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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:46:20 PM

getoutnow

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Joined: 8/5/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
He is not a bad guy.

So you say. Whereas those who have much more experience than you say the opposite.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 4:59:41 PM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm not a victim or martyr ... I'm with him because I really love him not because I'm scared of him. I knew from the beginning that he doesnt like arguing and discussing stuff so I let him do all the decisions including sex (when,where to have it and recently HOW (BDSM stuff)). He is not a bad guy. I'm just too chicken to raise my voice and say no to him...

I dont think you are whiny, or silly or anything like that, However until you are able to discuss what YOU need to discuss for YOUR health and safety and stop being "chicken" with him...... there is nothing much anyone can advise further, because you dont seem to want to hear it and inwardly digest it.
How long are you willing to put up with being physically hurt? let alone mentally. When will you find your voice?? I hope to hell it comes before you get more seriously hurt.
I hope you come back with his responses to your questions
Have you thought about what questions you willl ask?

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 5:00:31 PM

JustAMas

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2013
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Please don't be afraid of getting him, or anyone else, "mad". Your presence is appreciated and probably nobody will honestly get mad at you. People will actually like and respect you more if you were more honest with how you feel and think, even if they are negative. I also noticed that you are rather apologetic and may have a hard time standing up for yourself. Nothing wrong with it, but you can learn to be more firm with time and training and being encouraged by others.

Have you thought about getting with people and surrounding yourself with those who would encourage you, support you, and make you comfortable enough to express your true thoughts and feelings, without having the fear of making them mad? Doing this could change you in many ways for the better.

You are still young, and this is your life, and nobody else's. It saddens me when there are subs who are too submissive to be able to respect their own needs, that they forget that they have their own needs, too, instead of caring for everybody else but them.

< Message edited by JustAMas -- 8/5/2013 5:02:41 PM >

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 5:05:40 PM

cutiewithabootie

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/16/2013
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This man is a sociopathic sadist. About two steps from jail or severe injury/death. There is a difference between a kinky sadist and a sociopathic sadist and frankly he sounds like an insult to be called kinky, dominant or sadist.

Smile and wave people. This guy is the reason why submissives everywhere are hesitant or afraid to meet offline. And this guy is the reason why most subs won't come to you but make you come to them, after they know your SSN, bloodtype, mothers maiden name, second grade teacher, atleast six refrences, and what you ate for breakfast in 1993.

Guys like this guy sounds make me really sick and frankly pissed off.

Sweetheart if what you say is true, maybe we can look forward to a lifetime movie about your relationship. If you don't leave. you will be resentful at best or at the worst severely hurt.

I've heard your story before. When/if you get sick of being someones punching bag/andger management dummy/excuse for why he is always mad, contact me and I can help put you in touch with women's programs in your area that might help you get home safely and provide shelter until you can get to a bus or other mode of transportation.

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Post #: 64

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 5:31:04 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
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Thank you for your kind words. I'm new here and I really don't know anyone in this city. I'm very shy person and normally don't share anything about my relationship to anyone in real life. I'm not close to my parents at all. My ex-roommate was my best friend but my bf and him couldnt get along so we don't talk that often any more. I'll talk to him tonight and keep you updated.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 5:38:16 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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Ya know, doing what he wants because he yells and you don't like it, is a recipe for being taken advantage of.

even in the best of relationships, if someone thought they could get out of doing anything by yelling or getting upset, how long do you think they could resist the urge to do just that.

I think you are going to have to grow a back bone and stand up to him. If he really wants this relationship to continue, he is going to have to talk to you and explain things and find some things in bdsm that you can enjoy. Otherwise, you are better off leaving him and loving him from a distance.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean that that relationship is good for you.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 5:50:17 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

He would be very very angry . He is a very private person and he will be very mad if he finds out that I talked about him to strangers. Maybe I should have asked for his permission first :(

Yet another red flag.

Look, I've introduced newbies. Sometimes it worked, more often it didn't. But I made damn sure they enjoyed it or were at least comfortable with it. if they didn't, I'd part on good terms with them.

Red flags:

1. Abrupt change in relationship. This should be done gradually, with lots of feedback.
2. You get no say. That's abusive.
3. No lube anal. He's ripping tissues by causing bleeding. He doesn't know what he's doing and doesn't care about your health.
4. You're afraid of his anger.

Look, you're young and have your life ahead of you. I know plenty of Doms who make damn sure they know what they're doing, and that their partner is safe. It's not possible to be 100% safe all the time, but there are numerous things he can do to keep you as safe as possible. And he's not doing any of them.

You sound like a very sweet girl. I would hate to have you get hurt.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:02:34 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm not a victim or martyr ... I'm with him because I really love him not because I'm scared of him. I knew from the beginning that he doesnt like arguing and discussing stuff so I let him do all the decisions including sex (when,where to have it and recently HOW (BDSM stuff)). He is not a bad guy. I'm just too chicken to raise my voice and say no to him...

You are allowing not wanting to upset him to cause you to question your responses and behaviors.

You say he says he only does this with people he loves.

Do you think it is loving behavior to beat you and tell you how you must respond and not check in with you to see how you are doing?
Do you think it is loving behavior to have anal sex with you in such a way that it makes you bleed and not check in with you?

In my opinion, his words and actions are just not matching up.
And that is a red flag.

I think you are feeling confused because you know his words and actions are suddenly not matching up.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:07:22 PM

littlewonder

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Imo, you're not into bdsm. Tell him. If he can't accept that then it's time for you to move on. And personally I would not be with someone that can't communicate. It sounds to me like he caught his arm candy and that's basically all he cares about.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:12:06 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Again, I don't like the "smell" of any of this. I'd like to hear Kana's view on this. He's a serious sadist involved with a very submissive but not masochistic partner. His viewpoint on this would be really good I think.

I'm sure Master will answer this eventually but as for my part, I've always been a submissive personality therefore, I love to make my Man happy, no matter what....however and this is a BIG however, I like kinky sex too and I while I hate the pain, I like the control, I like the way it makes him feel and well...the payoff in the end is well worth it.

And I'm ecstatically happy being with him...pain and all.

This girl though is not into it and doesn't seem like much of a submissive personality so much as naive and young and is all googly eyed right now because she has a daddy figure in her life. Dear, it will wear off. Until then, try dating boys your own age and who will treat you in the way you like...not in a way that makes your life unhappy.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:14:42 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
This girl though is not into it and doesn't seem like much of a submissive personality so much as naive and young and is all googly eyed right now because she has a daddy figure in her life.

I actually disagree. I think she does have a submissive personality, just not in a good way. She's submissive because she doesn't like to deal with confrontation, stress or anger, so she just agrees to everything because it's easier.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/5/2013 6:16:24 PM >

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:18:42 PM

Sheela22

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I'm not naive and stupid. I don't have daddy issues. I love him and I don't care how old he is. I just don't like to argue with him and don't mind he controls. I came here for suggestions not being insulted :(

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:27:49 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm not naive and stupid. I don't have daddy issues. I love him and I don't care how old he is. I just don't like to argue with him and don't mind he controls. I came here for suggestions not being insulted :(

I dont think you're stupid but you are very naive. You walked away from everything and everyone to be with a guy you knew for months?? Very naive. You need to walk away and find a nice 30 something guy.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:32:10 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
This girl though is not into it and doesn't seem like much of a submissive personality so much as naive and young and is all googly eyed right now because she has a daddy figure in her life.

I actually disagree. I think she does have a submissive personality, just not in a good way. She's submissive because she doesn't like to deal with confrontation, stress or anger, so she just agrees to everything because it's easier.

I get the feeling she does what he wants because she's afraid of him but yet thinks because he's much older than her then of course, he must be right.

And of course there's the whole thing that she isn't close to her parents at all which also is a red flag to me for her and she obviously didn't see the sign when her roommate and him didn't get along. Hon, you're losing friends over one person....what does that tell you?

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:33:22 PM

littlewonder

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I never called you stupid. I said you are young and naive. There's a difference.

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:38:36 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
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Then I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding . My friend ( aka my ex roommate) is gay and my bf kept calling him names and they got in to a fight . We talk sometimes online but that's about it

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:39:58 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm not naive and stupid. I don't have daddy issues. I love him and I don't care how old he is. I just don't like to argue with him and don't mind he controls. I came here for suggestions not being insulted :(

I dont think you're stupid but you are very naive. You walked away from everything and everyone to be with a guy you knew for months?? Very naive. You need to walk away and find a nice 30 something guy.

Uh, no. There are lots of qualities she should look for in a man, but age doesn't have to be one of them. A man in his forties could be a good match.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:40:55 PM

littlewonder

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and you didn't find that a huge issue with your boyfriend calling your gay roommate, harrassing terms????? That right there would have been the moment I would have walked out the door without him but after I apologized to my roommate for bringing him around there.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/5/2013 6:41:17 PM >

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:42:31 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
This girl though is not into it and doesn't seem like much of a submissive personality so much as naive and young and is all googly eyed right now because she has a daddy figure in her life.

I actually disagree. I think she does have a submissive personality, just not in a good way. She's submissive because she doesn't like to deal with confrontation, stress or anger, so she just agrees to everything because it's easier.

I get the feeling she does what he wants because she's afraid of him but yet thinks because he's much older than her then of course, he must be right.

Exactly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I'm not a victim or martyr ... I'm with him because I really love him not because I'm scared of him.

I'm not afraid of him....

quote:

I knew from the beginning that he doesnt like arguing and discussing stuff so I let him do all the decisions including sex

It's easier to just agree.....

quote:

He is not a bad guy. I'm just too chicken to raise my voice and say no to him...

But, I'm afraid of him.....

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/5/2013 6:43:03 PM >

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RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 6:51:11 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

Then I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding . My friend ( aka my ex roommate) is gay and my bf kept calling him names and they got in to a fight . We talk sometimes online but that's about it

See, if someone I was interested in, made insulting remarks to my friend, I would know that we were incompatible.
It was not only disrespectful to your friend, but it was very disrespectful to you.

I would not tolerate that from someone I was dating.
You really think it is okay for your boyfriend to call your friend names because he's gay?

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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