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Questions and advice - 6/10/2012 11:27:22 PM

Stephanie72

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline

This is a question for all Doms, Dommes, subs and others.

i really need to know what you think

i will explain the situation. i guess its better to start at the beginning. i have been in the lifestyle for over 12 years now and have always considered myself to be submissive. i have had 3 different Masters over the years. i met my current Master over 6 years ago and am very much in love with him and we do plan to marry soon.

When we first met he had made it clear to me that i would have to have sex with other men and could not refuse any who asked. i willingly agreed to this. i also agreed that He would have total control over anything to do with sex. i did tell him that i would have to get use to that idea since i had never been with another man who wanted to share me with others. About a year after that i did sign rules of submission agreeing to various things and i did promise Master that i would obey every order whether i liked the order or not. So far i have not done that despite Master telling me to repeatedly.

Master is now insisting that i have sex with other men during work hours. i don't want to do that and risk losing my job. Master has told me that people do have sex at work all the time and while that may be true it isn't something that i want to risk. i've been on my job for 16 years and do plan to retire from here and i have to work with these people every day.

To be fair i want to explain the whole situation. Master and i do not live in the same town. We see each other as much as possible but work schedules do keep us apart. i don't drive so i have to take a bus to work everyday. The bus ride is 2 hours or more each direction on an average day. i work 9 hours a day M-F. i live with my parents since i can't afford to really get my own place on what i make. My parents would not understand my lifestyle choices so not much can really happen at home.

Master says that the only place where he really has an opportunity to exercise control is when i am at work and he wants to talk a lot when i am at work which upsets me because i am there to work. He will usually talk off an on for about an hour a day and i get upset and tell him that i can't talk to him all day.

Lately it seems as if we are fighting almost daily. We always fight over the same thing. He says without obedience there can be no submission. We fight over obedience and control. He has been telling me that we should just drop Master/sub from our lives and lead a vanilla life since there is nothing in our relationship that is the least bit like a Master/sub relationship. That isn't something that i want to do. i know that i am submissive and i believe that i do try to do what he wants even though i have'nt actually done what he wants. i do talk to other men but i can't make myself do what he wants. Everytime he gets upset and says we should drop Master/sub i promise him that i will do anything he wants if we don't drop it, but then i still can't make myself do it and then the fight starts all over again.

When he says we should stop being Master/sub i get upset because it makes me feel like a failure, like i can't do anything right. i have went so far as to tell him that if he ends Master/sub then he might as well end the whole relationship. He wants me naked when i am at home and off work but i usually just put a robe on since parents could walk in at any time. i do sleep nude like he wants. He does ask me to turn on my cam and get naked for him. i do it sometimes but i am really uncomfortable doing so because i don't know who else might be looking.

He says that i am the one who is really controlling things because i am the one deciding not to obey his orders. He doesn't seem to understand that i can't do those things at work or at home that he wants me to do. He says that its not because i can't but because i choose not to.

What i want to know is this. Am i obligated to obey his orders if i am uncomfortable with them even though i knew about this from the beginning and have repeatedly promised to obey every order whether i like it or not?

Am i the one in control and taking control away from him?

Is the saying that "without obedience there is no submission"really true?

Do you think i should give in and obey his orders about having sex with other men during work hours even if i am uncomfortable with it?