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That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:31:20 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Often I have read of dominants that do not necessarily care for their submissives/slaves asking them “why” they make certain decisions. I am a very naturally curious person, and often ask “why” just because I am curious. I do not mean it to be a challenge or to attempt to “argue” my way out of something, but sometimes I want to understand why I am doing whatever it is I have been instructed to do. It lends understanding to the task.

I remember in high school I would always ask “why” I had to do algebra, and no one ever gave me a cogent answer as to “why”, so I did not bother to remember it, years later I did need it in my statistics class, and it had real application to my life. If someone would have told me that in high school it would have given meaning to it.

I guess my questions are as follows:

If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?

If you are a submissive/slave do you feel comfortable to ask your dominant person why they are having you do something?



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:33:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I posted this in the wrong forum....OOOOOOPS

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:36:19 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I posted this in the wrong forum....OOOOOOPS


You must be punished for posting in the wrong forum.

First I must tie you up and spank you.

Then comes the oral sex...

And where is my soup spoon?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:37:28 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		awww she made an oopsy.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:38:13 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I posted this in the wrong forum....OOOOOOPS


You must be punished for posting in the wrong forum.

First I must tie you up and spank you.

Then comes the oral sex...

And where is my soup spoon?

Sinergy


I will be posting in the wrong forums from now on...

Just me could be wrong.... hee hee

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:39:10 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		In response to your thread. I tell the dominant up front that I ask why not because I am neing a smart ass but because I really need to know why. I like a rationale. Sometimes I get because I said so but I got an answer. Master does not get upset when I ask why.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:41:16 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My Daddy knows how inquisitive I am... thank god!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:42:19 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Often I have read of dominants that do not necessarily care for their submissives/slaves asking them “why” they make certain decisions. I am a very naturally curious person, and often ask “why” just because I am curious. I do not mean it to be a challenge or to attempt to “argue” my way out of something, but sometimes I want to understand why I am doing whatever it is I have been instructed to do. It lends understanding to the task.

I remember in high school I would always ask “why” I had to do algebra, and no one ever gave me a cogent answer as to “why”, so I did not bother to remember it, years later I did need it in my statistics class, and it had real application to my life. If someone would have told me that in high school it would have given meaning to it.

I guess my questions are as follows:

If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?

If you are a submissive/slave do you feel comfortable to ask your dominant person why they are having you do something?




It's all in the timing.  Either have your Dom discuss an activity with you before you get involed..or ask your questions after said activity.  It really isn't  constructive to ask a why about algebra when you are in the middle of the test. 

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:43:13 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		If a dominant tells me I cant ask questions. I just cant be with them. How am I supposed to learn and grow if I don't know why I am doing something. Sometimes I figure it out myself but sometimes I just need to know.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:43:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The doms who get upset at ANY question (when it's being asked in a mature and responsible fashion) is an insecure dom.

You either answer the question or you don't- getting upset just means you don't know how to handle it.

And, in general, answering questions is the smart and best way to grow trust and build long term security in relationships.  There may be specific structures set up for the process of asking questions in relationships, but I've never known a relationship that worked long term that didn't encourage and provide for some Q&A between the master/slave.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:56:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think you are right LA, and I would further state if the question is unwelcomed it is rather easy to say "I will answer later", "I am not going to answer that", or "You will find out after you are done". As a submissive I expect that will be the answer at times, but I do feel more trusting knowing that he does not have some rule about asking questions

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 7:56:26 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yes and yes.  Ask whatever you want.  I'll give you a full answer.

Then do it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 8:00:25 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		I have no problem answering questions from a sub/ slave.
The thing is that she doesn't have to like the answers.
I never learned algebra in 7th grade because I had a math teacher who was gay and took a "liking" to me, making eyes at me in class and somehow being in the boys locker room "grading papers" while we were showering.
The bastard even wrote a letter to my mother saying what a fine handsome young boy I was.
Sick fuckers!
Another "Foley."
Consequently I never learned my algebra.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 8:14:33 PM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think I should be free to ask why, but not to question whether I should do it or not.  I think if there is something I am being told to do, I have a right to question why it should be done.  If I don't understand something, that is the only way for me to find out.
 
I also believe there is a difference when asking "why?" with respect, and asking "why?" without it. 
 
Akasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 8:39:31 PM   
Warpedsight


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		I'm kindof curious as to why someone would refuse to answer a question.  If someone wont answer a question with something other than "because i told you so" or something that really isnt an adequate answer to the question, i'd think there might be a pretty serious reason why. If someone did something for a legitmate reason, why would they have trouble stating that reason?

< Message edited by Warpedsight -- 10/19/2006 8:40:18 PM >

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
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RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 8:51:40 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Yes, they can ask why. They are allowed to be informed so as to not follow blindly. However, this does not guarantee that they will UNDERSTAND why, and in the end, there's a good chance they'll be told to do it, understanding or not.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 9:12:41 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Well....it kinda depends.

Master:  "Bring me my shoes."

Me:  "Why?"

That would not get me far

But yes, I get your point.  Time, place, context all come into play.  In the beginning, I asked a lot of questions, some of which were why he wanted to me to do/think/say/feel certain things.  These why questions were not to challenge, but to understand, and they were almost always answered.  These days there are far less of those questions, and they are typically asked in retrospect.  Now, he tells me to do something and I just do it, but later I may ask him why he had me do that certain thing.  Often he will tell me.  If he doesn't want me to know just yet, he won't.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 9:35:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My mother bought me a record called "Why Mommy?" (I still have it...smiles). It answered lots of questions little kids have about the "whys" of the world, like why is the sky blue, and why is the sun hot... etc

She told me years later she never had seen a child that asked "why" so often, she had 4 of us...

So I would be in big trouble if it wasn't allowed..smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 10:07:53 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		I used to tell the kids I was coaching, counseling at summer camps, teaching in class, etc., that the only stupid question is the one they dont ask.

Kinda apply that to real life as well, and it works quite nicely.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 10:09:17 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, yeah, but then some kid asks a question that's so fucking stupid you're like..."All right, I stand corrected."

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

I used to tell the kids I was coaching, counseling at summer camps, teaching in class, etc., that the only stupid question is the one they dont ask.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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