RE: I'm very new and very confused

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: I'm very new and very confused

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: I'm very new and very confused

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 7:31:24 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

I talked to bf but he told me to stay out of it. So I went apologize to my friend before I leave...

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 81

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 7:55:33 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

Then I'm very sorry for the misunderstanding . My friend ( aka my ex roommate) is gay and my bf kept calling him names and they got in to a fight . We talk sometimes online but that's about it

So you didn't stand up for your former roommate who was your BEST FRIEND? I bet the gay friend also pointed out this boyfriend's failings to you.

So not only are you "crazy in love" with a guy who abuses you and doesn't take your physical or emotional well being into account but he is also a bigot. Sounds like a great guy.

I honestly hope you leave this relationship and your friend forgives you. But I have to be honest here, you ARE naive, he ISan asshole and the fact that you didn't stand up for your best friend is unforgiveable. Oh and you most certainly have "daddy issues."

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 82

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:04:28 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Sorry, when I said "you" I was using it in that general sense...not "you" personally.

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 83

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:09:40 PM

FreedDragonfly

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/12/2013
Status: offline

Okay, LafeyetteLady, enough. I can't read this without asserting MYSELF anymore. You've obviously never been in her position where you're so scared you don't know what to think. Where by day the person can be sweet and loving and one person and by night another... a total Jekyl and Hyde act. I've BEEN through that. They seem wonderful, then are horrible, but your brain won't let you process it right and you ARE naive.... I know I was when I went through my attacks. Tell me, Sheela, am I right? Does it sometimes feel like he's the best person the whole entire world and then soemtimes he makes you sick, but your brain won't let you put the two together? It doesn't want to believe the second part so it pushes it aside until it happens, and then pushes it aside again. Maybe you get a little backbone, like you did here and approach someone for help but it's not strong enough... and then you're broken down again. Am I hitting any nerves? IF so, you need to just THINK about what I've told you. Because that is the sign of serious shit going on, Sheela. It will leave you scarred horribly and if you can't find the right therapy/ist, irreversibly. You don't have to make an instant decision. But you do need to think about EVERY LITTLE PIECE you remember. And keep trying to remember. Hard as that is, REMEMBER THE BAD. Because if you don't you won't realize what's happening and you won't get away, and you won't start to heal. It took me 7 months of this. Don't put yourself through what I did. Please. ALSO... I have a story... fictional, but very inspiring. It's the story about how I got my username. I'd like to share that with you in private and will... no strings attached.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Profile

Post #: 84

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:12:56 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

aaallllrighttttyyyy then

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FreedDragonfly)

Profile

Post #: 85

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:21:35 PM

getoutnow

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
So you didn't stand up for your former roommate who was your BEST FRIEND? I bet the gay friend also pointed out this boyfriend's failings to you.

So not only are you "crazy in love" with a guy who abuses you and doesn't take your physical or emotional well being into account but he is also a bigot. Sounds like a great guy.

DING DING DING DING!!!! We have a winner.

The guy I referenced to in my previous post. Hated gays. Just couldnt stand them either. One time, this woman I mentioned wanted to go to a night club, but because it featured gay dancers showing off their hunky chests. He got all paranoid and defensive and said he didnt want to be around that stuff. Yeah, he was a bigot too. A huge one.

Let me tell you, I can see all the warning signs here. Sheela22 is headed for a major fall here and possibly suicide when it all goes wrong? Why, because she will find herself in a position where she can't leave because she has invested so much into making this work and doesn't have the means to escape and can't stay because the relationship is not what she wants. Trust me, I have heard this before a bunch of times.

I think collarme should have a sister site. Profiles of guys who are so-called Doms who just abuse women and that other women should steer far far away from. This guy would make it on that site, lemme tell ya!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Profile

Post #: 86

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:30:51 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

I don't know why you keep saying I have daddy issue? Just like any other relationship we have good days ad bad days but in the end I know he loves me and I love him very much. I can't change him or even ask him to change , I'm hoping he come up with a good solution ( compromise) after our talk tonight.

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to littlewonder)

Profile

Post #: 87

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:38:25 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

I don't know why you keep saying I have daddy issue? Just like any other relationship we have good days ad bad days but in the end I know he loves me and I love him very much. I can't change him or even ask him to change , I'm hoping he come up with a good solution ( compromise) after our talk tonight.

Let us know... You are right..you cannot change him or expect him to. The best any of us can hope for is someone who WANTS to be the person we believe them to be.

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 88

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:39:24 PM

getoutnow

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline

Wow. Do you even know what you are typing?

You are saying in 1 breath that you don't ever want him to change or you can't change him. But the very definition of compromise is that someone concedes and accepts the others suggestion.

Here's an example in case you don't get it.

You: Hey can we use lube with anal.
Him: No
You: Ok then, that's fine.

That's you conceding to his commitment in never using lube.

If it does go like this:

You: Hey can we use lube with anal.
Him: No
You: But it really hurts sometimes.
Him: No
You: Sometimes I bleed from it.
Him: No
You: (Shows him pictures of rectal prolapse)
Him: Ok, lets use lube

That's him conceding to your argument and CHANGING. Something you said he'd never do.

Something tells me, you really should have stuck with school!

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 89

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:40:36 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
When I asked what it means he said "from now on , you have no saying and I'm in charge".

Red flag.

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 90

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:48:57 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

Op: Just because you are "crazy" for him does not allow him to violate your hard limits.
Did you negotiate limits?
Did he earn your submission?
Does he even know what he's doing?
Because imho, he sounds like a wannabe.
stick around, learn some more on here, there are quite a few reputable dominant and submissive people who speak here.
I would wait until you spoke with your gentleman friend and discussed all of your concerns.
if he does not care about you, he does not deserve your submission.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 91

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:49:04 PM

FreedDragonfly

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/12/2013
Status: offline

Guys, stop ganging up on her. Sheela, it's wonderful you're going to talk but you need to stand firm sweetie. And be prepared for what you will do if you're right and he doesn't change. Ask yourself how much he loves you if he knows he's scaring and SCARRING you. It may seem like he does but there's this little phrase... it's called "mind games." Some people are really great at them. They make you think they love you and are doing so much FOR you when really they're doing it for themselves and just pretending all along. Again... experience talking. If you EVER want to talk with someone who's been in your shoes, I'm here, hon. What you're doing is so hard. But you're taking steps in the right direction. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF for that. Not the other way around.

(in reply to metamorfosis)

Profile

Post #: 92

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:52:37 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

I call bullshit on this entire thread.

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to FreedDragonfly)

Profile

Post #: 93

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:54:50 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

That kid saw dead people in that movie "Sixth Sense"

If I was a star in a movie based on the OP as the screenplay, it would be called "Relationship Violence Sense" and I see red flags everywhere

You don't have to believe me if you don't want to, Sheela...but I worked for over 4 years in a shelter for victims of domestic violence. Your story has shades of many stories that women before you who had to stay at our shelter told.

If this is all just a tall tale, this isn't cool at all! But if it is true, beware and don't let being crazy in love blind you

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 8/5/2013 8:58:06 PM >

(in reply to metamorfosis)

Profile

Post #: 94

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 8:55:28 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

I don't know.. now I don't know what to ask him..i feel so overwhelmed...

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to getoutnow)

Profile

Post #: 95

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 9:04:23 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

Is there a way for a sub to actually enjoy it?

Yes.

It involves sublimating pain into pleasure. Is there a way for you to change yourself to do that? I don't know. I've never heard of a way. I was a dom from a very young age - long before I even knew what it meant.

I am not trying to talk down to you, but you need to understand what sublimation is: in chemistry and physics it is going from solid to gas without passing through the liquid phase - the most common example is dry ice which goes from solid to CO2 gas with no liquid (hence DRY ice.) In the way I am using it (metaphorically) it means that something weird happens in your brain; instead of releasing the endorphin that tells your brain "OW!" it releases beta-blockers which inhibit the re-adsorption of serotonin into the the brain.

Basically, it acts precisely like cocaine does.

That is way more information than you probably wanted. Here is another way to look at the situation:

He hs cut you off from friends and family, required you to believe in everything he says and prevented you from even questioning him. These are classic symptoms, one might even say textbook symptoms, of cultism.

Don't walk, run away.

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 96

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 9:04:49 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

How can people not know that this is fake?

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 97

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 9:10:40 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

I don't know why you are attacking me. This is why I NEVER EVER share my personal life with my friends.. Judging then attacking.. im very sorry if i caused any trouble. As someone said there is two sides of story. I wish I could ask him to join. Either way,sorry to waste your time

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to metamorfosis)

Profile

Post #: 98

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 9:11:25 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

Please stop lying.

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to Sheela22)

Profile

Post #: 99

RE: I'm very new and very confused - 8/5/2013 9:25:18 PM

FreedDragonfly

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/12/2013
Status: offline

URGH Kicking myself for getting dragged back onto this board but am going to make one more comment and this is directed to you metamorfosis: Is is possible Sheela is lying? Sure. I've seen it happen. Is it possible she's telling the truth? YES!!!! GOSH DARN F*ING YES! How do I know? I've been accused of the exact same thing before when I went through my attack. And sorry, but I will TAKE MY CHANCES because if there's an OUNCE of truth here it NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED. And sadly I've been in her damned shoes before. I agree with her comment: I wish he could join in this conversation. She wants him in on it, she apologized and offered to leave instead of staying when she was getting attention... umm.... RED FLAG TO YOU! If you're lying those aren't typical behaviors. Those are behaviors of someone who already felt beat down as low as they could go, went for help, and got trounced on. Ever heard of helping someone whether or not they take the advice or the help the way it was intended? I know that's how I was raised... help without questioning. God knows I don't always practice what I preach but when I feel I can I do... especially when i feel i can do something meaningful. Here I do so here i shall.

(in reply to metamorfosis)

Profile

Post #: 100