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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 7:40:55 AM

Notsweet

Posts: 873
Joined: 6/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

No response IS a response!

Do you respond to every piece of email you receive? I'm sure the Nigerian Government loves you!

ETA: I get emails from guys who want to chat with me. I tell them, sure but I only do emails. As soon as I say that they disappear lol.

Or I will ask them what they want to talk about and they can't think of a single thing or they ask me what size my tits are or they want me to come up with something, like I was the one who messaged THEM!

EXACTLY!

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 8:05:44 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
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yes, i send ed mcmahon thank you notes for all the junk mail he sends! doesn't everyone?!

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 8:23:03 AM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
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Although there are still instances where I reply to messages, I'm finding it alot less stressful to delete and not reply to the ones I know I would not be interested in.

I don't feel I deserve to be sworn at, called crass names, or be accused of being someone I am not simply because I send back a sincere, polite, "Thank you anyway and good luck in your search."

I don't expect to be attracted to everyone on this site, nor for everyone to be attracted to me...nor do I feel it's some major rejection if they aren't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calligraphy

In my experience, "Thank you, but I'm not looking" type replies are met with a deluge of unsavory insults. It doesn't seem to matter how polite I've tried to be, or how gentle the let down I've composed, as, more often than not, it opened the door for unwarranted personal attacks. I've found it much more pleasant to avoid the situation all together and eventually settled on a clearly-stated "I'm not interested/I don't answer these types of messages" clause in my profile.

I wouldn't be surprised if other members don't respond for the same reasons that I choose not to.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 8:28:51 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Not responding isn't rude, the sender chose to write me I didn't ask for the message. Should we start calling people who don't respond to junk mail or advertising rude? There is no social debt for ignoring that which doesn't pertain to you. If I am not interested in what you have to sell, be it a car or yourself, then I am not under any social contract to respond to your offer.

Exactly. Same thing with the phone. I doubt there's a person here that answers and replies to every phone call they receive.

quote:

I got no problem with those who have profiles on the other side just to be able to use the forums/irc/videochat etc as far as I am aware it is a pre-requisite to use those features, but I would think that if you arent looking you should at least state "Only here for the forums/video chat/IRC/etc/" on the top of your profile. any reasonable person would just shrug and go "Fair enough!" and move along.

My profile says that I'm just here for the forums, but I still get people that think they're the exception.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 8:33:03 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

Although there are still instances where I reply to messages, I'm finding it alot less stressful to delete and not reply to the ones I know I would not be interested in.

I don't feel I deserve to be sworn at, called crass names, or be accused of being someone I am not simply because I send back a sincere, polite, "Thank you anyway and good luck in your search."

I don't expect to be attracted to everyone on this site, nor for everyone to be attracted to me...nor do I feel it's some major rejection if they aren't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calligraphy

In my experience, "Thank you, but I'm not looking" type replies are met with a deluge of unsavory insults. It doesn't seem to matter how polite I've tried to be, or how gentle the let down I've composed, as, more often than not, it opened the door for unwarranted personal attacks. I've found it much more pleasant to avoid the situation all together and eventually settled on a clearly-stated "I'm not interested/I don't answer these types of messages" clause in my profile.

I wouldn't be surprised if other members don't respond for the same reasons that I choose not to.

Apparently people don't understand this no matter how many times it's said. For the most part I ignore messages for the same reason. If I am really bored I might answer but then it is usually snarky. I got an email the other day that simply said "can i see a pic" I replied sure and then copied a random dick shot from the internet and sent it to him. Maybe next time he will be more specific, but who knows maybe he likes cock shots. As to the OP, if I recieved an email from him I would most likely ignore it. I have no need for a photographer and would assume he was just drumming up business. I would also wonder if the people on his profile have any clue that he is using their pics here.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 8:34:14 AM

LizDeluxe

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Joined: 10/2/2011
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Sending an email on your part does not create an obligation on their part.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 9:28:23 AM

PANKRATIO

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

Ah yes.

The women are schooling the men on etiquette.

and rightfully so.

Must be a day ending in Y.

Not responding. The bane of the single man's existence. Women, like credit, are so much easier to acquire when you've already got some.

Such is life. Yes, you could agonize over someone else's inbox, whether or not they'll even read the message.

I used to. A few months after signing up on this website, I realized the ALL CAPS handle probably is a touch loud. Hurt my chances?

I decided not to worry. Give myself a handicap? Maybe, but the few I've really felt I needed a reply from have written me back.

Tips: Original pics, no cock pic, no whining! (whining is the sound of your genetic legacy dying) and show them that you take yourself seriously, but you don't necessarily expect them to without, well, feeling it.

The only proof anyone has about you from your profile is HOW you wrote it. The pics could be fake, the interests lies all of them, the stats rubbish, the story complete bull, but unless one thinks they're the only one wise to Google, one wouldn't dare CTRL+C CTRL+V a profile.

I'm not all that good at it in english myself, but I get a few bonus marks for being, well...

< Message edited by PANKRATIO -- 1/29/2013 9:31:21 AM >

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 9:55:40 AM

newjourney

Posts: 10
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No, of course not. But, I do respond to messages on CM from people who live within 10 miles of me that send me emails that sound like this:

"Hi, I just viewed your profile and thought I would say hello. I'm, 42, bla, bla, bla, and looking for interesting people who share similar interests. I'm into tennis, photography, politics, and travel. I have a Master's degree in Fine Arts and noticed that you're an artist. I've attached a photo of myself (A FACE PIC). Please read my profile and let me know if you might be interested in talking sometime. Kindest regards..."

That's hardly "junk" mail or bullshit from Nigeria. So, I do have the ability to discern the difference.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

Op, do you respond to all the unsolicited junk mail you receive through the postal service? Didn't think so.

quote:

Op, do you respond to all the unsolicited junk mail you receive through the postal service? Didn't think so.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 10:05:43 AM

darkobedience

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/13/2008
Status: offline

Well said, Your insight is always appreciated here. Thank You.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 10:10:46 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney

No, of course not. But, I do respond to messages on CM from people who live within 10 miles of me that send me emails that sound like this:

"Hi, I just viewed your profile and thought I would say hello. I'm, 42, bla, bla, bla, and looking for interesting people who share similar interests. I'm into tennis, photography, politics, and travel. I have a Master's degree in Fine Arts and noticed that you're an artist. I've attached a photo of myself (A FACE PIC). Please read my profile and let me know if you might be interested in talking sometime. Kindest regards..."

That's hardly "junk" mail or bullshit from Nigeria. So, I do have the ability to discern the difference.

That is junk mail since it is unsolicited mail.
Perhaps you are simply NOT someone they are interested in for what ever reason.
Simply because you made the choice to email them does not obligate them to email you back.

Again... no response is a response.
In-fact for many it is the most polite response.

Btw.... the fact that you don't have a visible profile will stop many women from responding to your emails.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 10:30:41 AM

newjourney

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/4/2007
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[/quote]

That is junk mail since it is unsolicited mail.
Perhaps you are simply NOT someone they are interested in for what ever reason.
Simply because you made the choice to email them does not obligate them to email you back.

Again... no response is a response.
In-fact for many it is the most polite response.

Btw.... the fact that you don't have a visible profile will stop many women from responding to your emails.

[/quote]

For the record, after starting this thread, it became necessary for me to hide my profile because of all the hate mail. So, for the time being, it's hidden.

Now, you say "That is junk mail since it is unsolicited mail." Perhaps you are right, however, how else would it be possible to get to know someone on CM if nobody sends any messages? Telepathy? I suppose you will come back and say you get to know someone on the forums. Maybe, but the likelihood of meeting someone in the forums who lives in the same city is pretty slim.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:04:35 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

When I first started here years ago (under another profile), I had the ethical idea in mind that I would respond to every message sent to me (excluding the obviously rude ones)...even if it was just to politely say "no thank you." As others have pointed out, that ethical soil was salted one too many times with "fuck you, you fucking cunt" and "good, you are probably too fucking ugly and fat to get anyone anyway" and "you fucking bitch" replies. Needless to say, that ethical idea I had in mind at the start of my journey here got killed and left bleeding in the street years ago. Just letting you know that this is unfortunately the world that you exist in here now.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:09:34 AM

newjourney

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Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I get it. It's unfortunate that people can't be civil to each other anymore. A truly sad indictment of where our world is heading.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:13:19 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

Not to digress, but LizDeluxe has a fabulous backside.

Okay, done perving.

I'm with LW, no response IS a response. No one owes you an explanation, especially if you clearly are ignoring stuff on profiles and sending out spam.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:17:56 AM

darkobedience

Posts: 2
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In agreement 100 percent fabulous.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:28:06 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Calligraphy

In my experience, "Thank you, but I'm not looking" type replies are met with a deluge of unsavory insults. It doesn't seem to matter how polite I've tried to be, or how gentle the let down I've composed, as, more often than not, it opened the door for unwarranted personal attacks. I've found it much more pleasant to avoid the situation all together and eventually settled on a clearly-stated "I'm not interested/I don't answer these types of messages" clause in my profile.

I wouldn't be surprised if other members don't respond for the same reasons that I choose not to.

That has never happened to me. When I've told someone essentially thanks but I don't think we're a match, I've gotten a lot of gracious replies.. and many quite politely saying thank you because I replied at all.

I've had one "drive by" nasty email, by someone who wrote it and either deleted their account or blocked me. That's it.

I've had persistence, I've had relentless attempts at persuasion or begging or offering to pay etc, but none have called me names. Just that one drive by, and that was just a couple of days ago.

The ones I don't respond to are the ones that just say "hi" and nothing else, or if they've been flagged as having been sent to everyone. Otherwise, I respond.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:30:30 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: newjourney

I get it. It's unfortunate that people can't be civil to each other anymore. A truly sad indictment of where our world is heading.

What is civil to YOU may not be what civil is to everyone else.
To ME politely ignoring you is civil.
You demanding that I respond to an email you sent me, isn't all that civil in my eyes.

(you and I were used as general terms)

quote:

Now, you say "That is junk mail since it is unsolicited mail." Perhaps you are right, however, how else would it be possible to get to know someone on CM if nobody sends any messages? Telepathy? I suppose you will come back and say you get to know someone on the forums. Maybe, but the likelihood of meeting someone in the forums who lives in the same city is pretty slim.

Here is the thing, if you send someone an email and you want to get to know them. They don't respond back, they obviously don't want to get to know you. So why throw a fit?

Why not simply say okay, for what ever reason they didn't think I was compatible and move on?

Just because YOU are interested in getting to know someone, doesn't mean they feel the same about you.

Btw... I have found more than a handful of posters who are local to me and even more when I lived in California. Granted I lived in the ass crack of California so going to LA, SF, or Sac wasn't an issue. I've also drove down to DC to go to a CM members birthday bash years ago and meet MANY CMers there.

ETA: Instead of hiding your profile due to "hate mail" why not simply block and delete? Why give a stranger that much power over your online experience?

You can also report messages if they are vulgar or threatening.

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/29/2013 11:39:28 AM >

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:36:57 AM

submit1950

Posts: 3
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Good thread. I agree that there is no absolute right to a reply. That said, I usually will reply to a polite message of more than a line or two, if only to say "thanks, but no thanks."

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:37:37 AM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
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quote:

ORIGINAL: evesgrden

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calligraphy

In my experience, "Thank you, but I'm not looking" type replies are met with a deluge of unsavory insults. It doesn't seem to matter how polite I've tried to be, or how gentle the let down I've composed, as, more often than not, it opened the door for unwarranted personal attacks. I've found it much more pleasant to avoid the situation all together and eventually settled on a clearly-stated "I'm not interested/I don't answer these types of messages" clause in my profile.

I wouldn't be surprised if other members don't respond for the same reasons that I choose not to.

That has never happened to me.

The insults after rejection are a normal and regular thing on CollarMe, hell online IMO.

I have been called a fat cow, bitch, whore, and another wide range of things because I politely told people I wasn't interested. Heck, I had a man call me a worthless fat cow because I told him I wasn't interested in trading content with his "slave" because she did straight porn where I do fetish videos. Plus I don't deal with "master" I need to know the person is doing it of their own free will.

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RE: Why Do So Many People Ignore Messages? - 1/29/2013 11:38:50 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aedonix

I got no problem with those who have profiles on the other side just to be able to use the forums/irc/videochat etc as far as I am aware it is a pre-requisite to use those features, but I would think that if you arent looking you should at least state "Only here for the forums/video chat/IRC/etc/" on the top of your profile. any reasonable person would just shrug and go "Fair enough!" and move along.

I just have my age listed as 90.. so that in itself cuts down on the email.. I tried hiding my profile but then other forum posters couldnt email me.. While I am "looking", my requirements tend to mean I am looking for 1 in a million, worse odds than most males on here.. I am ok with that reality..

Even those that do put only here for the forums will still get some email.. I tried that for a while too, since the odds are so against me that I do indeed seem to be here just for the forums!.. lol

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