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RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 10:25:20 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



If you are a submissive/slave do you feel comfortable to ask your dominant person why they are having you do something?





I used to be very comfortable asking Master 'why' to just about anything. It was a zone in which I still had some control and where I could still set the parameters.

I pretty much came to discover that asking him 'why' entailed an unspoken grab for power.

Why can't you..

Why don't you..

Why did you..

Why should I..

... and so on and so forth.  That said, I pretty much already know 'why' he tells me, commands me, compels me. It's because he can, he wishes it, he wants it, he needs it .. and 'just because he said so' is a mighty fine reason in any event.

Rather than ask Himself 'why', I'm much more likely to ask myself.. 'why not?'

I truly look upon 'why' as being equivalant to 'no, not until I determine that your reasons are valid and sound and that I fully understand them' .. and if I had to do a whole lot of that, I'd say I was with the wrong Master. I didn't jump right in and give up all my 'whys' though.. it's something that I was finally able to let go of after several years together. I honestly can't recall the last time I asked him "why".

Celeste

edited to add: You may be able to ask the mods to move this thread .. it's worthy of General BDSM discussion and it would be a shame if it didn't get the exposure it deserves.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 10/19/2006 10:26:16 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 10:43:43 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		How does one ask the mods to move it?

And thanks for your answer and I need time to think about a response because like usual, your posts require much thought to respond to... and BTW that is a total compliment...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 10:53:47 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

How does one ask the mods to move it?


You could try emailing Mod 1 on the other side. Or, make one of those huge font requests in purple or something.. that usually gets their attention. ::chuckles::

quote:

And thanks for your answer and I need time to think about a response because like usual, your posts require much thought to respond to... and BTW that is a total compliment...smiles


Why... why..

thank you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/19/2006 11:22:38 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I reported  it.. so we shall see

Still thinking

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 4:11:53 AM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I guess my questions are as follows:

If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?



I do not mind being asked "why" as long as it's done respectfully.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 4:13:33 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

How does one ask the mods to move it?

And thanks for your answer and I need time to think about a response because like usual, your posts require much thought to respond to... and BTW that is a total compliment...smiles


Or just repost the question to where you want it, shouldn't be a problem.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 5:08:37 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


Why can't you..Why don't you..Why did you..Why should I..

... and so on and so forth.  That said, I pretty much already know 'why' he tells me, commands me, compels me. It's because he can, he wishes it, he wants it, he needs it .. and 'just because he said so' is a mighty fine reason in any event.

Rather than ask Himself 'why', I'm much more likely to ask myself.. 'why not?'

I truly look upon 'why' as being equivalant to 'no, not until I determine that your reasons are valid and sound and that I fully understand them' .. and if I had to do a whole lot of that, I'd say I was with the wrong Master.


Perfectly put as usual. I no longer ask these questions myself, they say do, i go do, period. 

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 6:43:00 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

If you are a submissive/slave do you feel comfortable to ask your dominant person why they are having you do something?

Absolutly. Though, naturally, it is up to him if he wants to tell me a specific reason behind it or not, but I always question things. I have been fortunate in the past that this curiosity was not frowned upon, but instead encouraged; and I am fortunate now that the one I am speaking to now is of the same mindset.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 7:32:56 AM   
ExtremeOwnerIL


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
If you are a dominant do you feel it is appropriate for your submissive/slave to ask why they are to do something? Will you answer them as to why they are to do something?


I don't mind if my property asks me "why". It's appropriate in my relationships, but YMMV.

I may or may not answer them, to my discretion. If I feel it's a situation for them to just do, I will let them know exactly that. I don't repeat myself often, however. They learn when it is OK to ask and when I expect obedience without questions.

Regards,
EO

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 7:32:59 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		And, again in theory, most masters CLAIM they want an intelligent slave.  Asking questions, inquistiveness, curiosity, ability and desire to understand complex dynamics are all key hallmarks of being intelligent.

So is knowing when it's appropriate and when it isn't.

Asking why isn't always an attempt at grabbing power- sometimes it can be an attempt to serve better.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 7:41:40 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I think timing and context are essential considerations in this area.

I tend to be like Bita's Him in this...at a certain point, I have to wonder just "why" is what I am saying being questioned so often and that with some submissives, it is an attempt...conscious or not...to upend the table of power. 

The context is important...if I say, as ownedgirlie presented, "Get me my shoes", I don't want to hear "why?".  If I say "bring me the flogger", I don't necesasarily want to hear "why"?  If I tell her I want her to think about the way she said something or to think about her reasoning behind her stance on something, then she has every right to ask me "Why?" and expect an answer.

Timing is important...if I am in the middle of flogging her and I stop flogging and tell her change positions...I don't want to hear "why?".  If we're out with a couple and she is distracted because she has been bothered all day about why I stopped flogging her last night before I had reached my usual endpoint, this would not be the time to ask me "Why did you...?"  When we are alone in an appropriate setting, this would be an appropriate question.  Of course, as noted in other examples here, the answer might be as simple as "Because I can....OR...because I felt like it...Or...etc., etc.,". 

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 7:47:52 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		If your communicating with your sub then there should be no why. Then again if they keep asking why smack their bobble head.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 7:55:50 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

If your communicating with your sub then there should be no why. Then again if they keep asking why smack their bobble head.

No dom is omniscient enough to know virtually all the questions that run through a new submissive's mind, and therefore answer them in basic conversation.  I can't imagine a dom not wanting his/her submissive to be inquisitive enough to want to understand the ways of things.  As some have mentioned, and I agree, after a time, there is little need for "why."  If my bobblehead was smacked every time I wanted to understand a concept or philosophy my Master had so that I could understand him more and therefore serve him better, he and I would not be sharing what we share today.


(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:00:08 AM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline 		Why did you even ask this question?
Why do you think you could ask this question?
Why do you think you posted to the wrong forum?
Why do you think people are going to respond?
Why are you rolling your eyes?
Why are you telling me to shut the hell up?
Why are you loading that rifle?
Why are you pointi .... BANG!!!!!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:02:35 AM   
Kalira


Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

Why did you even ask this question?
Why do you think you could ask this question?
Why do you think you posted to the wrong forum?
Why do you think people are going to respond?
Why are you rolling your eyes?
Why are you telling me to shut the hell up?
Why are you loading that rifle?
Why are you pointi .... BANG!!!!!


LOL, ok, I actually found this humorous.

My late husband, when he got tired of me asking why all the time, would just get some duct tape and tape my mouth shut  

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:08:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Why can't you..

Why don't you..

Why did you..

Why should I..


Some of these why questions are very obviously challenging

There is another type of context I am trying to get at for the "why" questions...

Why do we do things a certain way?
Why do you use this to discipline me?
Why would you rather I not talk to this person?
Why do you want me to not take a promotion?


These why questions would not be to challenge him, they would be to illuminate the reasons he does things the way he does, perhaps so that in the future I can know them without asking, perhaps it can help me process a decision, learn better how to serve, keep myself out of trouble. It can also be a catalyst to dig within myself to better "grok" his answer.

I like what LA says, my submission is not about martyrdom, it is about my growth, his growth, and our growth as an "us" and a "we". I can conceive of a time that why questions may never be asked, but it takes growth, time, and communication to get there.


Just some thoughts....



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:09:32 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		If i ask why, it's surely so i can evaluate the value or intent of the directive, which is generally a precursor to my deciding my response. 

If i'm asking for intent, that's one thing, it will lead to better service.  but if i'm asking to evaluate value, i might as well just admit i've already decided i'm not liking something and W/we're looking at a will thing.

So before i do it, i have to ask myself first.. "Why ask why?" 

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:12:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

If i ask why, it's surely so i can evaluate the value or intent of the directive, which is generally a precursor to my deciding my response. 

If i'm asking for intent, that's one thing, it will lead to better service.  but if i'm asking to evaluate value, i might as well just admit i've already decided i'm not liking something and W/we're looking at a will thing.

So before i do it, i have to ask myself first.. "Why ask why?" 


You phrased it better than me, thank you mavis!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:13:00 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine

Why did you even ask this question?
Why do you think you could ask this question?
Why do you think you posted to the wrong forum?
Why do you think people are going to respond?
Why are you rolling your eyes?
Why are you telling me to shut the hell up?
Why are you loading that rifle?
Why are you pointi .... BANG!!!!!


I have to ask, does this qualify as submission or slavery?

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to ToGiveDivine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: That "Why" Question - 10/20/2006 8:40:12 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		Hello All,
For the most part I agree with the OP.
I too am very curious to know the reasoning behind the requests or orders. I want to know why so I don't have to be told again for lack of understanding a point.
My inquisitive nature can indeed require me to want to know the why's of things legitimately.

I feel I should also share that once in a while during scenes I'd be asking questions that could have waited till later.
In really looking at my motivation I found I was often doing it to feel like I still had some part of control over my situation.

I guess in any relationship it's really a balancing act.
Some questions are indeed ask for reasons other than the answer to the question.

Some questions deserve the answers sought, but some also do not deserve answers.
suzanne

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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