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How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 4:01:56 AM

slaveaurora

Posts: 157
Joined: 6/30/2006
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This came up in conversation the other day, and I thought I would put it here just to see what everyone thinks.

How many times have you talked to someone here on collarme who does not have a picture up and you find that you like them, have things in common etc., then when you see a pic of them and they are not beautiful in your eyes, does that change your perception of them? Do you stop chatting with them?

On the flip side, have you ever contacted someone based on their picture, because you found them attractive, only to find out they are nothing like you hoped?

Does their appearance, or pic, make it or break it for you?

~aurora~

Post #: 1

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 4:05:52 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

then when you see a pic of them and they are not beautiful in your eyes, does that change your perception of them? Do you stop chatting with them?

Nope. I perfer what's on the inside to what's on the outside.

quote:

On the flip side, have you ever contacted someone based on their picture, because you found them attractive, only to find out they are nothing like you hoped?

Sure.

quote:

Does their appearance, or pic, make it or break it for you?

No, it does not. Attitude, however, does.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to slaveaurora)

Post #: 2

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 4:17:44 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
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Without whining - I get lots of mails from guys, I assume because of my pic, (myopia is a terrible thing LOL!), because they clearly havent read my profile (more myopia?). We chat a while and there's something there, but when I break the news about my chromosomes, suddenly all interest evaporates.

For me, its the quality of the person rather than their appearance, thats important. At the same time though, they do have to look acceptable to me, if thats not too shallow?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to Kalira)

Post #: 3

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 5:05:11 AM

Dnomyar

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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When I meet people in person it is all in their attitude how I precieve them. A first smile is a big help.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 4

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 5:10:21 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Appearance is important to me and I have to be attracted to someone I am in a LTR with. So for me, it is important. However, my definition of what attracts me is pretty broad and personality goes a long way with me. In person, there has to be some chemistry.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 5

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 5:17:16 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
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Apperance is a major factor in most relationships.

I can see the comments already from ppl saying maybe to me blah blah but face it. Everyone your probabley seen your been attracted too? There is something about their looks that gets you so turned on. Weather its a flick of the eye, a smile or something. Either way looks are more important then people let on.

( I used mskathouston as quick reply )

< Message edited by imtempting -- 11/2/2006 5:18:03 AM >

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 6

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 6:52:36 AM

zumala

Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
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Appearance can be a factor, but it certainly isn't the only factor to have influence on attraction. Take my husband Pup as an example. We met on-line and became friends before we ever met in person. There were no photos traded before we met. Honestly? He's not my perfect ideal for a male specimen, but his personality and mind meshed so well with mine that his appearance wasn't important enough to be a major consideration. I'm sure most people have some good physical traits. If you meet someone you like but they aren't your vision of a hunk, look for what you /do/ like about their looks. For example, I happen to like Pup's green eyes. He's a good kisser, too. I could go on, but... that's personal.

zuma

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 7

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 6:53:48 AM

MistressRENA

Posts: 41
Joined: 7/21/2005
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I feel compelled to reply because this is such a complex issue for me. I am one of those who does not have a photo etc with my profile. I have had in the past one that I would share after a while.
There are a number of reasons. Keep in mind these reasons are mine and only mine. One is a philosophy; a photo most oftens captures only one facet of us. Just the packaging. What is captured is not objective; it often does influence perception. I prefer to be seen as a multidimensional creature.
I have found that once I start to know someone, or know them before I see them, I cannot see them as a flat image anymore. Their hard lines are blurred, I begin to see them with their "insides" or character on the outside. So yes pictures are ok, but I rarely make judgements on the basis of them.
Now in my broader definition of "appearance" issues of neatness, cleanliness and other basic things are important. Some that specifically comes to mind; yuck under fingernails, clean and relatively unwrinkled clothes ... you get my drift.
And these things can be offputting especially if this person has come to an initial meeting in this condition. Yes I realize this can be because of circumstances beyond their control and yes I'd listen.
My philosophy is that potentials usually present their best first; to try and impress. If what I see is the best; well lets say I do not want to know what might be less.
So yes looks, appearance can be important, but to what degree, how these words are defined, and the folk involved it all depends. Finally it also depends on what you want them for.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 8

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 6:54:26 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
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Now if I could just convince a HAWT babe or two to look past my picture and fall in love with my mind...............

LOL,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 9

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 6:57:02 AM

LadyOunce

Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

If everything else is clicking well, I don't let a less than pleasing picture stop me from chatting with them. Even if the picture is less than pleasing to me but the message is really good, I don't let it influence me too much. But, in the end, there has to be more than just a pretty face yet we are creatures attracted by physical beauty as well.

I think it's a balance but, in the end, it's the words and not the picture that make or break it for me.

_____________________________

Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it. -Jackson

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. -Einstein

Do not consider painful what is good for you. -Medea

(in reply to slaveaurora)

Post #: 10

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 6:58:25 AM

slaveaurora

Posts: 157
Joined: 6/30/2006
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~fast reply~

In response to what has already been said, I do believe, (MHO only) that looks matter to everyone.
Perhaps this thread is lacking in responses because people are afraid of sounding shallow.
Maybe we are all shallow to some extent and don't want to admit it.

I am willing to bet that when the majority of people are scrolling through profiles, looking for someone suitable as a partner for a LTR, their picture (if they have one posted) is the first thing you look at. If that person is not physically attractive to you, you pass them by.

I also want to add that everyone has their own personal tastes, and what I find attractive, you may not.   But with that said, there are people who are attractive overall, everyone finds them attractive, (hense the eye candy thread), and there are those who are not attractive to the general population.

I am confident that generally attractive people get bombarded with emails, and generally UNattractive people get no emails.
Thoughts?

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 11

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:01:36 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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Of course appearance is important but it is just one aspect of the attraction equation. I cannot honestly say if a person had a dynamic personality I liked I could overlook that I have no physical attraction to them, but at the same time a person does not have to be beautiful on the outside for me to be attracted to them but I have to think they are beautiful on the inside or at least how we act with each other.

In other words if you are satan who looks like George Clooney then no thanks but if you and I hit it off all I probably need is that you shower, shave and make an effort to try to be healthy and you can still dress even if all your jeans and T-shirts are dirty.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 12

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:14:55 AM

gretchenS

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

I had fell inlove or had crushes mostly with quite unattractive men, with great sense of humor and a great mind.

I don't know why, but I tend to feel attraction for geeky/ugly men. My thought is, they seem to have a more interesting conversation and nicer personality (shy or not shy) than most people, men or women. That's how I find the best chemistry.

If my Daddy was an ugly man, I would still love him and want him madly.

(in reply to slaveaurora)

Post #: 13

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:18:43 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I admit I have to find someone attractive in order to have an LTR with them also. What I define as attractive to me though, might not be to someone else. It's a combination of many things, not just looks. It would be a mixture of their personality, sense of humor, intelligence, and outside appearance.

I have written those I thought were attractive from their pic and found them to be rather boring, and dry. I am sure that had nothing to do with their pic though, it's just the fact I don't often search profiles and it comes up when I go to the main screen. If I liked the profile sometimes I would write them.

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
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(in reply to slaveaurora)

Post #: 14

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:23:32 AM

r4l884slave

Posts: 27
Status: offline

That is true-people not wanting to admit--Although you of course need a connection beyond the physical for anything real to develop.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 15

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:31:38 AM

Kalira

Posts: 954
Joined: 10/9/2006
From: Fort Wayne Indiana
Status: offline

Nope,sorry, but I stand by what I said. I never knew what Master looked like till the day I met him.

_____________________________

Facilius Per Partes In Cognitionem Totius Adducimur
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
Seneca

Damnant Quod Non Intellegunt

(in reply to r4l884slave)

Post #: 16

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:35:07 AM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
Status: offline

For me it is a combination of things. I don't so much look at the standard norms of what is attractive. But they do need to be well groomed and neat. I have met people who initially I thought yuk...but upon getting to know them as a whole person and not just the shell on the outside I found them to be very attractive.

aurora

(in reply to r4l884slave)

Post #: 17

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:35:18 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

I don't have a piconline for several reasons. One is the site keeps rejecting the one I want to use with no real reason and two because of My job. Looks play a role but so do actions. I was told many years ago that everyone is beautiful with a blindfold on
-LV

(in reply to r4l884slave)

Post #: 18

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:38:05 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez
In other words if you are satan who looks like George Clooney

Why does this sound like the basis of a South Park episode? *chuckle*

On the reverse, if a woman looks like a 10 but has the personality of a baseball bat, it's an extreme turnoff for me. On the other hand, there are meshes and there are features of a face or body that may interest me more than others - the instinctual primal urge can be strong. While I've never turned anyone down just on their body alone, I can say that I have been strongly attracted to women on the basis of a physical feature and have pleasantly found their mental/emotional/spritual attitudes were just as attractive.

Regards,
EO

< Message edited by ExtremeOwnerIL -- 11/2/2006 7:43:38 AM >

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 19

RE: How important is a picture, or appearance - 11/2/2006 7:40:00 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveaurora

This came up in conversation the other day, and I thought I would put it here just to see what everyone thinks.

How many times have you talked to someone here on collarme who does not have a picture up and you find that you like them, have things in common etc., then when you see a pic of them and they are not beautiful in your eyes, does that change your perception of them? Do you stop chatting with them?

On the flip side, have you ever contacted someone based on their picture, because you found them attractive, only to find out they are nothing like you hoped?

Does their appearance, or pic, make it or break it for you?

~aurora~

Interesting topic, especially in light of the fact that I was recently discussing this with someone.

I don't put a pic up with my profile for several reasons: I live in a small town and as noted previously, was outed by my ex when she and I first split up. It affected my practice and it has taken time to build it back up. A picture of me on a BDSM website found by the wrong person (s) probably wouldn't be real good. Also, I have unmentionables who LOVE to websurf. While they know about their Dad's involvement in WIITWD, they are unclear of the extent and I'd just as soon keep it that way. Finally, I am not overly enamoured of my own looks. I think I look O.K. Both of my wives thought I was handsome. As I've gotten older, at least a couple of the submissives I've known have thought so too. That's great but I've never let it cause me to have a big head. I try very hard to look at myself when I am examining myself from a dispassionate level...not easy to do but necessary sometimes, I think. Because of my own perception of my looks...not ugly, not drop-dead gorgeous, but O.K....I want people to go beyond that and know something of the me inside before they see the outside package that the inner me comes in.

Of course, you knew this was leading somewhere didn't you? I had spent some time sending emails back and forth with someone, had a few phone conversations with them and was enjoying the building of, if nothing else, a friendship. They sent a picture and asked me to do the same. I did. Next letter I was informed that they could not deal with me even as a friend because I was the "spitting image of their ex-husband" and they could not shake that.
Was I really? Or was that a convenient, more polite way of saying "your looks make me gag, CD...I was sick for three hours after getting your pic"? I honestly don't know for I don't know her ex, have never seen a picture of him, wouldn't know him from Adam...so I am unclear as to which answer fits. ~shrugs~...in the long run of life, it doesn't matter but that doesn't mean that in the short run, it doesn't bother me at least somewhat. Hey...I'm a curious guy.
But I am comfortable with what I look like so even if the real excuse....errrrrrrrr, reason...is the latter given above, I've lost none of what I think of my own looks.

By the way...if anyone would care to find out if I look like their ex...or to see if my pic sickens YOU...contact me and I'll send it to you. ~grins~....might even be good for a new target for the dart board.

(in reply to slaveaurora)

Post #: 20

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