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Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:07:14 PM   
newjourney


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I have had a pet peeve with the people of CM ever since I completed my first profile several years ago. The issue is a matter of common courtesy...which, unfortunately isn't as common as one would think.

Whenever I approach another member with an introductory email, I usually take the time to compose a well thought-out message that tells them a little about myself along with a clear face picture and a compliment on their profile. I never send a cock shot or any "obscene" photo and I'm always polite.

Most of the time, I get no response. I see they read my message, but they don't bother responding. I'm not ugly. In fact, I'm considered very good looking. At 47, I'm older than most. But I don't "troll" around looking for youngsters. I usually look for people + or - 5 years of my own age...so it can't be that.

What's wrong with people on here? Why don't people take a moment out of their day and just send a quick response acknowledging the fact that you thought them interesting enough to contact them? You don't have to write more than "Thanks, but I'm not looking right now" or something like that. Unfortunately it's commonplace now for people to basically not give you the time of day...even if you're polite and kind. Lately I've found myself writing shorter and shorter 1st messages because I know that most people aren't going to bother responding.

What's your experience?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:09:59 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney

What's wrong with people on here? Why don't people take a moment out of their day and just send a quick response acknowledging the fact that you thought them interesting enough to contact them? You don't have to write more than "Thanks, but I'm not looking right now" or something like that.
What's your experience?


We don't reply because saying "No, thank you" leads to insults, threats and arguments. Your fellow men have taught the women here that it's simply better to not reply.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to newjourney)
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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:10:22 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney

I have had a pet peeve with the people of CM ever since I completed my first profile several years ago. The issue is a matter of common courtesy...which, unfortunately isn't as common as one would think.

Whenever I approach another member with an introductory email, I usually take the time to compose a well thought-out message that tells them a little about myself along with a clear face picture and a compliment on their profile. I never send a cock shot or any "obscene" photo and I'm always polite.

Most of the time, I get no response. I see they read my message, but they don't bother responding. I'm not ugly. In fact, I'm considered very good looking. At 47, I'm older than most. But I don't "troll" around looking for youngsters. I usually look for people + or - 5 years of my own age...so it can't be that.

What's wrong with people on here? Why don't people take a moment out of their day and just send a quick response acknowledging the fact that you thought them interesting enough to contact them? You don't have to write more than "Thanks, but I'm not looking right now" or something like that. Unfortunately it's commonplace now for people to basically not give you the time of day...even if you're polite and kind. Lately I've found myself writing shorter and shorter 1st messages because I know that most people aren't going to bother responding.

What's your experience?


I do it because I don't actually give a shit.

(But that's just me).

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:15:55 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		If someone is interested, they will answer.


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(in reply to newjourney)
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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:18:46 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney
What's wrong with people on here?

...

What's your experience?

Why do you rub people the wrong way? My experience has been that the vast majority of women write me back.

I really don't think it's that hard to get dates here. Finding someone who is compatible for more than a month or two, now that can be tricky.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to newjourney)
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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:18:49 PM   
Calligraphy


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		In my experience, "Thank you, but I'm not looking" type replies are met with a deluge of unsavory insults. It doesn't seem to matter how polite I've tried to be, or how gentle the let down I've composed, as, more often than not, it opened the door for unwarranted personal attacks. I've found it much more pleasant to avoid the situation all together and eventually settled on a clearly-stated "I'm not interested/I don't answer these types of messages" clause in my profile.

I wouldn't be surprised if other members don't respond for the same reasons that I choose not to.

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:19:03 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		I only answer friends...If I am interested in someone, I send them a message. No big deal.

Then there was the asshole calling me an ugly cow and how I was not going to get any. block and delete...

_____________________________

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:19:14 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Because often a quick, "Thank you for the kind words, but I am in a relationship at this time." Results in....

YOU FILTHY FUCKING WHORE WHY ARE YOU ON THIS WEBSITE IF YOU ARE NOT HERE TO SUCK COCKS?!?!?


Or, you know, friendly messages along that line. :)

_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:22:47 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney


What's your experience?

My experience in the past has been to receive "Fuck you, you fat cunt!!!" when I replied saying no thank you (or something along those lines).

Now, I just politely point out that my profile says I'm happily in a long term relationship and I wish them well in their search. Sometimes I get "fuck you" replies, but usually I don't hear back, which is just fine. Occasionally I'll receive a lecture as to why I shouldn't be on this site since I'm already attached.

I can't remember marketing stats these days but I think it's something to the effect of getting a 10% return on marketing mailers (advertisement cards, etc.). I'd imagine it's close to the same on dating type sites, too.

Don't take it personally. Look at it as an investment of your time to find the right match for yourself. Sure, it's frustrating, but also remember at least some of the newer female members can receive hundreds of emails a day here, and just can't get to them all. Or, perhaps, despite your nicely written email (assuming that's the case), they didn't see a compatible match for themselves and moved on. Also, they may have their filters set so that they never receive your mail to begin with.

I'm sure it's a PIA for you, but try not to let it get to you; it's not going to change.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 6:51:09 PM   
ChasingMyTale


Posts: 31
Joined: 1/18/2013
Status: offline 		You know, I have tried instead of something that sounds like I am trying to get with them just making it clear I am mostly looking for people to talk to. From there you can take the convo in any direction but coming at it directly wanting something is sometimes too forward. Heh, one lady I was messaging her to tell her she was attractive even knowing we weren't a match.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 7:42:36 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChasingMyTale

You know, I have tried instead of something that sounds like I am trying to get with them just making it clear I am mostly looking for people to talk to. From there you can take the convo in any direction but coming at it directly wanting something is sometimes too forward. Heh, one lady I was messaging her to tell her she was attractive even knowing we weren't a match.

I get a lot of those messages (saying they're looking for people to talk to). I kindly refer them to the message boards here. Personally speaking, I don't need any new pen pals. When I receive complimentary mail, I thank them, but I don't engage further. Not to be rude but I'm not here looking for pen pals, I'm here to unwind on the message boards.

Then again, when the Mister first mailed me while I was still single, I wasn't at all interested in being in a relationship, but his email was polite and I felt warranted a reply, so I did. We ended up engaging in periodic conversation and it evolved from there.



_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to ChasingMyTale)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 7:59:07 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
When I receive complimentary mail, I thank them, but I don't engage further. Not to be rude but I'm not here looking for pen pals, I'm here to unwind on the message boards.


Same here. I'm not looking for e-friends. I have people here that I'm friendly with, but my friends are people I hang out with and can talk about anything.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 8:36:47 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Fella, I just looked at your profile.

1. You're a bi switch and are looking for anybody, any gender, any orientation.
2. You make it very clear that you want to photograph people.
3. Your journal entry talks about fucking rude assholes that don't respond to messages.
4. Your pics are all of women you've photographed, except of one of you in panties.

1. makes you look less than selective.
2. unfortunately puts you on a par with men who contact women, looking to shoot nude pics of them, and passing themselves off as photographers.
3. shows you have anger issues and a sense of entitlement. If you choose to spend time writing up a message, that's a gift from you. Not an obligation on their part.
4. puts you on a par with men who have pics of exes on their profile. And a pic of a man in panties will make a sizable number of women disinterested.

Sorry.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 8:37:02 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


Same here. I'm not looking for e-friends. I have people here that I'm friendly with, but my friends are people I hang out with and can talk about anything.


Yes, this is along the lines of where I'm coming from, too. I've made friends on the message boards, but those friendships evolved over time, and over getting to know each other through posts, then some personal conversation, facebook, and in a few cases, in person.

The idea of emailing out of the blue with a complete stranger isn't so appealing to me.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 8:46:31 PM   
muhly22222


Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline 		I hear back from maybe (this is probably way too high, but I don't want to go back and figure it out) 25% of the women I message on here. Obviously, not all of those are interested in further correspondence, and of the ones who are, they aren't always compatible. And my target demographic is probably the most sought-after among submissive females, since I'm looking in the 18-30 range (I'm 25).

Just accept that no reply means "No thank you" and move on. Most of the time, I've forgotten what my message said an hour after I sent it out (because I don't expect a reply, so it's a nice surprise when I get one). You gotta be like a quarterback...short memory, man. If Peyton Manning throws an interception, he doesn't let that stop him from coming back the next time and throwing the ball all over the field. If you spend some time crafting a solid message and don't hear back on it, don't let that stop you from continuing to send out those kinds of messages.

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 9:00:57 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've made a policy of replying back to say I'm not interested, and often get nasty personal attacks in return. It seems that people take the no thanks pretty personally and feel entitled to call me names, and insinuate vile things about me without knowing me. Would you keep up a policy of answering mail if it got you that abuse in return?

On a more individual basis...you have a couple of things that might be working against you. You are bisexual and you are a switch. Many people find those two things to be incompatible with themselves. You are also male, there are many more men on this site than women, every women pretty much gets inundated with mail - you're also at a disadvantage that way. You mention sticking with women your own age and not sending offensive photos, but those aren't the only two criteria in seeking an appropriate partner. There may be many reasons why you aren't getting replies, i pointed out a couple of things in addition to the 2 things you mentioned, obviously there may be more.

Your journal entry about the same subject of not receiving answers is really over the top, saying that too many people on the site are fucking rude assholes isn't going to win you any replies- not a very good way to get people to write you back. You lump people on this site together again in this thread by saying you have a pet peeve with the 'oeople' of CM. I realize that at this point you're frustrated and generalizing, but it would completely turn me off of you if I were wondering whether to reply to an email of yours or not to feel as though you were stereotyping on such a general basis.

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 9:03:27 PM   
newjourney


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah I'm bisexual. I believe in being upfront with people. It's interesting that there are a lot of narrow-minded people on CM...but I suppose that should not have surprised me. Yes, I list that I'm looking for a wide list of "types" because this particular profile of me is my photographer profile looking for INTERESTING PEOPLE.

I think muhly222222's probably right, just move on.

And...yes, I'm a photographer. Photographer's aren't bad people, but I could see how some women might view me differently...but I didn't say women...I believe I said "another member". That could be members of both sexes. The journal entry on my profile was just added prior to finding these forums, so it's not like I've been a raving lunatic about it.

Human nature is never dull.


(in reply to muhly22222)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 9:23:35 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		Speaking in regards to the ones I have sent, I put it down to just a few reasons.

1) I am too old, I will be 52 in June.

2) I do not meet their standards of appearance, either in physical looks or in my choice of clothing. (Formal for me is a pocket tee, blue jeans, ropers or deck shoes, and maybe a hat.

3) Since I have been honest in my journal entries about my income, I may fall below their desired living standard.

4) They consider my tastes in Kink boring, and I lack a sense of adventure.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 11:02:27 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		No response IS a response!

Do you respond to every piece of email you receive? I'm sure the Nigerian Government loves you!

ETA: I get emails from guys who want to chat with me. I tell them, sure but I only do emails. As soon as I say that they disappear lol.

Or I will ask them what they want to talk about and they can't think of a single thing or they ask me what size my tits are or they want me to come up with something, like I was the one who messaged THEM!



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 1/28/2013 11:05:50 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 11:24:08 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

No response IS a response!

Do you respond to every piece of email you receive? I'm sure the Nigerian Government loves you!




No, I dont, but I do respond to those that have stated interest on collarme.

Now the majority of messages I get on collarme are from women in Nigeria, Liberia, Ghana, and other African Nations, all claiming to have gone to that particular country with a boy friend who has been charged with drug smuggling, murder, theft or some other crime, and they need money to pay a hotel bill to get their passport back AND for a plane ticket back to the states.

Or from women in the former soviet republics telling me how good looking I am etc, and they want to be my slave, all I have to do to make it possible is three trips to whatever country they are in to meet the requirements of INS, fill out the forms, paying for her a conditional round trip ticket, ( if things work, the return trip is refundable.) Etc.

Now the problem with these messages is that for the most part, you can tell that English is a second maybe a fifth language they learned by some repeat after me tape system, and some of the most god awful spelling errors or word usage errors that you have ever seen. Basically worse than the laziest first grade student in the worst school district in America.

The above type messages I dont respond to.

That leaves about 15 a month, so yes, I answer them.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 20
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