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RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 5:59:21 PM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

Quick reply:

Yes, this is a very serious topic, and yes, it has touched my life. As a femme domme I often see the aftermath of another woman's cruelty, in men who have been badly hurt physically and emotionally--as children or adults. I see the same thing in women, of course--pain inflicted by both women and men. I have been particularly anguished by some of the stories I hear from women who have served in the military, and been attacked by other women, or witnessed female-on-female violence.

There is a lot of hurt in this world. Not all of it is inflicted solely by men onto women. Not by a long shot.

--M

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 41

RE: Male Abuse - 11/25/2006 6:02:46 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

This is general commentary about the subject matter.

I think abuse of any kind sucks. But I also think as adults we need to take responsibility for getting away from it.

I mean, how many times does someone have to smack you in the head with a tire iron before you figure out that you need to leave? Male OR female?

I agree with RealOne also. It takes two people...unless you are some cowering mentally-disabled person crouching down in a corner dodging flying objects, my guess is that you either threw something back or took a swing yourself.

Also people do not get put in jail on a claim that someone makes. If someone (woman or man) has a knot on their head where their spouse nailed them with a frying pan, well, I guess thats abuse, regardless of who threw what first. I mean, if you dont bruise, cut, or leave an injury on someone's body, then no one can run to the cops and claim they were hit with something. I mean...does someone with a perfectly clear and uninjured body just walk into a police station and claim their spouse clocked them with a shoe? I would imagine you'd have to show a mark. So unless these people are self-injuring and staggering into the police station with a stiletto heel that they stuck in their own damn eye , how the hell are all these innocent spouses (male or female here) going to prison for abuse?

Sometimes, you just have to take your own life by the fucking horns and do what you need to do, no matter what it takes, no matter how hard it is,  instead of volunteering to be a party to something that you know fucking well is dysfunctional and something that you know fucking well is going to end your ass up into some kind of trouble.

I mean.....If I fall in love with a drug dealer, but I dont do drugs myself, shouldn't I at least accept responsibility for the risk that I chose to take if he someday gets busted while Im with him and Im implicated too?

If I'm with someone (married or otherwise), who abuses me, and I hit them in self defense, Im going to think to myself..."shit...what if this happens again and I bust his skull open when he comes at me with a knife?.....The cops might not know that I was defending myself. Hmmm....maybe this is a relationship that I should END before that happens to me." No????? I mean...Color me ignorant but isn't this a no-brainer?

We have choices. and when we chose to stay in a relationship where physical fighting is a common occurance, we then chose to live with the risk of a spouse getting pissed off after losing one of the wrestling matches and going to the cops.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Real0ne)

Post #: 42

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 6:50:03 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

Marietoo:

No offense, but you have demonstrated your own ignorance of the system. I never would have believed it either, until I met it face to face. In fact, I was shocked when I got there. I was the one with the scar on My leg and My belongings smashed, yet I was the suspect. I never laid a hand on My spouse. I never made any sign of aggression (except that we have had yelling matches, which is rather pointless). Nothing. I am not a violent person. Yet I was very clearly told that if her story disputed Mine, I was the one they were coming to look for. How fair is that? The official term is "dominant aggressor".

So, unless you know what you are talking about and have been there, please do not. It is offensive. I went through too much and lost too much to sit here and listen to people's inaccurate and uninformed hypothesis'...

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 11/26/2006 6:56:45 AM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 43

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 6:54:27 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline

Did they come after you?

I know the cops sometimes say stuff like that to rattle people into changing their story.

What was the eventual outcome in your case?

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 44

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 7:05:08 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Did they come after you?

I know the cops sometimes say stuff like that to rattle people into changing their story.

What was the eventual outcome in your case?

They did not come after Me, thankfully. As it turns out, they left a message on her machine. She called Me up the next day and asked Me what I was doing (at this point she was back at her parents' house). She asked why I was trying to stir up the pot. I told her I filed My report in case something more came of it and to not read more into it than was there. Her dad came on the phone and tried to threaten Me and I hung up on him.

She told Me later that she never did call the police back, so I never heard any more about it.

The police asked Me at the time if I wanted to press charges for her smashing up the house, etc, but I convinced them that was not why I was there. I was not interested in exacting any kind of revenge, I just wanted to protect Myself. So, the matter went on record and that was it. I should have done it sooner. I now wish I had.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 45

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 8:54:04 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

No offense, but you have demonstrated your own ignorance of the system. I never would have believed it either, until I met it face to face. In fact, I was shocked when I got there. I was the one with the scar on My leg and My belongings smashed, yet I was the suspect.

Assuming you are being honest about having been abused (and I have no reason not to, but the other party isnt here). but assuming for the sake of debate that you are telling the whole truth... The reason you were abused is because you chose to stay with an abuser. In your first post here about this subject matter, you yourself say (Its over with my wife...yes AGAIN). So if you keep going back to someone who is abusing you, what do you think the possibilities are ? Lets do a quick run-down on a couple of possibilities.....Do you think that maybe if she threw a glass at you once she might do it again? Do you think if she comes at you with a frying pan as if to smash you in the head that you might knock her down in self-defense, causing an injury to her body? Do you think that maybe a cop or a judge would look at the two of you and not know which one was telling the truth?
Once again, do you think your choice of staying with an abuser for years was a smart choice? The bottom line is that it was your choice. And you knew you were being abused, but chose to stay. Take responsbility Kenin. Thats all I'm saying. Im not saying you didnt live through something really shitty, Im just saying that you experienced it because you, and no one else, chose to stay in it. If you dont own that, you're going to end up repeating the same pattern for the rest of your life; maybe not in relationship but in your choices in general. And frankly I wasnt saying that to you, but to all men and women who feel they are being abused (as I stated in my post about 4 times)

quote:

I never laid a hand on My spouse. I never made any sign of aggression (except that we have had yelling matches, which is rather pointless). Nothing. I am not a violent person. Yet I was very clearly told that if her story disputed Mine, I was the one they were coming to look for. How fair is that? The official term is "dominant aggressor".

Again, (assuming you are telling the truth) the point is that you cannot be railroaded for abuse if you do not stay with a person who beats the shit out of you then lies to the cops. Right? Who chose to stay and keep going back?

quote:

So, unless you know what you are talking about and have been there, please do not. It is offensive.

First of all do not assume you know anything of my life's experiences, other than those Ive chosen to share in this forum. Secondly, If you feel offended, who's responsible for you feeling that way? Me? or You? If certain things offend you, don't you think it would be more productive to change your own response to those things or possibly avoid those things? Instead of rolling around in them, and then protesting about it afterward? You didnt have to read my post beyond the first sentence, did you? But you did, then you held me responsible for how it made you feel, to such a point that you actually suggest I shouldn't speak about it any more, because it offends you, and you're "tired of listening to blah blah blah". Do you really go through your life expecting others to change or censor themselves, in order to accomodate what you feel? You weren't forced to read what I wrote any more than you were forced to sit there and have objects thrown at you in your marriage.

quote:

I went through too much and lost too much to sit here and listen to people's inaccurate and uninformed hypothesis'...

Yet you're doing it anyway. If I were you, I would do some serious soul-searching to figure out why you keep doing things that you dont want to do, then holding others responsible for it.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 46

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 9:24:30 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

Hey, I know that I should not have stayed, looking back, even though there were circumstances that a certain blabbermouth on a forum is not aware of. I DO, however, take responsibility for that. I know I made several wrong decisions surrounding that whole relationship, and I DO own up to them. In numerous discussions with My ex surrounding the matter (oh. Something else you know NOTHING about.. I have taken ownership for certain key actions). Believe Me, I lie in bed late at night, for hours at a time, unable to get it out of My head, analyzing and reanalyzing what went wrong. Nonetheless, the accusations that you were making were false. You clearly demonstrated that you have no idea what goes on in a police station from a male point of view. You clearly demonstrated that you have no clue what goes on behind any closed doors (probably because you are trying to talk from the voice of knowledge and reason when you were not even there) and that you have a distorted view of reality where only one possible scenario can be the right one, and I am saying that because you do NOT know what you are talking about, it is better that you do not. That is all.

EDIT: Funny, I was warned against posting this here.. Probably for this very reason. How could a guy possibly get stuck in an abusive relationship? There was going to be one person in every bunch that figured they knew everything about the situation and would start swinging their all-knowing hammer. Maybe it would have been better to just keep My mouth shut. Like really. What fucking business is it of anyone's anyways? And why should I have to put up with some know-nothing trying to slam Me with all the blame? Have I not suffered enough, or is it necessary to have someone that does not have the first damn clue what is going on to offer their two cents about something they appear to know very little about, save whatever they might have read in Cosmopolitan or something?

*sigh*

Do Me a favor. Count Me out of this conversation and forget I ever tried to contribute to the acquisition of knowledge on the topic. Fuck it. I do not give a shit what you think. It sounds like you have your own genius. Rely on their "expertise".

Geez.

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 11/26/2006 9:42:57 AM >

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 47

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 9:46:32 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Hey, I know that I should not have stayed, looking back, even though there were circumstances that a certain blabbermouth on a forum is not aware of. I DO, however, take responsibility for that. I know I made several wrong decisions surrounding that whole relationship, and I DO own up to them. Believe Me, I lie in bed late at night, for hours at a time, unable to get it out of My head, analyzing and reanalyzing what went wrong. Nonetheless, the accusations that you were making were false. You clearly demonstrated that you have no idea what goes on in a police station from a male point of view. You clearly demonstrated that you have no clue what goes on behind any closed doors (probably because you are trying to talk from the voice of knowledge and reason when you were not even there) and that you have a distorted view of reality where only one possible scenario can be the right one, and I am saying that because you do NOT know what you are talking about, it is better that you do not. That is all.

Do you call your wife nasty names when you have disagreements too?

Or do you only show palpable anger towards complete strangers who don't agree with you?

And funny thing, I noticed that pattern again, where you speak your piece, then tell me when you're done that I shouldn't speak mine. Why? Because in your estimation, you've decided that I don't know what Im talking about. Is that how you handled your wife Kenin?

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 48

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 11:58:34 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

marie - probably best to leave it now? SirK presents testimony in a way that to me makes him a reliable witness, and contributed from what appears to be genuine experience which was painful to him. I base my conclusion on other posts of his which do not feature such language.

Sure, his ex isnt here to comment, but it doesnt do any good to start calling into question what he wrote I feel.

Also I'll be surprised if the Mods let this go on much longer in this vein - which would be a shame as its a valuable thread.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 49

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 12:53:32 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

marie - probably best to leave it now? SirK presents testimony in a way that to me makes him a reliable witness, and contributed from what appears to be genuine experience which was painful to him. I base my conclusion on other posts of his which do not feature such language.

Sure, his ex isnt here to comment, but it doesnt do any good to start calling into question what he wrote I feel.

Also I'll be surprised if the Mods let this go on much longer in this vein - which would be a shame as its a valuable thread.

E

Well, the mods let it go on, so I have no reason to believe that expressing one's opinion on spousal abuse is against any TOS violation.

My original comment on this thread was prefaced with the sentence

"This is general commentary about the subject matter."

It was Kenin himself who decided to address me directly with anger,insults, and name calling, while explaining to me the supposed gory details of his marriage, none of which I solicited. But I did respond with what I thought was helpful advice.

Now, If you want to help someone, perhaps you should reach out to Kenin on the other side and tell him that his blatant displays of anger and mud-slinging with those who feel a different way than he does, are not helping his credibility.

Oh and for your future reference, (since we do not know one another) I will speak freely, and I will do so as I see fit, in accordance with my own judgement calls, not yours.

Thank you and have a lovely day.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 50

RE: Male Abuse - 11/26/2006 11:24:18 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

There is a huge problem with society in general. If a man hits a woman he is arrested. No questions asked he is guilty yet a woman can hit a man and she is not even looked at. I know of a very strong individual who was abused both physically emotionally and mentally on an almost daily basis. He is still working on getting himself together. He finally did leave her but that came with huge issues. Just try to find a group where ever you live for male victims of abuse. It doesnt even matter what thier sexual preferance is there are NONE!

The laws need to change, the world needs to change.

Men who have been raised to treat women with respect and not to hit become the punching bags. The abuse is them compounded because they cannot talk about it or they are made fun of.

If you think it cannot happen just take any male and kick him in the nuts. It does not matter what size he is or the attacker is he will fall.

Abuse is wrong no matter who it is done to however we need to take a stand and stand up for men. Look around you I am sure there is a man you know who is being abused.

Owned
<who now climbs off of her soap box>

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 51

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 1:02:12 AM

Craftsman

Posts: 885
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

marie - probably best to leave it now? SirK presents testimony in a way that to me makes him a reliable witness, and contributed from what appears to be genuine experience which was painful to him. I base my conclusion on other posts of his which do not feature such language.

Sure, his ex isnt here to comment, but it doesnt do any good to start calling into question what he wrote I feel.

Also I'll be surprised if the Mods let this go on much longer in this vein - which would be a shame as its a valuable thread.

E

Well, the mods let it go on, so I have no reason to believe that expressing one's opinion on spousal abuse is against any TOS violation.

My original comment on this thread was prefaced with the sentence

"This is general commentary about the subject matter."

It was Kenin himself who decided to address me directly with anger,insults, and name calling, while explaining to me the supposed gory details of his marriage, none of which I solicited. But I did respond with what I thought was helpful advice.

Now, If you want to help someone, perhaps you should reach out to Kenin on the other side and tell him that his blatant displays of anger and mud-slinging with those who feel a different way than he does, are not helping his credibility.

Oh and for your future reference, (since we do not know one another) I will speak freely, and I will do so as I see fit, in accordance with my own judgement calls, not yours.

Thank you and have a lovely day.

I'm surprised anyone would respond to you with any kind of name-calling. You certainly would not respond with any kind of prejudice, now would you?

quote:

Oh and for your future reference, (since we do not know one another) I will speak freely, and I will do so as I see fit, in accordance with my own judgement calls, not yours.

Talk about asserting one's freedom to speak while trampling on others' speech rights. So go ahead and speak freely while denying the validity of what any one else says.

All I can say is, Thank God we do not know one another. I would certainly do my utmost to eliminate you from my aquaintances, given the narrowness of your mind and your posted lack of consideration for others. "... in accordance with my judgement calls, not yours." Very good iinvalidating of others for your own high and mighty self.

If the sexes were reversed in Kenin's posts, would you feel the same? Or are you indeed the hypocrite you present yourself to be?

Don't bother to respond. To take a quote from you, "Oh and for your future reference, (since we do not know one another) I will speak freely, and I will do so as I see fit, in accordance with my own judgement calls, not yours."

_____________________________

You do not have to be perfect to be perfect.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 52

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 1:24:56 AM

seeksfemslave

Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

Another area where women can do untold damage is in their relations with their children.
Two points about this...

(1) This is an area where the unrealistic idealistic viewpoint of "women can do no wrong" has become the norm and it seems for many it is even impossible to accept that in particulat female psychological child abuse exists.

(2) The abuse usually stems from the mother's failed relationship with her spouse. and she then channels anger on to or through her kids.Sometimes she is just a nasty person.
Believe it or not PC Liberals such people do exist ! Yes I know of both sexes but we are discussing the current refusal to accept the failings of someWomen. At the moment many seem to think Women are "perfect"

(in reply to Craftsman)

Post #: 53

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 6:41:05 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

marie - probably best to leave it now? SirK presents testimony in a way that to me makes him a reliable witness, and contributed from what appears to be genuine experience which was painful to him. I base my conclusion on other posts of his which do not feature such language.

Sure, his ex isnt here to comment, but it doesnt do any good to start calling into question what he wrote I feel.

Also I'll be surprised if the Mods let this go on much longer in this vein - which would be a shame as its a valuable thread.

E

Well, the mods let it go on, so I have no reason to believe that expressing one's opinion on spousal abuse is against any TOS violation.

My original comment on this thread was prefaced with the sentence

"This is general commentary about the subject matter."

It was Kenin himself who decided to address me directly with anger,insults, and name calling, while explaining to me the supposed gory details of his marriage, none of which I solicited. But I did respond with what I thought was helpful advice.

Now, If you want to help someone, perhaps you should reach out to Kenin on the other side and tell him that his blatant displays of anger and mud-slinging with those who feel a different way than he does, are not helping his credibility.

Oh and for your future reference, (since we do not know one another) I will speak freely, and I will do so as I see fit, in accordance with my own judgement calls, not yours.

Thank you and have a lovely day.

I'm surprised anyone would respond to you with any kind of name-calling. You certainly would not respond with any kind of prejudice, now would you?

Look, whoever you are...I spoke of my feelings on spousal abuse and personal accountabitlity, when along came Kenin to tell me that what I felt was "wrong" and how I know nothing, simply because my mileage varies from his. Guess what? people say things around here all the time that I dont agree with, but I dont address them, call them names, becomed enraged with them and then tell them that they better shut the fuck up. If the shoe doesn't fit, Kenin needn't wear it, nor did he have to address me directly and make my statement about his marriage. Had he spoken to me with mutual respect, he wouldve received the same in return and we could've had a civilized discussion (even if we disagreed and both felt passionate about our respective POV's.) But Kenin lacks self control. Frankly, after his insults and tirade of misplaced anger towards me, my response was uncommonly mild.

quote:

Talk about asserting one's freedom to speak while trampling on others' speech rights. So go ahead and speak freely while denying the validity of what any one else says.

First of all denying "validity" of what someone says and denying someone their speech rights are two very different animals. Now that we have that cleared up....I've trampled on no one's right to speak. I've only protected my own, after having been told by both Kenin and Ellen to stop speaking. I didn't tell either of them to not respond to me. I only told them that they're attempts to silence me are going to be futile. Surely even a simple-minded person like yourself can see the difference there.

quote:

All I can say is, Thank God we do not know one another. I would certainly do my utmost to eliminate you from my aquaintances,

Do you always engage in conversation with people that you would do your 'utmost to eliminate from your life" ? Apparently you dont understand that when you want to eliminate people from your life, you avoid them, you dont initiate conversation with them.

quote:

Very good iinvalidating of others for your own high and mighty self.

I could be described as mighty, but given your obvious confusion, I think you're the one who's high.

quote:

If the sexes were reversed in Kenin's posts, would you feel the same?

Absolutely.

quote:

Don't bother to respond.

Why not? Because you know Im going to eat your lame argument for lunch? Or because you're not all that secure about anything you've said here?
You're so far the third person on this thread who has given me a piece of their mind, then ended their litany by telling me I shouldn't respond.

Do you realize how ludicrous it is to directly address another person, critisize them, call them names, make assumptions about them, sling mud at them, and then demand that they don't respond to it? Now that would be attempting "to trample on someone's speech rights". I hope I've helped you to understand these big terms that you've used today.

In closing, Im going to leave you with a hypothetical question to ponder...It's about personal responsibility for one's own choices and it's about self-control.....

If I don't wish to debate something, Should I be the one to stop responding? Or should I tell you to stop repsonding?

This is a tough one, I know. But I think you can handle it.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Craftsman)

Post #: 54

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 6:55:28 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Marie - I didnt want you to stop posting; you make great posts. All I wanted was to let SirK's situation drop out of the discussion as he'd said his piece and there seemed little point in calling what he wrote into question any further than it already had been and getting into a potential slanging match that would jeopardise the thread. Sorry if it came across as offensive, as that wasnt the intent.

OK?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 55

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 7:06:41 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owned1

There is a huge problem with society in general. If a man hits a woman he is arrested. No questions asked he is guilty yet a woman can hit a man and she is not even looked at.

You may want to visit an women's detention center or jail before you make factual statements like that.

quote:

The laws need to change, the world needs to change.

The legal system sucks and there is alot of injustice going on every single day, for males and females and children who get caught up in the bullshit. I have to agree with this. It isnt just in the criminal field either, its the entire system in general. However, I still dont believe that people who are abused can hold the system accountable for their own choice to remain in a dysfuctional relationship.

quote:

If you think it cannot happen just take any male and kick him in the nuts. It does not matter what size he is or the attacker is he will fall.

Well, Ive never kicked a guy in the nuts, but Id imagine Id have to run pretty fucking fast after I did it.

quote:

Abuse is wrong no matter who it is done to however we need to take a stand and stand up for men. Look around you I am sure there is a man you know who is being abused.

I agree completely...abuse is wrong and there are all types of abuse that are rampant that we never hear about. I feel that there has to be more assistance for helpless children, the handicapped, the elderly, and those who might otherwise be defenseless. I cannot and will not bleed for healthy adults with healthy minds who chose to stay in dysfunctional relationships rather than make the necessary changes.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Owned1)

Post #: 56

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 7:15:35 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I cannot and will not bleed for healthy adults with healthy minds who chose to stay in dysfunctional relationships rather than make the necessary changes.

There is a problem with that view though Marie.

The fact that the relationship is dysfunctional and one party is being abused, to me indicates that certainly the abuser does not have a healthy mind and that the one being abused, should they have come into the relationship healthy, will certainly not be of healthy mind once the abuse starts.

To those outside, it sure looks easy just to leave him/her, but to someone trapped in a cycle of abuse, with the consequent undermining of their self esteem that the abuse produces, its really not that easy I'm sure.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 57

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 8:05:06 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

This last post I do not mind responding to, because that is precisely what happened. I was fine going into this relationship. Perfectly happy, stable and content. I had everything I wanted, life was good.

The abuse did not start for a while, until after I made the fateful decision to move into a new house with her. I did so based on the wrong information, thinking I knew what I was getting into with her. As it turns out, I did not. I knew there was something wrong after we moved, though, and after four months of fighting I convinced her to see a doctor where she was diagnosed with a mental illness. I thought a proper diagnosis and treatment would end the problems, and I was quite optimistic. Unfortunately I could not have been more wrong.

Never in My life have I encountered a situation that could bring Me to My knees like this one did. I had banked everything I had on it, and I bet on the wrong horse. I fucked Myself completely. I did everything I could to try and save it, and of course she was labelling Me as the one having the problem. Her whole family hates Me. She claims after the fact that she told them that she was the problem, but frankly I have caught her in several lies and I really do not believe a word she says.

It completely bent My brain. She used My desire to fix the mess to manipulate Me. My friends were calling Me stupid for staying, but I had banked everything on this and had the impression that I was going to be screwed if I bailed. She actually had Me believing that it was Me that was the problem, which drove Me onwards to do everything I could to try and fix it and make the problems go away.

She would tear Me to pieces for doing one thing on one day, and then the next day everything was fine. I had no idea which end was up.

So, the point. Abusive people turn the blame around on the abused and make it seem like it is the abused's fault. I was there. I experienced it. I am a strong person, but it brought Me to My knees. I still struggle with the whole thing. I lie awake for hours almost every night, sorting through the aftermath because I can not get My brain to stop. It is extremely destructive and damaging to the psyche. I will be taking some serious time to Myself before I venture out again.

Mind you, it is not so bad. I rather like having My freedom in this little place. I am healing quickly.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 58

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 8:05:28 AM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
There is a problem with that view though Marie.

The fact that the relationship is dysfunctional and one party is being abused, to me indicates that certainly the abuser does not have a healthy mind and that the one being abused, should they have come into the relationship healthy, will certainly not be of healthy mind once the abuse starts.

Agreed. It would appear that "healthy" is a term of convenience here--the convenience of dismissing some people as unworthy of compassion.

--M

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 59

RE: Male Abuse - 11/27/2006 8:48:49 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
There is a problem with that view though Marie.

The fact that the relationship is dysfunctional and one party is being abused, to me indicates that certainly the abuser does not have a healthy mind and that the one being abused, should they have come into the relationship healthy, will certainly not be of healthy mind once the abuse starts.

Agreed. It would appear that "healthy" is a term of convenience here--the convenience of dismissing some people as unworthy of compassion.

--M

It would appear that everything nasty that has been said about you on these boards is true.

edited for a typo.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 11/27/2006 8:52:31 AM >

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 60

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