to] make more positive and informed choices", the process of providing input that the person can use to get better. Which is why I thought it seemed a bit odd to imply that they don't (on some level, at least) have a good grasp of what their needs are, and have the ability to decide for themselves "what is good for [them]".

quote:

After all, changing behavior is very difficult for *everyone.* Even with the best of help from friends and family and therapist and an enormous amount of personal motivation.

Absolutely. And changing the behavior isn't even always the right solution.

IWYW,
- Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

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Post #: 103

RE: Recovering a submissive - 5/14/2012 5:39:45 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't claim to say exactly the right thing or have the exact wording that would make everyone comfortable or be the best presentation, though I do try.

Which is appreciated.

I do think we are in agreement.

quote:

The effects of stroke have had their way with me. Some days I am better than others.

I completely understand. It is the same way for me.

(Though my degeneration has been a gradual one, not caused by a stroke.)

quote:

In other words, going on history of the person I was responding to.

This is clear to me now. Thank you.

quote:

And to clarify even further on this post. I have a headache starting... who knows if I have even said what I really wish to say in the way I wish to? lol At this point I don't post much unless it is lighthearted, yet I didn't want to ignore your post because with the headache, I might forget to come back later when better.

This is painfully familiar, and I empathize.

Thank you for sharing, and for making the effort to reply. That, too, is appreciated.

IWYW,
- Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 104