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RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 1:31:23 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		To Crappy Dom.. Why should a Mentor be a red flag? Why does that title bother you? Are Dom's prfect?

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 2:56:19 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i have read through this thread as well as the one LA posted and admit to being confused as to exactly what transpired between these two individuals. But that put aside, she is an individual who came here and created a thread.  You can debate what her intentions were, that doesn't really matter. You might think she's confused, petty, vindictive or any other adjective you want, but to post about her so callously without any regard to her feelings, not matter what you personally think about her, is in my opinion unwarrented and unecessary.  Why the hostility?  If it bothers you so much - why do you click on this thread? 

If she came here and insulted others i could see some relevance, but all she did was, more then likely, not communicate her thoughts very effectively. 

i'm new to these message boards (under 200 posts), so myabe my perspective and expectations aren't realistic. Maybe after i have posted here some 3000 posts i will grow the same callous skin everyone else seems to display and be able to insult, attack, and ridicule individuals - i sure hope not

At any rate - well wishes to you defiant - do what you probably already know you need to do and be happy. That's all that counts in the end. 

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 3:08:54 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

i have read through this thread as well as the one LA posted and admit to being confused as to exactly what transpired between these two individuals. But that put aside, she is an individual who came here and created a thread.  You can debate what her intentions were, that doesn't really matter. You might think she's confused, petty, vindictive or any other adjective you want, but to post about her so callously without any regard to her feelings, not matter what you personally think about her, is in my opinion unwarrented and unecessary.  Why the hostility?  If it bothers you so much - why do you click on this thread? 

If she came here and insulted others i could see some relevance, but all she did was, more then likely, not communicate her thoughts very effectively. 

i'm new to these message boards (under 200 posts), so myabe my perspective and expectations aren't realistic. Maybe after i have posted here some 3000 posts i will grow the same callous skin everyone else seems to display and be able to insult, attack, and ridicule individuals - i sure hope not

At any rate - well wishes to you defiant - do what you probably already know you need to do and be happy. That's all that counts in the end. 


shakes his head in wonder......

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 3:19:41 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		 
                                               The Facts
1. My definition of a relationship  two people getting to know one another while seeing each other exclusively. His definition of a relationship extremely serious and/or engaged to be married. Neither one of us was ready for his definition of a relationship. My definition of friends with benefits  using someone. He said he didn't want to use me (a lie, although I didn't know that then). That's why we compromised on seeing each other and working toward a relationship. I did not pressure him into anything.

2. He never said he had no feelings for me. He said he did have feelings for me, but he wasn't in love with me........then went on to say he'd only been in love once and it took those feelings a long time to develop. While it's true he should have said he had no feelings for me, he never actually told me that.


                                 Why I put up with him for so long.

1. We both had similar (although not identical) views about sex. I feel wrong about sex outside of a long-term monogamous relationship. He is against sex outside of marriage. We both crave kink.
2. I knew if I ended things, it would be extremely difficult if not impossible to find someone else in my area who craved kink without casual sex. Now that it has ended, just as I predicted, we're both miserable. He's stuck with a vanilla gf that doesn't meet his needs, and neither one of us can find anyone in our area that's into kink without casual sex (and yes, he's just as pissed off about it as I am). 


Now everyone knows why stupid me put up with it. I didn't want to become a slut.

(in reply to dolfinswimer)
Profile   Post #: 204
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 3:27:24 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		If you know what you were in, why bitch about it?  You could have changed it, but chose not to, because it was better than being alone.  Now you're alone, and bitching about how bad it was?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 205
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 3:56:31 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		No, I didn't know what I was in because he never said he had no feelings for me. Being alone is fine as long as it's temporary. Try to imagine how difficult, if not impossible it would be to find someone into kink, but not casual sex. I live in Kansas, not New York or Los Angeles. People put up with things they normally wouldn't put up with when they have limited resources.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:06:23 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It is possible to find some one into Kink with out wanting the sex. Might take awhile but it is possible, not every male soul out there is expecting sex.
If your location is so bad that you feel you wont ever find anyone- then move or stop looking. Settling just too (get a little kink) is just going to bring about more problems

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 207
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:08:32 PM   
justanotheclaire


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/15/2006
From: cambs, uk
Status: offline 		another thing every subbie girl should know about trainers, they really do not go with dresses and skirts try some nice flat shoes instead

< Message edited by justanotheclaire -- 9/5/2006 4:09:48 PM >

_____________________________

Bound by desire
Free through submission


(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 208
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:10:16 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Well considering the months of threads before now it would seem the being miserable part is not new.

Get over it, move on.  Stop being pety, vindictive, and looking for sympathy.

Your wiling to cling to nothing because, "It's hard to find people",  wel if thats your reasoming you get what you deserve.

K

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:21:45 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Re-location isn't an option for me and won't be for at least another 4 years. I agree that it's better to be alone than to be used.........but what if that aloneness was likely last for years? I wonder what some of these people who think I'm so stupid would do if they were faced with spending years alone. I could compromise my values and start having sex the first or second time I meet a guy, but wouldn't they be using me too?

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:32:30 PM   
CuriouslyKat


Posts: 118
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Kansas
Status: offline 		I have found alot of people interested in kink in Kansas....but then again I live in the good part.......Yes, there is a good part...

You could always try long distance with someone willing to travel for a while. You can find them. I have, but then again.....anyway good luck..I think you need it.

CuriouslyKat inKansas


_____________________________

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Sia "Breathe Me"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:40:41 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Long distance is great for occasional sessions, not a regular partner.

(in reply to CuriouslyKat)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:43:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Long distance is great for occasional sessions, not a regular partner.

Now we're just into the straight whining. 

You're worse than I was when I was 11 and wanted McDs and would go into the kitchen and wail at my mom "There's nothing to eat here!"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:57:31 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Re-location isn't an option for me and won't be for at least another 4 years. I agree that it's better to be alone than to be used.........but what if that aloneness was likely last for years? I wonder what some of these people who think I'm so stupid would do if they were faced with spending years alone. I could compromise my values and start having sex the first or second time I meet a guy, but wouldn't they be using me too?


~waves~ Alone for years here!  Love it.  Didn't at first...it took some getting used to.  But now I know what I want and will not under any circumstances settle for anything less.  It's a really nice benefit of not being afraid, or overcoming the fear of, being alone.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 4:58:11 PM   
CuriouslyKat


Posts: 118
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Kansas
Status: offline 		*sigh*  No, you won't have a regular "play" partner but you won't be lonely and can cultivate a relationship, and you might be able to "play" within your standards. I would take that over being lonely, with a jerk-ass-numb-nut pulling my chain. 

Or you can settle for said jerk ass and end up a pathetic hot mess.

You are better than that, act like it.

BTW, I agree with LA, you are whining.


< Message edited by CuriouslyKat -- 9/5/2006 5:20:41 PM >

_____________________________

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Sia "Breathe Me"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 5:13:21 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Re-location isn't an option for me and won't be for at least another 4 years. I agree that it's better to be alone than to be used.........but what if that aloneness was likely last for years? I wonder what some of these people who think I'm so stupid would do if they were faced with spending years alone. I could compromise my values and start having sex the first or second time I meet a guy, but wouldn't they be using me too?


What about finding something else to take up your time rather than sitting there feeling "alone"? 

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 5:19:42 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		LA, you have wondered for a long time why I didn't follow everyone's advice when they told me to dump him. The reality is, I live in a small town in Kansas and there is nobody in my area into bdsm that doesn't expect casual sex on the first or second meeting.........nobody  except him. I never would have put up with his shit if it wasn't for that. I want you and everyone else to know that. Nothing will ever come of occasional sessions with a distant partner. It would be easy for me to find someone new if I threw my values out the window and had sex with guys the first time I met them. But wouldn't they be using me too? I need some advice here. Which is better, putting up with him or being used for sex? Those are my only options.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 5:22:32 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Which is better, putting up with him or being used for sex? Those are my only options.


Wrong.  You have a third option:  neither.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 5:25:31 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Which is better, putting up with him or being used for sex? Those are my only options.


Option 3:  Live for yourself.

It would be better for you to take a (huge) step back and look at what's going on.  You aren't ready for a relationship.  You admitted to playing "hard to get" with this guy.  If you can't approach a relationships honestly, now is the time to learn how to be genuine.  You need to find a place where you can be comfortable with your life.  


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/5/2006 5:27:19 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Homestead: So what if it's "spite talking"? Without a first name and ID, I call it "venting." God knows, we've never seen you vent! LOL You going to educate her into how to be a better newbie submissive by yelling at her? Ask her how effective that's gonna be.

Guess Homestead gets sick of "people" who "never take responsibility" "time after time" and I get sick of posters who jump on people who are "down", because I think it 1) Doesn't help them 2) Many times, is based on partial or no knowledge of a personal situation. We all have out pet peeves, I guess. 

- Susan
-

Susan... there are times when I could just kiss you!  (metaphorically speaking, of course) 

< Message edited by losttreasure -- 9/5/2006 5:34:52 PM >

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 220
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