quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

I'd say I could count the number of truly submissive ones on one hand. And when I say "truly submissive" I mean they genuinely put their Domme first. 99% just had a fetish or fantasy they wanted to play out or told me what I had to do to them. . . . So I'm curious to know, do you think it's in men's nature to be truly submissive to a woman or is it all a sexual fantasy? Or is it just something that comes around once in a blue moon?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

It must be frustrating that we keep bringing up Findomming. I'm sure you can understand though, why we see it as relevant in some of your questions. Let's take a totally non kinky example. Let's say you were a talented chef, and you had the feeling that there was no one who appreciated high quality, innovative food. And then we hear that your restaurant is situated at busy truck stop. We might well suggest that perhaps you are seeing a higher number of non-gourmets because most people who seek out a truck-stop restaurant are just looking for a quick bite of cheap food. You will get few foodies passing by, but you would self-select for people who weren't. It doesn't mean that you aren't a great chef or that the population at large have no taste, it means your sample size is skewed.

When people look for primarily online interaction, or when people look for a transactional arrangement, they are far more likely to be flakes and/or wankers that those who are out looking for a dominant wife. I know findomme is, at its purest, about the pleasure of surrendering the money as a form of power exchange, but that doesn't negate the fact that people who are seeking pay-for-play or who can't/won't commit will also be attracted to findommes.

For the record, I do remember your old profile and I do think this one is better.

Thank you. I'm in the process of moving so I'm going to completely re-write it once all that is said and done. And it is but I guess my OP was more of a generalized question. Generally when male subs post on this forum it's usually to ask how to make their vanilla partner dominate them in the bedroom, a specific fetish question that sounds like their goal is to get wank fodder, or how to find a woman to dominate them. I'm not saying that's always what it is, but it does seem to be quite common. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. I often see posts by women asking how to be a better submissive or how to please their Dom. To me the women exhibit behavior that seems more genuine, not just trying to get off. Maybe I should of worded my OP differently. And yes it does get a little redundant when almost every post I've ever made, even completely unrelated to financial domination, comes back to that. But yes I do see your point. I also appreciate that you made that point without personally attacking me and in a constructive manner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB


Good male subs that have built up a decent rep are very sought after and its unlikely you will find one of those on a site like this unless they are already owned, but it would be unfair to say that submissive males on here are mostly wankers. I believe a fairly large number just haven't been given a decent chance.

I completely disagree, but then everyone's experience is different. Especially online vs offline. :)

What do you disagree with? the good rep or that most submissive males aren't wankers and that a large number haven't been given a chance?

Where it was said that the best of submissives are in demand and likely taken though it wasn't a severe disagreement, just a personal observation. Most subs I know are the same as me and not visible. But it again goes to the online/offline dynamic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

I have found more submissive men in vanilla-land than I have in kink-land. If that tells you anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB


Good male subs that have built up a decent rep are very sought after and its unlikely you will find one of those on a site like this unless they are already owned, but it would be unfair to say that submissive males on here are mostly wankers. I believe a fairly large number just haven't been given a decent chance.

I completely disagree, but then everyone's experience is different. Especially online vs offline. :)

What do you disagree with? the good rep or that most submissive males aren't wankers and that a large number haven't been given a chance?

Where it was said that the best of submissives are in demand and likely taken though it wasn't a severe disagreement, just a personal observation. Most subs I know are the same as me and not visible. But it again goes to the online/offline dynamic.

For me, online barely counts for anything. I've been out and about on the rl scene for a long time and I'm well aware of the sought after submissive guys. The submissive male that has just come out of a long term relationship with a reputable fem Domme will have Dommes fighting over him, the male submissive who is always around to help out at clubs and who volunteers month after month to be the boot boy or pick the thorns off the roses will always be a popular submissive amongst the Dommes and the male submissive who chats and engages in conversation other than, 'what would you like to do to me Mistress?' tends to do well.

I've seen a few popular submissive men on these forums.... Peon comes to mind as a very popular and likely a fairly sought after male submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I find it really strange that male dominants happily make the initial contact with the fem sub but many fem Dommes don't believe in making initial contact with the male sub. Is it all about old fashioned male/female values?!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Thanks Butch! looks like I'm a king and not a queen then!

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Thanks Butch! looks like I'm a king and not a queen then!

You can still be Queen Regent. Better yet, Empress.

Let's not forget about Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great of Russia.... I'm sure they didn't hesitate to show interest in a prospective paramour either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Based on my logic, you don't care whether the men who contact you are married or not:

"I'M A FIN DOMME. I don't give a fuck about watching you shove something up your ass, watching you dress up in your wife's panties, or making you suck some guys dick. If you want to do it then do it. But I DON'T CARE. Unless it's part of me dominating you and the proper tribute has been made then don't ask me because I don't care."

But you do care whether they are "truly submissive."

Here, I found the perfect match for you, the OP of this active thread. He also lives in your state and is not looking for a steady girlfriend.
"What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to please you?"
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4623240/tm.htm

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

FR:

I'm going to step away from the fin domme question for awhile, and attempt to answer the OP's original question:

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

I'd say I could count the number of truly submissive ones on one hand. And when I say "truly submissive" I mean they genuinely put their Domme first. 99% just had a fetish or fantasy they wanted to play out or told me what I had to do to them. . . . So I'm curious to know, do you think it's in men's nature to be truly submissive to a woman or is it all a sexual fantasy? Or is it just something that comes around once in a blue moon?

As a general rule I think most *people* are fetishists and don't relate strongly to either the dominant or submissive orientation. In the last five years this has become the reality, as more and more (mostly clueless) people feel comfortable enacting their fantasies. Some of course do relate strongly to dominance or submission, it has nothing to do with gender.

I would also say as a general rule female subs have it much easier than male subs. Not only are there many more male dominants to choose from, I think the road to female submission is an easier one (again, this is as a general rule). Male subs are not only overly represented, they have a huge hurdle to overcome in terms of resolving how they can be male and submissive.

A brand new female sub, no matter how attractive, will easily find partners to play with and will have many opportunities to explore her submission. The same can not be said for male submissives. They don't have a clue how to behave, and tend to rely on porn, and we all know how well that works out. I agree with Maria that many have not been given a chance.

This is why I think 'training' for male subs is actually worthwhile, and I would suggest any new male sub who can afford it go to a pro so they can explore without all the pressure of a budding relationship.

It is also why I see the findomme role as helping these rather clueless males learn and explore.

Those who want a relationship with a quality male who just so happens to be submissive are going to need to learn how to build a relationship and inspire submission. Sorry, there are no shortcuts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I find it really strange that male dominants happily make the initial contact with the fem sub but many fem Dommes don't believe in making initial contact with the male sub. Is it all about old fashioned male/female values?!

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
A sub is not someone who sacrifices everything for another while never thinking of his self or own needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I find it really strange that male dominants happily make the initial contact with the fem sub but many fem Dommes don't believe in making initial contact with the male sub. Is it all about old fashioned male/female values?!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

I don’t believe that there is a woman alive and out there in some degree… meaning on this site, online, in person, etc. that hasn’t had a man claim to be something he wasn’t, that hasn’t had a man treat them like an object, hasn’t come at you like a piece of meat for their pleasure or acted like an idiot, has failed to do as promised, hasn’t lied… and on and on. We all know the experience to one degree or another.

Whether we had something to do with that or not, whether we said something offhanded, wore a sexy something or other, were in a church, bar or web site or just appeared to be something ‘they’ thought we were and how they evaluated that; we have all experienced it. It isn’t just a findom, loose woman or whatever thing… it is a ‘I carry a vagina thing’ and ‘a male generated perception thing’.

Sometimes we can evaluate a situation and find something we can surely know, assume to know or think is the reason for this or that… but no matter how we present, how we conduct ourselves, dress or where we are… this shit happens and most of us have seen it.

There are men that haven’t gotten a chance… just as well as women that haven’t had a chance. Life isn’t fair… people can suck and it is simply a life experience whether we like it, cause it or are subject to it. It is what it is. Does that mean I don’t think we can do anything about it? NO! It means that sometimes it will just be that way and sometimes we can change an opinion or action and sometime it won’t be worth the effort.

We all… and I do mean all of us, will take each situation in life and may respond to it in a way we might not another time. We all evaluate things and sometimes may have flexible responses. We may have a ‘most-generally‘, type of response but we can vary for various reasons or perceptions theirs or ours, change our mind or just simply be in a different mood or had a recent experience that might come in to play. That doesn’t always have to come off as inconsistent to a reasonable person or mean that we haven’t a set mind in areas where a set mind is important. Some things are situational based on a whole lot of things.

Are there submissive men? Yes. Are there kinky men? Yes. The rest is opinion and experiences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

... So I'm curious to know, do you think it's in men's nature to be truly submissive to a woman or is it all a sexual fantasy? Or is it just something that comes around once in a blue moon?

Only if you cut off their balls off and put them in a mason jar on the shelf for them to look.