Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Male Abuse


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Male Abuse Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 8:19:50 AM   
enigmaslave


Posts: 146
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		absolutely on the money...
abuse of men os often mental and psycological...difficult at best to report

_____________________________

my appreciation to A/all who have read my opinion.
enigmaslave

slrn 000145067

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 8:29:20 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I take it very seriously, any kind of abuse is horrible. My Grandmother used to beat my Grandfather and it was of course, kept quiet. You would never know to look at this sweet church going couple that she would not hesitate once they got home, to bash him in the head with a clothes iron if he didn't jump when she told him too.

It is a horrible thing and men NEED to report these happenings to the police. Unfortnately as my sub says the "macho code" is to keep it quiet. What guy lets a mere woman beat on him and then tells somebody? Unfortnately that is what some people think when they hear that it is happening. Some women are not so "mere" particularly when they are in a rage.

Abuse is abuse and it needs to stop and the only way that can happen is if people start standing up for themselves and reporting it. As My Dad used to tell me "Honey, you ain't nobodys punching bag." I've never forgotten those words and I never will.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 8:59:00 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

(Meat...don't start confusing things with facts lol)


Sorry. Facts are the last bastion of the scoundrel.

Use a fact and before you know it people are using them against you.

Thanks for putting me right LTRsubNW. You're a friend. lol

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 11:10:32 AM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Hello siamsa24, I don't know how close of a friend you are to this person, but here's a number you could pass along to your friend, of course it is up to him to use it. .....The number is specifically for men of abuse

Below  is a link to the website where I got the information.  No one has to be powerless, unless they choose to be, once made aware of the resources available to them.  .   We all have a choice, believe me, been there done that.  I hope you might be of help to this man in some way by passing the info along.  If he doesn't want to help himself, he needs to do it for his child's sake.  I apologize if I seem preachy, but I'd rather risk that than not pass the information along if it can help even one person that sees this......................Rosa

http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/78/95916.htm?pagenumber=1

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/

Also a list of websites with informational reading on abuse of men

http://aolsearch.aol.com/aol/search?invocationType=topsearchbox.search&query=battered+men

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I happen to know someone personally who is having the crap beat out of him almost daily by his much physically smaller girlfriend.  He is such a gentleman and a sweetheart and refuses to fight back because he feels that no matter what it is wrong to hit a girl.  He won't leave her because she has his child and threatened to move and not tell him where if he breaks up with her.  It's sad, but he really doesn't have that much of a choice.  He loves his son too much to have him taken away.


[Mod Note:  telephone number deleted]

< Message edited by RosaB -- 11/25/2006 11:24:14 AM >

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 11:39:55 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

This was broght up in the feminist bashing thread, but it was so important I thought it deserved its own thread. Level brought up that male abuse, or abuse of men is not seen as seriously as female abuse. I would tend to agree with that. Some of the reasons it exists this way is shame on the part of the man, stigma and such.

I just thought I would start a thread asking people if they take abuse of males as an important topic, has this touched your life  at all?


My wife and I just split up (again, and for the last time).  I was badly abused in that relationship, physically, mentally and emotionally.   I never told anyone because I thought it was something I was doing wrong and that if I could just say and do the right things it would go away.  Plus, it is embarassing as hell.  I found out the hard way that is not the case.  I now have a scar on My leg from having to get stitches after having a glass thrown at Me and smashed on My leg.

I did go to the police.  They made Me out to be the bad guy.  They were telling Me that if there was any part of the story that she disputed that I would go to jail.  He gave Me the worst time in the world about making a statement.  The first hour was spent analyzing My entire police history.  It was horrible.  Telling the police that I was beat up by a woman, I felt like a complete idiot and I told him that.

Anyways, the whole thing turned into a nightmare.  I should have bailed sooner, but I had never been in the presence of abuse before.  I lost everything as a result, My house, My car, most of My belongings, thousands of dollars.  It is the single most expensive lesson I have ever learned.

What a complete idiot I was, and I admit it.  Oh well, I learned from that.  The next time I see the first signs of abuse I am going to run in the opposite direction because there will be nothing I can do to stop it.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 11:51:20 AM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		Sir Kenin,

I am truly sorry to hear that you went through the experience of abuse.  I hope you might take a moment to click on the links posted in my previous post.  I imagine this isn't the best of times for you right now being you just ended the relationship again.  I wish you well.

Rosa

< Message edited by RosaB -- 11/25/2006 11:52:04 AM >

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 11:56:22 AM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, you are not sounding preachy, I appreciate the advice and I will be sure to pass it alone.

(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 12:25:00 PM   
MistressTruth


Posts: 117
Joined: 2/22/2006
Status: offline 		 
S.Kenin, sorry that happened to you. Thanks for sharing. Many guys I know have been abused, it's more common than people want to believe.





_____________________________

I've been lookin' for a divine hammer...

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 12:25:34 PM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline 		cloudboy,
 
But, to answer your question: I think men, for the most part, are empowered to protect themselves from abuse. I also think bad relationships are an equal opportunity venture for both sexes. Whereas men pose a danger to women, women pose no equal or comparible danger in return.
 
My brother was 21 years old at the time and married to a girl who 18. He was working as a framer and out of the house before dawn typically. He would come home shower, eat, and spent a little time with his wife and their unmentionable before going to bed.
 
Often times he would wake up to her hitting him with her fists, electrical cords, folding chairs, and various tools from his work belt.
 
My brother refused to hit back, he would simply try and  leave their apartment. She would try and block his way, when he would try and physically move her so he could leave she would call the police. He would go to jail because she bruised easily and he didn't. 
 
Often times he was told to leave the premisis to allow "cool off time". One night she went to the kitchen and got a kitchen knife and ran towards him as he was leaving their apartment. They lived in an upstairs apartment, he side stepped to avoid the knife and she nearly feel over the rail. When the police came he was told if he pressed charges both would go to jail and their unmentionable would end up in system.
 
My brother felt like this was his fault. Like he was not giving her enough attention or love.She had him convinced the courts would take their son away from both of them if he pressed chargers. He felt like he was the "man" so this couldn't be happening to him.
 
Eventually their unmentionable got caught in the cross fire and this is when he realized things had to change and he left her and fought for 2 years fo custody of their unmentionable.
 
So I ask you cloudboy, how was he any more "empowered" than an battered wife? How was he a danger simply because he had a penis?
 
 The cycle of abuse isn't biased nor does it care if your male or female, hetero or gay. Men and women alike can and do fall victim to physical, mental, and emotional abuse purpetrated by their partner, spouses, ect.

< Message edited by nikaa -- 11/25/2006 12:34:45 PM >

_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika


The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


Wakan Tankan Nici Un




(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 1:22:28 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		Fortunately as an adult, I've never been what I would consider abused by a woman.

But the problem as I see it is, that true men if they were allowed to generally could protect themselves. But since the laws assume the man is the instigator, even if he does just use the minimum amount of force required to remove himself from the situation, he's likely to be charged with abuse himself. Since, most of us, have this thing ingrained in us since birth, that you don't hit a woman, no one wants to be labeled a wife beater. Even if it's not the case, every man knows if he raises a hand to woman, even in self-defense, he will be at her will if the police get involved. Couple that with kids involved, and being labeled an abusive violent male. And it would become a question of seeing ones kids.

Of course I'm still loathe to understand why women or men, just don't sneek out in the middle of the night while the abuser is gone. But I could understand just taking a beating from a crazed woman, because you didn't want to go to jail if you protected yourself.  I've just been confused why people stay after the first event.


In my view all the trully physical violence  by women I've seen personally has been against children. Now, there are so many stigmas for turning in your mother, that I doubt 1 in 100 cases of abuse by the mother is reported. I mean I know personally just my little part of the world. 5 women I've witnessed abusing their children, and only 1 of them lost custody or charged with a crime. Just worst one, literally kicked her kid in the stomach in front of a room full of people.

It's quite absurd.

Actually, in my experience I've witnessed way more women abuse children as I've never witnessed a man physically abusing a child, but I've seen men physically abuse their  wives/girlfriend. But I've witnessed alot of women belittling their husbands.

By know means is this evidence except in terms of the way I've seen things happen.  And of course these are just events that were done while others were around.

Anyway, leads me to the conclusion that women are no less likely to abuse than men are. Though I think women are more likely to abuse children than their spouse. But I don't discount for a second the possiblity, and the likely hood that a man would just take it, because that is the way things are set up. If you don't you'll be charged to. LOL. craziness.

Just my experiences on the subject. By no means presented as fact.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 1:40:53 PM   
KingofTrio


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		Let's look at the facts:

2/3rds of all child abuse is perpetrated by women.
Women are more likely to pick up or throw an object as a weapon in an argument.
Women are just as likely to strike their partner in an argument.
Women are awarded the children in better than 80% of divorce cases involving children.

This is compounded by the Violence Against Women Act, a federal bill mandating "must arrest" laws that cause innocent men to be hauled away for reporting their spouses abuse, that was passed due to selective reporting of studies that show the above facts to be true, and which causes organizations which wish to provide shelter or help to all victims to choose between helping the men or recieving federal dollars to be able to run their programs, because VAWA will not fund groups which help men.

The facts are this: Men are second class citizens in this Matriarchal country. If we are to pass laws based on fact and stop this tearing at the fabric of society, the family, we must change these corrupt laws.

In the Biblical good old days, a woman was her husbands property, so were their kids, and in no way was a divorce an option a woman could initiate. A man could set her apart or divorce her officially, and keep his kids. His wealth was his, his family was his, and the state had no say over his family other than levying tax.

King

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 1:43:20 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

My brother refused to hit back, he would simply try and leave their apartment. She would try and block his way, when he would try and physically move her so he could leave she would call the police. He would go to jail because she bruised easily and he didn't.


I don't want to make light of the situation, but your brother, if he elected to, could defend himself. Note your words, "chose not to fight back." Women are not so situated.

Also, whereas there are shelters for battered women, there is no demand for like facilities for men.

I still stand by my POV, which is that when a woman is violent towards a man, it doesn't approach the same threat level as a man getting violent with a woman.

I do appreciate the holes and exceptions in my stance, but still stand by the generality.

Also, if I think of my own life experience, I don't walk around in fear of being raped, accousted, or assaulted by a woman. Women don't have that same luxury with us.

Its apples and oranges.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 11/25/2006 1:44:05 PM >

(in reply to nikaa)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 1:53:02 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


I still stand by my POV, which is that when a woman is violent towards a man, it doesn't approach the same threat level as a man getting violent with a woman.



It has a different threat level. A man who hits back could find himself in prison for assault along with the social stigma of being a wife beater. Prison destroys people's lives, you lose you job, your home, your family, it destroys a persons credibility. Shit sticks.

Believe me, this happens. There are enough women who would use the fact a man hit back as evidence of wife beating. When you look into family situations and you throw away the Social Work indoctrinated crap and look at what really happens you'll see that abuse perpetrated by females is every bit as violent and malicious as abuse perpetrated by men.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 1:59:32 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KingofTrio
The facts are this: Men are second class citizens in this Matriarchal country. If we are to pass laws based on fact and stop this tearing at the fabric of society, the family, we must change these corrupt laws.

In the Biblical good old days, a woman was her husbands property, so were their kids, and in no way was a divorce an option a woman could initiate. A man could set her apart or divorce her officially, and keep his kids. His wealth was his, his family was his, and the state had no say over his family other than levying tax.

King


Sadly, it is attitudes like this which made necessary the laws and the situation against which you now rail.

Equitable treatment is all that is required, for all, in all circumstances.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to KingofTrio)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 2:03:52 PM   
KingofTrio


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/10/2004
Status: offline 		Equal treatment would be an improvement. I lost one child to state sanctioned murder, lost a good name in the eyes of the law due to lies, lost the ability to raise a second child due to not having a uterus, and paid eighteen years for these priviledges.

Damn right I rail.

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 2:09:56 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I'm glad that this topic is being pursued in a serious way; it's a serious topic.

As many of you have pointed out, men are abused by women. This abuse does carry a specific kind of stigma because--as much as it should NOT be this way--there is an underlying, widespread social acceptance of violence against women. If a woman is abused, raped, or otherwise violated, there is a social system designed to both further abuse and protect her (that the justice system for you, I guess). But there is less of a system in place if one is man; we simply do not believe that such abuse happens, even though it does.

However, that does not make either form of abuse any "worse" than the other form. It doesn't make it "easier" for a women because society accepts the fact that men abuse women, and it doesn't make it "easier" for a man because society gives men more power. In both cases, abuse has been perpetuated, and the consequences of that abuse will probably be different for each person.

Because the violence against women is so much more prevalent and widespread, it often appears as a greater threat in terms of our society in general. This seems particularly apt when considering how many men kill women each year. Women do kill men, yes, but not nearly on the scale that men kill women. Women do abuse men, yes, but nearly as often as men abuse women. Men are molested, yes, but not nearly as often as women are raped. Violence against women seems like a bigger social problem because it is a bigger social problem.

But it is not a "bigger" personal problem. To the person that's being abused, the statistics matter, but they don't matter as much as the painful dynamic. A man who is abused will suffer, and his suffering will be different from the suffering felt by a woman because of the patriarchical systems already in place. But that doesn't mean that either suffering should be discounted in any way.

It's too bad that people (i.e., Assclown) try to set up this issue as a polarizing one. It's not about men vs. women. It's about violence and how to respond to violence in a culture that (let's face it) perpetuates violence all the time. Like I said from the start, a serious topic.


(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 2:16:41 PM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline 		Note your words, "chose not to fight back." Women are not so situated.

Your right he choose not to take it to a violent or abusive level where she was.
 
However, becoming violant is not the ONLY way to fight back. Nor is it the recommended way. Violence begets violance. Leaving the relationship is fighting back. Pressing charges is fighting back. Talking about the violance is fighting back.

Also, whereas there are shelters for battered women, there is no demand for like facilities for men.

There are shelters for both battered men and women, although I will admit there are far more services out there available to battered women.
 
SAFE is a nation wide organization that provides services, publications, and training to serve those who typically fall between the cracks of domestic violence services: straight men, gays and lesbians, teens, and the elderly.
 
http://www.safe4all.org/?gclid=CMWszNCY44gCFTwnGgodtSerlA


Also, if I think of my own life experience, I don't walk around in fear of being raped, accousted, or assaulted by a woman. Women don't have that same luxury with us.

As a woman I don't live my life in fear of being raped,accousted, or assualted by anyone man or woman. If we live our life in fear do we truly life at all?




_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika


The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


Wakan Tankan Nici Un




(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 3:20:57 PM   
Zensee


Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KingofTrio

Let's look at the facts:

2/3rds of all child abuse is perpetrated by women.


Such a condensation and interpretation of statistics can hardly be called a fact. Things are rather more complex than that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KingofTrio

The facts are this: Men are second class citizens in this Matriarchal country. If we are to pass laws based on fact and stop this tearing at the fabric of society, the family, we must change these corrupt laws.


No, this is your opinion, not a fact.

The USA is by no stretch of the imagination, a Matriarchy. The fabric of a modern, secular democracy is not the family but the rule of law and its equal exercise upon all citizens.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KingofTrio

In the Biblical good old days, a woman was her husbands property, so were their kids, and in no way was a divorce an option a woman could initiate. A man could set her apart or divorce her officially, and keep his kids. His wealth was his, his family was his, and the state had no say over his family other than levying tax.

King


Why can you only claim your power by taking it from someone else? You rail against unjust laws only to trumpet an arrangement where a man can arbitrarily deny his wife any entitlements within the family she helped build? How do you spell hypocrisy?

Z.


_____________________________

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water." (proverb)

(in reply to KingofTrio)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 4:25:47 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Yes, this has touched my life. Although, it could really be seen as child abuse. My dad had, I now realize, serious self esteem issues. He was raised by an abusive father...one that pistol whipped him on a number of ocassions. Knowing this as an adult has helped me come to terms with a lot of stuff.

We know that women who are sexually abused as children/teenagers often are ashamed of what happened. With the men that I know who have been so abused, the feelings are much more intense.

There's this one song that has a great start talking about Fathers, love your daughter, too. But, it goes downhill when it says, basically, that girls are soft and need extra tender care, but boys are strong and boys soilder on. What crap. EVERYONE could use some TLC in their life.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 5:20:14 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

My wife and I just split up (again, and for the last time).  I was badly abused in that relationship, physically, mentally and emotionally.   I never told anyone because I thought it was something I was doing wrong and that if I could just say and do the right things it would go away.  Plus, it is embarassing as hell.  I found out the hard way that is not the case.  I now have a scar on My leg from having to get stitches after having a glass thrown at Me and smashed on My leg.

I did go to the police.  They made Me out to be the bad guy.  They were telling Me that if there was any part of the story that she disputed that I would go to jail.  He gave Me the worst time in the world about making a statement.  The first hour was spent analyzing My entire police history.  It was horrible.  Telling the police that I was beat up by a woman, I felt like a complete idiot and I told him that.

Anyways, the whole thing turned into a nightmare.  I should have bailed sooner, but I had never been in the presence of abuse before.  I lost everything as a result, My house, My car, most of My belongings, thousands of dollars.  It is the single most expensive lesson I have ever learned.

What a complete idiot I was, and I admit it.  Oh well, I learned from that.  The next time I see the first signs of abuse I am going to run in the opposite direction because there will be nothing I can do to stop it.  



Woah!  Now here is a subject i could on about!

For the most part i have been able to avoid any kind of seriously abusive relationships in my life but one woman had the motives and all her ducks in a row and took me for a little over 100,000 by the time it was all said and done.   If you can imagine a nacissist going through menopause that is what i was faced with.  She was very skillful in hiding it till we bought the house and the boat etc.  It was a living hell for me.  i wrapped up a lot of money in this with her so my choice to bug out had to weigh and factor the monetary losses in it also.  i had nearly a year of constant diahreah, my nerves were shot, i wound up taking tons of meds to deal with the anxiety and stress thinking that maybe there was a way to make things work out if i just....or if i just.... etc etc.  Nothing worked on any level.

i too was brought up never to hit a woman, in anger that is.  The reason i say it that way is because i can spank even a woman who would own me if i am ordered, expected, or requested to do so and as long as i can easily see and know that she is getting off on it in the form of pleasure.  (i dated a Domme once who was totally dominant but really got off on pain and of course i aim to please <grinz>.)
Otherwise i cant "hurt" a woman if you see the difference?  So fending off an attack for me is strictly a defensive blocking measure rather than an offensive striking back posture i would take with a male adversary who was trying to do me harm.  The only exception to that is if my life were in danger then i would do what is necesary to survive regardless of sex.  

i suppose that the funniest part of it all and the straw that broke the camels back that resulted in my finally walking is after numerous times of her telling me she lost count after 30, what a good boy, one day she told me i totally suck in bed and was the worst partner she ever had.  i know this is getting a little personal here but to understand what went through my head and how screwed up my priorities were......i totally loved giving her orgasms till she collapsed, to the point it is nearly a fetish for me and definitely is in the top 10 of my all time fav ways to give pleasure, so hearing her tell me i was the worst lover she ever had, even though i knew it was not true, drove a stake through my heart, it simply didnt work after that, compiled with everything else that was the straw that broke the camels back and the next day i started moving. If you said my priorities are all f'd up you are correct i'm sure.

Which brings me to a point i have brought up before in other threads in th epast.  First i have met some very nice people on here....but frankly as far as abuse is concerned i have found bdsm sites to be abuse magnets.  Abusive people flock to these sites as the word "slave" has that "this one i can really mess with and be thanked for it!" or "wow!! freebee time"!!.  (i actually heard this verbalized between dommes at parties unkown to them that i could hear)

Therefore i am still alone and frankly i expect i will be alone for some time to come because i have not met anyone who i feel i can really give my heart too.....and if i cannot trust my heart to someone i cannot serve them....  It is a rare find to find a domme and i am sure that goes for dom's as well, who do not use this theater as a conduit to justify personal self centeredness and from those who are that way the rewards of service are rarely if ever remotely commensurate to the services provided. at least from those i have personally interviewed and done trials with so far etc...

i think the problem is exactly what you are all talking about here in previous posts and i think unlike mainstream profiles in which people tend to hide it bdsm allows us to see it with the cards all laid out on the table as that word slave or sub just makes it all acceptable.  

Immediately what comes to mind is the all about ME crowd, financial domination, be ready to relocate in 30 days or less....  Of course in each case we need to understand the definitions of each of these terms and how they are executed in practice but those are things i look for when perusing profiles and have found from personal experience that most often they tend to be tell tale signs and flags to potential abuse down the road if there is no other side that also shows up in the profile.  In which case i do not bother writing all or choose very pointed questions after the first response which invariably results in no return answer...  Hmmm...  So who ever said we get smarter i agree...

As far as bdsm is concerned i was assaulted once with a single tail while in bondage by a local domme i was seeing.... she just went nuts on me... literally... long story but i managed to escape the bondage so to speak... i didnt hit her either tho the thought crossed my mind more than once.... and i was sorry i didnt when i was still healing well over a month later...

Many people are openly out to abuse others, and everyone wants a "true" <--gotta love that word, they want a true slave without liability or concern on a strictly mechanical basis.

i for one cannot knowingly go into an abusive relationship on any level and i feel that it is just the way the times are today in society as a whole and until the pendulum starts swinging back to center where both the abusers and abused change forcing society to evolve as a whole i can only foresee a long dry spell ahead for those of us who cannot or refuse to deal with it as it in my opinion seems to be the norm now days especially in the bdsm culture...  

Fortunately i was not in that relationship long enough and was aware of what was happeneing to me as it happened so the walls began going up quite fast and i did not have to go through to much purging to clear myself of the associated baggage from that episode...  

I think we have to remember that it takes 2 people.  the abuser and the abused to make this situation, and like fire if you take away any one of the 3 elements the fire ceases to burn and abuse is similar only the "other" element is not within our personal control...

On the bright side, if there is a bright side...  if i remember correctly iron bear was taken for some 1.2 million in his breakup, as far as money is concerned...  but we can never replace the sacrifices and the investments we make with our hearts in a relationship and that is the part i think that hurts and causes lifetime scars in people often to the point of dysfunction.

Anyway nuff said, rambled long enough on it.. keep your chin up man and make sure you do your purging homework and try to clean yourself of the baggage as good as you can...because it often will come back to haunt you in future relationships if you dont...

r1







_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Male Abuse Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094