RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:08:00 AM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

From the beginning of time. Environment can play a factor in shaping the final product but that is too lengthy and complex to go into.
because one is born with a predilection for one flavour, perhaps both, almost all can function in any type of relationship

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 9/16/2016 10:10:27 AM >

(in reply to sloguy02246)

Post #: 21

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:32:58 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their responses.

There were a few points that I thought that were noteworthy:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I would like to think universally, at least maturity is a pre-requisite to be a dominant.

This is a good point. If you are talking about maturity as having one's own shit together, I agree. Although it also brings up the question of how maturity is defined. I am 50, and I would like to think that I have most of my shit together. There are some areas that I need to work on to be sure, but do those areas reduce my credibility as a dominant as a result?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Imagine the cartoon me. The cartoon me just grew horns, chucked, and thought about asking you just how much fun you'd like to have with this thread?

I imagined the cartoon you... scary shit.

However, if you want to make other points, I am certainly willing to listen.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

So doesn't someone who calls himself Master have to be self proclamed as such? Who else can do it for them?

Well, there is that Master Richard that gives a one day crash course and gives you a certificate all for just $100.

All kidding aside, In answering who else can do it for them, I might say their partner... but that is also subjective.

I have seen the threads from young dominants (I do not do the caps thing, sorry), who, very obviously do not have any fucking idea what they are talking about. Very often, in those threads, I have seen people attack the OP for their age. I have seen other threads where a posters age comes into question relative to their status within the context of BDSM. Make no mistake, I have done this too... mostly to the "One Twue Wayers" and the Pay Princesses. Over the last few days, I have been reviewing old threads, and I started noticing that even young dominants and submissives that appear to have their shit together, get told that they are young and not experienced enough. This disturbed me quite a bit, simply because there is no clear definition of how much experience or what age is sufficient to call one's self a dominant and have credibility as a result.

I am reticent to use the word 'ageism' because I do not think that is the case all of the time, but certainly there is an element of it and that bugs me for some reason. The person cannot help that they are their age, and sometimes it gets held against them, and I don't think that is fair. Again, the ones that come here and spew tripe basically earn what they get in return, but the ones that don't and they say something a little wrong, their age sometimes gets pointed to as the cause for their error. While that may be true, it also may not be true simply because they are still learning.

I must say, I am enjoying the discussion. Thanks everyone.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 22

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:42:12 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I started noticing that even young dominants and submissives that appear to have their shit together, get told that they are young and not experienced enough.

Well, the reality is that someone who is 18 or 19 years old isn't experienced. They will have limited experience with relationships and with topping skills. That doesn't mean that they're not a good Dominant or even Dominant.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 23

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:50:16 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Well, the reality is that someone who is 18 or 19 years old isn't experienced. They will have limited experience with relationships and with topping skills. That doesn't mean that they're not a good Dominant or even Dominant.

I will agree to a point. Their level of experience is OK to point out, but to automatically assume that their age disqualifies their claimed role, is not (I am not saying that you said that, just to clarify). It took time for me to learn the ropes (pun intended) but I did come into this later in life, so I cannot speak as one who was 18 or thereabouts.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 24

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:57:01 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Well, the reality is that someone who is 18 or 19 years old isn't experienced. They will have limited experience with relationships and with topping skills. That doesn't mean that they're not a good Dominant or even Dominant.

I will agree to a point. Their level of experience is OK to point out, but to automatically assume that their age disqualifies their claimed role, is not (I am not saying that you said that, just to clarify). It took time for me to learn the ropes (pun intended) but I did come into this later in life, so I cannot speak as one who was 18 or thereabouts.

I think a lot of times it's about the approach. Realistically, we know that someone that is very young has little experience. But, unfortunately, a lack of experience is something that some D's can't/won't admit and covers it up with bravado.

But, I do think you're right, there are times that age is unnecessarily brought into the equation.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 25

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 12:31:57 PM

WhoreMods

Posts: 10691
Joined: 5/6/2016
Status: offline

Mind you, there probably is an age when one should perhaps stop acting dominant. I have an image of a Gorean nursing home:
"What are you doing you stupid bitch! That isn't the way John Norman would write some submissive baggage putting a catheter into a fallen warrior!"
"Shut up with the dominant crap unless you want to change your own nappy, you mad old fart."

_____________________________

On the level and looking for a square deal.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 26

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 12:36:03 PM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

If a person can take responsibility for themselves and the other in their D/s relationship, they are a dominant. If they don't do it well, they are a new dominant, or a learning dominant.

If they are 47, and still can't take either personal or relational responsibility, they are not dominant, regardless of what they call themselves.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to WhoreMods)

Post #: 27

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 1:02:00 PM

WickedsDesire

Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline

My age (curiously soon to be 47) changes all the time its a planetary thing. Ageism and malareky is rife because the meek, weak, sheople, fractured, are all pre programmed - they are lost, forever, does that make that lot good for anything. I think not myself and it exerts toil on me. But are they not the many and if that is the case does the error lie within me.

Alas dear NookieNotes
no.

Gauge original question was at what age does someone become dominant - and is valid for submissive and in-between. Those young whippersnappers have been about since before my time. I have seem then harshly treated and ridiculed over the epochs- granted most ask for it with, but so do their elders. But they are usually men which, I always found curious. and their extent of their knowledge is what bint is up for a cavity stretching --->. giveaways, and many of their elders are no better.

What makes a good dominant is something even I would struggle to answer

What makes a good dominant is an entirely different question. What makes a good anything is also equally valid

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 9/16/2016 1:03:41 PM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 28

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 1:17:33 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I imagined the cartoon you... scary shit. However, if you want to make other points, I am certainly willing to listen.

Nah. Already did. Some people entirely flip when I put up what I believe are *my* criteria to think of somebody as a Master or not. A lot of people don't like my standards at all.

quote:

Well, there is that Master Richard that gives a one day crash course and gives you a certificate all for just $100.

As an off-topic, isn't that some far out stuff? I seriously didn't believe that until I saw the ad for myself. I'm not against taking the class or anything. I just thought it was funny as hell that the guy would actually print out certificates for people to hang on the wall.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 29

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 1:55:57 PM

Danemora

Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline

~FRing it~

To my currently 43 year old self, an 18 year old Dominant seems hilariously ludicrous. But to my formerly 18 year old self, an 18 year old Dominant might very well be the cat's pajamas and a bag of chips. To my way of thinking...just because someone doesn't meet my idea of what a Dominant is/does, it doesn't mean they aren't.

< Message edited by Danemora -- 9/16/2016 1:58:12 PM >

_____________________________

~The artist formerly known as SeekingTrinity on tour as a solo act~

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 30

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 2:20:11 PM

cloverodella

Posts: 133
Joined: 8/8/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Well, the reality is that someone who is 18 or 19 years old isn't experienced. They will have limited experience with relationships and with topping skills. That doesn't mean that they're not a good Dominant or even Dominant.

I will agree to a point. Their level of experience is OK to point out, but to automatically assume that their age disqualifies their claimed role, is not (I am not saying that you said that, just to clarify). It took time for me to learn the ropes (pun intended) but I did come into this later in life, so I cannot speak as one who was 18 or thereabouts.

I think a lot of times it's about the approach. Realistically, we know that someone that is very young has little experience. But, unfortunately, a lack of experience is something that some D's can't/won't admit and covers it up with bravado.

But, I do think you're right, there are times that age is unnecessarily brought into the equation.

I consider myself totally new to the game. I've only been on CS/CM for 3 years, learning and exploring, even if I've always known that I'm submissive. I'd like to think I come to the table with humility about that fact -- I think that the young ones who have their age thrown in their face are the ones who lack that humility, "covering it up with bravado" as Oside said.

I think it's important to note that the BDSM community has a "respect your elders" mindset among lifestylers. A good Dominant is willing to learn from other Dom/mes with experience and is always learning. The young ones who think they know it all get called out on that because among other things, that's a folly of youth. If they're good, they'll learn from it.

To me, confidence is one thing, but bravado and bluster are the opposite of Dominant behavior. Then again there are plenty of Doms I could name on the forums who are old and still have that attitude.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 31

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 5:12:20 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
This is a good point. If you are talking about maturity as having one's own shit together, I agree. Although it also brings up the question of how maturity is defined. I am 50, and I would like to think that I have most of my shit together. There are some areas that I need to work on to be sure, but do those areas reduce my credibility as a dominant as a result?

I don't necessary interprete maturity as having their shit together. I feel like life is a constant process of continually trying to get your shit together. But considering for me, most men within my age range in their 30's or younger often still seem immature to me. I think all men goes through stages of impatience and are more easily frustrated in their youth. And then as they get older, they kinda mellow out, like seriously...., mellow out. Alot of things that used to press their buttons when young, they develop more control over their emotions and not let what used to bother them bother them anymore. And a big key of being dominant is having good control over yourself and your own emotions I feel.

It is just a very different experience with an older person compared to a younger person. So far for me. I never met a younger man who I felt was more mature and wiser than me. If I did, I would be able to see him as dominant potential. I believe there are exceptions. I mean, literally, I have met dominants who married women more 10 years older than them or more. Clearly, they are able to earn the respect of a much older woman that they are capable of good dominance and are stable and mature enough for them. One of them married a woman 20 years older than him in his mid twenties and now in his late 60's, and imagine she is in her 80's, they are still happily together. And the story was incredible, of how he felt towards her the moment he saw her, all that protective instinct and wanting to take care of her. A 20 plus yr old male sees a 40 plus yr old female and feels that way towards her? That is incredible. It actually often fascinate me when a younger man and a much older woman can last forever. They gotta sync so well and be so right for each other regardless of age. And considering she is much older, I feel like usually when men marry a younger woman, he takes care of her early years but when he gets into the old age, she being significantly younger will be taking care of him. For that guy, being the significant younger person, he has been taking care of her from day 1 till today, and she will probably pass away before him. He must have considered that responsibility, and yet at a young age of 20 plus, it didn't falter him. That is a young mature dude, like seriously. I wondered how he was like in his 20's.

My favourite question to any man to gauge him is asking him what is the worst situation in his life that he has ever been through and how did he handle it. Especially if he is young. I will clearly have more respect for a young person in their maturity if they had weathered serious adversity and really handled it like a man with maturity and wiseness beyond their years.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 9/16/2016 5:24:22 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 32

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 6:45:59 PM

ilovestarbucks

Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

First and foremost, I need to credit ThatDizzyChick for the question, although this has been bugging me for some time and I think it needs to be discussed.

While I am guilty of chuckling at people within the age group of 18-25 that cluck about being Masters, because it takes years to master anything in daily life, let alone become a 'Master' in BDSM, and I am not talking about honorifics. For myself, being a Master takes time, patience and a whole lot of self discipline. And I will give anyone, at any age, the benefit of the doubt.

I was a dominant ever since I can remember, although due to life circumstances and other contributing factors, it didn't always shine the way it should. In school, kids always rallied around my leadership, while I was an introvert at heart, I never realized that I had some kind of power that made people to allow me to lead them. It took me years until I had a name for what was naturally coming from me. Hell... I was in a band, and they were voting on who would be the leader, and to my surprise, they chose me, and that is not something I wanted, but I did it, and I did it well.

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?

I believe a person can be Dominant at any age. When I was 18-years-old and I took a class from a Master. Although it was very expensive, it was well worth it. It was a packed filled one day seminar teaching me how to become a Master. He let me practice the techniques on his submissive. After the course I was confident in being a Dominant. He also gave me a certificate that I completed the course.

Since I knew how to be a Dominant, I experienced being a Submissive too and have served under several Online Mistresses.

< Message edited by ilovestarbucks -- 9/16/2016 6:46:58 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 33

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 7:31:18 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

First and foremost, I need to credit ThatDizzyChick for the question, although this has been bugging me for some time and I think it needs to be discussed.

While I am guilty of chuckling at people within the age group of 18-25 that cluck about being Masters, because it takes years to master anything in daily life, let alone become a 'Master' in BDSM, and I am not talking about honorifics. For myself, being a Master takes time, patience and a whole lot of self discipline. And I will give anyone, at any age, the benefit of the doubt.

I was a dominant ever since I can remember, although due to life circumstances and other contributing factors, it didn't always shine the way it should. In school, kids always rallied around my leadership, while I was an introvert at heart, I never realized that I had some kind of power that made people to allow me to lead them. It took me years until I had a name for what was naturally coming from me. Hell... I was in a band, and they were voting on who would be the leader, and to my surprise, they chose me, and that is not something I wanted, but I did it, and I did it well.

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?

I believe a person can be Dominant at any age. When I was 18-years-old and I took a class from a Master. Although it was very expensive, it was well worth it. It was a packed filled one day seminar teaching me how to become a Master. He let me practice the techniques on his submissive. After the course I was confident in being a Dominant. He also gave me a certificate that I completed the course.

Since I knew how to be a Dominant, I experienced being a Submissive too and have served under several Online Mistresses.

Oh dear....you can't actually be that gullible........

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)

Post #: 34

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 7:33:31 PM

cloverodella

Posts: 133
Joined: 8/8/2013
Status: offline

How much did the certificate cost?

Since you already knew how to be a Dominant at age 18, three years ago, why do you have such a hard time falling for the scamDommes' now? Did the Master not teach you that?

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)

Post #: 35

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 7:37:23 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella

How much did the certificate cost?

Since you already knew how to be a Dominant at age 18, three years ago, why do you have such a hard time falling for the scamDommes' now? Did the Master not teach you that?

I'm hoping this is just some form of high sarcasm that I'm just not catching from him, because no one can actually believe a one day course and a certificate are legit things in the bdsm community....right....RIGHT??

That is scary as fuck if he really thinks a one day course is sufficient to be a trustworthy competent Dom. The damage such a person could do is unfathomable. *shudder*

(in reply to cloverodella)

Post #: 36

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 8:00:01 PM

cloverodella

Posts: 133
Joined: 8/8/2013
Status: offline

I fully believe he would pay hundreds of dollars to a Master for a one day course. Check out his history of forum posts... I haven't seen mention of this class in his other posts; I love the irony of telling us about it on this post.

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

Post #: 37

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 9:58:02 PM

satanscharmer

Posts: 376
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Danemora

~FRing it~

To my currently 43 year old self, an 18 year old Dominant seems hilariously ludicrous. But to my formerly 18 year old self, an 18 year old Dominant might very well be the cat's pajamas and a bag of chips. To my way of thinking...just because someone doesn't meet my idea of what a Dominant is/does, it doesn't mean they aren't.

I like the way you worded this. Bonus points for "cat's pajamas" - I don't believe I've ever heard that term before, but I like it.

To the OP: Personally, I do not believe that there is any way to set a specific age, range, or even level of experience. I can call myself dominant and no one can tell me, with authority, that I'm not (especially the 18-year-old me). It's very subjective, dependent on personal perspectives.

(in reply to Danemora)

Post #: 38

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:05:19 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

If a person can take responsibility for themselves and the other in their D/s relationship, they are a dominant. If they don't do it well, they are a new dominant, or a learning dominant.

If they are 47, and still can't take either personal or relational responsibility, they are not dominant, regardless of what they call themselves.

Well said. I appreciate your input.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 39

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:09:07 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Nah. Already did. Some people entirely flip when I put up what I believe are *my* criteria to think of somebody as a Master or not. A lot of people don't like my standards at all.

I may not always agree with you, but I do respect your point of view. Thank you.

quote:

As an off-topic, isn't that some far out stuff? I seriously didn't believe that until I saw the ad for myself. I'm not against taking the class or anything. I just thought it was funny as hell that the guy would actually print out certificates for people to hang on the wall.

Wait... you mean that shit was real? Seriously? If what I have read about this course is true, then Master Richard is blowing smoke up peoples asses and making them believe that they come out of that class as a dominant. Mind = Blown.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.107