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RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 7:54:54 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

PS: Where's that girl who was worried about posting because we sometimes shred newbies? I'm hoping she's reading this thread to see a great way for that to occur. Join the site and decry both honor and integrity then start making mysterious accusations based upon some sort of numerology. Whoever you were, if you're reading this, don't do that :)



*Note to self: Don't make baseless, off topic accusations that have no bearing on the conversation. Got it! Though I'm sorta curious about his conclusions.

As for the original question, I can see reasons for respecting either role, but the qualities that would garner my respect wouldn't be about the role itself, but the person that showed those qualities. I think that success in your (healthy) personal choices would be worthy of respect, whether that is the self control of a sub following rules, or the Dom showing through action a reason to trust him/her. I know those are crappy examples, but I can't come up with better ones right now. A healthy person, living positive examples and embracing worthwhile attributes (like honour, integrity, trustworthiness, self-control, willingness to grow and learn, etc.) would be deserving of respect in my books.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:25:01 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Neither... Respect is earned not deserved.


Deserves doesnt mean demand. As in, someone can deserve a promotion because they earned it.


No it does mean demand. Just like deserve doesnt mean they have earned it. And if they earned it. They would have it. Just like if someone earned a promotion will get it. Just because some believes they deserve it doesn't equate to them earning it from the person that is giving it.

I give respect to those that have earned it from me... Regardless if they think they deserve it or not. Just like I will earn the respect of another on their terms regardless if I believe I deserve it or not.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:32:04 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Ok.. lets make this more personal since you arent quite understanding the question.

Do you deserve more respect from your girls than you give them?

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 8:37:10 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		~ FR
I think they are equal but given the stipulation I have to choose, I would say the Top, because they are holding the implements of torture and disrespect could be even more painful.
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Who deserves more respect, the top or the bottom?

~Top - I mean anyone in a dominant role, bottom - I mean anyone in a submissive role... sad I feel I have to point that out, but someone will ask



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:48:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		ha. You got a point there RS (as she remembers the times when Master has told her she's being a little too smartass)

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Respect - 6/6/2013 9:56:31 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

~ FR
I think they are equal but given the stipulation I have to choose, I would say the Top, because they are holding the implements of torture and disrespect could be even more painful.
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Who deserves more respect, the top or the bottom?

~Top - I mean anyone in a dominant role, bottom - I mean anyone in a submissive role... sad I feel I have to point that out, but someone will ask




~grins

Point conceded.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 1:54:47 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

~ FR
I think they are equal but given the stipulation I have to choose, I would say the Top, because they are holding the implements of torture and disrespect could be even more painful.



::pondering whether that's supposed to be a deterrent or incentive::

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 2:09:40 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Ok.. lets make this more personal since you arent quite understanding the question.

Do you deserve more respect from your girls than you give them?

There is no role-based respect here. I have a strongly negative reaction to the idea.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 2:13:56 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		lol.. I was trying to take it to a more personal level. I thought from the OP that I was not talking about people you may meet on the street or in the office. Gesh

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 2:45:13 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

~ FR
I think they are equal but given the stipulation I have to choose, I would say the Top, because they are holding the implements of torture and disrespect could be even more painful.




But if the bottom enjoys pain and torture then it being more painful wouldn't be a bad thing, therefore being disrespectful would be a positive thing.

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 5:23:22 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I originally started this profile for contacting people with interests in rape, abduction and/or Dolcett


quote:

Unfortunately, I doubt if many of the folks I'm interested in bother reading anything on the forums.


I adored Kidnap & Torture with my (now ex) husband.

Perhaps poise or someone will come along and pull up the rape play thread which will show that many regulars are interested in this as well.

IIRC, many of us said we were NOT interested in rape play with random dudes who put up a profile soliciting it.

To get this back on topic - I don't respect your approach.



_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to unsafenonconsent)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 7:46:20 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
lol.. I was trying to take it to a more personal level. I thought from the OP that I was not talking about people you may meet on the street or in the office. Gesh

Fair enough. And try to remember that I, at least, still have no idea where you're going with this so I'm just trying to answer as clearly as I can when a question comes up.

For me, at least, I have never separated my relationship from my world. I don't handle things like trust, respect, dominance, submission, etc. as existing in some special little bubble inside my front door. Accordingly, any answer I gave on respect would be the same in or out of the front door. I have no role based respect in the world either. The entire concept (in the way I think of "respect" and "people" and "roles") reeks of near-lying... sycophantic behavior. Yes, I understand other people don't formulate the concepts that way but I do.

No, I do not respect the POTUS... not the role and not the person. I respect Carol and her slave role both a great deal more.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 8:13:42 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Who deserves more respect, the top or the bottom?



I consider respect to be a merit based thing, not a role based thing. As such, it's individual whether or not it's the top or bottom.

The only exception to this -for me- are owned slaves (and I means owned slaves as in "people who fall under my personal definition of what that means" which does NOT coincide with the commonly used BDSM definition of 'anybody calling themselves a slave' and probably doesn't coincide with the definition most users on this board who call themselves slaves).

That's because an owned slave doesn't do things out of self-motivation, and instead, only reacts to external stimuli to create a behavior shaped by the choices of other people. You can't deserve, or earn respect, for reacting in a way that others have set you up to react as. If you don't do something by your own right, you can't earn my respect for doing that thing.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 8:17:16 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
The only exception to this -for me- are owned slaves (and I means owned slaves as in "people who fall under my personal definition of what that means" which does NOT coincide with the commonly used BDSM definition of 'anybody calling themselves a slave' and probably doesn't coincide with the definition most users on this board who call themselves slaves).

And... in fact... is probably not even understandable to most people on this board.... myself included LOL :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 8:49:04 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I get what she is saying.

As in, how can I earn, or deserve, respect if the man is the one who pushed me to do something, or act in a way, that gains that respect. Its not me doing it, its him. On my own, I may never have achieved the ability to do that "action".

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 8:55:37 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Once again that is an individual thing. Not you as the submissive, but you as the you; He has the he, not he as the dominant. Many submissives out there have been doing things on their own without someone prodding them.
It is why I contend it is not the role, it is the person

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I get what she is saying.

As in, how can I earn, or deserve, respect if the man is the one who pushed me to do something, or act in a way, that gains that respect. Its not me doing it, its him. On my own, I may never have achieved the ability to do that "action".



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 8:57:43 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I get what she is saying.

As in, how can I earn, or deserve, respect if the man is the one who pushed me to do something, or act in a way, that gains that respect. Its not me doing it, its him. On my own, I may never have achieved the ability to do that "action".

I got that, too.

It's not how my dynamic works, but I've been there before and have seen it in others.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 9:04:12 AM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Once again that is an individual thing. Not you as the submissive, but you as the you; He has the he, not he as the dominant. Many submissives out there have been doing things on their own without someone prodding them.
It is why I contend it is not the role, it is the person

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I get what she is saying.

As in, how can I earn, or deserve, respect if the man is the one who pushed me to do something, or act in a way, that gains that respect. Its not me doing it, its him. On my own, I may never have achieved the ability to do that "action".




Considering she was speaking specifically about slaves.......


_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 9:45:35 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I get what she is saying.

As in, how can I earn, or deserve, respect if the man is the one who pushed me to do something, or act in a way, that gains that respect. Its not me doing it, its him. On my own, I may never have achieved the ability to do that "action".

All I know is that I respect the CRAP out of Ishtar and my brain resonates on a very similar frequency to hers but the distinctions she carries in her head on this topic are 100% totally opaque to me despite best efforts at communication including trying to get help from "interpreters" -- a situation I find really amusing given how similarly our brains work.

edited to add
But I do agree with her. Assuming you could find this theoretical person who has no self-motivation whatsoever then they would deserve no credit. I just think we're talking about a vegetable here not a functioning human brain.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 6/7/2013 9:47:48 AM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Respect - 6/7/2013 9:52:41 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

But I do agree with her. Assuming you could find this theoretical person who has no self-motivation whatsoever then they would deserve no credit. I just think we're talking about a vegetable here not a functioning human brain.

I think it's more along the lines of...

Everything I do is for and about him, and therefore everything I do and am is a reflection of him. Therefore, any respect coming my way should be directed to him, because all I am stems from him. I have clear and well thought out brain functionality, but he owns my thoughts and my feelings, so they are his. So all kudos should go to him, not me.

(I am not describing *me*, btw, I'm giving an example of that kind of mindset, although it's where I used to be in life, long ago).

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 100
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