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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 6:12:28 AM   
thezeppo


Posts: 441
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline 		You are right, thinking about it the status quo is actually the second situation I described. As a male sub I have never had the need to limit the messages I receive, I'm usually just happy to get one! I actually meant separating the profiles from one another and making it so it wasn't the searchers choice how they refined their search (a bit more like fetlife I suppose), but that is still open to abuse and probably limits Collarme too much to be viable, as well as requiring at least twice as much moderation.

On a slightly related note I recently submitted a short story to another website, from which I received a little bit of feedback. I can't explain why, but for some reason one of the people who emailed me about it seemed to assume I was a female dominant. The emails were polite at first, but they just seemed so transparent in their 'please talk to me some more about domination' tone that I felt more than a little repulsed. In that sense I think I gained a little bit of empathy with those whom I have messaged, and definitely a deeper understanding of why silence is often the best response if you just aren't interested. If I send any more unsolicited messages they will not even touch on domination or kink, because in a weird way I have seen just how strange it is to be messaged by faceless submissives when you can spot their motives a mile off. Its not attractive, regardless of how polite the actual message is.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 8:06:01 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

I am not at all snorting in derision.

Nope.




(MetaTranslator says: "I am so important to everyone near Me, I must keep a public profile of Myself so that they might bask in My glow. Also, I am a beacon unto those who have not seen Me in years. Also, I keep a weather balloon with My visage aloft, and have rented a billboard on the freeway near the interchange where I live.")



Actually what it says is she is a respected member of the community who gives presentations. This leads to people who will want to contact her and some use this site to do so. It also says that she has a lot of friends who may want to contact her. Now I can totally understand why you would not comprehend this. I doubt you have ever been in that position.

I find it laughable that some are suggesting unless you are seeking a relationship you should hide your profile. If you get that buthurt because someone didn't respond to your cmail maybe you should rethink being on an adult site.


yep, i've made the same point myself thishereboi. why should i hide my profile just so some unrespecting dickhead doesn't contact me? the fact that my profile says that i'm here for the forums only so don't contact me should be enough.

this shitty comment that i should hide my profile is as bad as saying that if i am taken i should hide in my house for the rest of my life. i used to wear a wedding ring when i taught in a riding school because i got hit on all the time and thought it would stop that. it didn't. it's been known for me to be stood with my ex in a night club with his arm around me, and guys still come up and hit on me. we all know that NO isn't always acceted nicely in real life, but online guys seem to think they have the right to take that further with alot of abuse.

some people seriouly need to learn that the onus isn't on us to hide, but on the people reading the profile, and showing some respect for what is written in it.

needles


_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 8:18:03 AM   
newjourney


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		You make excellent points.

(in reply to descrite)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 8:26:15 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		As you can see OP the answer to why they don't reply is because they don't want to...

I agree that why should I hide my profile just because I am here only for the forums? I signed up to the site on this side, once I did I realized that I would be on the CM side as well and that they were connected... Nobody has to click and read my profile to see that I am here only for the forums, as I put that I am here only for that reason right at the top...

I do try to reply nicely to random cmails sent to me, but only if they are polite and not a copy/paste.. Mostly the only mail I get from here are from people reading the boards...

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 8:46:05 AM   
newjourney


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Many people (especially most of the women on here) have missed my original point.

After reading a lot of responses, I can totally understand where a lot of these women are coming from...and I can, to a point, understand their decisions to not respond. I'll say it again, since a lot of you missed it in a follow up post. "I GET IT!"

Nonetheless, I was not talking about "bulk" emails. Maybe I wasn't totally clear. I was talking about:

1. Contacting people with similar interests; looking for very similar experiences.
2. Contacting people who live within a 10-20 mile radius of where I live...not someone who lives 2000 miles away!
3. Contacting people with an initial message that is polite and non-sexually suggestive.
4. Contacting people and including a clear face picture of myself with no nudity or anything that I wouldn't send my own mother.
5. Contacting people who generally have a phrase that reads something like: "Don't be afraid to say hello sometime" or "Drop me a note".
6. Contacting people who list themselves as actively looking for someone in my age range, sexual interests, and sexual orientation.

Obviously if I just sent out a bunch of bulk junk mail, I wouldn't have mentioned this or started this post, because of the randomness of it all. I don't see these as the same thing. Now, I'll be honest, I've gotten many emails from people who live a few thousand miles away from me and I usually return the emails with a comment that they live a little far...or some such thing. I have two profiles on this website. One as a professional photographer and one as an individual. All in all, I've been on CM for several years. I can't recall anyone ever sending me a "fuck you" type letter in response to a friendly, non-threatening introductory message. Maybe I've gotten lucky. And, as a point of honesty, I have ignored a couple of messages, but those are always from prostitutes drumming up business or someone from a foreign country trying to hustle money.

Somehow on this thread, there are many people who confuse my bringing up this point and question as me somehow being bitter and angry. Hardly. More than anything I'm interested in human nature and the breakdown of civility in our culture. Yes, I know "no answer is an answer". I get it. I really do. But if you're contacted by someone who meets the above 6 points, don't' they deserve a response? I understand many of the points that have been made on this thread...and many of them are excellent points and points well taken, but, the bottom line is that CM is supposed to b a Social Networking site.

OK, I think I've said my peace...and I'm ready to move on. Some of us just have differing views of civility.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 8:56:34 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Most of us are not talking about bulk mail either, just a total barrage of mail sent to our inboxes..

But I will say this, just because she meets YOUR criteria does not mean you meet HERS... and on that most women do not want to go through the ordeal of saying thanks but no thanks... Like you on the vanilla site I am on, I will tell guys that and I am usually replied to with a polite, thank you for letting me know... or just a question of why.. but on here, I have found you run a good chance of getting slammed for saying it...

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 10:15:30 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When we say drop in and say "hi", we don't literally mean ONLY say "hi". Add some information you would like to actually talk about if you want a response back! I mean, really. You obviously found SOMETHING you wanted to talk to me about. Or do you just like typing "hi"?


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 10:31:25 AM   
newjourney


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

When we say drop in and say "hi", we don't literally mean ONLY say "hi". Add some information you would like to actually talk about if you want a response back! I mean, really. You obviously found SOMETHING you wanted to talk to me about. Or do you just like typing "hi"?


quote:

When we say drop in and say "hi", we don't literally mean ONLY say "hi". Add some information you would like to actually talk about if you want a response back! I mean, really. You obviously found SOMETHING you wanted to talk to me about. Or do you just like typing "hi"?


I was pretty sure I wasn't going to respond anymore, but this type of response drives me crazy. What fucking part about what I wrote said that I only said "Hi"? My OP read "I usually take the time to compose a well thought-out message that tells them a little about myself along with a clear face picture and a compliment on their profile"

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 10:32:27 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I wasn't talking to you op. But thanks for the reply!


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 10:39:00 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I wasn't talking about bulk mail either. When I first joined this site, I was looking for play partners. My profile stated that I was a lesbian submissive looking for women local to me. I got well thought out cmails from men as far away as the UK. At first I answered each one politely and told them no thanks. I got the usual "your a fake", "your fat" in return. So I stopped replying. It was obvious that they hadn't read my profile or thought I would change my mind when I saw how "wonderful" they were. Had I received one from someone with a profile like yours, I would have assumed you were just looking for business and moved on. I also would have wondered if you had permission to use the photos in your profile, but you have never answered that question so I still have to wonder.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 11:47:45 AM   
newjourney


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

I also would have wondered if you had permission to use the photos in your profile, but you have never answered that question so I still have to wonder.


If you go back through this thread you will see that I have indeed answered this question. But for the benefit of all people who don't want to take the time to go through the posts again, here it is:

I am a professional photographer. I ALWAYS get written releases from people before I post their photos. I don't really give a shit if anyone thinks otherwise, but it's the truth. As a side note to this topic: Once, many years ago, I was photographed in some very compromising positions doing some filthy and nasty things. For almost a year afterwards, I had a lot of stress and anxiety over who might see those photos. I vowed to myself that I would NEVER put anyone through what I went through. So now, I only photograph models who want to be photographed of their own free will and models who sign a release stating that it's ok for me to photograph them and actually post them on my website and profile. Aside from that, I ALWAYS discuss it with them first before I post any photograph of them. When I decide to unblock my profile, anyone on here is welcome to write me and I will refer you to the models themselves who will willingly tell you that they asked me to photograph them an personally approved the use of the photos on this profile and on my studio website. I know it's hard to believe, but some people are professional and do have high moral standards and ethics. My mind may be in the gutter, but I'm always respectful to people. Even if someone was an asshole to me, I wouldn't post their photo without permission because they'd know I took the shot and anyone that I photograph has my real name, address, phone number, and email, so I'm sure an attorney would be able to track me down pretty quickly. I hope this has put to be the issues of getting permission for photos posted on my profile.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 12:25:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OP, I know you said that you get it. The situation is just going around in circles now. Women don't answer to say a polite no thank you because too many times before you ever showed up, they said a polite no thank you and got blasted for it. Yes, even from people who sent nice, polite first emails that were well written. You'd be surprised at the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde routine that shows up in the second email after saying thanks, but no thanks. Unfortunately, there were a bunch of guys before you who created that atmosphere so nice guys like you get to pay a price for it.

Yes, it is a social networking site. I'm glad you are able to see that unlike others who believe dating is the only reason to be here. Of those six points you listed above, specifically since I'm not looking and don't use this site to find play partners, about the only one that would get Me to respond would be the close proximity point to see if you wanted information about munches and such. If you didn't, I'd tell you that I only play casually with those who are involved in the real time community and I'd wish you best of luck in your search.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to newjourney)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 2:13:37 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thezeppo
If I send any more unsolicited messages they will not even touch on domination or kink, because in a weird way I have seen just how strange it is to be messaged by faceless submissives when you can spot their motives a mile off. Its not attractive, regardless of how polite the actual message is.

This understanding will take you far. It also translates into real-world dating. Years ago, I met my first-ever femdom through Alt. We were eating in a restaurant, on our first date, and she looked at me appraisingly and said, "You're much more relaxed than most guys I've met." I asked her what she meant, and she said, "All the guys I've met from Alt, it was as though they'd been waiting for years and finally there was someone in front of them who could fulfill all their wishes, so it was as though their whole life was centered on me. It's a lot of pressure, very uncomfortable." I replied, "Well, um, I just think you're an interesting person." She smiled and said, "Good."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to thezeppo)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/31/2013 2:23:55 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		nj:
Just because you think you're compatible doesn't mean she feels the same way.

As far as why don't I respond? Because when I did politely turn people down I got horrific responses. The nicest was "Your to fat to fuck" (sic). The worst was a long detailed account of how he planned to slowly murder me, starting with his knife in my vagina.

You're paying for other people's bad manners. In exactly the same way that if I had been distracted by someone talking about my dog had stolen my purse, I would not trust strangers wanting to chat about my dog anymore.

Because we don't know that you aren't going to respond in exactly the same way that the guy who wrote me the death threat did. After all, if I had known he would do that, I wouldn't have answered him first.

Same reason on a first date I wouldn't pick my drink up after I had gone to the ladies room. Because I wouldn't know you well enough to trust that you weren't going to stick a roofie in it and rape me.

Hell, if you were driving down the street ahead of me I wouldn't trust that you wouldn't decide to stop dead and therefore not drive defensively. This is the online equivalent of defensive driving. Don't take it personally because when you do, it gives people the impression that you whine. And nobody likes a whiner.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 114
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