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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/16/2013 1:03:13 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: manxcabbit
Basically what I'm taking away from a few of these posts is because I have very little money I can't be dominant or truly have power in a relationship with a sub male because I don't have the funds to continually pay for dates and events. What horse shit.

I haven't read the whole thread, but in case you were talking about something I wrote, that's not my position. My position is this: no matter who calls themselves the dominant, or master, and no matter who calls themselves the sub or slave, the person with more power in the relationship is the one who is more willing to walk away from the relationship. If a woman finds herself in a situation where her income, housing, etc., is 100% dependent on the man in her life, she isn't in a dominant position in the relationship. (The same is true, in reverse, if the man is 100% economically dependent on the woman.) She might be dominant as long as everything is coming up roses, but if there's a problem, she has far, far more to lose.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to manxcabbit)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/16/2013 6:13:22 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.

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(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/18/2013 1:59:11 PM   
Oneechan


Posts: 50
Joined: 8/31/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
For ME, if I ask someone to meet me for lunch I am planning on paying
If someone asks me to lunch I assume they are paying.


generally this. whoever proposed the date should be the one expected to pay, unless specified otherwise. maybe that's just me ^^

if the plan is to split the bill, then i'd generally suggest something casual like a coffee. for me, the romanticism is kind of lost when going to a fancy cuisine restaurant and splitting things evenly.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/18/2013 2:04:42 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 10:05:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		FR

If I cannot afford to pay for what I consume then I shouldn't be consuming.

If I WANT to buy for someone else, then I will. If the other person WANTS to pay for me, then they can.

People need to quit making this shit out to be major life drama.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 10:07:29 AM   
Subano


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/15/2013
Status: offline 		After reading all this complex stuff, what I find the simplest solution was the proposal that the one in power pays, period.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 11:40:48 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Whatever works for you and your s.o.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Subano)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 12:35:48 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.

I'd actually agree with this. We're talking about lunch here. Not some major financial investment.

I will say this. I'm more likely to go dutch or insist on picking up the entire check. The polite thing for the latter is for the other person to be willing to leave the tip and be generous when doing it. I can't be the only one who thinks that helps to make a good impression.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 12:40:58 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.

I'd actually agree with this. We're talking about lunch here. Not some major financial investment.

I will say this. I'm more likely to go dutch or insist on picking up the entire check. The polite thing for the latter is for the other person to be willing to leave the tip and be generous when doing it. I can't be the only one who thinks that helps to make a good impression.






I do too, as I said earlier.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 2:00:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You know what's funny? One of the best lunch dates I've ever had from this site was getting together with one of the regular forum participants from this site. We all had such a good time that we didn't even notice it lasted four hours. Yes, I did pick up the check (only right since MP and I went as a pair) and he was very kind to the waitress for the tip. The fifteen bucks I spent for his lunch didn't matter a whit to Me. He was absolutely lovely company and I had an absolute blast.

The business of bickering about nickles and dimes doesn't suit Me in the least.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 2:57:05 PM   
subinsilicon


Posts: 108
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The business of bickering about nickles and dimes doesn't suit Me in the least.


It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 3:11:25 PM   
Subano


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/15/2013
Status: offline 		The protocol is clear with some and murky with others.

Some say the power partner pays.

Others feel it's a dutch situation.

To me, if a Domme is a 'real' Dominant, they pay.

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 3:14:14 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The business of bickering about nickles and dimes doesn't suit Me in the least.


It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.


So inquiring minds want to know how it was resolved...


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- Miss Marie


(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 4:01:21 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		No, it's not about protocol, it's about attitude.

The problem I have with the financial domme set is their appalling one-sided attitude. Now some argue that this attitude is giving their customers what they want, but the same can be said of crack-dealers. It's not enough to simply satisfy a need - it's about asking yourself whether satisfying that need is ethical.

Her moves in this little vignette already have the taint of a greedy, grasping personality looking to take advantage. I would contend that a male sub prepared to enter into such an arrangement is just as broken as a female sub prepared to be pimped out for money and used as a cum-dumpster. Simply saying "But that's what they want" is the argument of an immature personality devoid of ethics.

Yes, it's possible to be dominant, yet unethical. However the community and the society as a whole suffers when these kinds of people prosper.

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/19/2013 4:18:29 PM   
TenderTorment


Posts: 304
Joined: 12/30/2012
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon




It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.



Am I missing something here? If so forgive my ignorance but I understood this to be a first face to face meeting, Is that correct? If so how can there be any protocol in place? You are 2 people meeting for the first time with a view to establishing a relationship. Or are you already online partners? if the latter is the case then surely having formed an online bond you should know each other well enough to negate the original question.

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 2:40:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon
It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.
In that case, speaking as a leather person and probably one of the people on the forums that runs a higher protocol household than most, what you have is not a protocol situation. You are a submissive. You are not anybody's owned submissive. That means that you don't owe any form of service, expenditures paid, or anything else. It's just one person who happens to be Dominant and another person who happens to be submissive who are having a meal together.

There are such things in the community as high protocol or leather lunches, brunches, dinners, etc. That's a completely different kettle of fish.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 2:51:51 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		I always assume and invitation out to lunch is self pay unless I am with my husband or my mother. My mom is the type that would be offended if I tried to pay so I know ahead of time to not bother to even try.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 3:01:12 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
IMO, this is not very different from what went on during the women's liberation movement. That was a very confusing time for men. We weren't sure what behaviors were appropriate anymore, since so many societal norms were being challenged. And by definition, female domination violates most societal dating norms.


My view is that both F/m dating, and vanilla dating, are more confusing for men than during the 1970s (assuming that's the rough point in time at which you locate 'women's liberation'). Things have settled into a bunch of fuzzy conventions founded upon contradictory ideas.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 3:49:27 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I would say maybe he doesn't know this woman enough to meet for dinner if he can't even figure out who should pay. Is she the modern woman type? Is she middle of the road? Is she old fashioned and traditional? I would think one would pick up on these things in the first few conversations.



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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 4:49:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Kana sez "Man who won't pay for first meet no get second one."

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 140
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