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What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy relation... - 1/6/2015 8:42:15 PM

hafnium

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/6/2015
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What is the attraction for women of what is called femdom in US?

To search on the Internet I learn that femdom is about relationship and sexuality dyamic and power exchange but so is so many other of kink relationship.

If femdom is same as all other then it would not need the name.

Physically women are different than men so reversing roles must make some changes (eg strapon, facesit, etc).

But I am not understanding the attraction of femdom is to the women.

What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy relationships?

Post #: 1

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/6/2015 9:06:33 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

Because females can be dominant and we have to call them something.

Other than that, there really is no difference... unless of course you are talking about professional female dominants, and then the only difference is money changes hands.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to hafnium)

Post #: 2

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/6/2015 9:15:54 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

Because females can be dominant and we have to call them something.

That made me smile.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 3

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/6/2015 10:03:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Um, the woman is in charge in a femDom relationship. THAT is what distinguishes it from other relationships.

Am I missing something here?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 4

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/7/2015 12:54:31 AM

AllTheThings

Posts: 25
Joined: 12/29/2014
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All of the above.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/7/2015 2:02:40 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Initially I wasn't going to take your post seriously, but since you are just 19, I shall attempt to answer your questions briefly. I have a couple of my own.

How is it that you have classified yourself as a submissive and how would you know? Your profile indicates you are "Just here to learn." I take it that you don't know what a "switch" is.

You have answered your own question when you say "If femdom is same as all other then it would not need the name." Ergo, Fem(ale)Dom(ination) is not the same. Furthermore, not all FemDom relationships are "sexy relationships" either. Sex is not automatically included. "Intimate" would be more apropos; however, that can also be defined in a multitude of ways.

-- What is the attraction for a woman to want to dominate an intimate relationship with her partner? The same as any attraction for a Dominant to want to dominate her/his interpersonal relationships. You may as well be asking, What is the attraction for a submissive to want to be submissive to another?

-- A kink relationship, strictly speaking, involves some aspect of BDSM. BDSM activities are not mandatory for a D/s relationship dynamic. Kinky acts are acts that don't necessarily entail Dominance and submission. There are BDSM Tops (givers) who are not Dominant; there are BDSM bottoms (receivers) who are not submissive. What you may view or perceive as being acts of dominance & submission are actually acts of Topping & bottoming. (Somebody who "switches" roles between being the Top or the bottom is called a switch.)

Think of BDSM as the ingredients in a recipe. Separate ingredients in themselves do not make the culinary dish, nor do they make it palatable. Ingredients can be substituted. The dining experience is D/s in this analogy.

-- FemDom is not a role reversal.

You don't even want to get me started on this subject, believe me.

-- Facesitting is a vanilla sex act and not BDSM. Just because sex acts can be included within a BDSM scene does not make them kinky.

For the sake of brevity, I'll stop here.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to hafnium)

Post #: 6

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/7/2015 5:48:56 AM

hafnium

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/6/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
How is it that you have classified yourself as a submissive and how would you know? Your profile indicates you are "Just here to learn." I take it that you don't know what a "switch" is.

I'm not sure what I am. I tried to put to nothing but the web page would not let me be no answer. I have changed to switch, but I am not sure.

quote:

Fem(ale)Dom(ination) is not the same. Sex is not automatically included. "Intimate" would be more apropos

I did not think femdom women is the same as maledom men but one is a girl, and the other is a boy.
My heart tells me there are larger differents.

quote:

Think of BDSM as the ingredients in a recipe.

It would be great if you can the separate ingredients in the recipe Domina list!

quote:

FemDom is not a role reversal. You don't even want to get me started on this subject

This set is the core of my question. I know in my heart that is not only roles dominatrix reversal.
There must be more. But what more?
What does the Dominatrix woman enjoy the most?
What a thing is the Dominant woman want the best out of man?

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 7

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/7/2015 3:21:06 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Not all women are alike. Nor are all men exactly the same.

So there are no truisms you can declare about relationships based on gender.

What does a dominant woman want the most? To be the person who gets to make the decisions in the relationship. Which could be when they have sex or if they're going out to dinner or what new car to buy. Usually, in most relationships, authority is divided up in individual areas.

In a d/s relationship, it's more likely for all authority to lie in the hands of one person.Which doesn't mean the dominant has to make every single decisions, just that when they want to, they can.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hafnium)

Post #: 8

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 6:05:19 AM

Miyani

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Joined: 12/4/2007
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What FieryOpal means when she says "Femdom is not role reversal" is that you seem to be operating with the FALSE belief that "typical" or "natural" roles involve the man being in charge. That is absolutely not the case. Femdom does not put a woman in a male role, it puts a woman in charge, which is a perfectly natural place for many women to be.

Many men are naturally dominant. Many women are naturally dominant. Many men are naturally submissive. Many women are naturally submissive. And likely the majority of men AND women, since What It Is We Do is still in the minority, are naturally desiring of being equal partners.

A woman occupying a dominant role isn't "role reversal." It's her, being in her natural place.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 8:10:16 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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FemDom is often associated with a female superiority / male inferiority dynamic, as opposed to female Dommes who simply have a D/s dynamic. Much FemDom material is associated with a kind of radical feminist bravado about women being goddesses who must be worshipped by pathetic lowly males, unlike most other F/m relationships which will have an underlying foundation of mutual respect and dignity, even if the roles and statuses are different. I can't read most FemDom stuff as it goes against my beliefs in gender equality and free will. I'm kinky because it excites me, not because one gender is superior to the other.

(in reply to hafnium)

Post #: 10

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 8:34:38 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hafnium

This set is the core of my question. I know in my heart that is not only roles dominatrix reversal.
There must be more. But what more?
What does the Dominatrix woman enjoy the most?
What a thing is the Dominant woman want the best out of man?

You can ask your question 100 times to 100 different people and the core answer will still be the same. In a FemDom relationship the woman is the dominant.

Because everyone determines what their own personal dynamic is, there is no simplified answer better than that.

Put those same 100 people in a room together and ask them what their dynamic is like, and you will get 100 unique and different answers. Sure, there may be common themes that arise, but the specifics you ask for are so varied and random that it is basically impossible to encapsulate them in a simple post.

If what you are "hearing" in your heart is your definition, then that is the definition that works for you and quite possibly, you alone.

There are no "Rules According to Hoyle" that define, categorize, outline or otherwise map out exactly what a BDSM role should be.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to hafnium)

Post #: 11

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 8:39:39 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

What FieryOpal means when she says "Femdom is not role reversal" is that you seem to be operating with the FALSE belief that "typical" or "natural" roles involve the man being in charge. That is absolutely not the case. Femdom does not put a woman in a male role, it puts a woman in charge, which is a perfectly natural place for many women to be.

Many men are naturally dominant. Many women are naturally dominant. Many men are naturally submissive. Many women are naturally submissive. And likely the majority of men AND women, since What It Is We Do is still in the minority, are naturally desiring of being equal partners.

A woman occupying a dominant role isn't "role reversal." It's her, being in her natural place.

I love this

. Best of all it applies to nilla life too. A woman who is a boss isn't doing a man's job she's simply a woman who is in charge.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 12

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 9:06:14 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

@orgasmdenial12, I was using FemDom in a broader sense, not specifically related to FemDom porn or the more typical male-oriented erotica, as well as anime. There are some who refer to FemDom as a Female Dominant to distinguish between a Male Dominant and don't call Dominant women Dommes. There are Dominant women who don't like to be called a Domme, and/or Mistress either. How OP means FemDom may be more like what you've described, however. If so, then part of what may be perplexing him is porn vs. reality, which is often what confounds men (when they discover that real life is not what's portrayed in porn by a huge marginal gap).

As for F/m (as with the term FLR-Female Led Relationship), this is useful contrapuntal to M/f, but doesn't take other D/s orientations into consideration (e.g. F/f, M/m, F/m/f, F/m/m, F/M/f, F/M/m, etc.).

I don't know where all of this superiority/inferiority rubbish comes from in what little I've seen of FemDom porn (that I could tolerate

). Since porn is primarily produced by men for men (Figures at a West Coast trade show last year put female-owned porn and/or sex-related businesses at roughly 31%, but many of those are co-owned by men, and I don't trust these figures.), there's a niche market out there for perpetuating sexists beliefs. Feminism is about individual choice, and if a woman wants to be a stay-at-home wife with her husband in charge of household, then more power to her. I would simply point out that (not "traditional" anymore) housewives are usually in charge of running the household itself.

@Miyani, this is one of the biggest fallacies that I run into personally with male subs, the notion that maleness equates to authority and that femaleness or femininity doesn't, and that somehow by acting less masculine, their so-called submissiveness can shine through. It is a form of reverse-sexism.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 13

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 9:44:55 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The op also doesn't understand that individual acts do not make someone dominant or submissive.

I can easily imagine a situation where a male dom wants to perform oral sex on his partner but his back hurts so he lies down and tells her to sit on his face. Since he decides that position is what he wants, he's still dominant.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 14

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 10:09:05 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

What FieryOpal means when she says "Femdom is not role reversal" is that you seem to be operating with the FALSE belief that "typical" or "natural" roles involve the man being in charge. That is absolutely not the case. Femdom does not put a woman in a male role, it puts a woman in charge, which is a perfectly natural place for many women to be.

Many men are naturally dominant. Many women are naturally dominant. Many men are naturally submissive. Many women are naturally submissive. And likely the majority of men AND women, since What It Is We Do is still in the minority, are naturally desiring of being equal partners.

A woman occupying a dominant role isn't "role reversal." It's her, being in her natural place.

Well said, Miyani.

The difference between a FemDom and a bitch is the FemDom will listen to you, most likely disregard your input if it is deemed frivolous, but she will listen, and she will lead the relationship in the best direction for both of you... even in spite of you if needs be.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 15

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 10:56:59 AM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

~FR~ Count me in as another who uses FemDom to mean Female Domination (or Female Dominant). Also, even radical feminism is not misandry, kthx.

@Exiled: I really like that explanation. As long as I can still be a bitch while doing the FemDom stuff. ;)

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 16

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 11:10:55 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

~FR~ Count me in as another who uses FemDom to mean Female Domination (or Female Dominant). Also, even radical feminism is not misandry, kthx.

@Exiled: I really like that explanation. As long as I can still be a bitch while doing the FemDom stuff. ;)

You have my permission to do so.

Now, for all you new people, she really didn't need nor want my permission, but it inflated my ego to give it.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 17

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 11:26:59 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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~FR~

Yeah, FemDom is just Female Dominant, not some over-blown version of the concept. I call myself a FemDom, I am an active member in a local FemDom group, and I do not believe in superiority of one sex over another.

I just believe in my ability to lead, and to lead my relationships better than anyone else.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 18

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/8/2015 7:14:12 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hafnium

What is the attraction for women of what is called femdom in US?

To search on the Internet I learn that femdom is about relationship and sexuality dyamic and power exchange but so is so many other of kink relationship.

If femdom is same as all other then it would not need the name.

Physically women are different than men so reversing roles must make some changes (eg strapon, facesit, etc).

But I am not understanding the attraction of femdom is to the women.

What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy relationships?

Wrong question.

Dominant women have a very hard role.

They have to somehow appease (and appeal to) sub men.

I think it's as hard to be a Domme woman as it is to be a (strong) sub man.

I'm not a woman so I can't speak to that but, I can imagine....few women want a weak man and yet....so many of (us) sub men want such a strong woman that we can be weak....but they still want their doors opened.

They want a strong man.

What a conundrum.

(Indeed).

(in reply to hafnium)

Post #: 19

RE: What is DIFFERENT about femdom than other sexy rela... - 1/9/2015 3:20:31 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Dominant women have a very hard role.

They have to somehow appease (and appeal to) sub men.

I think it's as hard to be a Domme woman as it is to be a (strong) sub man.

I'm not a woman so I can't speak to that but, I can imagine....few women want a weak man and yet....so many of (us) sub men want such a strong woman that we can be weak....but they still want their doors opened.

They want a strong man.

What a conundrum.

(Indeed).

Hmmm. I don't find this to be true.

My role is quite easy. I am just me. Whoever likes that is able to ask to be a part of my life. If I like them, they get to stay as long as both they and I want.

VERY SIMPLE.

And, for the record, I associate strength with submission. Not weakness.

I associate weakness with "do-me" mentality, or any other person that trades something they are not for something they want, instead of also just being who they are, and being the best they can be at it.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 20

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