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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:13:25 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella

I consider myself totally new to the game. I've only been on CS/CM for 3 years, learning and exploring, even if I've always known that I'm submissive. I'd like to think I come to the table with humility about that fact -- I think that the young ones who have their age thrown in their face are the ones who lack that humility, "covering it up with bravado" as Oside said.

I think it's important to note that the BDSM community has a "respect your elders" mindset among lifestylers. A good Dominant is willing to learn from other Dom/mes with experience and is always learning. The young ones who think they know it all get called out on that because among other things, that's a folly of youth. If they're good, they'll learn from it.

To me, confidence is one thing, but bravado and bluster are the opposite of Dominant behavior. Then again there are plenty of Doms I could name on the forums who are old and still have that attitude.



When I was learning about this life, I was always humble, asked questions and remained flexible to other folks input. I made mistakes to be certain, but I always learned from them. To this day, I hope that I am still humble and able to learn, but have learned enough to give advice to new folks.

I have said it many times here, if you have to crow about how _____ you are... usually, you aren't.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to cloverodella)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:16:29 PM   
Gauge


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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

My favourite question to any man to gauge him is asking him what is the worst situation in his life that he has ever been through and how did he handle it. Especially if he is young. I will clearly have more respect for a young person in their maturity if they had weathered serious adversity and really handled it like a man with maturity and wiseness beyond their years.



You should have talked with me when I was 18. I had lived through a lot at that point in life... although my being humble didn't happen much until I had a breakdown after my divorce.

Thanks for the input.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:18:17 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

I believe a person can be Dominant at any age. When I was 18-years-old and I took a class from a Master. Although it was very expensive, it was well worth it. It was a packed filled one day seminar teaching me how to become a Master. He let me practice the techniques on his submissive. After the course I was confident in being a Dominant. He also gave me a certificate that I completed the course.

Since I knew how to be a Dominant, I experienced being a Submissive too and have served under several Online Mistresses.



Did you also require your submissive to read scriptures daily? If so, I remember you.

Was it Master Richard that gave the class?

If it was... I need to meet this guy.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 10:24:43 PM   
Gauge


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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satanscharmer

I like the way you worded this. Bonus points for "cat's pajamas" - I don't believe I've ever heard that term before, but I like it.



Bees Knees, Cat's Pajamas, yeah... when we use phrases like this, we are showing our age.

quote:

To the OP: Personally, I do not believe that there is any way to set a specific age, range, or even level of experience. I can call myself dominant and no one can tell me, with authority, that I'm not (especially the 18-year-old me). It's very subjective, dependent on personal perspectives.


True enough, ergo my question. I believe Nookie summed it up nicely when she said, "If a person can take responsibility for themselves and the other in their D/s relationship, they are a dominant. If they don't do it well, they are a new dominant, or a learning dominant.

quote:

If they are 47, and still can't take either personal or relational responsibility, they are not dominant, regardless of what they call themselves.


The only thing I will add to her statement, is if the dominant can admit making a mistake, own it, and learn to never make that mistake again they are on the right track.

EDITED TO ADD: Clarity. I wish I could type what was in my head rather than type the jumble that is my brain.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 9/16/2016 10:41:10 PM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to satanscharmer)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:11:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I may not always agree with you, but I do respect your point of view. Thank you.

You are always welcome, and thank you, too. For what it's worth, I don't tend to think that respecting (or liking someone, for that matter) a person means you agree with them all of the time. Sometimes, *not* liking what someone has to say has it's worth, too.
quote:

Wait... you mean that shit was real? Seriously? If what I have read about this course is true, then Master Richard is blowing smoke up peoples asses and making them believe that they come out of that class as a dominant. Mind = Blown.

Sounds outrageous, doesn't it? I thought "M" (of Mnb) was pulling my leg, or in his sense of humor, trying to find out just how gullible I'd really be, getting me to believe it. A prank between friends, ya know?

Nope. Real thing. For $99.95'' this guy, (I can't recall if he really goes by "Richard" or not) will take you for some dumb-@ssed one day intensive, sanctioned by the public dungeon space, and give you some kind of certificate that you are a faux "Master".

"But, look! I have the paper to prove it!"

Someone might be able to wipe their tail with it, if they couldn't find toilet paper of a better quality.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:19:14 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

For what it's worth, I don't tend to think that respecting (or liking someone, for that matter) a person means you agree with them all of the time. Sometimes, *not* liking what someone has to say has it's worth, too.



The best friendships I have ever had included disagreements. This allowed us to be our own person, and made us closer friends. Rare indeed.


quote:

Sounds outrageous, doesn't it? I thought "M" (of Mnb) was pulling my leg, or in his sense of humor, trying to find out just how gullible I'd really be, getting me to believe it. A prank between friends, ya know?

Nope. Real thing. For $99.95'' this guy, (I can't recall if he really goes by "Richard" or not) will take you for some dumb-@ssed one day intensive, sanctioned by the public dungeon space, and give you some kind of certificate that you are a faux "Master".

"But, look! I have the paper to prove it!"

Someone might be able to wipe their tail with it, if they couldn't find toilet paper of a better quality.


Would you PM me and I will link back to a post where Master Richard was a featured player? No moderator has seen fit to tell me if I can do so publicly.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 9/16/2016 11:43:05 PM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:27:52 PM   
littleclip


Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline 		some are dominate in play and some can project their persona when needed. my former owner would get different responses when in Dom mode than when just doing errands. it is a great thing to see in person. some who are just 18 call themselves master are more a top learning to become a master. i attended many classes with my former owner where both of us learned a new thing like wax or fire play and what to do and not do, not just hey i saw this let me try it on you.
for me a Master is the one that cares for their slave and is concerned for their whole person not just the play right now.
as far as who i will call master i have met many and give them the respect they have earned. i have been a part of a leather presentation and for those who recive the leather are very worthy of the title Master

_____________________________

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i will always come to the call of those i love


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:32:24 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
The best friendships I have ever have included disagreements. This allowed us to be our own person, and made us closer friends. Rare indeed.

Exactly!

quote:

Would you PM me and I will link back to a post where Master Richard was a featured player? No moderator has seen fit to tell me if I can do so publicly.

Does the word "Cxxtxxxx ring a bell? Perhaps, Pxxx, by name?


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 9/16/2016 11:33:30 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:46:17 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Does the word "Cxxtxxxx ring a bell? Perhaps, Pxxx, by name?



We remember the same thread, I think.

I won't link it because I am not sure I am allowed and I have not had a mod clarify it for me.

But what a fucking trainwreck it was.

Ahhh... memories.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/16/2016 11:51:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I will send you an email, momentarily.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 2:02:09 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks
He let me practice the techniques on his submissive. After the course I was confident in being a Dominant. He also gave me a certificate that I completed the course.

The only way you could practice your "techniques" is probably some BDSM topping skills, but to be a dominant? How do you practice that on his sub? You mean you order her around and she just obeys? That's practicing?

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 4:47:38 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

First and foremost, I need to credit ThatDizzyChick for the question, although this has been bugging me for some time and I think it needs to be discussed.

While I am guilty of chuckling at people within the age group of 18-25 that cluck about being Masters, because it takes years to master anything in daily life, let alone become a 'Master' in BDSM, and I am not talking about honorifics. For myself, being a Master takes time, patience and a whole lot of self discipline. And I will give anyone, at any age, the benefit of the doubt.

I was a dominant ever since I can remember, although due to life circumstances and other contributing factors, it didn't always shine the way it should. In school, kids always rallied around my leadership, while I was an introvert at heart, I never realized that I had some kind of power that made people to allow me to lead them. It took me years until I had a name for what was naturally coming from me. Hell... I was in a band, and they were voting on who would be the leader, and to my surprise, they chose me, and that is not something I wanted, but I did it, and I did it well.

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?


The key to dominance/leadership is self awareness. Some people will never gain true self awareness, whilst others will know their strengths and weaknesses from early adulthood. But a person who knows and understands his moral compass and has emotional stability tends to be someone who has lived and experienced adult life for some years.

As a young adult I had to learn to curb my social boldness because if I couldn’t curb that, then my compulsive behavior could be seen as risky and immature. As a youngster I was much more selfish which I’m sure the men in my life enjoyed and yet that selfishness came without a moral compass. I was selfish because I could get away with it and anyone who bowed to my tough mindedness was disrespected by me. It gave me little satisfaction, poor motivation and no enthusiasm. I see this a lot from young women who try their hand at Fin Domming. Its not that they aren’t dominant, its just they haven’t reached the stage of being able to fine tune that dominance into something that will give them a feeling of self worth and satisfaction. They can only dominate people they have little respect for.

Once we learn to properly channel our dominance within this lifestyle, we start to use empathy and proper communication. We learn that its okay to be flexible and important to remain consistent and most importantly, we learn to highly respect and enjoy our time with the person who looks upon us for direction. We learn confidence in our ability to lead and we stop worrying that our kind of leadership isn’t for everyone but will be perfect for someone. We stop trying to fit in by over compromising our effort to make something work.

We become ourselves through self awareness… and that often takes time.


_____________________________

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(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 7:33:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Dominant just means someone wants to be the leader in their relationship.
It says nothing about them being able to make good decisions.

Picking that label still doesn't tell me anything about them, if they deserve my respect, if I would recommend another gets involved with them. For that, as always, you have to get to know them. See if they have good judgment. Unfortunately, good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment. And that process takes time.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 8:34:32 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline
quote:

I have seen the threads from young dominants (I do not do the caps thing, sorry), who, very obviously do not have any fucking idea what they are talking about.

And I have seen similar threads from old dominants, ones who weren't even newbies (or at least they claimed not to be).

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Not your average bimbo.

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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 8:44:11 AM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline 		To me anybody who leads a relationship is a dominant. They may be good at it, or they may suck at it, but they are still the dominant. I also find it interesting that I have never seen anybody tell an 18 year old woman that she is too young to be a submissive; wonder why that is.

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Not your average bimbo.

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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 9:31:34 AM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline 		The class cost about $100 but if you pay another $100 you can use his submissive to practice all the techniques he teaches. You're supposed to bring your own submissive but I didn't have any. He teaches you how to be a Master.
@ OP. A man can learn how to become a Master by taking this seminar. If women doubt you are a Master you can show them the certificate.

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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 9:56:13 AM   
Danemora


Posts: 752
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I can pay $100 for one seminar on how to perform brain surgery. If I pay a little extra, I get to practice on one of those Operation game boards. You plan on trusting me to perform brain surgery on you after I get my certificate from this certificate mill I pay $100 to get?

< Message edited by Danemora -- 9/17/2016 9:58:58 AM >

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RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 10:00:13 AM   
Daddyplsfindme


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/31/2012
Status: offline 		oh I guess I should start asking for this certificate of one-day mastery That is funny!

As for age.....anyone can say it yes, and it really depends on the other person if you want to view someone as a Dominant, Master, Top, submissive, slave, etc. I have talked to some under 21 who claim such. I scoff, but hey could be....

Personal preference for me is over 60, but I have thought that since I was a teenager and don't think it means a thing as have met ones older who didn't know a thing about bdsm and ones in their 30's who made me say whaaa....really now....:) I have learned to ask more specific questions and things to look for, to see if I will feel they are Dominant And skilled with experience. And age doesn't have that much to do with it, as long as they have taken some kind of journey to get there.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 10:02:34 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Honey, that "class" has been a farce for a good number of years now. I mean, ridiculed since before you fuzz on your had nuts.

If you are such a "certified" <cough, choke> 'master,' why do you have the problems that you do? You have to PAY people to play with you? Dude, if I were a submissive, I wouldn't consider you competent enough to walk me across the street.

It's cases like yours that are the shining example of the WHY so many people of my generation see those of yours as the young and foolish. YOU are an example of why people in the same age group have trouble being taken seriously. It's a part of why ageism exists in the kink community in the first place.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/17/2016 10:22:37 AM   
DocStrange


Posts: 1076
Joined: 6/10/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

The class cost about $100 but if you pay another $100 you can use his submissive to practice all the techniques he teaches. You're supposed to bring your own submissive but I didn't have any. He teaches you how to be a Master.
@ OP. A man can learn how to become a Master by taking this seminar. If women doubt you are a Master you can show them the certificate.


LMFAO! seriously a class! OMG you have not a clue in life do you? While the BDSM community does have classes and seminars to share information and to allow people to learn. Anyone telling there is a class to "become" a master or whatever is full of nothing but BS. Not to mention they are taking your money. I think I would die laughing if anyone ever pulled out a paper to prove to me they were a Dominatrix or Master. Thank you for the laugh. That was rather funny!

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(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
Profile   Post #: 60
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