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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:02:48 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
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quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

i've been at the mercy of the welcome wagon around here, and it ain't no picnic.


Thanks for keeping it real, my sister.

< Message edited by Marini -- 11/10/2012 9:13:25 PM >

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"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
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Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

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Profile   Post #: 141
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:02:50 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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quote:

I see this as very narrow minded. This seems to insinuate that the "old timers" operate the forums, which they do not. It's breaking it down to a US and THEM. Everyone takes things differently and i've seen some longer term members who basically say they can see the gang mentality too but does that make them sensitive. Hell no. Moronic post.


Why should I be sensitive?

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:05:10 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		i didn't say you tazzy

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Profile   Post #: 143
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:05:52 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		I dont know ... example:

Last night there was a thread where a user made a really fucked up statement that had insinuations of pedo. I saw it and flipped the fuck out.

There were a lot of users that saw this and didnt say anything - they just chatted around it. They didnt pack up with me - they let me handle it and I handled it. It was probably one of the only times I completely lost it and just layed it all out - no holding back. The thread got ripped down, but no one came and jumped all over this person - even though it was very obvious what he had said.

Maybe sometimes it happens, sometimes not -

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:08:35 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Alrighty, I'm going to chime in on this one.

To the first bit..

I'll begin with the "CCC" - I love this accusation. It always makes me laugh. For starters, it's completely absurd to create the notion of a single over-arching clique, unless "clique" is defined as "regular posters". If it's defined any other way then I'd have to say that there could be dozens and dozens of groupings that might (with varying degrees of accuracy) be described as "cliques".

But if CCC means "regular posters" then I'm part of that grouping - But I simply reject the idea that I'm participating in a "clique". Sure, I've made plenty of friends here, and there are a few I flirt with quite openly, there are a few people I wouldn't say I knew well enough to class as "friends". There are some I dislike.

But that really has very little to do with whether I agree or disagree with them, or whether I'm snarky or not.

There are plenty of posters here with whom I do disagree at times, in some cases pretty emphatically - But I still find their point of view interesting, and I still respect them, and in many cases I am even capable of liking them too.

There are a few posters I actually dislike, but who post interesting and provocative things - some of which I actually agree with... and when I do, I try to acknowledge that.


quote:


It has been accused that the CCC are:

Chasing people off - and by doing this they are keeping new ideas from being brought into our community.


I do see some people being effectively chased off. They tend to be asshats.

I see a lot of robust scepticism towards new ideas (although new ideas and topics are pretty fucking few and far between in practice), but actually I'd maintain that the opposite is true in that new comers with an interesting perspective really thrive here.

quote:


By chasing people off - you will effectively damage the experience for others.


I think the warm welcome that so many newcomers receive, I don't think that this board's tendency to be a tough audience for out and out asshats is damaging the experience, in fact I think the opposite is true.

quote:


It has been asserted that: This place will become (if it hasn't already) a cesspool of "right-thinking" where no one is allowed to state an opinion that doesn't past muster with the CCC which prefers to act like a group of angry high school girls than to help people find their way. And why? Because these people are a little bit different.


This accusation is utter horse-shit.

You only have to look at the breadth of views, opinions, lifestyles and attitudes of the regular posters to see what nonsense the idea that there is some defined "right think" going on here.

Again, in practice I see the opposite being true.

The people that get the hardest time tend to be the ones that rock up and start claiming that there is some kind of right way... the ones that claim to be "true masters" or "true slaves", the ones that talk shit....



quote:


that the CCC are: making this the website you deserve.


Yup, I think that on the whole the regulars - by providing a warm welcome to people who aren't asshats and a less warm one to the jackasses are making this a better website, and yeah - we deserve it!

quote:



that the CCC target male posters: that had this been a female poster, the CCC wouldn't have been quite so aggressive and down-right mean.


I think it could be that a larger volume of snark is directed at males than females - but I'd be willing to bet that it's not the gender but the attitude that causes it.

quote:




The way that the CCC targets, a consequence will be: It's detrimental and it will lead to no new information coming onto these boards because instead of feeling like we're a bunch of friends they just haven't met yet, they'll feel scared that they'll be the next one to be fed upon.


On the whole I think this board can be hugely helpful and very welcoming to newcomers.



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Profile   Post #: 145
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:08:44 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

I for one Aswad would hate to see you leave here - I enjoy your posts and actually really do learn a lot from them.


Didn't say I was leaving. Said I don't like it.

Thanks, though, in any case.

Please consider that I wouldn't have gotten invested in CM in the first place if things had been then as they are now.

quote:

I also miss certain users here that are gone due to whatever - but Im also happy for the new people that have stuck around.


As am I. I would like even more of them to stick around, too.

Used to be a time when one or two threads here could actually keep me busy, in the sense of not being able to respond to what had been written before more content was added, even if I took time to focus on it. Now, I post while I'm writing on something else, talking to nephandi about an analysis of one of the characters in The Wheel of Time and designing a piece of software in my head; a fairly common workload for me while I'm posting. Yet I can usually respond to just about everything in a thread in one sweep without anyone else's post ending up between mine.

That's a huge difference in activity, and I think retaining more people and providing an atmosphere that enables them to post and learn is something we, as a community, should do, because I suspect I'm not the only one that enjoyed the high throughput this place once had. I recall a time when CM was considered addictive, and that was a more common reason for taking a break than any other. While addiction is bad, I would submit that one doesn't get addicted to stuff that isn't enjoyable. Some posters here are coming up on 50K posts, yanno. I figure there's a reason for that.

quote:

These are the types of theads I enjoy - cause theyre constructive and instead of letting things get toxic, we can all lay it out on the table to keep the in-house fighting down.


Yeah, sometimes it helps. Pardon me for having become a bit jaded on that point (that's the infectiousness I mentioned).

quote:

The thread that was removed earlier was NOT constructive - it was a bunch of squabbling and trolling and those are the types of threads that tend to bug the shit out of me. Not very fun.


I haven't seen that thread, so I was commenting generally.

My recent removals have been constructive threads and posts, actually.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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Profile   Post #: 146
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:08:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Same...why would I be sensitive? It's not who I am, here or in real life. If in real life, you say something that I think is stupid, I will either tell you or I will roll my eyes and walk away from you. Those who are sensitive will either be clueless and so it doesn't bother them or they will walk away all butthurt, which doesn't bother me one bit because it says I would never be friends with such a person.

My daughter has been sensitive her entire life. She still is to some point. She is the only sensitive person I walk around on eggshells with because I have to "live" with her. Anyone else though? Nope, won't do it. I do it enough with her and it's exasperating. Why would I bother with a complete stranger?

ETA: wwaahhh...I was called moronic. I'm calling my mommy!



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/10/2012 9:11:38 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 147
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:09:55 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		No, and I realize that. I do get the impression though that adults are being told by other adults that they should be more sensitive to yet a third group of adults.

People come here for different reasons. Some for particular areas, some who like to post all over. Some are here to relax and have fun... some need a place to vent.. some like to cut up and rip into people. Interspersed in all this is an on going adult theme of sex and domination/submission.

We have Sadists who post... and for them to be "more sensitive" flies in the face of what being a Sadist truly means. Some are submissive ( and I am far from a perfect example) who are the kinder souls of collarme. We have some who are just kinky and not into the D/s or BDSM aspects.

I have seen Doms ripped as well as submissives. I have seen trolls ripped as well as old timers. I have seen Mods ripped to shreds, and they have to take it to a point.

So, where is this sensitivity line drawn at?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to anniezz338)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:13:55 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Maybe sometimes it happens, sometimes not -


Agreed. It's not always the purpose, it's not always the same "clique". The pack mentality is still pervasive, though, and not always particularly kind.

Tazzygirl asked why she should be sensitive. My gut reaction was that sensitive was the wrong word, that consideration might have better suited. Truth be told, once a person makes the choice to step from learning to judging, it's hard to step back. If you think the OP is an asshole you don't necessarily want to understand them.

Even so, if you switch from discussion to decision, conversationally speaking, it's over, unless you're flexible enough to reconsider your stance, and therein lies the crux.


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Profile   Post #: 149
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:15:25 PM   
Aswad


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Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

We have Sadists who post... and for them to be "more sensitive" flies in the face of what being a Sadist truly means.


Yanno, my sadism extends well into the domain of grievous bodily harm.

I'm still accused of sensitivity now and again.

Just saying.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

P.S.: I've made a similar point myself. It's one of Sunny's QOTDs. So, not trying to miss the point. This is just the flip side of that coin.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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Profile   Post #: 150
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:17:37 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Maybe the difference is the reason people come here. There are those who see everyone online as "friends" like they would know in real life. Some of us, don't and we're here just for entertainment and procrastination, boredom, insomnia so it's not really important to some of us what anyone says or does.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:17:45 PM   
anniezz338


Posts: 1183
Joined: 8/17/2010
Status: offline 		That was my point. I didn't see it as being a sensitivity issue. That was coming from the post i quoted as i see it.

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I had become insane, with horrific lapses of sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

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Profile   Post #: 152
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:20:40 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

We have Sadists who post... and for them to be "more sensitive" flies in the face of what being a Sadist truly means.


Yanno, my sadism extends well into the domain of grievous bodily harm.

I'm still accused of sensitivity now and again.

Just saying.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

P.S.: I've made a similar point myself. It's one of Sunny's QOTDs. So, not trying to miss the point. This is just the flip side of that coin.



Ah, I have often thought of you as more of the exception than the rule.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 153
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:22:26 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Maybe the difference is the reason people come here. There are those who see everyone online as "friends" like they would know in real life. Some of us, don't and we're here just for entertainment and procrastination, boredom, insomnia so it's not really important to some of us what anyone says or does.


In short, as you say, you're not invested in this community. If it goes to hell, you're fine with that.

I don't see everyone online as friends. Hell, there's quite a few people here I'd like to deck.

Just something about acting in a manner consistent with getting what one wants.

I happen to want a good community in which to discuss with kinksters.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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Profile   Post #: 154
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:22:35 PM   
RemoteUser


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Maybe the difference is the reason people come here. There are those who see everyone online as "friends" like they would know in real life. Some of us, don't and we're here just for entertainment and procrastination, boredom, insomnia so it's not really important to some of us what anyone says or does.


Yeah, motivation and ideology don't always play nicely together in the sandbox.


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There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


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Profile   Post #: 155
RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:22:56 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Actually CrazyML - Im surprised that the person who made all those accusations hasnt joined in this conversation yet.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:23:54 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've been on hundreds of sites and forums over the many years. Most no longer exist. If this one goes to hell as well, I'm fine with that. It's just the internet. Another one will spring up overnight. They always do.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:24:08 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		The second bit...

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
Now - with those accusations said, I myself pick and choose whom I decide to snark out on. I dont snark everyone that comes in - only the ones that really seem to be begging for it. For other newbies - I can be quite kind and give advice that I would find helpful for anyone.


Well... this is the same rationale that I use when it comes to snark.

If someone behaves like a jackass I tend to react to it.

I have been trying to "channel" my reaction into something that could at least help the person in question (if they bother to think about what I've written).

As it happens, though, I think that many of your posts are unnecessarily unpleasant

quote:


I more or less stay within the TOS - and forum guidelines and when I dont - I get modslapped. Thats what they are here for - to monitor the goings on and to keep threads at a even keel.


I would say that if you get modslapped often then you should consider the possibility that the asshat is you.

If it's only once in a blue moon then yeah - you're being edgy.

In the spirit of sharing, and without making any judgement about you as a human being (since I'm sure you're a wonderful person)

I really dislike your posting style. I think your posts are frequently unnecessarily obnoxious.

Your recent "you're pretty fucking stupid" response to a first time poster was disgusting. It's one of the relatively small number of posts that I've reported and I was absolutely astonished that the mods didn't regard it as a clear violation of TOS. Sure - at the end of the day, they decide whether it was against TOS... but in my view their willingness to let people you say things like that in the face of no provocation at all really does harm the boards.

As I've admitted before - I can be pretty snarky, but I do try to make an effort to be understanding, and I'd really encourage you to do the same. Responding to someone whoe is being a complete asshat, or deliberately trolling is one thing... but perhaps those of us who are more prone to snark ought to ask ourselves "Does the person really deserve this?" before we hit "OK".



quote:


I dont appreciate other posters getting on their soap boxes and acting like a parent and chastising other posters and tell them they SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. Youre not my mother. Youre not my father - youre just some person that I personally couldnt give 2 shakes of a shit can about.

As far as the people you say that everyone is missing out on their ideas? I highly doubt that. The ones that seem to get targeted dont have anything worth saying and thats why they get made fun of. Not because people just randomly choose people that come on here because of their hair color, sex, race - or whatever you want to say anyone is going after that person for. In this instance - the accusation was because it was a man.

Anyone want to chime in?





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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:26:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		The reason Janah's post was saved was because the op asked "Am I stupid?". She answered him.


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RE: So are we a bunch of meanies? - 11/10/2012 9:26:24 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Actually CrazyML - Im surprised that the person who made all those accusations hasnt joined in this conversation yet.

He's been watching.

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