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RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:08:19 PM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I won't change who I am and the basics that are me, That's not being a "true sub" that's being mindless doormatt in my opinion.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

this may be a bit of topic but... what really bothers me is when u find a good sub that you can mold into a close to perfect one.. but they wout change, not even a lil, cuz "its not who they r" if there a true sub or slave.. there giving up "who they r" to a point to fit the masters preferences.. am i correct in saying that or am i jsut off my nut?

H >:)

bows* for give my assumption... i only give my opiniona nd what i see.. and thatis what i usually see.. "slaves" not wanting to change anything about them .. ever. i understand not changing the basic of u.. but u have to adapt to be a part of society.. be it the BDSM one or the norm.

H >:)

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Post #: 61

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:10:35 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold

I totally understand your dilemma.

Considering that there's only one of me, I would assume your travails have only just begun.

However, if you ever feel a need for assistance with sentence structure, paragraphs or how even to avoid disjointed and/or run on sentences...I'm your man.

Well Griswold, I'm in the habit of using run on sentences despite My english teachers' explicit pet peeves from elementary school throught college.....

I've tried to edit My scribbling over the years but I still wax loquacious?sp? and manage to run on and on and on....

Doesn't make My posts any less meaningful, though.

: Pppppppppppppppp

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 3/31/2007 9:12:14 PM >

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Post #: 62

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:14:42 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings hanable,

i think it's a matter of finding a balance between having a master who loves who you are and allowing yourself to be molded into what he wants.

for example, he accepts and loves many things about me; my love of reading, knitting, writing, dancing, piano...however, there are also many areas in which i have changed for him, or because of him...i've let go of my self-consciousness, i've become better with money and "stuff" (he is very minimalist and i am trying to move towards that kind of lifestyle as well), the way i dress has changed because i try to wear what he likes, some of my eating habits have changed, i now live a poly lifestyle instead of a monogamous lifestyle, i have learned to become more pleasing to him.

i wouldn't get involved with someone who could not accept certain aspects of who i am, because i think that's just setting both of us up for failure. to me, that's no different than getting involved with the first one to come along. even slaves need to have SOME way to discern which master's collar they wish to beg. for some of us, that's by trying to find people we click well with and who we can accept and be accepted by...among other things.

respectfully,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 3/31/2007 9:15:18 PM >

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i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 63

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:16:32 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hanable

this may be a bit of topic but... what really bothers me is when u find a good sub that you can mold into a close to perfect one.. but they wout change, not even a lil, cuz "its not who they r" if there a true sub or slave.. there giving up "who they r" to a point to fit the masters preferences.. am i correct in saying that or am i jsut off my nut?

H >:)

Why change them? Valyraen simply waited until he found someone he loved as they were.

y? becuz i have yet to find my perfect.. i try to change as little as possible.. but sometimes u have to change ppl.

H >:)

That doesn't make sense. Then they aren't the person you fell for. It's just a sham. Either you love them and are interested in them for who they are or you don't.

Because I love him I make the effort to put my towel up instead of leaving it on the floor. Because he loves me he makes the effort of putting his clothing in the hamper so that my job of serving him is a touch easier and more efficant. However, neither of us has tried to change the other. I have grown more efficant since being with him, but he didn't mind my scatter-brain ways too much. He still loved me as I was.

Perfection is an ideal that isn't achievable. I am not perfect and neither is Valyraen. We simply love enough each enough to not care about the imperfections. At any rate, if you are only interested in a person for what you think you can make them rather then what they are... well in my opinion, you really shouldn't be complaining that not many are interested in being changed by you.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/31/2007 9:22:17 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to Hanable)

Post #: 64

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:36:44 PM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline

and that is where ur opinion and mine differ AquaticSub, and by no means is that a bad thing. i have my own views as do u.. that makes us differnt. it makes us human... and that is a good thing.

H >:)

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Post #: 65

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 9:46:17 PM

sissikerin

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/23/2005
Status: offline

I wonder at times why it's so hard to find a female Domme? too many of them seem to be just in it for the money, and not for the verity of the lifestyle. likes and dislikes aside. I know i am a genuine submissive, where are the genuine Mistresses?

(in reply to Hanable)

Post #: 66

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 10:09:59 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissikerin

I wonder at times why it's so hard to find a female Domme? too many of them seem to be just in it for the money, and not for the verity of the lifestyle. likes and dislikes aside. I know i am a genuine submissive, where are the genuine Mistresses?

If you define "genuine Mistress" as meaning "someone who will instantly cater to my specific fetish and force me to do all the naughty sexual things that I tell her I need to be forced to do, and wear sexy clothes while doing it, within five minutes of our meeting", they don't exist. Well, they do, but they'll charge you money. Too many subs seem to be looking for a sort of drive-through McMistress for instant gratification, and they don't stop to think that "Real Mistresses" are also real people with needs, desires and preferences of their own.

I prefer to spend my time with subs who are gamer geeks, Rennies or SCAdians, sci-fi fannish and intellectually/academically oriented. Anyone who doesn't fit that profile is not going to be of interest to me. That doesn't make me a non genuine Mistress or them a non genuine slave, it just means I have specific preferences which the majority of people on this site do not happen to match. So the answer to your question of "where are the genuine Mistresses and why can I not find one" is probably more along the lines of "they're all looking for subs who fit their individual lifestyles and personalities." So you need to keep looking until you find the one you happen to have enough in common with to be a good match for. It has less to do with who's genuine than with who's compatible.

(in reply to sissikerin)

Post #: 67

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 3/31/2007 10:36:19 PM

Purplelightning

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline

i know that i would define a real Mistress as some one who knows who she is, what she wants and is happy with who she is. Someone who is creative and confident. Someone who isn't "playing at this lifestyle" Someone who doesn't demand "tribute". I have no problems in gifts, but not when it's demanded.

For me the right Mistress is someone with whom I can blend my likes and desires with hers, so that both parties are taken care of while I take care of her.

< Message edited by Purplelightning -- 3/31/2007 10:38:46 PM >

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 68

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 12:12:38 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Judging from this thread, you don't take to advice or criticism well, but I'll throw out my thought anyway, because it's not really a criticism, but a case as to why someone like me would probably not have responded to someone like you.

I consider myself a very strong slave-minded submissive. I rarely try to contact someone who puts forth a profile that is straight out negative. You know the kind, the ones that complain in their profile about what they don't want to see or hear from. It may help to thin the herd, but it also thins out a lot of other people as well. I spent a lot of time listening to dominant women complaining about submissive male profiles, so I spent a GREAT deal of time putting together a profile that I hoped would help someone find me and not have to search much more to figure me out. When someone posts a two line profile and then complains that finding someone real is so hard, it leaves one wondering what results were actually expected. You might attract people who are throwing out the proverbial net in hopes of catching anyone who is advertising, but the quality submissives of whom you are seeking are not going to be searching in such a manner. Thus, it will be practically impossible to connect with people who ignore someone's profile.

I personally know of a number of very good, solid slave-minded submissives who are on the boards here, but they are pretty much under the radar because of a number of reasons. Instead, what you are competing for are the loud, obnoxious ones who try to attract any woman who seems like she might be looking. As one of this type, I'll be honest; I rarely contact anyone unless I've been speaking to her on the message boards for a while, convinced that she's intelligent and worthy of continuing conversation.

There are a number of wonderful women who post here who are extremely attractive just for the reason that they put forth great conversations. Some of them I'd love to meet; others have never been interested in me since day one, so I'm at least fortunate enough to be able to communicate with them on the boards. But that's one of those things that takes a long time to cultivate, and someone coming along, having put forth a profile and a few random contacts with people who didn't work out, just doesn't seem like someone who really has a lot of room to complain about not being able to find someone. We've all had our troubles finding someone here (well, some more than others), but complaining about it usually leads nowhere but to more complaints.

I learned a long time ago that if you don't like the pool of people of whom you have been seeking, perhaps you should either try a different tactic, which involves different people, or cast a net in a different pool of water than the one in which you have been seeking. This doesn't mean having to go elsewhere than collarme, because there are a lot of different communities here on collarme alone. You just have to be willing to put forth the work to find them.

I'll also let you in on a little secret: A lot of sincere male slaves don't even contact people; they get contacted in a lot of cases. I know that happens for me, as I vowed to not seek out anyone on the boards or through personal messages. And it's worked just fine that way. Someone once told me that if I didn't do the first contact than I would never end up as her property because she ONLY responded to those who contacted her first. She made my point for me; no, I wouldn't be hers, because I would never belong to someone who didn't feel I was worth the pursuit in the first place. Doesn't work for everyone, but more and more submissives I talk to these days are of a similar mind, even if they don't share it out loud on the boards.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to Brownbohemian)

Post #: 69

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 2:30:40 AM

Amaros

Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline

Haha, you'll probobly get better advece from submisive men in here, but women tend to be obsesessed with financial security, wheras men tend to be more insecure about their sexual desierability - backwards from how you may have been taught to to think about it.

In fact, men may tend to rebel against the pressure of being treated like ambulatory wallets, a leading cause of disillusionment with women, in much the same way as women are expected to resent being treated like life support systems for pussy.

In the end, it;'s alway s going to be a relationship, whatever the rules, and necessarily, human beings are involved, whatever filters may have been negotiated - you would be advised to reassess your particular needs - many people are willing to sacrifice for love, very few are willing to keep it up for long if it isn't appreciated.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 70

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 7:05:48 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you're doing the same thing over and over, don't expect different results. Look at how you're presenting yourself, how you're conducting yourself, where you're looking, etc. Then change it...if you fine tune it enough, you'll get different results.

Master Fire

This seems to be the hardest advice for any of us to take to heart and work with in any situation.

Yet I think it is the best advice we can ever give or follow.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 71

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 8:19:24 AM

Unrepentant1

Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

I would imagine every Domme dreams of the perfect sub/slave, but I doubt you will find a ready made one. I would suggest one with some intelligence and potential will serve best. As a sub, I know I have the potential to be a slave, but I am struggling to find the one with the patience to mould me. I am not the finished article and need the right Domme to make me complete. I understand and get annoyed myself with the dreamers, it spoils it for us genuine people, but there are some about.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 72

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 8:25:21 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

WE are over run with mail every day and soon will select an outstanding male to serve...SO many players and just not enought time to sort them out but we try..bounty

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Post #: 73

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 9:34:57 AM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline

hisannabelle: i totally agree.. if i (or anyone else) can not find the ballance.. then it will not work. it is about finind the ballance and sometimes that means changing some of what u r.. but you have to change something about your self to fit into any world. i have said this many times. you have to change to live. everyone changes to better fit there.. mate/master/loved one. its just how the worlds works. i am sorry if i have offended any one with my opinion but thats just what it is my opinion. i dont expect any one to agree with me fully and i dont expect for it to be correct for everyone. it is how i see life. please understand that.

H >:)

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Post #: 74

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 11:12:05 AM

GuidingLite

Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

go for a girl slave insted.

(in reply to Brownbohemian)

Post #: 75

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 11:22:28 AM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline

but male slaves have things girls dont.. which makes them funner to play with and tease.

H >:)

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Post #: 76

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 1:59:11 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Ahh more fun for you to tease maybe.. girl subs have things boy subs dont have as well...

Oh and I dont think funner is a word.. I could be wrong

Magik's slave

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don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Hanable)

Post #: 77

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 2:09:05 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GuidingLite

go for a girl slave insted.

No offense, but that's just horrid advice and I hope that you were joking.

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Post #: 78

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 2:18:31 PM

addicted2it

Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brownbohemian

I am sure most of you are looking at this and wondering what in the worlld I am talking about. Well, it is simple, I have not found one slave suitible for my needs. We go through the intial getting to know you deal, (what he want ,what I want what he won't and what I won't), but it always end with him being far more commited to (insert excuse here) than to me which makes a very poor slave. I of course drop him, and move on. Then come the calls, the begging, and the "I can change" speeches. NO!! I made it very clear as to what I wanted and was very willing to do my duty as a D to acheive it. I understand this is the BDSM world and bull#%$^ is part of the game, but give me a break. How long must a Mistress hunt before she bags the big one. Any advice dear Ladies and gentlemen would be greatly appreciated.

A corollary to your question might be this:

Why is it so hard to find a female dominant?

What makes anyone think that it is any easier for one gender or another? One preference (sexual or otherwise) or another?

I have been involved in this "game" for a very long time. Some would say that I've been here longer than most people live. But regardless of time spent in search, no one is exempt from the pain and sorrow of trial and error when it comes to finding our exact fit. Think of it as a rite of passage, if you will. And if one is not successful, then perhaps it was never meant to be.

This subject begs the very curious question of: Where do these urges and feelings come from? Nature or nurture? Consider either or both. If our preference is indeed etched upon our individual genetic code, then it seems to make sense that, no matter whether we are dom/domme or sub, male or female, we are quite possibly very close to each other at the cellular level. Why then is anyone surprised when we, who are so very similar in interest and taste, but are only separated by an X or Y chromosome, end up fighting among ourselves and jockying for position?

Does this strife really make good sense in the grand scheme of things?

_____________________________

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(in reply to Brownbohemian)

Post #: 79

RE: Why is it so hard to find a male slave? - 4/1/2007 2:21:17 PM

Hanable

Posts: 3284
Joined: 3/19/2007
From: BFE ohio
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Ahh more fun for you to tease maybe.. girl subs have things boy subs dont have as well...

Oh and I dont think funner is a word.. I could be wrong

Magik's slave

well.. that too.... but thats not what i meant.. not really.

and funner is a word.. ive heard teachers use it lots of times.. english teachers.

H >:)

_____________________________

Will you be my hooker??

Forum Rankings

Fate: a horribly wonderful thing

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Post #: 80

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