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RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 5:51:38 AM   
HaveWhipWillTrav


Posts: 122
Joined: 3/26/2013
Status: offline 		Everyone deserves to be treated decently. Respect has to be earned though.

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 5:56:36 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HaveWhipWillTrav

Everyone deserves to be treated decently. Respect has to be earned though.



I don't know if agree that everyone deserves to be treated decently.
There are some folks, that I would NEVER treat decently if they were in my presence.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 6:03:04 AM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Who deserves more respect, the top or the bottom?


I dont go by top or bottom, I go by those that are intelligent and various other factors that I relate to (even if we disagree on certain issues).. and I dont respect arseholes either.. or people that cant communicate effectively.. or that arent honest (cuz if someone is lying it means they dont think you are smart enough to know it).. but its mostly intelligence, cuz you cant really respect someone thats an idiot, now can you? There are some tops on here that I respect and other tops I dont, same with bottoms.. so its not a top vs bottom thing with me..

I would say that same view extends into relationships.. I had a play Dom I loved to bits and he was super smart and I enjoyed talking about things to him, he sparked an excitement in me no one else ever has.. I had another dom that was frustrating as hell and lost all respect for.. cuz in the beginning of getting to know someone you give them a level of respect until they give you a reason(s) not to..

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 7:16:25 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		People confuse being civil with respect.

I can be civil to someone I have no respect for.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 7:31:19 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		People deserve (earn?) respect. Roles don't automatically grant them that respect.

I self-identify as a sub, yet I have met plenty of Doms/Dommes/Tops that I don't/didn't respect. In fact, I once served a Domme for a short period of time, but I stopped seeing her because she had what I considered to be an unhealthy dependence on drugs and alcohol. She was typically high and/or slightly inebriated whenever we met. She said that the drugs and alcohol helped her to "relax". I felt that they made her unsafe. I don't want someone tying me up, or hitting me, or potentially playing with sharp objects or fire while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. So we ultimately parted ways over this issue.

Despite being a wonderful person in every other way, and despite having proven that she had a dominant personality and a strong understanding of both D/s and BDSM, I left feeling very little respect for her. Anyone who allows drugs and alcohol to control them is not someone that I want controlling me. Nor are they someone that I can respect.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 7:57:29 AM   
MsEloquence


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/7/2013
Status: offline 		Fast reply

Per SimplyMichael, some people equate civility and respect. Some people equate deference and respect.

I'm civil to most, I defer to those with more knowledge and to those whom civility mandates deference.

Respect is a different issue.




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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:09:30 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The role merits no respect. It's whether or not the individual does that matters.

But no, tops are not automatically better people than bottoms.

And treating others politely is not done because they deserve my respect but because for me to feel that I deserve my respect at the end of the day, this is what I must do.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/6/2013 8:11:31 AM >

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RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:33:58 AM   
eroticbdsm161


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/6/2013
Status: offline 		They live and that is enough for me, for living is a tough task in itself, as humans want and need respect

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:38:01 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I think along the same lines as Lady Pact in that my respect comes more from who the person is versus what role in WIITWD they claim.
I have a great deal of respect for the man I'm with who submits to me because he embodies the qualities that I respect in people in general.

I would hope that people would have respect for me because of who I am as a person, not just because I'm a dominant female

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:41:33 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Neither... Respect is earned not deserved.


Deserves doesnt mean demand. As in, someone can deserve a promotion because they earned it.

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:43:10 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I don't think roles "deserve" respect. Someone in a role has to earn my respect - like my boss, or the fella that empties the rubbish.

People also have to earn respect. Most people i automatically accord respectful actions, just because i'm a polite person, but "deserve? Not so much. There are people i work with that would be surprised at the level of disrespect i would aim at them - except they are higher on the totem pole than me, and would get fired.


Since this is becoming a revolving theme... and not one I thought about... I am referring to two people within a relationship.. as in a Top and a bottom.

Not someone you dont know.

But, thinking about it... does it matter if this is someone you know or dont know?

Can you respect your submissive more than you expect them to respect you?

< Message edited by tazzygirl -- 6/6/2013 8:47:31 AM >

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:58:05 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		I think I see where this is going. Is this a moment of self-doubt for you vis-a-vis your perception of how someone else views you?

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The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:02:55 AM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		To answer first I would say both, though that was not how it worked for me. My first relationship we both held high respect for each other, it was not earned or deserved it just was. My second I had little to no resect for him and I do not feel he really ever had it for me. With him I just never could give him any because he just never did anything to earn or desever it.

Hope you figure out the answer you are looking for.

misty

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:05:13 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am civil, respect is not something I consider unless I truly know someone and hold them in high regard. For me most people are on the same level as I, and I like me pretty well. Heck.. I can't even say I respect me or my role because I don't see that as having anything to do with normal function. In my life there are things I do or have done that give me a chuckle because wow.. I lived through stupidity. And there are things I am amazed I accomplished given the circumstance. I don't expect anyone to respect me for it, and if they do I feel no honor in it, because for me that would be vanity.

I like me. That's enough. I like others and that is enough. Or I may not like them or their views, in which case I see no reason to have them in my life.

As far as top and bottom go, I always wonder why someone would be with a person that they didn't like. Note, I did not say respect. I have some friends I like but I don't hold in high regard. I just like them because they have personality traits that mesh well with mine.

Respect for me is a different kettle of fish. And I have known as many tops that I respected as human beings as I have met submissives. It isn't related to a role, it is related to them as individuals.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I don't think roles "deserve" respect. Someone in a role has to earn my respect - like my boss, or the fella that empties the rubbish.

People also have to earn respect. Most people i automatically accord respectful actions, just because i'm a polite person, but "deserve? Not so much. There are people i work with that would be surprised at the level of disrespect i would aim at them - except they are higher on the totem pole than me, and would get fired.


Since this is becoming a revolving theme... and not one I thought about... I am referring to two people within a relationship.. as in a Top and a bottom.

Not someone you dont know.

But, thinking about it... does it matter if this is someone you know or dont know?

Can you respect your submissive more than you expect them to respect you?



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:08:50 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Can you respect your submissive more than you expect them to respect you?

That's an odd question. I mean... I already respect Carol much more than I expect her to respect me. That doesn't matter to me. I had to do a little soul searching but I think it works like this in me. At any given moment I have an assessment of how respect-worthy I am. Within reasonable tolerance, I expect Carol to respect me at least that much. That's seldom a problem because I tend to judge myself (and how much respect I'm worth at the moment) much more harshly than she ever would... or even dream of.

Right now, in this moment, I'm not actually feeling all that good about myself, my leadership, my mastery, and how I've delivered as a husband. That means I'm not really expecting much, if any, respect from her. So yeah, I can respect Carol more than I expect her to respect me.


< Message edited by JeffBC -- 6/6/2013 9:21:33 AM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:12:59 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

I think I see where this is going. Is this a moment of self-doubt for you vis-a-vis your perception of how someone else views you?


Oh no, more how I view myself.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:32:55 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		It would depend upon the people involved. Merit based upon the value of the people involved means that a judgement must be made. So it would depend not only on those involved but on the system of judgement being used by whoever is determining the respect. Labels, positions, or social stratification does not automatically equate to respect.

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When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 10:04:18 AM   
unsafenonconsent


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

1. To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.


I'll stick with this one, since it's already been posted makes things less confusing than bringing in other definitions. The definition needs to be divided though. To feel regard and to show regard are two very different things. I would argue that showing deferential regard is basically a protocol issue and that in most D/s situations would naturally be given to the top and denied the bottom. Feelings are very different. In many cases, the role of the dominant allows one to see further into the soul of the submissive. To find more that's worthy of respect than what one allows to be seen. Of course, since it is feelings we're talking about, not something with any true link to objective reality, it's a very personal equation and one that may not have a tangible or finite result.

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 10:13:15 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Heh... I see your point and agree... for those who like to live without integrity (which drives directly to honor for me). I'm sorry but for me if I FEEL I respect someone then I show them that too because anything else:

a) cheats them of something they deserve and have earned.
b) makes me a man who has an inside and an outside (lacking in integrity & authenticity)

No... Carol has earned my respect and it is duly given to her as my own personal sense of honor demands.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to unsafenonconsent)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 10:14:15 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticbdsm161

They live and that is enough for me, for living is a tough task in itself, as humans want and need respect

Bwaaaahahaha-you should meet some of the animals I was stuck in prison with. Labeling them human would be vastly erroneous. I'd have respected them a whole lot more as ashes.
I give respect to all until they lose it. getting it back,yeah,that's no simple task

_____________________________

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HST

(in reply to eroticbdsm161)
Profile   Post #: 40
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