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RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:16:40 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeterJay

Here's a thought. Not everyone takes the time to fill out a detailed profile or respond with a detailed introduction Email. How about telling the people what you want and what you are looking for in a slave besides; "Simply looking. Hoping to find. To all the women out there, I am a woman, not a man pretending. Don't bother me if you are a jaded lesbian." If you only have the time to type out two sentences, what makes us believe that you are going to have the time to dedicate to a D/s relationship and find your prefect slave?


I totally agree.  I don't even bother if someone contacts me with a profile like this.  If they can't take the time to express themselves then why would I think they were committed to this?

Also, and not picking on you Brownbhemian, but I would just stick to the topic at hand, which is what you are looking for in a mate, and leave the comments about what you've run into for your journal if you must post these feelings. (Simply looking. Hoping to find. To all the women out there, I am a woman, not a man pretending. Don't bother me if you are a jaded lesbian." )  
 
Now I"m not saying write a novel like I did...LOL, but what you wrote is not helping them to determine if they have found the Domme for them.

I feel your pain about finding "the one"...good luck to you out there  :>

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to PeterJay)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:21:14 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

why is it so hard to find a male slave? perhaps it's not the lack of patience but because you seek the person without any prospects of building a relationship. you're probably jumping right in the BDSM questions (likes, dislikes, hard limits, etc) before getting to know the person behind the chosen role (his interests out the community, etc).  if you don't build a solid personal relationship with your potential slave, it's doom to fail before it even starts.

my two cents of the day



amen! 

This is the problem I have with finding someone for myself.  All they want to talk about is "what I will do to them" and they are not interested in me as a person at all, which would be fine if I was just looking for "something" to scene with, but since I am looking for a partner, and this person I will be taking into my home, the getting to know you part can not be skipped.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:38:44 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

this may be a bit of topic but... what really bothers me is when u find a good sub that you can mold into a close to perfect one.. but they wout change, not even a lil, cuz "its not who they r" if there a true sub or slave.. there giving up "who they r" to a point to fit the masters preferences.. am i correct in saying that or am i jsut off my nut?

H >:)


Why change them? Valyraen simply waited until he found someone he loved as they were.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Hanable)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:43:45 PM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		I have just the opposite problem when it comes to talking to Dommes, TxBlkMistress. The majority of them that I start conversations with, always end up with 2 things: What will I do for them for free? and How much can I tribute to them to speak to me? Unfortunately, in 4 years time I have only met 3 Dommes who were interested in me as a person, not as a potential check. If I as a male submissive dont meet the criteria of wanting to pay out of pocket, then they move on to the next one who does. So its not just Dommes who have trouble finding relationship partners, but male submissives who want a genuine relationship as well.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:46:27 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		*pokes Saint* I had better be one of those 3 ...

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(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:56:26 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you're doing the same thing over and over, don't expect different results. .

Master Fire



Isnt that one deffanition of insanity???


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 4:57:43 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

I have just the opposite problem when it comes to talking to Dommes, TxBlkMistress. The majority of them that I start conversations with, always end up with 2 things: What will I do for them for free? and How much can I tribute to them to speak to me? Unfortunately, in 4 years time I have only met 3 Dommes who were interested in me as a person, not as a potential check. If I as a male submissive dont meet the criteria of wanting to pay out of pocket, then they move on to the next one who does. So its not just Dommes who have trouble finding relationship partners, but male submissives who want a genuine relationship as well.


Oh I know it goes both ways.  I was only writing from "my" persective, which is all I can comment on.   

I also have men contacting me wanting me to be "their" meal ticket.   I'm not a money Domme, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I do require the person to be able to pull his own weight, which means he'd better have his own money.  I am not asking anyone to take care of me, financially, but I am not going to bank roll them either.

Then I have those that complain about women only wanting their money...then every email they send has to do with how much they make, how much they have  sent others in the past, etc.  that's all they can talk about, even when I tell them I am not interested and repeatedly try and change the subject.   So some of the "victims" might want to check their approach as well.  :>

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 5:05:04 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

this may be a bit of topic but... what really bothers me is when u find a good sub that you can mold into a close to perfect one.. but they wout change, not even a lil, cuz "its not who they r" if there a true sub or slave.. there giving up "who they r" to a point to fit the masters preferences.. am i correct in saying that or am i jsut off my nut?

H >:)


if I have to change so much to the point that its "not who I am" in order to please a Master/ Mistress then im not with the right person and if you feel that you need to change them that much to make you happy then they arent the right person for you eather. I wont get involved with someone who wants to change me like that because they have to want me for who I am not for who i someday maybe might could kinda possably be. That is no way to have a relationship.

Oh and Im pretty sure a lot of people find it anoying that everyone in the world wont change to be exaclty who they want them to be... Sucks doesnt it?!?!?!


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Hanable)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 5:29:39 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DreamyLadySnow

A grammar slave...interesting.


LS


(Everyone has to be someone).

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 5:53:04 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I won't change who I am and the basics that are me, That's not being a "true sub" that's being mindless doormatt in my opinion.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

this may be a bit of topic but... what really bothers me is when u find a good sub that you can mold into a close to perfect one.. but they wout change, not even a lil, cuz "its not who they r" if there a true sub or slave.. there giving up "who they r" to a point to fit the masters preferences.. am i correct in saying that or am i jsut off my nut?

H >:)


_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to Hanable)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 6:29:29 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		Brownbohemian, take the high road when it comes to your grammar.  Don't argue...its just kerosene on their fires.  It's very sad when someone is so perfect that they feel the need to pick out the imperfections of others.  You got your question across.  Thats all that matters. 

I have been in the lifestyle a bit longer than you and am still looking for that elusive slave.  It has nothing to do with my SPOKEN word or WRITTEN word.  It has to do with most so called slaves seeking a stereo type (hot, sex starved, freaky black woman) and not being what I am searching for.  Keep on keeping on and keep the faith....when you least expect it, expect it.  A lot of us are going through the same issues.

Ms L

(edited cuz I wanted to)

< Message edited by BBBTBW -- 3/31/2007 6:59:58 PM >

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Brownbohemian)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 6:33:56 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have never found the "perfect" sub/slave.  Actually, I don't think I'd want to.  They would have no expansion.  No areas for growth.  No new barriers to cross.  No new heights to reach. 
 
Many of the discussions that I have had with F/folks around here have been made interesting because of a very simple word.  Potential.  What can be is almost always more intreguing than what is, especially when One is searching to find a sub.  It gives us things to explore together.  The dynamic is more interesting that way.
 
Yes, I agree, it is very hard to be patient.  Usually, things that are valuable are worth the wait.  (Though frustrating as it may be at times.)  While I don't look for the "perfect" sub, I do search for one who at least has enough promise in the beginning to be what I am looking for.  It may not be popular, but I do run through My personal checklist to see if we match to some degree.  It skips a lot of miscommunication and allows Me to see where the sub is, where they want to go, and where they can not go.  Most of that checklist is based on things directly related to the lifestyle, as I have plenty of people already in My life that share my taste in music or types of movies.  I figure, that's really what they are contacting Me for anyway.
 
BTW, yes, the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 7:43:17 PM   
alphasubstituent


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		If it were easy to find a truly compatible partner, there would be no point in having websites like this. All you can do is hope that the right connections get made at the right time. Best of luck

< Message edited by alphasubstituent -- 3/31/2007 7:46:55 PM >

(in reply to Brownbohemian)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 8:00:30 PM   
TxBlkMistress


Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think there is the perfect anyone...I believe you can click with someone and go from there.  There is a difference between "perfect" and compatible.

Those that beg and say they can change usually fall into one or two catagories:

Someone you have given chance after chance and they continue to do whatever it is that you don't want.   or

The ones that are so tired of looking, anyone that responded to them they will try and mold themselves into whatever they have to so that they can be chosen.

One example are some that contact me that are into feminization.   I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but it's just not for me, and I say so in my profile.  I politely tell them that I don't think it will work for us, but I do offer friendship.  They beg and say that it's not important to them....

on their profile, they wrote in pink or have a pink background, they have a feminine nik, all they talk about in their profile in how they enjoy being a girl, and their pic is them dressed as a female....not important????

I usually get the excuse that they just did it because they know all Dommes want to femininze their males.

I try to tell them that they will eventually be miserable and/or start to look else where, or they will try to maniuplate the Domme into catering to their preference.  Either way both will not be happy.

Been there done that.   You can train someone to be your slave, these are just duties....but the basic things have to be there first.   Shouldn't try to change what is naturally them.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to alphasubstituent)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 8:17:10 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline 		Generally whenever somebody posts "*whine*  I can't find a single (male sub, male dom, female sub, female dom) on this site, you guys suck, everybody here must be a (loser, fake, only pretending to be female, not really a dom, not really a sub)" the reason for their negative experience has very little to do with anyone else on the site. 

My experience on CM is that it is full of fun, friendly and intelligent people of all genders and orientations who are enjoyable to talk to and meet sociably in real life.  However if I wrote my profile differently and interacted with people differently here, I'm sure my experience would come to reflect my approach. 

Where you only plant stinging nettle and stinkweed, you can't expect to pick very many daisies.  To get a good harvest, you have to plant something good.  You'll get a few weeds coming up to bother you regardless of what you plant, but if you're bringing up nothing but weeds, take a closer look at what you planted there in the first place.  What seeds have you chosen to sow?

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 8:38:13 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint
I have just the opposite problem when it comes to talking to Dommes, TxBlkMistress. The majority of them that I start conversations with, always end up with 2 things: What will I do for them for free? and How much can I tribute to them to speak to me? Unfortunately, in 4 years time I have only met 3 Dommes who were interested in me as a person, not as a potential check. If I as a male submissive dont meet the criteria of wanting to pay out of pocket, then they move on to the next one who does. So its not just Dommes who have trouble finding relationship partners, but male submissives who want a genuine relationship as well.



Depends on what kind of profiles you're looking at.  I've deliberately picked an extremely non glamorous, out of date (40 lbs heavier), plain pic of myself in work garb with no makeup and written my profile in a chatty, friendly way to discourage the "wannas" who are looking for eye candy, instant sex or instant kink.  I'm looking to get to know people as people and as friends if we share common non-kinky interests, and I'm not interested in "drive-by" shallow interactions based on physical appearance or sexual/kinky attraction.  I can have that at play parties if I want it.

Now if you're only cruising the profiles that have glammed-up pics and unrealistic sounding "advertising" that is worded to be instantly attractive to single horny male subs, you are likely to run across a much higher percentage of the ladies whose motive is to attract that specific sort of attention.  So what's your criteria for starting a conversation with someone?  If it's the fact that her profile gives you an instant hard-on, keep in mind that a) every horny male sub on the site is having the same reaction and b) she knows that every horny male sub on the site is having the same reaction, and she still chooses to keep that kind of profile up.  What type of domme would fit that profile?  Hmmm.  Could be a pro. 

Try cruising profiles based on mutual common interests outside of kink and striking up some interesting conversations.  That's been my strategy for years, and it's netted me a lot of friends of all genders and orientations.  And a few play partners too. 


(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 8:49:40 PM   
BeatMeDaily


Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		why is it so hard to a real Domme i might ask ...

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:00:02 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeatMeDaily

why is it so hard to a real Domme i might ask ...


Same reason that you can't go out on the street and randomly pick somebody to get married to.  There has to be chemistry, and compatibility, and mutual life goals and common interests, otherwise the relationship doesn't work in real life.

In fantasy, it's easy to imagine that you'll just be the slave and she'll just be the mythical Real Domme and everything will be automatically perfect from there.  If it really worked that way, it would be a lot easier.  But it doesn't.  Real people don't work that way.

It wouldn't matter to me how submissive a potential partner was if he wasn't my type.  My personal criteria have more to do with mutual common interests, specifically he's got to be a sci-fi fan and a gamer geek and feel comfortable in SCA/Ren Faire garb.  And that's not really something you can teach a person who isn't interested.  I wouldn't even want to try - either they've had that particular creative spark since childhood or they don't have it at all, and if they don't, they're not my type.  My specifications are my own, but other dommes may have similarly focused preferences and lifestyles, and not every sub is going to fit into them.  So yes, it really can be difficult from both sides of the flogger.

(in reply to BeatMeDaily)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:02:52 PM   
Hanable


Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

this may be a bit of topic but... what really bothers me is when u find a good sub that you can mold into a close to perfect one.. but they wout change, not even a lil, cuz "its not who they r" if there a true sub or slave.. there giving up "who they r" to a point to fit the masters preferences.. am i correct in saying that or am i jsut off my nut?

H >:)


Why change them? Valyraen simply waited until he found someone he loved as they were.


y? becuz i have yet to find my perfect.. i try to change as little as possible.. but sometimes u have to change ppl.

H >:)

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(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:04:40 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		your mind is a powerful thing.....what you think so shall it be....if you think it is hard... it will be hard.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Hanable)
Profile   Post #: 60
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