LadyPact
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Thank you for the thread and the link, Aylee. I'm very glad that you are bringing this subject up.
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ORIGINAL: respectmen
Umm Dizzy, you're not looking at the whole picture of my point. Anyone can say... "hey its easy, just tell people to not judge men when they are raped"... if it was as simple and black and white like that, in year 2016, you would have thought this stigma would have diminished a very long time ago. But no, it's not simple like you put it. Therefore, it's not a solution. We can't control how everyone thinks. It's up to each individual on what they think. I can't force a feminist to think otherwise to her nutty beliefs as well as we will never convince a sociopath rapist that he/she should never do it again.
You've said a lot of things on this thread that frankly, weren't exactly putting me in my happy place. I was pretty tempted to say some rather not so nice things about some of them. I'm sparing you and everybody else the book-length reply and try to be a better person. I'll just try to work with this one.
Right here is part of where you are screwing up. First of all, nobody is saying it's easy to just tell people what to think. In my personal opinion, it happens to be pretty damn hard. Especially if it's the victim in question, and for whatever reason, they aren't being seen the same as another victim would have been. As a society, even as a kink community, this happens, which is exactly why people have to WORK to change it.
Those feminists that you hate so much, literally, have given us a blueprint on how to do this. If you don't believe that, I have a term for you. Date rape. See, date rape didn't really become a 'thing' until the seventies. Oh, it happened plenty but the law and our society didn't really deal with it the way they did 'stranger in a dark alley' kind of rape. Date rape, in my opinion, was also the most victim blaming~est thing going. Why did you go out with him? What were you wearing? How many drinks did you have? What was he supposed to think when you invited him into your apartment? You kissed him on the couch, didn't you?
So, how did we get from there to here? What methods did people use? That term that you like to throw around a lot, Social Justice Warrior? That's what used to be called an activist. People saw there was something wrong with this and they DID something about it. Yeah, it took a long time, but compare attitudes about date rape from forty years ago to what they are today. I don't think we're finished but we're better than where we started
You mentioned stigma for men. That's something that I've talked about on plenty of threads related to various issues. I absolutely believe that exists. Heck, I've seen it. I've fought against it and I'm not alone in that either. There are several people on this thread alone who do the same thing. We don't just (meaning only) bitch about this stuff on social media. If you think I'm fun on the internet, you should meet me in person.
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So ummm, why is the problem still existing?
There are a lot of reasons for that. One being, you can't always tackle a societal problem all in one swing. I'm not real big on thinking you (meaning general you) can solve a world-wide problem in one fell swoop. I'm not going to stop things that happen half way around the globe. I'm not going to change those minds. Instead, I look at it in the 'what can I do in my backyard' sense. Can I make people think of issues in different ways? You can't only deal with people who think the same way you do, cause that's just a circle jerk.
When you come across people who are literally telling you that they treated their brother differently than they would have their sister after a sexual assault, after you get past that knee-jerk reaction, you take that teaching opportunity. (Yes, Greta, I'm telling you that you fucked up.) Ask them why they didn't treat the victim the same as they would have another victim. That's how you improve this. One person at a time.
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This is one of the problems with feminism. Feminists think they are doing something about a problem when really they're doing nothing. Take slut walks for example. How the fuck do you think a sociopath rapist is going to listen to a bunch of whiny cunts on the street?
Let's take something off of the top right now. Some people are, at the core, screwed up. People who perpetrate certain crimes, are messed up in the head, and I am absolutely not qualified to "fix" them. That's called "above my pay grade". If I honestly had the ability, do you really think I'd have been in the same position?
Before you go bitching about what other people are doing, ask yourself what you are doing? My ass is going to be in a chair today in my local kink community. To be there in person to say there are certain issues that I think we have to approach differently. That we have to work on improvements.
Where will you be?
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It's still blaming patriarchy.
That stigma you talked about? Do you really think it's all women that do that? Got news for you. Some of that shit comes from your own side of the gender war. Rather than blaming women, you might want to look at some of this from the swinging Richard side. That "not a real man" crap comes from your side, too. If you are not allies among yourselves, how do you expect people of other 'categories' to help you?
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Look girly, one of the main causes of the problem is male victims getting under represented and hardly recognized due to feminists hogging the microphone on the stage in mainstream media. It gives a message to society that male victims simply don't matter. Feminism isn't fully to blame and patriarchy has nothing to do with it. It all depends on what each individual believes.
That's not entirely correct. (I'm so tempted to put this in really big font so you'll SEE it!)
If you don't encourage male victims to come forward, they won't be heard!!!
(Like it or not, same thing women had to do.)
Stop treating this stuff like there is only so much sympathy/empathy to go around. That's not how this works.
Stand with your fellow man if he's been a victim of sexual assault. Be the support system that he needs. When somebody does tell their story, don't allow the bullshit. When you see people telling male victims of sexual assault that means they aren't a real man, tell them that's not ok. When a person has been violated, understand that they need empathy, someone to believe them, and BE that person. Not what you need, or what you think forwards your cause. What they need.
If they need to cry, scream, be angry... Be the person that's ok with.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: When no one calls it rape - 
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