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RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 7:15:13 AM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline 		While I think sex and intimacy is important in any relationship, sex is not a focus for me in a D/s relationship. 

I much prefer a man who has control of his impulses whether they be sexual or other.  If he cannot control his own cock, how on earth is he going to control my body or my life?

I have to side with Homestead here (not that he needs a champion for his 'cause'), I prefer a relationship, where the Dom has control, not only of me, but of himself. 

Of course, keep in mind that I do not understand nor engage in casual sex. If I can control my own impulses, why would I want less from someone I'm in a relationship with?

As much as we all hate to think of it, sex can go by the wayside for any number of reasons (age, medical, emotional) - what then - on to the next one?  While I have no doubt sex focused relationships can last - heck abusive relationships last too, so it's not that big a stretch, I much prefer to know and focus on the persons in the relationship, than the physical stimulation of a few moments (or hours in some cases).  But when push comes to shove, there has to be something to talk about once you're both worn out.

Just as a point of reference - I've been without intercourse for well over 7 years.  Do I enjoy this self imposed celibacy - absolutely not.  But I prefer it to the idea of having casual sex with those who've offered.

indigo

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 7:24:26 AM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Thank you.

Whiles sex is very fun, I cannot see allowing it to rule my choices.

I'm a human,not a DOG, and we are supposed to be of a higher order. Able to occasionally sacrifice the gratification of base instincts in the pursuit of things of more importance to a relationship.

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 10:22:41 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Homestead, and why are you stuck on the idea that having sex daily is "hypersexual?"

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 10:41:23 AM   
angielouwhos


Posts: 87
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		I too have noticed that male submissives seem to value the challenge of chastity and denial. I am married to one that does. I do not have a lot of experience with female dominants but I wonder if that is the source of some of that?

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 10:53:17 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

If I like someone's MIND, it is a thing that never fades.

Sex gets passe, new relationships lose the chemical charms. What then? But if one has engaged my core being, now that has the possiblity of lasting long beyond the time nature sets for mere lust.

The sad fact is, that the vast majority of kink relationships seldom last beyond six months to a year. I've been there, done that, and know the process. I am no longer willing to invest myself into hurtful and ephemeral relationships, based on sex alone.

There has to be the possiblity of a transcendent and healthy symbiosis for it to be worthwhile. Or I just won't go there.


Homestead, the stuff between the ears is what makes EVERY relationship work, whether kinky or not.  The stuff between the ears is the stuff that holds the relationship together for all those hours in which the parties are not working, playing or having sex.  To this, I fully agree.  There are a lot of those hours.  But, but, but, but.....I want those few moments of sheer animal pleasure whenever I can get them.  If the minds are intertwined and engaged with each other in many different venues, I can't image the sex ever getting boring. 

Sunshine


_____________________________


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 11:39:08 AM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

It's really amusing to see the knee jerk reactions of certain men after simply placing sex on a lower priority than life in general. You may want to note that I never said I didn't do sex. Merely that I was not foolish enough to use it as a foundational aspect of a reason to BE with a woman.


I see.... an opinion contrary to your own esteemed mindful opinion of the significance of sex constitutes a "knee-jerk reaction"... How "so majestic" of you!

Note that both in this thread and several others Caretakr/Homestead, you've stated your NON-preferences for sexual acts in your ideal relationship of the mind. Further that your "former lust" has waned through the years, that you formerly had these "foolish" notions also. Now that you have lost your lustful vitality, interest, or ability(?), your fallback foucus point has become the mind, for without a wonderful mind there can be no sex.... interesting, but obviously totally biased and seemingly locked in.

Such gained wisdom and lack of YOUR ability or interest should not be the new prevailing focal point of MY relationships...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead
...Maybe you and nasty daddy should form an "I'm the studliest stud" mutual admiration society?

Then you can both rate who fucks enough to join.<LOL>

On my..... your knee-jerk insecurities are "glowing"as your distaste for the abilities or opinions of others carry your torch forward.

When you lose it, you lose it.... no need to condemn or attack because you've lost that lovin' feeling. It is sad when you feel your remaining available way should become the new roadmap for all the ignorant cock-driven mindless fuckmachines you are no longer. Sorry that happened to you, but note that your situation does not affect my life, relationship nor my opinion of what I WANT, or NEED from any of MY interactions.

By virtue of the number of your repeated replies and retorts in this thread defending your "mindful" nonsexual stance, I'd have to say Popeye had a fitting comment regarding asexuals being attracted to your mind... perhaps you have become asexual yourself here on the final stages of your lifestyle journey? If so, don't expect others to follow your few remaining paths... what's wrong with everyone else using their own minds to make their own choices... based on their own needs, whether you understand or agree based on your remaining options?  

Knee-jerk reactions and calling others foolish are more common among those with few if any choices in the matter... you've worked "hard" at, and proven this very well. 

An aside:  What's with all the quoting/re-quoting of the enitire post/quote/replies above you in this thread only to add a "short" retort... why can't you simply reply with a new retort and stop re-quoting re-quotes? Re-quoting re-quotes adds nothing to your new "line of retort".

At any rate, the mere thought of direct or subtle imposition of your preference, lack of options, or abilities upon others is way beyond foolish... more akin to a desperate stance. My hypothetical does not like your hypothetical... go fish!

_____________________________

"You may be right, I may be crazy... but I may just be the lunatic you're looking for!"

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Intercourse with subs - 8/31/2006 12:00:49 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

Wow, i could name 2/3rds of the folks on this thread in my thank you for information. It does seem that a large contingent of Dommes do in some form engage in sex with or at least allow relief for their male subbies.

As i go through the male subbies profiles i notice that huge numbers of them list chastity as a desire. Yet Jewel and i have had many conversations on this subject trying to figure it out. While she would of course decide when and how she provides gratification for a male in her service she also believes that totally denying them would be inhumane. Not to mention as a few others have that she likes the power of controlling then inducing and seeing their release.



I think it is a huge fantasy of male submissive to be denied sex or orgasm -- I can't say I understand it and thank goddess that Fox isn't that way.

We have sex, we don't vaginal-penile intercourse because we aren't interested in having a baby and that is a risk no matter what birth control methods you use (may be a very very small risk but another human life happening is not a risk I want to take).

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Intercourse with subs - 9/3/2006 2:47:59 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: amaidiamond
Lol thank you Popeye, sometimes i think theres only fluff between my ears


You are not getting away with that dear. You are a bright girl wether you want to see that or not



Dammit - but I want to get away with things....... pah

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Intercourse with subs - 9/3/2006 3:06:41 AM   
slave4Darby3d


Posts: 106
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		going out on a limb here...

I love the sex - but I don't always get it.  Depends on the circumstance.

When we have scened in public, there was none.  We are still very private people.  But when we got home - wowza.
Sometimes when playing at home there is some during- sometimes later.  It really depends on what He wants.
I'm glad to be the girl, the girlfriend, the submissive, the slave, the object, the cum hole, whatever, whenever, however for him.

And I think I could be ok with him Dominating someone else (as long as I was there to enjoy a peek at it) - as long as there was NEVER any contact between them.  And if he were to have me topped by someone else I would not let them touch me sexually.

(in reply to amaidiamond)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 5:41:50 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

quote:

If it's all about sex, what's left when sex becomes boring?

NEXT!


It isn't all about sex...which was My entire point. Or perhaps I'm not quite getting what you're saying here.


Sex (to a man) is important.

Teasing is fine...expectation is fine...but sexual intimacy is vital.

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:21:25 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Is there something inherently male domination oriented about penetrative intercourse? Other theories?
There might be something to that since I've met a few men who've told me other dommes have told them intercourse/phucking equates to her submitting, and therefore, they refuse to do it.   I rather enjoy connecting with my man/slave/sub that way, so I see it as him putting out for my pleasure when/if I feel like it.   I would never be with a man who wanted/needed chastity/denial in that way.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:24:45 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Sex (to a man) is important.


not to all men it's not


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:25:57 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2
quote:

Sex (to a man) is important.

not to all men it's not
You should consider it!  It might be just the cure you need.    M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:27:09 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		sex is not the cure-all and really doesn't help two people get to know eachother well.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:28:26 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2
sex is not the cure-all and really doesn't help two people get to know eachother well.
No it doesn't cure all, but you could have a lot of fun checking if it works.   I'm just kidding, so don't take me seriously.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:30:05 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		it's ok, i just think that the term "all" is inaccurate since, obviously, not "all" men find sex important...case in point, me.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:53:08 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2
quote:

Sex (to a man) is important.

not to all men it's not
You should consider it!  It might be just the cure you need.    M


(Ya know...after reading all his gynocentric posts....I'd HAVE to agree lol!!!)

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:58:41 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i doubt that sex is the answer. i would be quite content with a Mistress that sees beyond the flesh and seeks out what's deep in one's mind and heart. is that asking too much or am i niave?

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 6:59:52 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		well damn it - i want MORE.  more moRE mORE MORE MORE MORE.  and um MORE

MORE sex.  Got that?  MORE.  Thats right MORE!!!!!  (and i really mean it)

but that is probably because sex is an added addition to our relationship.  Kind of like the icing on the cake and its fucking fantastic.  Its so damn great that its brought me to tears and sent me to other planets.  No matter WHICH type it is that he's deciding to hand out..  MORE.  Hell, i'll take it any way he'll offer it up. 

but then sex isnt just purely physical to me.  Not only does it feel fucking awesome but it at times it becomes a very deep connection and i swear i literally see his soul.   Other times it becomes not a connection at all, as he sends me flying out into the universe - keeping a hold of me by the string he's got me attached on.  Course that could be a connection toooo.  God only knows!

i just know i want more and i also know that its not the basis for our relationship.  Much to my dismay, we dont fuck like rabbits around the clock.  But then, i am sure if we did - we wouldnt know each other so damn well that we could go the places we go with it. 

sex that is just sex is boring and dumb and stupid.  Like i said, its just the icing (and damn if he'd let me ice my cake non stop)  and i have had many relationships in my life where i have refused to engage in the act with my partners.  Where i have even dreaded the thought of it. 

i dunno if this makes any sense, but i am trying, all i can think about is more sex with my Dom and all the teasing and tormenting he does because he knows how riled up i get with him.. 

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Intercourse with subs - 10/15/2006 7:03:44 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

would be quite content with a Mistress that sees beyond the flesh and seeks out what's deep in one's mind and heart. is that asking too much or am i niave?


i think this is sorta my point with out me getting all hyped up about sex. 

what if you can have both?  One that sees beyond the flesh, seeks out the heart, mind and soul and it also being done sexually? 

Have you never had sex that was beyond the body?  You can have both your cake and eat it too!!  (it can also be iced)  A Dom that seeks out the heart, deep into the mind, the soul, beyond the flesh - and have that deep connection and then take it one step further and ice the cake with making it all sexual.

yeah i'm still not making sense!

point is - i dont think it has to all be seperated.  It seems everyone is trying to seperate sex from everything else and while i know a great many that do (yeah i dont engage in sex with them, how fucking boring) it doesnt have to be seperated.  Sex doesnt just have to be about the body


< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 10/15/2006 7:05:40 PM >

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 120
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