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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 11:32:22 PM

Aedonix

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/26/2011
From: the UK
Status: offline

I got to the point a long time ago where i have learned NOT to expect a message back. Because of that most of the messages i send out, on the odd occasion I DO send one out are usually something like complementing their look or photograph or commenting on a journal entry. I expect never to hear from them so it comes as a pleasant surprise when from time to time someone will message me back saying "Thank you" at which point i will reply with "My pleasure and i wish you well with your search" and leave it at that.

If they wish to communicate further they will. More often though they don't, but I figure it is nice to make a no-strings compliment with no undertones of wanting anything more than to make a person smile.

_____________________________

if you would learn how to live, do not ask the question; its answer is not in the question but in the answer, which is not in words; do not ask how to live, but, instead, proceed to do so.

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 21

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/28/2013 11:57:17 PM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

OP, this topic comes up in cycles...and you're right: not responding is rude.

But please bear in mind: a significant proportion of women on this site are "not looking" for dates...but leave their profiles active.

This is such a dissonance of entitlement it staggers the imagination ("I am an attention whore...but I don't want to respond when someone pays attention").

(in reply to Aedonix)

Post #: 22

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 12:06:04 AM

Aedonix

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/26/2011
From: the UK
Status: offline

I got no problem with those who have profiles on the other side just to be able to use the forums/irc/videochat etc as far as I am aware it is a pre-requisite to use those features, but I would think that if you arent looking you should at least state "Only here for the forums/video chat/IRC/etc/" on the top of your profile. any reasonable person would just shrug and go "Fair enough!" and move along.

_____________________________

if you would learn how to live, do not ask the question; its answer is not in the question but in the answer, which is not in words; do not ask how to live, but, instead, proceed to do so.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 23

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 12:11:46 AM

GoldenMoon

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/28/2013
Status: offline

The problem is that some people (and this is especially true of women) get tons of messages, and it's very time consuming to reply everyone. I'd love to be able to write back to all but it's like on any other dating site, you reply those who fit your requirements first, and if you have time/energy left then reply others "no thanks" messages.

(in reply to Aedonix)

Post #: 24

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 12:15:45 AM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline

And of course the further you are away from the statistical norm for attractiveness, the less email you get, unless you count people trying to pull a scam with you as the goat.

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(in reply to GoldenMoon)

Post #: 25

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 12:19:54 AM

Aedonix

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/26/2011
From: the UK
Status: offline

But but but... scammers are such FUN!! I ALMOST had one of them paying ME! but that is a tale for another time. Oddly I don't get messages from them any more. (I wonder why that might be actually... perhaps i got myself black-listed somehow!)

_____________________________

if you would learn how to live, do not ask the question; its answer is not in the question but in the answer, which is not in words; do not ask how to live, but, instead, proceed to do so.

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 26

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 12:27:04 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

The problem is that some people (and this is especially true of women) get tons of messages, and it's very time consuming to reply everyone. I'd love to be able to write back to all but it's like on any other dating site, you reply those who fit your requirements first, and if you have time/energy left then reply others "no thanks" messages.

Orrrrr.....you could hide your profile, and go through the actual effort of finding those few people who meet your needs, and contact them yourself.

You know-- do work, instead of false advertising.

Just an idea.

(in reply to Aedonix)

Post #: 27

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 12:59:14 AM

xLaChienne

Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
Orrrrr.....you could hide your profile, and go through the actual effort of finding those few people who meet your needs, and contact them yourself.

You know-- do work, instead of false advertising.

Just an idea.

If you have a hidden profile and message someone they almost immediately think you are some type of scammer, game player, or drama queen. I know I wouldn't take someone seriously if they messaged Me with a hidden or inactive profile.

OP - I don't answer the majority of My messages. The great thing about that is that I don't really have to justify it. I answer who I want and ignore who I want. I am happiest when I am the one initiating communication and typically forget who I've messaged unless they message Me back. No response is a response. It simply means that someone is not interested. I would much rather someone ignore My message than take the time to respond with a, "not interested" and make Me remember them or think about them again when I could be focused on someone who is responding positively. In fact, I would prefer them to not only not respond but to promptly block Me so that I don't inadvertently message them again because I've not given them another thought after sending the initial message and will likely message again in the future when I do a search. Try it sometime. It will certainly improve your on line experience. Completely disregard your sent folder.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 28

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 1:48:24 AM

stephINca

Posts: 87
Joined: 1/19/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

And of course the further you are away from the statistical norm for attractiveness, the less email you get, unless you count people trying to pull a scam with you as the goat.

Yeah tell me about it.

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 29

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 1:55:46 AM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

Op, do you respond to all the unsolicited junk mail you receive through the postal service? Didn't think so.

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(in reply to newjourney)

Post #: 30

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 2:02:26 AM

ctsub2003

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline

I typically try to send a polite response expressing gratitude for the message, but that we are not compatible b/c of xyz..However, I sympathize and understand the other viewpoint, as several times I have received "your loss loser" type of messages. The simple truth is the site attracts alot of fakers and flakers, best thing to do is rise above it, and just keep looking. Eventually someone turns up.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 31

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 2:04:23 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, please listen to what the women are telling you here. Any woman who has been a member of the site for any length of time can tell you the same things. If you would pull up any of the past threads about this subject, you'll see the same exact reasons.

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
Orrrrr.....you could hide your profile, and go through the actual effort of finding those few people who meet your needs, and contact them yourself.

You know-- do work, instead of false advertising.

Just an idea.

How is it false advertising to say that I'm here for the forums and willing to help those who need info on the local community?

Sorry, but people looking to date are not the only ones entitled to use the website.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 32

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 2:17:13 AM

tomguy

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/10/2012
Status: offline

Ignored messages are better than "you're ugly, go away" right? :)...

(in reply to Aedonix)

Post #: 33

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 2:20:14 AM

idealslavery4meU

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/18/2012
Status: offline

i personally dont respond to men who obviously have not read my profile. i list my likes/dislikes and hard limits and nationality. if men who dont meet these criteria still write to me, why should i bother with a reply? do they really think i am so needy that i will give up all my wishes for them without an exellent season? better prepare to write a well thought out message, then, not a one-liner.faceless profiles/ empty profiles also signal they arent committed enough to take the time to present themselves to potensial subs. why should they expect a reply?

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 34

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 2:48:59 AM

MissBlueangel

Posts: 147
Joined: 6/28/2012
Status: offline

As my profile states I am here just to chat, unfortunately many take that as an encrypted " Im available ...come get me".
But if a message is polite and friendly I reply.
Rejection seem to cut some people rather deeply tho.

(in reply to newjourney)

Post #: 35

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 3:16:49 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

~FR~

If it's a well-written, thoughtful message which is clearly not an attempt to get into my pants and which demonstrates that the writer has read my profile, then I will respond in a friendly manner.

If it's a one-liner, particularly in text-speak, I will usually ignore, unless I'm bored

. Why should the onus be on me to start a conversation when you are the one to contact me?

If it looks like a generic cut-and-paste which clearly shows the writer did not read my profile, I'll just delete and not answer.

If the sender's profile is full of whining about 'fakes and wannabeeeeeees' and endlessly complains about people being rude and not answering messages, then I don't respond.
Mostly because experience has shown that it's this subset of the site that will respond with the "you're fat" or "you're ugly" or "you shouldn't have a profile if you're not looking for me me MEMEMEMEME!" bollocks.

That level of crap I can do without, thankyouverymuch.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to MissBlueangel)

Post #: 36

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 3:41:43 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney

Yeah I'm bisexual. I believe in being upfront with people. It's interesting that there are a lot of narrow-minded people on CM...but I suppose that should not have surprised me. Yes, I list that I'm looking for a wide list of "types" because this particular profile of me is my photographer profile looking for INTERESTING PEOPLE.

I think muhly222222's probably right, just move on.

And...yes, I'm a photographer. Photographer's aren't bad people, but I could see how some women might view me differently...but I didn't say women...I believe I said "another member". That could be members of both sexes. The journal entry on my profile was just added prior to finding these forums, so it's not like I've been a raving lunatic about it.

Human nature is never dull.

Your profile has vanished, so I didn't get to see your photography. I am going to take you at face value and assume you are a professional or working to professional standards.

Unfortunately there are a bunch of people here who are NOT professional, who use the 'I'm a pro photographer' line when what they mean is 'my kink is taking naughty pictures'. These people, aside from often having little to no technical skill beyond setting their DSLR to auto, also have dubious practices such as uploading those photos to other sites with no model release. In other words, other people have given photographers a bad reputation, so you will have to go the extra mile to set yourself apart from those people. Personally I always find a link to a portfolio on a professional website (with studio details), complete with information on who owns the rights to the photos and what a modeling session will entail to be more convincing than just photos of random women uploaded to a profile.

Again - can't see your profile, so please ignore me if that's already what you are doing.

As far as people being narrow minded - yes, some of them are. But I feel your love life is the one place where you don't owe anyone a fair trial. You can be as picky as you want and use whatever arbitrary criteria you decide. If someone is put off by bisexual men, their loss right? But they are trying to find someone that is compatible with them and will make them happy, and it's really up to them how that works.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to newjourney)

Post #: 37

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 4:48:03 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

OP, this topic comes up in cycles...and you're right: not responding is rude.

But please bear in mind: a significant proportion of women on this site are "not looking" for dates...but leave their profiles active.

This is such a dissonance of entitlement it staggers the imagination ("I am an attention whore...but I don't want to respond when someone pays attention").

Not responding isn't rude, the sender chose to write me I didn't ask for the message. Should we start calling people who don't respond to junk mail or advertising rude? There is no social debt for ignoring that which doesn't pertain to you. If I am not interested in what you have to sell, be it a car or yourself, then I am not under any social contract to respond to your offer.

CM bills itself as "The Largest BDSM Community On the Planet," where in that statement does it dictate what people can use the site for? Being on a social network site means you use it for whatever fits your particular social networking needs, be it looking for a partner or something else. My needs of this site change a lot, why should I change my profile weekly to reflect a personal aspect of my life that I might not wish to share, thereby saving a guy looking for an anonymous fuck a few keystrokes? It's the antithesis of being an attention whore that I don't wish to put my life out in my profile, when it is viewable.

The sense of entitlement comes from the men who think that because I have a profile they can write me and send their trite erotica, cut and paste diatribes of what I'll be doing with their penis, or the ever popular "Hi". If I do write back the chance is high that I'll get some kind of abusive butthurt in return. More women would respond overall to say no thanks if they weren't taught that doing so and "having good manners," got them nastiness in return.

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 38

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 6:33:54 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

My silence is MY polite, "no thank you."
I am not obligated to you or anyone else on CollarMe.

You say you take time to write a polite introduction letter, but before you contact people do you take time to actually READ their profiles?

My profile clearly states that I am in a primary relationship and poly.
I can't count how many emails from "doms" I get who are looking for primary, mono relationships.

I don't see CollarMe as a dating site.
NEVER have.
I see it as a BDSM social site.

On a personal note: OP I don't have an issue with photographers or GWC. The difference is photographers have a studio, they have lighting, they have a legit portfolio where GWC is simply a guy with a camera. I do have an issue with you saying I am a photographer when in reality you are a GWC who simply enjoys taking fetish photos or sexual photos.

Along with saying you are a photographer and those are of models. Do you have model releases? That give you permission to use those photos as you see fit even to upload on a BDSM site?

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/29/2013 6:35:21 AM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to newjourney)

Post #: 39

RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 6:41:10 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

The problem is that some people (and this is especially true of women) get tons of messages, and it's very time consuming to reply everyone. I'd love to be able to write back to all but it's like on any other dating site, you reply those who fit your requirements first, and if you have time/energy left then reply others "no thanks" messages.

Orrrrr.....you could hide your profile, and go through the actual effort of finding those few people who meet your needs, and contact them yourself.

You know-- do work, instead of false advertising.

Just an idea.

To ME those who say I need to respond to every email or hide my profile if I am not looking for looking for something other than them. Are the ones feeling like they are entitled to more than what they actually are.

Not me.

Why should anyone HIDE their profile if they don't want to?
They aren't required to.

It's not false advertising if their profile clearly states they are not looking for anything or you are aren't what they are looking for.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 40

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