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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:00:09 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		She didn't say just a relationship - a BAD relationship.

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(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:11:32 PM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline 		I'm very sorry if I sounds whiny . I try to talk to him tonight. I guess i better go buy his fav beer and cook his fav meal lol. He is not a bad guy he is just very different . I gave up so much for him (my place, social life, my job , my school ) and I wanna try everything to make it work. Thank you very much for all your reply . I'm sorry for complaining too much

< Message edited by Sheela22 -- 8/5/2013 2:21:13 PM >

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:24:20 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		FR
You aren't sounding whiny.

There is a book Anal Pleasure and Health that explains a lot about the anatomical aspects (along with everything else).
I recommend it; It is by Jack Morin.
http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377

Some women can have anal sex without lube, but they are not new to it.

[My] Master uses ample lube because He does not want to risk damaging me.

There are ways of spanking someone so it is an incredibly erotic experience.
Having said that, for some women spanking is never erotic.
It is just the way they are wired.

However, it sounds like your boyfriend did not want to share that aspect and just wanted you to feel pain; it may mean that the two of you have a major incompatibility,

Loving him does not mean you have to accept whatever he gives you.

I am [my] Master's slave.
His first instruction to me was "you never give up the right to say "No.".

I did not read the entire thread so I do not know if your boyfriend discussed safe-words or if he uses them.

Did your boyfriend discuss what he gets out of BDSM and what he hopes you get out of it?



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(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:37:44 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I try to talk to him tonight.


What are you going to say?

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(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:41:13 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oops - my bad!

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:44:29 PM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline 		I don't know .. I really don't know ... I wanna ask him to tone it down , or maybe slow things down but I don't wanna hurt him by saying he is doing it wrong . I thought about writing him an email instead . I'm still thinking. It's stat holiday here ( we live in Canada ) and he is working today so he will be tired when he comes home.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:49:48 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		So, nice relaxed evening, and you can couch it in the form, Master you are so much more intense than I for I am new.....and so on..........

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(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 2:56:45 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's an abusive creep. He made you quit school, move away from anyone who would give you shelter and help. You now have no job and no money.

He did this in order to have you at his mercy.

Call your parents, relatives, friends, explain that you need to get out and hope someone buys you a ticket home. If that's not an option, go to a shelter.

It's not going to get better, it's going to get worse.

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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:11:00 PM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline 		My advice, he's never ever going to change. He can't.

This guy sounds like he got bullied in school. He is emotionally stunted. He is no Dom, if I met him, he would be chewed up and spat out before breakfast.

Someone who can't take questions, is someone who is probably has ADHD, can't focus and because he is unintelligent, he gets angry. Not at you, but at himself for being so stupid. Thats why you have to yell at him. Maybe that does get through to him.

So in having to cook his fav meal, get his fav beer, walk on egg shells just to be around him to get him in the mood for questions?. LOL, who the hell is this guy? I can bet $100 right now, he'll come home "tired" another excuse and well you won't ask any questions because you dont want to anger him... sad.

You left school, you left home, you left your friends, you left your job. What the hell did he give up? Nothing I bet. I bet he put on some kind of show in the early months, now the veil has come off. You are seeing for who he is.

Remember, a sub is only going to be as good as her Dom. A sub is supposed to grow and flourish, have be boundaries pushed and have her experiences strengthened by someone who can show her more.

The only thing this guy shows you, is how pathetic he is.

Get out and get out right now! Beg, borrow, hell even steal the money and just leave his sorry ass behind.

I've seen this before, where a successful woman was married to some pathetic loser for 7 years.

She lost all her friends, left her work, saw her parents once a year for just a meal, he slowly took everything away from her until she had nothing.

Where did it get her? She may have well flushed those years down the toilet as they were for naught. He was an abusive creep at all. No emotional skills, he couldn't learn anything as he had a poor IQ, quick to anger and just plain stupid. She was in-love with him until she finally saw the light and left him.

This isnt BDSM, this isn't the lifestyle. You are being abused and if you let it continue you are just being a willing victim.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:34:26 PM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		Holy crap, girl, I am seriously concerned about your welfare. Just from reading your first few posts - I haven't read all of them - your mental and physical health could be at risk. Unsafe anal sex, causing you to bleed ... get yourself checked for HIV and tears RIGHT NOW.

The age gap bothers me too ... not in itself, but added to the other things you have mentioned makes me wonder if you think this guy is smart simply because he is older. He isn't. He sounds like an controller and abuser.

I honestly wonder if he chose you because you are young and he thought you could be easily persuaded to go along with what he wants.

Please, Sheela, get out so that you don't face decades of abuse. That is what your future could be if you allow this man to have his way.

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Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:37:41 PM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline 		He doesnt have any STD. He has to do a complete blood work once a year because of his job . He is not a monster , but he is definitely different. I will talk to him tonight..

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:41:12 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm just trying to find a way to make it work



How FAR WILL YOU GO to make it work?

What aside from anal bleeding will you accept? Would rectal prolaspse be ok??

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(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:45:04 PM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		Tests only tell you that someone was disease-free at the time the test was done. There are posters here who have suffered domestic violence and I am sure that their senses are screaming - like mine - that this man is very bad for you. Sheela, you could be the daughter of many of us, and our protective instincts are coming out. You're not whining. Subs and dommes alike are saying that his attitude and actions are wrong. People here have a lot of experience in BDSM and in life. Please listen to them. Please.

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Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:46:10 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		Welcome to the boards, getoutnow!!

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 3:55:41 PM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm just trying to find a way to make it work



How FAR WILL YOU GO to make it work?

What aside from anal bleeding will you accept? Would rectal prolaspse be ok??


I'll talk to him tonight..

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:09:33 PM   
Blankpain


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/20/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
When I asked what it means he said


What it means is what you and he wish for it to mean. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's a two-way street. Or it's the highway.

There really is nothing in between.

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:09:34 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I believe no one can understand or know what goes on in someone else's relationship...

I will say that, to my knowledge, none of us started out hoping that we would eventually like it. We got into it because WE had a need, a desire that could not be met & we searched for our counterparts.

I identify as a slave & I pretty much go along with anything if I am emotionally invested but I do it because, honestly, I GET something in return...I get pleasure, satisfaction, exhilaration...It makes me feel ALIVE! If you are not getting any of that...you are not a masochist..you are a martyr... and there is nothing wrong with that if that is what YOU want & what feeds YOUR passion.. Nothing good comes out of doing something that only makes you miserable!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:22:42 PM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline 		I'm not a victim or martyr ... I'm with him because I really love him not because I'm scared of him. I knew from the beginning that he doesnt like arguing and discussing stuff so I let him do all the decisions including sex (when,where to have it and recently HOW (BDSM stuff)). He is not a bad guy. I'm just too chicken to raise my voice and say no to him...

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:31:52 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
He is not a monster
You apparently feel the need to keep repeating that like you're trying to convince.....someone.

quote:

but he is definitely different.
No, he's not.

Those of us that have been around for awhile have seen thousands like him and there's a reason why they go after women that don't have any experience, because they're the ones that believe the load of crap being peddled.

quote:


I will talk to him tonight..
Yup and he'll talk the talk. You'll buy it. Then you'll be back in the same situation within a matter of weeks.

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(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:34:37 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		I think you are scared of him. But getting past that ...

Nothing about this "talking" has to be argumentative. You don't have to say "no to him". But you should be able to sit down with him and talk through your concerns and your fears and your questions. If he's not a monster as you say, then he will want to hear these things.

However, I like many of the other posters feel you are in a dangerous situation ...

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 60
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