RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant?

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 5 [6]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/18/2016 2:18:26 AM

bondageerone

Posts: 522
Joined: 6/16/2016
Status: offline

in my case it was about 18, Terri. xx

(in reply to Gauge)

Profile

Post #: 101

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/18/2016 3:48:19 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire

Gauge original question was at what age does someone become dominant - and is valid for submissive and in-between.

The original question was:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant?

So, it's about claiming to be a dominant, not what age does someone "become" dominant, which are two different things. I have been bossing people around and bending them to my will much of my life—long before I knew what "a dominant" was, and way before I self-identified as one.

quote:

What makes a good dominant is something even I would struggle to answer

Not I. It's easy. Two parts:

1. A good overall human.
2. Willing and able to take responsibility for the people in their relationships.

Not age-defined at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

First and foremost, I need to credit ThatDizzyChick for the question, although this has been bugging me for some time and I think it needs to be discussed.

While I am guilty of chuckling at people within the age group of 18-25 that cluck about being Masters, because it takes years to master anything in daily life, let alone become a 'Master' in BDSM, and I am not talking about honorifics. For myself, being a Master takes time, patience and a whole lot of self discipline. And I will give anyone, at any age, the benefit of the doubt.

I was a dominant ever since I can remember, although due to life circumstances and other contributing factors, it didn't always shine the way it should. In school, kids always rallied around my leadership, while I was an introvert at heart, I never realized that I had some kind of power that made people to allow me to lead them. It took me years until I had a name for what was naturally coming from me. Hell... I was in a band, and they were voting on who would be the leader, and to my surprise, they chose me, and that is not something I wanted, but I did it, and I did it well.

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?

The key to dominance/leadership is self awareness. Some people will never gain true self awareness, whilst others will know their strengths and weaknesses from early adulthood. But a person who knows and understands his moral compass and has emotional stability tends to be someone who has lived and experienced adult life for some years.

As a young adult I had to learn to curb my social boldness because if I couldn’t curb that, then my compulsive behavior could be seen as risky and immature. As a youngster I was much more selfish which I’m sure the men in my life enjoyed and yet that selfishness came without a moral compass. I was selfish because I could get away with it and anyone who bowed to my tough mindedness was disrespected by me. It gave me little satisfaction, poor motivation and no enthusiasm. I see this a lot from young women who try their hand at Fin Domming. Its not that they aren’t dominant, its just they haven’t reached the stage of being able to fine tune that dominance into something that will give them a feeling of self worth and satisfaction. They can only dominate people they have little respect for.

Once we learn to properly channel our dominance within this lifestyle, we start to use empathy and proper communication. We learn that its okay to be flexible and important to remain consistent and most importantly, we learn to highly respect and enjoy our time with the person who looks upon us for direction. We learn confidence in our ability to lead and we stop worrying that our kind of leadership isn’t for everyone but will be perfect for someone. We stop trying to fit in by over compromising our effort to make something work.

We become ourselves through self awareness… and that often takes time.

Very well said.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

Profile

Post #: 102

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/18/2016 9:41:49 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant?

The age of reason.

quote:

While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that?

The experience or inexperience of someone who is not in a relationship with you is reason enough. You don't have to accept the claim or validate it. Is that claim going to cause your knee to bend? Doubtful. [;)

quote:

It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

Lots of stuff has been written..most of it debatable. Words such as 'must', 'never' or 'always' ... Meh.

quote:

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?

Two words.. Terrible Twos

Youth does not disqualify dominant personalities. Everyone has it during their twos and unless you are a Dom or a cat..ya get over it.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Gauge)

Profile

Post #: 103

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/18/2016 7:13:17 PM

longwayhome

Posts: 1035
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline

I don't think that youth does disqualify you from being a dominant.

As a submissive dominance is something that I accept in a relationship with someone on an individual basis. In that sense I am not submissive in everything I do in life. I have to be an effective leader in all sorts of settings, and being submissive to everyone around me just wouldn't be a practical way of existing in a world where I have to work, drive a car, shop, be an active member of an extended family and many other things.

Someone needn't be universally recognised as "dominant" to be another person's Dom/me. Being a bossy, overbearing person of any age does not a Dom/me make - it is in your personally agreed dynamic that it is expressed. Likewise I am not universally submissive but I may very much be another person's sub in my life with them.

In other words the social skills you have can be an entirely different thing from the roles you chose to have in your public, professional and personal relationships.

From my point of view, you can identify yourself as a dominant or a submissive at any age on a personal basis or to the community. If you want the kudos of the community positively affirming your own identification, it is probably easier to receive that affirmation, if you identify as being dominant, when you are seen to have more significant life experience (and therefore are older). Whether that is important depends on whether the public affirmation is important to you.

I don't bow down to or defer to someone who is not my dominant any more than is socially polite and courteous, whatever their age or life experience, but then community protocol has never really been my thing. I'm not disrespectful to people but that is true of everyone - dominant or not. Therefore I will accept that someone identifies themselves as dominant, just as I accept the gender role and sexuality they choose to adopt. That is however no judgement on how good a dominant they are - whatever the hell that means.

On an individual and personal basis I have been impressed by self-aware people in their twenties who see themselves as dominant, whatever the community or wider society thinks. I have equally been unimpressed by overly-entitled, arrogant, pushy older people who overtly demand my respect. After all I have plenty of life experience and skills myself.

In other words, for me it is all relative. There is no qualifying age. There are no recognised qualifications. Wisdom, complementarity and connection are not necessarily correlated with age. There is only what fits for you and the right dynamic for you and another person to flourish. You are a dominant to another person if they recognise you as such, whatever your wider social role or whether you are effective at projecting an alpha personality to the community.

-------------------------

For the avoidance of misunderstanding however I should be clear that this is all completely different from someone who may be "dominant" having the skills, knowledge or experience to engage in certain practices which require those things to be safe or responsible. These things come with time and learning so a young person may be dominant without being appropriately experienced to do certain things. Dangerous arrogance or irresponsibility in this area however is not just the preserve of the young.

Knowing what you do and don't know, and being willing to grow and learn are necessary qualities of a both responsible dominants and good subs. Once again age is not the deciding factor.

(in reply to Gauge)

Profile

Post #: 104

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/18/2016 10:23:14 PM

MistressAubreee

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/10/2016
Status: offline

As long as you're 18+, you're never too young to be a Dom. You can't make someone be a Dom either. Now, for the term "Master" that's a new thing all together.

_____________________________

FinDom always looking for finsubs!
Fetlife: Mistressaubree
Twitter:: @Mistressaubree
Instagram: Mistressaubree
Facebook: Mistress Aubree

(in reply to longwayhome)

Profile

Post #: 105

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/19/2016 8:09:14 PM

AtUrCervix

Posts: 2111
Joined: 1/15/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

First and foremost, I need to credit ThatDizzyChick for the question, although this has been bugging me for some time and I think it needs to be discussed.

While I am guilty of chuckling at people within the age group of 18-25 that cluck about being Masters, because it takes years to master anything in daily life, let alone become a 'Master' in BDSM, and I am not talking about honorifics. For myself, being a Master takes time, patience and a whole lot of self discipline. And I will give anyone, at any age, the benefit of the doubt.

I was a dominant ever since I can remember, although due to life circumstances and other contributing factors, it didn't always shine the way it should. In school, kids always rallied around my leadership, while I was an introvert at heart, I never realized that I had some kind of power that made people to allow me to lead them. It took me years until I had a name for what was naturally coming from me. Hell... I was in a band, and they were voting on who would be the leader, and to my surprise, they chose me, and that is not something I wanted, but I did it, and I did it well.

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?

I would laugh (profusely) at (any) woman who attempted to "Domme" me who was under 40.

(And I would say that {now....at 58}....if I were 20 {and had my current knowledge}).

However....if I WERE 20.....any pair of thigh highs, and a snarl would do me just fine :).

(in reply to Gauge)

Profile

Post #: 106

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/23/2016 10:30:20 AM

Svale

Posts: 68
Joined: 4/7/2015
Status: offline

Without having read the whole thread: You do not 'get' to be a dominant, it is something in your sexual and perhaps personality profile - your mental make up. It is a feeling.

The rest is experience. And we all have to start somewhere, just as learning to be a good lover has to start somewhere, but that does not mean that you cannot be in love. So - any age, but you can only act it out when you are legally of age.

(in reply to Gauge)

Profile

Post #: 107

RE: At what age does one get to be a dominant? - 9/24/2016 9:47:19 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

So, my question to this community is: At what age is it acceptable to claim to be a dominant? While my 'awakening' took years, some may have a firmer grasp on who they are, and regardless of their age, who am I to discount that? It has been said a lot on these boards that you are either a dominant or you are not... so... why must age factor into that definition?

The whole point of this is that I am trying to understand why youth could disqualify you from being a dominant personality?

There are prodigies in almost every milieu... Youth might be a cause to be skeptical, but it shouldn't automatically disqualify someone's claims.

I think the issue is more that the general community tends to be older, so a young dominant seems of less interest to anyone... which tends to make them uppity, and then the conversation of doubting their qualifications ensues in retaliation.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to Gauge)

Profile

Post #: 108