quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

there is a massive lack of compassion here and I think it takes a special kind of masochist to post personal problems here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Thank you for the update, race.

It takes a big man to admit he was wrong and needs to re-evaluate a situation.

And please, please if you don't wish to take our advice about her therapist, get some references (should be easy to do, being a quack in all) and make a few a calls. Outline what you have told us and pay attention to what they tell you.

I'm giving 100 to 1 odds for it will be: her therapist is as messed up as she is.

B/c what you have outlined is not kosher therapy wise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
The reason I am questioning this whole thread - eg: your BS fishy troll comment - is because a lot of what he's writing is not ringing true to me. There is something really wrong here -and its not just the situation at hand.
- its how hes handling it - its the wife in the background and not caring - its him getting up in the middle of the night to go to this woman - Its him being a physician that doenst even get why people are putting that into the equation -its her jumping from husband to abuser to captain save a ho to kink therapist that is encouraging all of this - its him saying no one here understands domestic abuse - I mean I could go on and on about how this isnt making any sense.

- well maybe it does, once again another person is trying to justify getting their jizz on no matter how fucked up the situation is.

As for a response to the way I see you post - you really seem to go off topic a lot to argue with other posters. You derail threads left and right by doing that, and its rude to the OP especially if its a good thread that actually adresses an actual question/discussion.

quote:

Original: LadyPact

A BDSM message board is so far down on the list of resources that a medical professional would be relying on that it is laughable that the OP came here.  Not the domestic violence hotline, not colleagues, not research on published articles in scientific journals.  This OP couldn't be a janitor in a medically linked office or facility without coming across a poster on a wall or a pamphlet available on abuse.  There is a reason this person came here, rather than even doing a simple google search.  What exactly do you suppose might be the motivation for that?

quote:

Original: racecardriver

In the last week I was able to extract some submission from her during our session, but certainly far from a level that I strive for. My plan is to slowly, over a period of a couple of months ease her into full submission. I have been able many times to have the submission of a woman in the various relationships that I had over the years, usually without having to deal with her being already submitted to another person. This has proven a lot harder, as I have to also de-condition her submission to the abusive person, who is now out of the picture. I would appreciate any pointers or suggestions from experienced Doms on the best way to de-condition her strong submission to the abusive guy and retrain her to submit to me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

This entire comment goes back to the co-dependency issue that most DV victims encounter.  It's part of the mental and emotional abuse that almost always goes hand in hand with the physical abuse.  It also ties into why abused women, if they don't receive proper counseling, tend to go from one unhealthy relationship to the next.  They don't believe that they deserve any better because that is exactly what they have been taught.


That is why I so adamantly disagree with the OP's line of action and the so-called therapist's 'recommendation' about continuing a D/s relationship at this time.  The woman involved in literally continuing to be taught that she doesn't deserve a full time relationship because she is settling for only what she feels she is worth.  Without even trying, this situation is confirming what this woman has been conditioned to believe from her abuser.  It's being demonstrated to her that she's only good enough for monogamy if it's linked to physical abuse.  The only way she can be involved with a non violent partner is to be secondary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Thank you for the update, race.

It takes a big man to admit he was wrong and needs to re-evaluate a situation.

And please, please if you don't wish to take our advice about her therapist, get some references (should be easy to do, being a quack in all) and make a few a calls. Outline what you have told us and pay attention to what they tell you.

I'm giving 100 to 1 odds for it will be: her therapist is as messed up as she is.

B/c what you have outlined is not kosher therapy wise.

ditto

re Jeff and compassion - i think there's a massive lack of compassion when people are missing details that make them feel it's alright to assume very negative things and act poorly based on that. otherwise, there's an abundance of compassion and help offered.

quote:

ORIGINAL: racecardriver

I would have expected members here to have the decency to at least inquire before passing judgement.

quote:

Anyone in this community if they are true to themselves will face prejudice and judgement if they declare themselves to the vanilla masses.

quote:

Anyone here judging someone else by making assumption based on their own bias is not different from the public making judgement on our lifestyle; both are based on ignorance and hate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You might as well stand beside these guys that have abused and add your own punches.

quote:

The fact that this is a personal, rather than a professional relationship, doesn't necessarily change that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You might as well stand beside these guys that have abused and add your own punches.

Are you really saying that it makes no difference whether you add stones to the burden?

Just wondering if I read that right.

IWYW,
- Aswad.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
It's common for an abuser to tell the victim if she leaves nobody else will ever want her. I'm just saying if the victim is just as afraid or more afraid of being alone than of the abuse itself, IMO it's better to find someone else than to go back to the abuser. I wonder sometimes if the percentage of victims that return to their abusers would be lower if they weren't told they had to be alone to recover. I think you make a very good point about the affect the OP being married might have on her self esteem. IMO, the method of treatment for victims of non-consensual abuse should vary depending on the victim. For some, being alone is best. For others, not so much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

A person recovering from abuse does not have good judgment and discrimination about what is good for her/him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

i took it as disingenuous hyperbole.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

good point about having compassion for the abused woman. i agree she should come first but disagree there's an order, or OP doesn't deserve any. i think it's silly to suggest OP was received with compassion, generally speaking. sounds like we disagree that OP deserved any compassion.

quote:

The fact that this is a personal, rather than a professional relationship, doesn't necessarily change that.

i'm really really sure you're wrong about this. there's no fiduciary duty, and no higher standard in this situation (called a good Samaritan). you made good point about how he should have known on a personal level - leave it at that.

edit ps - i think perhaps OP did already know everything we told him, but needed it to hit home.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You might as well stand beside these guys that have abused and add your own punches.

Are you really saying that it makes no difference whether you add stones to the burden?

Just wondering if I read that right.

IWYW,
- Aswad.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

good point about having compassion for the abused woman. i agree she should come first but disagree there's an order, or OP doesn't deserve any. i think it's silly to suggest OP was received with compassion, generally speaking. sounds like we disagree that OP deserved any compassion.

quote:

The fact that this is a personal, rather than a professional relationship, doesn't necessarily change that.

i'm really really sure you're wrong about this. there's no fiduciary duty, and no higher standard in this situation (called a good Samaritan). you made good point about how he should have known on a personal level - leave it at that.

edit ps - i think perhaps OP did already know everything we told him, but needed it to hit home.

No, it's not called Good Samaritan.  The fact that the OP has specifically received an education in the medical field relieves him of that.  Good Samaritan laws don't apply when any aid is directly related to an occupation.

Under the good samaritan laws which grant immunity, if the good samaritan makes an error while rendering emergency medical care, he or she cannot be held legally liable for damages in court. However, two conditions usually must be met; 1) the aid must be given at the scene of the emergency, and. 2) if the "volunteer" has other motives, such as the hope of being paid a fee or reward, then the law will not apply.

Sorry, but "other motives" absolutely can include sexual favors.

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

It's common for an abuser to tell the victim if she leaves nobody else will ever want her. I'm just saying if the victim is just as afraid or more afraid of being alone than of the abuse itself, IMO it's better to find someone else than to go back to the abuser. I wonder sometimes if the percentage of victims that return to their abusers would be lower if they weren't told they had to be alone to recover. I think you make a very good point about the affect the OP being married might have on her self esteem. IMO, the method of treatment for victims of non-consensual abuse should vary depending on the victim. For some, being alone is best. For others, not so much.