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RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:23:14 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		Anyone would be confused by someone who changed his mind so often they lost count. Sure, I had my suspicions. But every time I suspected he was using me, I thought things like...... he's just confused, he can't be doing this deliberately, if he was a jerk he would be pressuring me for sex like all the others. My suspicions had to be wrong because he was a christian virgin and christians don't use people. I was blinded by his religion, ok?

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:42:15 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I created this thread because I wanted to warn other newbies of the danger of becoming involved with trainers. Even if my ex bondage partner wasn't a bdsm trainer, he acted like a trainer was described to act in that other thread. I just wanted to let all the newbies know that a trainer is only looking for short term. A trainer is not someone who prefers a woman he can train his way without having to untrain. Newbies should stay away from not only married men, but trainers as well or be prepared for a lot of heartache. As for me, I have already said I will no longer put up with my ex partner's bullshit. Christian or not, whether he meant to or not, he treated me like shit. I certainly never meant to piss anyone on here off.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:04:20 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

he was a christian virgin and christians don't use people.


Do you actually believe this? 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:06:55 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I created this thread because I wanted to warn other newbies of the danger of becoming involved with trainers. Even if my ex bondage partner wasn't a bdsm trainer, he acted like a trainer was described to act in that other thread. I just wanted to let all the newbies know that a trainer is only looking for short term. A trainer is not someone who prefers a woman he can train his way without having to untrain. Newbies should stay away from not only married men, but trainers as well or be prepared for a lot of heartache. As for me, I have already said I will no longer put up with my ex partner's bullshit. Christian or not, whether he meant to or not, he treated me like shit. I certainly never meant to piss anyone on here off.


Your story changes constantly, and you have more excuses than carter has pills. Does anyone here still think this woman has ANY credibility?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:09:37 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		'Allo bebe, I am a lutheran, and will you have your way with me?
Champagne, bebe; Champagne und much plenty sex-- bebe........





_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:12:30 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

and christians don't use people.



I just converted.  Anyone up for some hot monkeysex?  I'm not using you, I'm a christian!

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:13:35 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

and christians don't use people.



I just converted.  Anyone up for some hot monkeysex?  I'm not using you, I'm a christian!

Yours,


benji


I suppose we should tell that to south American indians. I'm sure they will feel much better.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:13:48 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

.
I compared it to my own situation and found similarities (like short term, dumping for no reason, emotional unavailability). I'm afraid I jumped the gun and labeled him (not only as an exercise trainer, but as a bdsm trainer) along with the other guy because of these similarities.


You know, last night I took a nap with someone who strongly resembled John Wayne Gacy.  I know, I know, it all seems silly in retrospect.

Help me choose a thread:

Last night I slept with a mass murderer

-or-

Last night I slept with a circus clown

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:15:50 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

he was a christian virgin and christians don't use people.


Do you actually believe this? 



LOL -- There are plenty of "Christians" who believe that kind of stuff. They don't like Christians like me who burst their bubbles so they don't play with me too often. What's sad is how many of the "leading Christian authorities" preach that kind of thing then do the very thing they preach shouldn't be done. Blech.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:39:32 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		ok ok, he was a christian creep.........just thought since he was a virgin he would be more by the book (do unto others as you would have them do unto you). From now on, I won't trust christian men any more than  non-christian men.........and no trainers for me when I seek someone new

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:53:29 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

ok ok, he was a christian creep.........just thought since he was a virgin he would be more by the book (do unto others as you would have them do unto you). From now on, I won't trust christian men any more than  non-christian men.........and no trainers for me when I seek someone new



How about this:  Don't trust someone, regardless of their their sexual inexperience, religious proclamations, political allegions, socio-economic status, hair colour, or cock size.  Build up trust based on what you KNOW about them, not what they tell you.  If all you learned this time was to not trust Christians and trainers, it's kinda funny.  In a very Dennis Leary way.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:56:55 PM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I created this thread because I wanted to warn other newbies of the danger of becoming involved with trainers. Even if my ex bondage partner wasn't a bdsm trainer, he acted like a trainer was described to act in that other thread. I just wanted to let all the newbies know that a trainer is only looking for short term. A trainer is not someone who prefers a woman he can train his way without having to untrain. Newbies should stay away from not only married men, but trainers as well or be prepared for a lot of heartache. As for me, I have already said I will no longer put up with my ex partner's bullshit. Christian or not, whether he meant to or not, he treated me like shit. I certainly never meant to piss anyone on here off.
He treated you the way you wanted to be treated and the way you let yourself be treated. Him being a trainer (physical or slave) had nothing to do with it. It was your own stupidity.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 5:57:04 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You are a goddam relationship nazi.............

That is not safe sane consentual rack or ssc or any other kinda..............

Oops, sorry.....maybe that is where things start to make sense......

GAWD, I hope this ain't Benji I am posting against........it just seems so reasonable.........

Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 6:08:39 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

ok ok, he was a christian creep.........just thought since he was a virgin he would be more by the book (do unto others as you would have them do unto you). From now on, I won't trust christian men any more than  non-christian men.........and no trainers for me when I seek someone new


I tend to agree with Benji, don't trust nobody, no how. It's safer to start there and let them build your trust.

BTW, I have a mentor who has never lied to me or been anything other than he said he would be. We've migrated from trainer/trainee to best friends over the past 5 years. *Some* people are trustworthy but not because they claim a title or say they are. In fact, I tend to look askance at anyone who says they are a trainer/mentor or safe. Between having it drilled into my head by my mentor and having horrific experiences when I ignored that, I've learned. You will too, if you are willing to be totally honest with yourself.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 6:17:14 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Temporary detour...

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Remember, I am the guy who has talked women into meeting me naked, blindfolded, on their knees with their mouths open



Thank You Crappy...that brought back, in full force, the memory of my first and one of my most exquisitely intense D/s  experiences.


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 6:26:04 PM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		why for heavens sakes are you throwing "trainers" and "married but looking"'s in together. Both are "emotionally unavailable"? How would you know this?
Brother. Have you got a lot to learn. Period. The end.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 6:58:20 PM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'evening all:


To the OP; I'm just curious. What psychotropic medications are you on? You really need to share them with the rest of us. Or do you attain this state of delusional blindness independent of any assistance?

The story is always changing. It's always someone else's fault. You never take responsibility for your actions or lack of them. You whine, bitch, moan, groan, but never once do I see you accepting any culpability. For mercy's sake girl, stop shoving your guilt off onto others and grow up.

Oh, I'm sorry, was that harsh, cynical? Too bad, deal with it. I sincerely believe a good swat upside your melon might rattle some sense into your head.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 7:11:30 PM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Okay, this man never claimed to be a trainer, other than his job title. You are the one who labeled him thus.
He has told you, he's not interested in a relationship, this is training?
Even if he didn't say this is training, you say he has said he doesn't want involvement. He's not interested in that way, yet you continue to force yourself and your feelings on him and expect him to fall madly in love with you because that's what you want.
So, you read someone elses post and have decided because 2 people are not happy with a trainer (you and the other tread) however, THIS MAN is not a trainer. This man wanted someone to do bondage with. You agreed. He's not interested in you for any other reason. So, maybe he likes you, but he SAID he wasn't interested. Everything that's been said you have said he's been upfront and said he's not interested in you that way. How have you been used? By your own admission, this man has been upfront in telling you from the beginning.
How many ways do you need to hear this before you understand this. EVEN NOW, you are saying you don't need the drama and are STILL making plans on how to treat him once he returns to you.
You need much more help than anyone here can give you. Maybe a therapist who will tie you into a chair for your sessions, until you understand a bit more. They can start of with, "Now I'm your therapist, just because I'm tying you to the chair does not mean we are having a loving relationship."

ooooo just sitting back watching the back peddle, the forward swim, the side step...I don't think I've ever seen a dance quite this acrobatic.

~Big


(in reply to sophia37)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 11:39:43 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		In the beginning, he was looking for a friend with benefits (bondage and nothing more). In the beginning I refused those terms. We both discussed it and both agreed to have sessions with the understanding that we were getting to know each other and working toward a relationship. Everyone assumed that the original agreement was bondage only, with no discussion about a relationship. Everyone assumed, but nobody asked. While it is true that he said he had no interest,  it is also true that he said he did want me. Six months after our original agreement, we had an arguement and I told him he didn't want to be with me. His exact response, and I quote, was "Why would I spend six months with you if I didn't want to be with you?" Two totally opposite statements. Every time he saw that my cam was on (view my webcam status message on yahoo messenger), he messaged me wanting to know who was viewing me. When we broke up, I accused him of not giving me a fair chance because he never took me on a date. He has mentioned dating twice within the last week, and yes he was the one who brought it up. While it's probably true that he said those things just to keep me attached in case things don't work out with the other girl, he still said them. For some reason, nobody is acknowledging that. People also assumed that when I was with him, I expected him to fall in love with me. I never expected any such thing. What I did expect was respect. I wanted a date on Valentine's Day and my birthday.  Most people who are seeing each other do that anyway, serious or not. I know what most of you are thinking. How I dare I expect to ever be taken on a date. I'm sorry if this upsets everyone, but I just don't agree with that. BDSM partners are supposed to respect each other. For a man to never take his regular play partner on a date, relationship or not, is flat out disrespectful. What is the world coming to? 

(in reply to bignipples2share)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 11:49:12 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

Temporary detour...

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Remember, I am the guy who has talked women into meeting me naked, blindfolded, on their knees with their mouths open



Thank You Crappy...that brought back, in full force, the memory of my first and one of my most exquisitely intense D/s  experiences.


And I thought you were the saintly, serene, shy, suntanned, Savannah subbie. :) 

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 180
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