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Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerability - 1/16/2007 11:14:13 AM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		I was reading through some old threads about depression and this question was sparked...

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?

If you are a dom, do you have a problem showing emotion in front of your sub?

To answer for me personally, I find myself having to be true to my emotions (spent too many years denying them) and someone who is close to me will have to deal with all sides of me, the strong and weak; the hard and vulnerable. If a sub cannot handle the complexities of me as a whole person, then he is not deep enough to keep me interested. Just my POV, but I do know that there are some out there who believe in keeping a very strict wall up between the dom and sub so that everyone believes in the infalibility and perpetual strength of the dom, which I know subs would like to believe (much the same way we don't like to see our parents as human/flawed when we are kids.)

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 11:18:07 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630
Does gentle master mean weak?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733
Too polite?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 11:38:14 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?


I feel gratitude that he can be himself with me, and not some characture of what he believes a "dominant" is. Not that one has to have a softer gentler side necessarily, but I am glad my Daddy does.

quote:

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?


No, I would find that totally at odds with my personality.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 11:40:10 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		my personal opinion is that it makes a person more worthy of my respect when He can be honest and open. i know that there are submissives who never want their Masters/Doms to ever be wrong, say their wrong or show themselves to be in any state other than absolute control, but to me that doesn't make for a very complete relationship. By that i mean, i'm not getting to see the whole person, every person has flaws, every person has moments of weakness and part of my submissive bent is to want to help in those moments. i want to know the whole person as He really is, just like i want Him to know the whole me as i really am. Hopefully that made sense without offending anyone and how they need their Master/Dom to be.

heartfelt

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 11:44:52 AM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?

If you are a dom, do you have a problem showing emotion in front of your sub?


Of course i LOVE Master's strong, powerful, virile qualities. But He's also human and so i see my service to Him encompassing all aspects of His personality, including those times that He needs nurturing, compassion, support. Besides, it helps me feel less guilty when i'm not so perfect in being submissive and the more dominant aspects of my personality surface. i cannot be just one part of myself. i did not choose submission in order to annihilate all of my other personality traits and don't expect or want that in my Master. i think it would become rather boring actually.

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 11:45:37 AM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

my personal opinion is that it makes a person more worthy of my respect when He can be honest and open.

No one wants the real deal.
They would rather live in fantasies. When it gets too real they run away for what they wished for and were attracted to as reading the menu is much more fun that actually being the first course.

Ross

Designermite:
http://www.cafepress.com/designermite
Bon D' Age' : If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair
http://www.cafepress.com/bondage69/2348963

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:06:53 PM   
yieldingcontrol


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

my personal opinion is that it makes a person more worthy of my respect when He can be honest and open.

No one wants the real deal.
They would rather live in fantasies. When it gets too real they run away for what they wished for and were attracted to as reading the menu is much more fun that actually being the first course.

Ross


I have to beg to differ here.  Maybe it is because I don't think I could be a 24/7 sub, that I don't expect (nor really want) my Dom to be a 24/7 Dom.    Maybe it is because I have some mileage that I understand that "life" interferes and bends us all to it's will sometimes, and that I am more than prepared to "let him sleep while I drive" from time to time.  It does not take away from my seeing him as Dominant to me, anymore than it makes me feel less submissive.  It is just another service I come to the table with, ready to provide. 

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:08:40 PM   
SirDiscipliner69


Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yieldingcontrol   I have to beg to differ here. 


No need to beg here but that is a good start.

Ross

Designermite:
http://www.cafepress.com/designermite
Bon D' Age' : If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair
http://www.cafepress.com/bondage69/2348963

(in reply to yieldingcontrol)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:11:12 PM   
innatedesire


Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I was reading through some old threads about depression and this question was sparked...

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?

I think it shows that he is comfotable with who he is, and the relationship to express himself; i think it is wonderful, and in no way affects my view of him, nor does it diminish the dynamic in any way.

Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?

No; somehow that seems so one dimensional...........


(in reply to DominaSmartass)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:15:39 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

my personal opinion is that it makes a person more worthy of my respect when He can be honest and open.

No one wants the real deal.
They would rather live in fantasies. When it gets too real they run away for what they wished for and were attracted to as reading the menu is much more fun that actually being the first course.

Ross



I run into this a lot too.   They don't seem to want me to be an actual person, but some emotionaless robot that barks orders and gives them tasks. 

These people I have to respectfully decline....I'm looking for a companion, and that means to take me worts and all....as I will them.  I am a humanbeing....or so I've been told..lol

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:23:41 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		All humans have emotions and that includes dominants. Those emotions include the more vulnerable ones as well. I will echo what many have already wrote and I think it is a strong positive that my Master will free enough to show these emotions then trying to bottle them up because he wants to act dominant or thinks it is just manly.

I will be honest though, either my submissive nature or my cultural upbringing I could not be with a man if his emotions were always being worn on his sleeve. This would be too much for me and a trait I am very uncomfortable with.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:24:00 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

[/quote]

I run into this a lot too.   They don't seem to want me to be an actual person, but some emotionaless robot that barks orders and gives them tasks. 

These people I have to respectfully decline....I'm looking for a companion, and that means to take me worts and all....as I will them.  I am a humanbeing....or so I've been told..lol
[/quote]

I have definitely encountered this and it bores me to death. I am not a "barking orders" type person. I once had a boy tell me that it made him see me as less of a dom that I cried in front of him and that made me very angry. After talking it out he appologized and said that he realized he was trying to project the image of some "perfect ideal" dom onto me and that he'd much rather have me as a real person. I wish they all had the ability to think that way. I think it's interesting that the replies that support the way I feel have been from submissive women but I have yet to see a sub male say the same.

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:26:50 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I'll take a different approach here.  Not quite following the title of the thread.

In public, say, work, people don't really know me.  I wouldn't say that it's a personal preference, much like I wouldn't say that it's a game I play.  I think there is not much use for ego, emotions, and the like in a business world.

At home, when I can be myself, and if there were someone else there, that person and that person alone would get to know the real me.  It doesn't necessarily have to do with weakness or vulnerability, but there are definitely more opportunities to see my emotions.

And to me, that's quite all right.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:35:50 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I was reading through some old threads about depression and this question was sparked...

If you are a sub, how do you feel or what do you think if/when your dominant shows his/her emotions (cries, for example?) Or shows a softer, more vulnerable side?


If its appropriate to the moment I don't mind.  Over the years we've had a few moments where some tears were completely appropriate and he'd have to be a sociopath to not feel something.  But those are moments, I don't think I'd want a sensitive man or metrosexual as an owner.

I do appreciate seeing my owners underbelly so to speak, but I definitely had to earn that privilege over quite a bit of time.  And I know that I get to see it because I'm his slave and so there's no significant or continued strife or struggle for dominance where it wouldn't be appropriate for him to show me it.  But I don't see it all of the time, but I do get to see it occasionally and definitely treasure those moments.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:40:47 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		My Master rarely if ever cracks.  He barely shows any emotion.  Such an island unto himself at times and because of that i do worry about him.  I think its unnatural.  People have emotions.  Which he would probably say he doesnt, but i know different = )

I've seen him sad and thats about it and for a brief period of time.  I have heard of him literally "breaking down" and i have friends that remind me of this so when i go off half cocked i remember that he loves me completely and utterly. 

He's also a gentleman and very sweet and loving.  Yet he still shows little untoward emotion. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:45:38 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I do not think showing emotion makes a dominant weak. I would rather be with someone who acts like a human being and shows feeling and emotion when appropriate. Someone that is very rigid and does not show much in the way of emotion I cannot relate to very much. It is a big turn off to me.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:58:05 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		No. I do not. However if i am a mess and cracking to pieces, If they crack right with me BECAUSE I am falling apart and having a break down in the moment that's not helpfull. Both of us crying and misreable when I need his support will not work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass


Do you prefer a dom who has a hard exterior and never "cracks"?




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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 12:58:29 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I think if i was setting up a play session, and my partner turned up in tears, id be dissappointed that my needs were not about to be met. But accept, that we are all human. But yeah, a blubbering dom in that situation, would not be welcome.

However, in my situation where my husband is my Dom, sure, he has moments of vulnerability. For better or worse, is a concept of human relationships, and not bdsm specific. Real people, have real emotions.

People who could loosely be termed, 'permanently needy' annoy the crap out of me, the suck the lifeforce from me, and not something i enjoy encountering. We all fall down occasionally, that's cool, but i only befriend the type that gets back up!

little1

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 1:26:45 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I appreciate a certain vulnerability in a Dominant.  Its actually reassuring, because I know that its about the only thing that really keeps me safe. 

If I'm bound, or otherwise indisposed, my safe words, any limits I've established are pretty useless and I can't effectly protect myself.  When ya get right down to it I'm relying on his self-restraint to keep me safe from harm.   My thinking is that such self-restraint is grounded either in self-interest and the fear of whatever consequences that may occur or a sense of mercy/pity/humaneness, both of which are rooted in some kind of emotional vulnerability.  If a Dominant wasn't able to feel emotion, and was 'strong' all the time, I don't think I would be able to allow myself to be vulnernable in his presence.  It would be way too scary.

I'm not sure if I made any sense there.

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RE: Dominants who show emotions, weakness, or vulnerabi... - 1/16/2007 2:21:13 PM   
OnlyHis


Posts: 137
Joined: 2/25/2004
Status: offline 		  I think it is a wonderful thing for Master or any man for that matter to be able to show their emotions. It shows how human they really are. I have more respect for anyone who can show their emotions then those that hide them for fear of showing " weakness".  It is no kind of weakness to show feelings.

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