Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: what every newbie should know about trainers


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers Page: <<   < prev  6 7 [8] 9 10   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:01:43 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nefertari

This thread is a brick wall and we are all thumping our heads against it.


And yet, we keep coming back looking for the silver lining.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to nefertari)
Profile   Post #: 141
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:03:27 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Jesus christ,

quote:

  What does being an exercise trainer have to do with him telling me what he was up front and it being my fault for thinking otherwise?


quote:

  I pulled away from him several times because I felt used and he said things to keep me attached.


This is what the rest of the world calls a frigging CLUE

quote:

   he said things to keep me attached.


THUNK, that is the sound of a clue hitting a very thick skull.

He can't do anything to keep you attached, you have to CHOSE to stay attached.  That is why post after post is saying harsh things to you because no matter how many dents you got in your head from clues, you kept expecting something else.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 142
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:03:35 PM   
nefertari


Posts: 425
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		What can I say...I'm an optimist.

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 143
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:11:31 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I didn't say anything about him being a trainer back then because it was before I read the other post and made the connection. Back then I didn't think anything of the word trainer because that was his profession. The "games" referred to in that post were simply ideas from a book I read about relationships called The Rules. The basic idea of the book was that men thrive on challenge and women should be mysterious. Although I tried it a couple of times, openness and honesty is my true nature. Anyone who has read the other post probably knows he said he had no feelings for me. Everyone who has read this post also knows he's trying to hang on to me, despite the fact that he dumped me. That just proves my point once again about his inability to keep his story straight........he wants me, he wants me not, he wants me, he wants me not.............grrrr. Maybe I do need to grow up, but at least I'm consistant. At least I can keep my story straight.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 144
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:14:46 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
I didn't say anything about him being a trainer back then because it was before I read the other post and made the connection.

So you're upset because you didn't know what a trainer was supposed to be, and yet the relationship wasn't begun as a training relationship at all?

Every step of the way you've been told to end the drama and just let you both go find someone who works well for you.  Every step of the way you ignore that advice and continue to step voluntarily into the relationship with him. 

You can either keep doing that or not.  But it's your choice, it always was and it always will be.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 145
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:20:33 PM   
Homestead


Posts: 1005
Status: offline 		Denial is the ultimate masochism.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 146
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 2:47:45 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

defiantbadgirl: I didn't know the title "trainer" only meant a short term commitment.


It doesn't. I'm not at all clear whether your relationship was begun as a training relationship, but, for the sake of general information:

Not all people who train or teach in BDSM do only short-term relationships.

Not all people who do short-term BDSM relationships train or teach.

Monica

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 147
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:21:53 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		You're right about the drama needing to end. I could easily find someone else........I've had plenty of offers. I just need to be willing to engage in sex on the first or second meeting and throw my morals out the window. Not meaning that in a sarcastic way either.........anything is better than all this drama. He's trying to find someone else too since his gf is totally vanilla and doesn't meet his needs the way I did. I think he's having problems finding another partner that will agree to bondage without sex. When I asked him how his search was going, his exact words (minus the frustrated cussing) were "Haven't ever found anyone cool on there like you babe." Maybe he should have thought about that before he treated me the way he did and dumped me. It appears he's suffering from bad karma. I do love the man, but I can't change him. Even if he does come running back to me, the relationship will never work out as long as he continues to treat me like crap. If I ever do take him back, he will learn real quick that I won't put up with his games when I refuse to speak to him for 2 weeks every time he tries to play me. He'll either quit contacting me altogether, or he'll straighten up. Either way there will be no drama. You're right LA. I don't need that shit.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:22:15 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears
Thanks for the link LA - it does shed a lot of light on this current situation she's in.   In the original she doesn't talk at all about this being a trainer/trainee relationship, in fact she claims they were switches.  Now i am totally confused. 


If you think that thread confuses, please, by all means, read some of her others. This guy has morphed from a guy she is seeing, to a friends with benefits, to her sub, to her switch, to her Master....and now he's her Trainer.

What happened here is she read someone else's thread about a Trainer and assumed that because her boyfriend is a personal exercise trainer in his profession that they must be talking about the same thing.

Thread after thread, many people have tried desperately to give her good sound advice and yet this woman is just as clueless as she was when she first posted about the whole thing in March. I really think this is a case of someone who has wandered across the line into the deep end of the pool when they have no idea how to swim.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 9/4/2006 3:28:46 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 149
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:25:30 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
Even if he does come running back to me, the relationship will never work out as long as he continues to treat me like crap. If I ever do take him back, he will learn real quick that I won't put up with his games when I refuse to speak to him for 2 weeks every time he tries to play me. He'll either quit contacting me altogether, or he'll straighten up. Either way there will be no drama.


Someone please wake me up. This has to be a dream right????....I mean no one can REALLY be this clueless can they?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 150
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:48:12 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Someone please wake me up. This has to be a dream right????....I mean no one can REALLY be this clueless can they?


Actually, I would call this more of a nightmare. If I were a dominant, I'd be steering WAY clear till she got some of her own house in order. Accusations after the fact, along with a seemingly inability to a) keep her story straight, b) see the relationship for what it was c) take responsibility for her own emotions and actions, d) make a viable decision that comes from HER, and are not reliant on his actions and e) walk away with some dignity and integrity make this girl a ticking time bomb.

juliet

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 151
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:49:44 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I could easily find someone else........I've had plenty of offers.


hehe.  You can't be serious.  Everyone has plenty of offers.  You need to be selective.  Why you would choose a "trainer" when you are seeking a dom/bf is the part that makes no sense.  I have a feeling that if you jump into the bondage of another guy, we will hear again about how you fell hard for him and he "used" you.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:52:05 PM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline
quote:


When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.


erin,

I think your sig fits this perfectly.   I came back and can't believe this lunacy has hit 8 pages.  You can't help someone who won't take responsibility for her own actions.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 9/4/2006 3:53:09 PM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 153
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:54:53 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		But only AFTER the relationship is over and she's discovered that he didn't do everything EXACTLY the way she wanted him to. After all, one does have to have the "right" environment in which to submit, doesn't one? It's up to him to provide that. Don't dare suggest that her perceptions are her responsibility, along with the ability to listen and take what someone says to be the truth rather than a temporary state until he's manipulated in just the right way.

juliet

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 154
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 3:55:54 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		"This guy has morphed from a guy she is seeing, to a friends with benefits, to her sub, to her switch, to her Master....and now he's her Trainer."


Switches can be both subs and masters. He went from a friends with benefits to a guy I was seeing because I put my foot down and refused to be titled as a friend with benefits. As for the thread I read, this woman's trainer hurt her and everyone was saying she had to expect that since he was a trainer. I compared it to my own situation and found similarities (like short term, dumping for no reason, emotional unavailability). I'm afraid I jumped the gun and labeled him (not only as an exercise trainer, but as a bdsm trainer) along with the other guy because of these similarities. No, I'm not saying the other guy was an exercise trainer lol.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 155
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:02:59 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		I just have to say this has been the fucking funniest thread I've read in a long time on collarme.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:04:35 PM   
DomSA


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I just have to say this has been the fucking funniest thread I've read in a long time on collarme.

C~



Ditto...my sub and I can't leave it alone.  It gets funnier with every post from the OP.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 157
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:07:43 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

As for the thread I read, this woman's trainer hurt her and everyone was saying she had to expect that since he was a trainer. I compared it to my own situation and found similarities (like short term, dumping for no reason, emotional unavailability). I'm afraid I jumped the gun and labeled him (not only as an exercise trainer, but as a bdsm trainer) along with the other guy because of these similarities. No, I'm not saying the other guy was an exercise trainer lol.


So, if I read this right, you're basically going on and on about the man that used to be in your life because...correct me if I'm wrong... someone else had a negative experience?

Newsflash: Someone can walk away from someone else for no other reason than they didn't want to do this anymore. Poor you. But that's the breaks and no one "owes" anyone else an approved explanation for their decisions to break off a relationship. That's why it's called dating. Going out with someone is not a guaranteed venture for a lifetime so long as you make the right dinner, wear the right clothes and satisfy his every whim. If he decides he's done, you may not like it, but he doesn't HAVE to give an explanation that you can deal with or accept. He can do it just because he wants to.

And let me get this part straight too...you TOLD him he had to have you for more than he was initially wanting you and then, when he decided he didn't, it's HIS fault? Since when does ANYONE get to tell ANYONE (even amongst dominants and submissives) that they WILL up the ante on the relationship front just because the other person said so? He may not have been as resolute as he should have been, but I guarantee you that if you'd given that ultimatum to my Master, whether he cared for you or not, you'd have been history simply because you attempted to force the issue in the first place.

I'd say the walk away would have been pretty darn predictable.

juliet

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 158
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:08:36 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		However when he told the op that he was a trainer, and she turned a blank face to him and said okay, he knew she had no idea of what was going on, he knew she was a complete newbie. He should have felt obligated to spell it out because she didn't know enough to ask the right questions.

Did he have any obligation to turn this into a long term relationship? Certainly not.
I remember dating some guy in college who absolutely adored me and yet to me he was just a casual friend. It was a mismatch and just didn't work for both of us. I was sorry to hurt him when I shut it down but I had no obligation to stay in a relationship with a man who I felt nothing for, no matter how he felt.

(in reply to Homestead)
Profile   Post #: 159
RE: what every newbie should know about trainers - 9/4/2006 4:12:16 PM   
DomSA


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		defiantbadgirl....you claim in one of many posts that you don't know what to be responsible for.  It really is very simple: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS.  People can treat you anyway they want but only you can decide how you feel about that treatment.  You decide to be upset, hurt, happy, joyful, confused, etc.

But to continue to try to rationalize your need for a romantic relationship with someone whose only interest in you is mutual bondage is very self defeating.  Basically it comes down to either shit or get off the pot.  Make a decision to either cut him out entirely or live with his inconsistancies.

Besides I have another set of questions...what is your definition of "friends with benefits" if you don't have sex?  What is the benefit?  Also in your bondage scenes are you both fully clothed?  If naked and it involves kissing & hugging are you using a Clintonesque definition of sex?

(in reply to DomSA)
Profile   Post #: 160
Page:   <<   < prev  6 7 [8] 9 10   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: what every newbie should know about trainers Page: <<   < prev  6 7 [8] 9 10   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078