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ORIGINAL: theshytype

quote:

The problem with removing him from the equation is that I can't do this by myself. I NEED help from SOMEBODY. I actually have been wanting to get out of here and move to Florida for a couple of years now.....but I can't do it on my own.....financially or logistically. His offer.....even with the possible "obligations" it may carry with it, is the first serious possibilty I've had of making this happen.

As far as taking on a second job....that's very difficult to do around here without a car. It already takes me 1 1/2 to 2 hours to get straight home from work at night. One of reasons I live where I do (and not where I would like to live) is because there is bus service past my apartment after 6:00 at night. This is the whole reason I got this job with the State to begin with....so I could have a weekday schedule with no nights, weekends or holidays when the buses aren't running. I would be taking classes at the college that is right up the street from where I work, but I can't get home at night after class because the bus stops running before the class lets out.

Then I have no advice.
I can't wrap my head around doing something with the expectation of being reliant on someone else.
Nor can I wrap myself around the thought of someone doing this without some expectations in return.

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ORIGINAL: theshytype

quote:

The problem with removing him from the equation is that I can't do this by myself. I NEED help from SOMEBODY. I actually have been wanting to get out of here and move to Florida for a couple of years now.....but I can't do it on my own.....financially or logistically. His offer.....even with the possible "obligations" it may carry with it, is the first serious possibilty I've had of making this happen.

As far as taking on a second job....that's very difficult to do around here without a car. It already takes me 1 1/2 to 2 hours to get straight home from work at night. One of reasons I live where I do (and not where I would like to live) is because there is bus service past my apartment after 6:00 at night. This is the whole reason I got this job with the State to begin with....so I could have a weekday schedule with no nights, weekends or holidays when the buses aren't running. I would be taking classes at the college that is right up the street from where I work, but I can't get home at night after class because the bus stops running before the class lets out.

Then I have no advice.
I can't wrap my head around doing something with the expectation of being reliant on someone else.
Nor can I wrap myself around the thought of someone doing this without some expectations in return.

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ORIGINAL: Winterapple

Kierkegaard said boredom is the root of all evil.
And no doubt all sorts of rash decisions and deeply regretted actions have been made to escape it.


OTOH, fulfillment in life often requires taking risks and leaps of faith.
I do believe we generally regret the things we didn't do or attempt.
But it's also wise to look before you leap.

My feeling is that you're core need is for fulfilling work. That seems
to be the change you most desire. You have met an attentive man who
seems to be offering you emotional and financial support to achieve
this thing you want so much. He seems more like a fairy godfather than
a master seeking a slave. A sugar daddy fairy godfather.

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Have you any experience in being a slave? Has he any experience
in having a slave. In these 9 hour phone conversations have you
discussed what your lives would be like as a master and his slave?
Will you be allowed to work outside of your service to him?
Will he control your money? Does he want a slave or a kinky girlfriend?

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I would not make such a radical move without knowing this
man or the place I would be living better. Until he became
my master which would not happen overnight if at all I
would have a job, car and apartment before moving there.
I would not take money from him for my living expenses
or education.

But all these practical things aside I would be asking myself
about this man. Am I drawn to him? Do I feel a strong need
to serve him? Do I respect him? Am I prepared to make the
radical and life changing consequences of being his? Do I want
a fairy godfather who is courting me like a princess or a master
who will rule over me?

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Your desire and need to change your life via going back to school
is obtainable where you are. I'm not saying it will be easy but you
can do it.

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I think the question you should ask yourself is if the
regret you will have down the road if you don't go forward with
this man is the loss of him. Not the loss of the sugarplums he's
dangling before you. Are you propelled by running away from
home or to something and someone?

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

so you have wanted to move to Florida for a couple of years and your sister is in Tampa Bay. Where is this guy?

If you take him up on the car offer, make sure he transfers title to you.

As for the 4 year degree...you know it isnly like you would be starting from scratch, right? Many of your two year courses will transfer as long as you got them from a regionally accredited school (nationally accredited, not so much). There are plenty of scholarships available for a wide range of things at www.fastweb.com. I understand tthat transportation is an issue, so have you considered on line studies? Many local schools may offer on line courses and you can look into the schools that are completely on line , like Kaplan.

It sounds as though you have some more research to do before making a decision, but I also think you are hoping for a way out of a dead end job. Nothing wrong with that, but as you can see above, there might be some options available that you hadn't considered.

I lived in Florida for two years, in the Tampa Bay Area. The job market sucks and I had a government job. Figure on your already meager salary being cut by at least a third, if not in half, while the housing is only about 25% cheaper. Still a short fall.

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If I didn't want to live with him, he has a rental house that is empty right now.

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ORIGINAL: Winterapple

None of your credits from your community college degree will transfer
to a four year program? I've never heard of that happening. Most two
year programs include basic courses like English Composition and
history survey courses. Is your two year degree in something like
secretarial science or administrative assistance? So, you would be
attempting to enter a four year program based on your high school
record? I've known cases of people going to college for the first time
twenty or more years after high school and being told they needed
to go to community college first to prepare themselves for a four year
program.

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In any case, I think you should pursue the degree as I think
that's where your heart is. Quit your current job that you
hate and make school your focus. I understand the challenges
involved including the transportation issues. It won't be easy
whatever route you take. But I think you should try and do
it own your own.

This man might regardless of how things play out remain
your friend. Or he might not. Issues around money and sex
have tanked many a friendship. Living under his largesse
sounds frankly like a Judge Judy show waiting to happen.
I believe the general advice laid down in these situations
is get in writing. You will be especially vulnerable if you
are living in a house he owns, driving a car he owns and
are dependent on him for tuition. I don't know how anyone
could be in such a situation and not feel pressured to be
or feel obligated to be sexually available to their benefactor.

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I have to believe there are limits to his generosity .
And that good sense will tell you not to rely on his
generosity. Doing it on your own may be a hard row
to hoe but sometimes the hard way is the best way.

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ORIGINAL: kalikshama

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If I didn't want to live with him, he has a rental house that is empty right now.

I think you should make an informed decision. I have done extensive searching of Florida's public records for the job I had before this one. Go to his county's property appraiser's website, plug in his first and last name, and verify that he does indeed own these two properties.

I had a man tell me he owned a condo, but it turned out to be in his father's name.

I had another one tell me he owned a condo on the beach, but it turned out to be in his ex's name. His second car turned out to be his ex's as well (FL public records will not help with this.)

Also check him out in his county's Clerk of Courts database. Here, I found that two potentials both had two charges of Domestic Violence for two different women each.

All this information is free and I'm happy to help you with this via CMail.

Also, I recommend you pay for a background check. Intelius does them for $39. I plugged myself in it and see it correctly found four past addresses, my ex husband, and his parents. After you pay, you get marriage, criminal, bankruptcies, liens, judgments, and lawsuits.

Perhaps he hasn't told you about a wife...or he told you he's divorced but is not actually divorced. Wouldn't you want to know this before you uproot yourself or get any more emotionally invested?

(You should also be able to get marriage/divorce info for free from his county's database, but most people do not live out their life in one county.)

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Well, for me before even considering it:

1) You've never visited him. So, you have no idea if you'll like living there.

2) I wouldn't move without having a job.