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RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 6:12:34 PM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

I know he is not going to hold you prisoner.

I relocated a few years ago, and I made it clear that I would be coming back home often, and I was able to do that.

I could afford to come back home at least 4-5 times a year/and I did { that was the plan before I relocated}, I eventually moved back close to home {after 3 years} , mainly because of aging parents.

Good luck to you

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 3/4/2014 6:16:31 PM >

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 61

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 6:21:56 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

Some people just prefer heat over cold. I would rather be hot than cold. In my current situation, I'm not sleeping in a tent, but I have to stand out at the bus stops and what has been an especially big pain in the ass this winter is that they don't clear any of the snow from areas for pedestrians. I'm more frustrated with not having a safe place to stand or walk. I've fallen on my ass on ice 4 times this winter, and I'm not looking forward breaking a bone in the future. If I'm not going to have a car to drive....I want to be WARM!!

There are other ways to deal with your apartment complex's negligence in cleaning the sidewalks than moving

If you're cold, you're not dressed properly.

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 62

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 6:49:55 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Some people just prefer heat over cold. I would rather be hot than cold. In my current situation, I'm not sleeping in a tent, but I have to stand out at the bus stops and what has been an especially big pain in the ass this winter is that they don't clear any of the snow from areas for pedestrians. I'm more frustrated with not having a safe place to stand or walk. I've fallen on my ass on ice 4 times this winter, and I'm not looking forward breaking a bone in the future. If I'm not going to have a car to drive....I want to be WARM!!

There are other ways to deal with your apartment complex's negligence in cleaning the sidewalks than moving

If you're cold, you're not dressed properly.

Yes...when I break something I will hire a lawyer. I actually took a picture of the sidewalk into my landlord's office to show them how it wasn't cleared yet. They insisted that they had actually cleared the sidewalks, but it was now covered again because the street snow plows pushed all the snow back on to the sidewalk. That was total bullshit.

As far as dressing.....I wear thermal underwear, a turtleneck, a sweater, a fleece jacket and a parka, hat, gloves and scarf. The really crazy thing about this is that they've been having problems with the heating system in the building where I work. There have been a lot of days where it's been in the mid-40s all day in our offices. I originally wore the thermal underwear to be warm while waiting for the bus, but I kept it on once I got into our building. It made the chill in the building just barely manageable. I've been wearing it to work on a regular all winter. LOL

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 63

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 7:10:52 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

Update.....I talked to my sister earlier this evening and she is supportive of what I want to do but she said I need to make sure that I'm not doing this just because of "winter blahs". I can understand that....and I told her that I know that IS part of it. I know that the season is making me want to get out of here even more. But I also know that winter will be back and I'm just going to feel the same way all over again.

Then I was just talking to him on the phone a few minutes ago. He has found some job projects up in my area and wants to come up here for a month or two starting sometime around May. He told me that he's been thinking about it today and after some things we discussed last night and the timetables we were putting together, he sees that it would probably be best if we delay my moving down there for a couple of months. I told him that if now HE WANTS me to stay here longer I'm perfectly fine about that......but now I am going to need help from him paying the extra rent. He said that's fine with him. Now things are getting really interesting.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 64

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 7:25:35 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I honestly hope things work out for you, from what I understood the only thing that stopped you getting involved with him was the distance - since he's willing to remove that obstacle, all I can say is "GOOD LUCK!" And hopefully things work out so you can go to FL with him and get your degree!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 65

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 7:30:11 PM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for sharing, relocating IS a very big, life changing deal.

I meet/or see SO many that "say" they are willing to relocate, but I have met very few people that have actually done it.

When a man tells me, he is "willing to relocate", I say "I have relocated for someone have you?".

I would say 98% of the time they have never done it, and most never would do it.

Keep us posted and best of luck to you!

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 3/4/2014 7:31:00 PM >

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 66

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 7:48:08 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Thanks for sharing, relocating IS a very big, life changing deal.

I meet/or see SO many that "say" they are willing to relocate, but I have met very few people that have actually done it.

Relocated several times in my life, during university, later on for jobs, not just countries, continents, it's a massive PITA, I actually relocated to the UK to live with hubby, but we had dated for a while before (3 or 4 years) and what we spent on flights was simply indecent, I was paying rent for a large place where I didn't spend much time at, because I was away due to work or with him, basically I spent almost twice as much as my share of the mortgage is... It was a risk, I was nervous, in fact shit scared, it did work...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 67

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 7:58:22 PM

VeryMercurial

Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for sharing a relocation success story!

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 68

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/4/2014 8:08:52 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

I am not sure if I would have done it if I wouldn't have moved all over the world as a student and later for work, the thing was the language barrier wasn't much of a problem for me, it would have been much bigger for hubby, but if you want to be with somebody, you make it work and take risks, I had a job to go to in the UK, so it wasn't like I was dependent, that is why I understand the OPs hesitation, though her guy is making it work, which really shows some commitment and since the distance seemed to be the only reason why she didn't get involved but they are really great friends, I think they have a fantastic basis to work on. Though what kali said about doing check-ups, yes, that can never harm!

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to VeryMercurial)

Post #: 69

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/5/2014 10:12:35 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Personally if I had the chance to move to Fla, I would give up absolutely everything except Master! I'd start from scratch. But then again, I've moved so much throughout my life that moving and starting over isn't that big a deal to me. The only time it was hard for me was when I had my daughter. But before and after? Yup, rather easy now.

I would think it wouldn't be much different for you since you have no one dependent on you or anything really holding you back. Plus you have a sister as your fall back.

But I'm of the opinion a person should live their dreams and ambitions because tomorrow may never come so do what you can today.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 70

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 3:21:29 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Personally if I had the chance to move to Fla, I would give up absolutely everything except Master! I'd start from scratch. But then again, I've moved so much throughout my life that moving and starting over isn't that big a deal to me. The only time it was hard for me was when I had my daughter. But before and after? Yup, rather easy now.

I would think it wouldn't be much different for you since you have no one dependent on you or anything really holding you back. Plus you have a sister as your fall back.

But I'm of the opinion a person should live their dreams and ambitions because tomorrow may never come so do what you can today.

Thanks everyone for the support and good wishes!

lw....that is exactly how I feel. I really don't have much here holding me back.....and certainly nothing that is a source of personal fulfillment. The only things that make it truly difficult are that I don't want to feel like I'm abandoning my mother, and the security of the benefits I get with my current job. But....his wanting to come up here for awhile and help me financially so I can take some time to make sure Mom is going to be ok, and take time to get to know him better "in persoon" really says a lot to me. If he actually does what he says he is going to do, then that will make it that much easier. If this turns out to be nothing but smoke and mrrors and he doesn't do what he says he is going to do, then it will cost me an extra $200 for a month's rent. I can manage that....that's not a very expensive lesson.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 71

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 4:38:36 AM

sadistic1heart

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 72

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 4:55:49 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sadistic1heart

Sadistic1heart.....could you please interpret?

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to sadistic1heart)

Post #: 73

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 9:32:59 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I don't want to feel like I'm abandoning my mother

I assume that your mother does not depend on you currently, or we would not be having this conversation? Would he be willing to relocate back to Delaware when the time comes that she does need you? Would she be willing to move to FL?

My man's parents are 87 and 94 and he usually puts in about 20 hours per week doing laundry, shopping, picking up food, errands, doctors, lawyers, visiting his father at the nursing home, etc. Maybe 30 hours.

I'm 30 minutes from my mother at the moment, and know that I will eventually be living right next door, if not with her.

My mother is in her 70s and can do all of the above herself, but does really appreciate my emotional support, and tells me often how happy she is that I returned from Florida.

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 74

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 4:43:52 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I don't want to feel like I'm abandoning my mother

I assume that your mother does not depend on you currently, or we would not be having this conversation? Would he be willing to relocate back to Delaware when the time comes that she does need you? Would she be willing to move to FL?

My man's parents are 87 and 94 and he usually puts in about 20 hours per week doing laundry, shopping, picking up food, errands, doctors, lawyers, visiting his father at the nursing home, etc. Maybe 30 hours.

I'm 30 minutes from my mother at the moment, and know that I will eventually be living right next door, if not with her.

My mother is in her 70s and can do all of the above herself, but does really appreciate my emotional support, and tells me often how happy she is that I returned from Florida.

Mom doesn't depend on me currently.....but that's probably not very far down the road. I would love if she would move down to Florida because of my other sister being down there too.

Here's a bit of psycho-babble info for ya....As much as I love my mother and I do have a very close and positive relationship with her, in a way, I do blame her for the bad left turn my life took so many years ago. When I was first diagnosed with epilepsy and lost my driver's license, the day I was discharged from the hospital, the doctor was explaining about how I would lose my license for at least a year. My mom was sitting there and she piped in "Well....the ophthalmologists always said that you probably shouldn't drive anyway". That was what triggered his decision to not let me have it back at all. If she would have kept her mouth shut, I could have had it back in a year and been back in school and graduated in another year, and my life would be totally different from what it is now.

So now....I finally got my license back and I have a chance to change my life, and the thought that my mother would play a key part in holding me back once again....even though I know that would never be her intention....drives me a bit crazy. I feel guilty thinking about it like this, because I know that day in the hospital it wasn't her intention to stifle my life for 18 years. I also know that her needing any of my help now isn't because she wants to continue to hold me back. But that's very well what might happen.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 75

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 6:23:20 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I can understand about your mother. My mother has now been in the hospital for almost a month and they don't think she will be leaving for at least another two weeks which will make it over a month. I was a little concerned that I may have to make huge changes in my life, possibly even moving back home or moving my mom here which would mean I would have to find a bigger home. Thankfully though one of my older sisters has pulled through because she lives closer to our mom and will be taking on the charge. I feel awful that she has to do this but now at least I know my mom will be taken care of once she's out of the hospital.

I take it you don't have other siblings to help out with your mother? I can also understand about wanting to blame your mother for your hardships. I admit many years ago I did the same thing with my mother because of stuff that happened between us but as she's gotten older I've come to the conclusion that you know, she's still my mom and if she really needed me then I would still be here for her. In the end they are still our parents.

I think this is a talk you need to have with your mom and any siblings you have. I'm glad that me and mine were able to do this recently and we've all been able to come together even over the distances. We're all able to do different things for my mom even though we don't all live near her. Each one takes on a different responsibility for our mom that they are able to do. Hopefully you are maybe able to do this.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 76

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 6:55:48 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

I have 2 other sisters and a brother.....all older than me.

My oldest sister lives in Florida with her husband....they have no kids, and are very financially secure. She comes up to visit once or twice a year.

My second sister is the one my mom has lived with for the past 8 years after she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Up to this point my mom has been fairly independent while living with my sister. Mom needs help with doing some physically demanding things (taking out her trash, laundry etc) Other than that, the only thing she has needed from my sister is the room she's been staying in. However....my sister is the tempermental artist of the family. She is the one I have always been jealous of....she is beautiful, EXTREMELY intelligent, artistically talented and creative beyond belief. She has a great job with *close to* a 6 figure income. But she can also be a bitch. She's very tempermental and emotional

and doesn't think twice about telling someone off. Even though my mom really hasn't interrupted her life in anyway, she still resents that Mom lives with her and not with one of us. Her husband....while a nice enough guy, hasn't had a "real" steady job for over 15 years. He kind of fell into the role of house husband and primary care of the kids.

My brother lives with his girlfriend he's been with for just over a year. He has a steady job, but he lives in her house. If I didn't know better I'd wonder if he was a male sub. LOL (long story) Incidentally....his girlfriend owns a house right across the street from my sister....that's how they met.

So...Sister #1 is in Fla, Sister #2 has already "done her time" with Mom....I suppose my brother is a possibility....and he's the one I'm really going to have to talk to. But he also has a very active life with his girlfriend. They've been together for just over a year and have been to Florida twice, Canada, Vermont, Colorado and California.

Then there's me....

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 77

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/6/2014 7:07:42 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

well then you DO have other siblings. And if worse comes to worse, you move to FLA and both you and your sister move her to FLA and you both care for her as a team.

This doesn't have to be something that will stop you from living your life. It's still possible, especially when you aren't the only sibling. You all need to take on the responsibilities depending on each one's skills and talents and what they can offer.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 78

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/7/2014 1:37:52 PM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

So I was just talking to my mom and she informed me that she has changed the executor/beneficiary on her retirement savings and life insurance policy from my sister that she lives with....to me.

Crap....this can't be good.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 79

RE: I just need to think out loud for a moment...and wo... - 3/7/2014 1:58:40 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

It can be, as long as she communicates to them the reason why. Six years ago, I had to move back in with my mom to take care of her, as she began losing her sight and hearing. Originally, my sister was the primary benificiary on the bank account, insurance, etc. Mom called her up and explained to her the reason she was doing this, and my sister accepted it without argument. As a result, when mom passed back in '12, my sister and I weren't at loggerheads over who got what. I don't know it that helps, but it's about all I can offer you.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 80

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