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RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 6:36:59 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Having worked in health care the majority of my adult life I will say this, don't hold it all in at work and fall apart while you're driving home. Health care professionals are the BEST people to fall apart with in the situation you described. They understand because they live with the same feelings and situations every day. They can teach you how to keep your tender heart yet deal with the difficult emotions that are a part of your chosen field. This is especially important since you aren't getting emotional support at home.

Be very careful about how you leave, when you do. I'd suggest making copies of all of your important paperwork and keeping them someplace safe outside of your home. Maybe mail them to a friend/relative who can keep them for you. That way you have them in case something were to happen to them as you are leaving. A change of clothing, etc, kept someplace safe is a wise idea as well.

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 6:39:06 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

slaveauroraI do come home at night and cook, do laundry, study, clean the kitchen etc.   But, this is my job, I am a slave, and even if I wasn't it is still a woman's duties. 
 a woman's duty? oh please- Duty? cooking /cleaning is no more my duty- than doing an oil change on the car  or mowing the law is my husbands- we work together
quote:

Also not to sound overly picky, but he can't do it right. 
  Well now we see some thing we did not before- He would help - you just don't like the way he does things.
quote:

  His idea of doing the laundry is putting the darks and whites together.
so how about he just do the darks?  
quote:

 I don't know that I trust him to load or unload the dishwasher, because I would never find anything.
 if you cannot find some thing ask  
quote:

He will run the sweeper if I ask him too, and he has offered to do the  laundry, but I tell him no. 
Honestly I see you  being more controlling in this relationship than I see slave.  If he offers then why not? and try being appreciative  rather than - he didn't do it right. how do you think he feels knowing you dont think he is even capable of  loading a dishwasher 

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 6:57:05 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear slaveaurora, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
It is rather hard to be a man and not a provider.  In addition, you should find a way to feed him.  Not in the sense of food but, giving him something to do to help you.  Yes, it is a slave's job but, most total power exchanges need a means to feed each other power as well as to feed off of it.
 
We hear so much where the slave wants to serve, and in a way Masters serve as well.  Giving him nothing to do, just cuts him below the knees; yes in your eyes it isn't masterly to run the sweeper and such.  Give him something he can do to feed you.  Perhaps you can both sit down and fold clothes together. 
 
As far as giving you emotional support, some people cannot give it when they have no emotional support of their own.  Perhaps its all he can do from crying himself and anything 'difficult' he has to leave as to keep himself brave in front of you.  Showing weakness and being vunerable for a Master is extremely difficult indeed.  Peer pressure and they myths of being a "Master" can be self imposed making it impossible to show weakness and or tears/emotion.
 
In my mind's eye; you both are struggling.  Six years is an investment to each other.
 
You both need to feed each other.  I am wondering if the situation of death, hit him in a trauma or dramatic way; e.g. soldier, combat, buddies killed, mom passing in front of him, etc.
 
Perhaps if you can talk on subjects that he is willing to communicate with, getting a dialog going; such as a movie you both watched and get down to basics.  Then say how much you enjoyed his involvment in communicating and you 'kinda' miss that when it comes to the relationship and you suddenly switch the topic to something else that he likes to talk about, like cars, racing cars, sports, etc.  You will have planted the seed.  Hopefully, he will think about you missing what all humans in relationships need -- communication.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 7:22:55 AM   
slaveaurora


Posts: 157
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose I am a bitch to live with, that would explain a lot wouldn't it? 

(in reply to swtnsparkling)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 7:32:51 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		> Honestly I see you  being more controlling in this relationship than I see slave. 
> If he offers then why not? and try being appreciative  rather than - he didn't do
> it right.  How do you think he feels knowing you dont think he is even capable
> of  loading a dishwasher
 
I have a female friend who is like this.  Her mother was very controling, and 
didn't trust her to do anything like setting the table, and she is the same
way.  I like doing everything together.  She likes doing everything herself.
I've told her she should be a dominatrix, but she claims she wants to be
the submissive one.  Aside from this, she thinks bdsm is for sick perverts,
and thinks I'm sick for liking it.

_____________________________



(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 8:11:05 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		...and btw if you don't want him to mess up the white and the dark laundry then tell him HOW to do it, even though he's born a dominant it doesn't necessarily mean that he knows everything beforehand even dominants need advice at times and so what though he would screw up few laundry's I mean shit happens at least he tries and he'd probably learn from his mistakes. Nobody is perfect. And honey loading/unloading the dishwasher come oooon you put things into cupboards I doubt he's so stupid that he has no idea that there're cupboards where the glasses are kept and so on, and if you couldn't find anything you could just ask him where he put it and then perhaps pointed out to him where it is supposed to be.
Do you really think he's this useless? I mean gawd..you make him sound like a complete useless dumbass that doesn't know his own name
and yeah you're pretty bitchy to live with considered you're a slave lol no offence eh but really no need to get bitter just because people are pointing things out they feel they should tell you. You DID ask you DID put up this question, and you can't expect everything to be o poor you even though people don't agree with you. If you post, you can't expect all the answers to be to your liking.
BUT so I stick to my earlier post, I couldn't live with a person who is unable to show comfort or support you when you need like when that person died so based on that I think you should just pack your bags.

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 9:57:30 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveaurora

I suppose I am a bitch to live with, that would explain a lot wouldn't it? 


I think you are focusing in on and people are sharing their opinions and speculation on the symptoms and not the problem.

Depending on peoples point of view and advice they are promoting your man and you:

Your man is a lazy deadbeat or suffering through depression because of no job and cannot be a provider or some other reason.

Can't do laundry and other chores because he is lazy or does them so bad to get out of doing them or you are a controlling human being where he cannot do anything right.

He is a piece of crap for not caring about your sexual needs or you do not understand that he just cannot be sexually attracted to overweight women.

These and the others mentioned are focusing too much on events and opinions and for your replies you seem to be focusing on them too. Healthy relationships are 50/50 in effort and I am not talking about the dividing of chores or financial things. If BOTH are not willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work for BOTH people, then it is just simply not going to be a happy one for one or both people.

To me I would stop analyzing these specific things that people are throwing at you and let me ask you two things:

1) Has he never communicated on a personal level in the relationship or has it been since something dramatic happen?
2) Are you prepared to stay in a sexless marriage?

Because, quite simply if he just does not have the ability to communicate and support you on an emotional level and hash out routine couple things, honey, the odds of that changing if it has been going on for six years is remote.

In all honesty, everything you have written makes it sound like you are the only one making an effort in this relationship, but even that in the end does not matter. It is very simple are you happy enough to stay or do you want to leave if nothing changes? All of the other stuff is just the fluffy stuff.

I also wanted to add and agree with SubLizzie that going forward in your field that the more you experience the better you will handle it. It is good to have coping things while on shift and become friends with your co-workers because they understand. I work in an ER and could not handle it if I were not close to them. Still, there are somethings that I experience that going home and crying it off is the only thing that works and you must also allow yourself that avenue as well.


(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 10:04:59 AM   
DOM33416


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		Six years without , my opinion things like that only get worse once things get going downhill. Gravity sucks.

_____________________________

"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 11:25:37 AM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not going to read 5 pages of intervening posts so I'll keep this short and sweet.

2 Questions:

Is he having sex with anyone else? ? ?

If not, has he been examined for erectile dysfunction?

HE's been celibate for 6 YEARS?  I don't think so! ! !  Unless he's a religious ascetic of some type and taken a vow, I dont think he's been celibate voluntarily...

QED - Erectile dysfunction.  Diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, high cholesterol, high stress, depression...  Any of these things, or all of them could be contribuing factors to his sexual health and/or performance.  Many men prefer denial to admitting they have a problem.  And blaming their partner (you are too fat, you won't do anal, you don't suck cock the way I like, your tits aren't big enough, etc) is just making excuses as a way to "save face".

If he's getting nookie on the side, or making do with masturbation instead of having sex with you, well then...  Time to re-evaluate the relationship, isn't it?

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 1:51:29 PM   
naughtygeisha


Posts: 32
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		that's what i was thinking, is there a possible health issue that He is not telling you about? If there isn't then girl find out what He's doing to release, it's just not normal to go that long without release of some kind. i can't speak for anyone else but i need release at least 3 or 4 times a day but hey that's just me.Communication about this would be a good idea.Seek out the answers and you will get truth.

_____________________________

Submission is the greatest gift there is , Why throw it away, cherish it and be cherished

(in reply to EvilGeoff)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: sexless relationship - 10/21/2006 2:19:04 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I suppose I am a bitch to live with, that would explain a lot wouldn't it? 


Plese don't try and put words in my mouth. I at No time may any mention to anything like that. I said you sounded controlling, he offers help- you say no.if he puts some thing in the wrong place or washed a white with a dark who cares it's all small stuff .
You know you are lucky  that he offers to do such things some others would never.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to slaveaurora)
Profile   Post #: 111
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