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Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:23:11 PM   
windsorslave4one


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		In some rather intense correspondence, and not it was not about phone sex, a dominant counterpart and myself discussed aftercare.

I had told him of my real time experience with rather at times violent Top. The aftercare seemed to soothe the fury that he unleashed. It would calm me down as often i would hyperventilate from the experience. He had a way, this top making me cool to just level of where i felt my wits return and then he would start again.

It felt like a rollercoaster at times. He would bring me down from the high, the fear, and the pain.

Anyway, as I discussed this to him how much that aftercare was important to me.

He said: You might get it if i feel like it, but do not depend on it. Don't think it will be a given.

I must just use you as i need and return to work, or what i was doing or keep on with what i am doing until I am spent, not you.

Now, he was not an insane type, he was more apt to engage in RACK type of interaction. I rather liked that edge about him. He appeared so conservative in his expensive suits, white hair, thick glasses. Almost harmless.

Laughs.

So, how important is aftercare to you?
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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:27:23 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		For my sub it is a must because he sometimes has dizziness while in subspace. With all those chemicals rushing through the body I deem it a necessity when I play. So after our scenes we always snuggle until we both come down, then usually we fall asleep in each others arms. It helps to cement our relationship even more I think, although I know our way doesn't work for everyone we like it.

~Lashra



_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:28:02 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		When I get into really intense play I kind of think of it as a must.  I have seen the effect of it and all when a sub is cooling down and what it is that they can go through.  I cant imagine not providing it as I would think the subs mind would turn to much if they went through it solo to many times. Its not like it just goes away... the attitudes, thoughts and feelings linger for a very long time and its so important to make sure that those are nice attitudes, nice thoughts.  I feel that aftercare has a lot to do with defining things as play or abuse.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:29:30 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		VERY important......I would never consent to being with someone that doesn't provide aftercare....BTW, I'm all for giving aftercare to Master as well. I don't think that should be a one way street...

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:30:49 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		If the bottom in the scene needs it, it is a must. If the bottom would like it, it is a maybe. If the bottom doesnt need it, again a maybe. I personally would not force the issue one way or the other.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:32:00 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		It depends on the scene.  If it is a mild, fun, play type scene, it may not need any after care, the fact that the sub gets used and then shoved right back into regular life could be a fun thing to do.  However if it is a serious, intense scene, with a heavy emotional content and the sub really being pushed into subspace, then I think aftercare is vital.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:34:06 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		For me it would all depend on the scene, the intensity level, how i reacted, etc.  There have been times when i have walked away from a scene cheerful and bouncy, and other times i have collapsed on the spot.  i would not call it a requirement, though if i am at the collapse stage, i would hope He would care enough to provide aftercare, whether it be cuddling, petting, soft comforting words, water... especially if it was someone i was was intimate with.  The shared intimacy both during and after a scene can be quite intense. 

insert standard disclaimer here

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:34:31 PM   
windsorslave4one


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		Lashra,

As i read that, i felt how loving and caring that is.

Thank you for reply.

warmly,

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:36:12 PM   
windsorslave4one


Posts: 7
Joined: 12/10/2007
Status: offline 		I think so as well.

warmly,

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:36:38 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Depends on the situation and what was done.

On most things none or not much more then maybe a hug and a kiss is needed. Although that does not mean I do not want or enjoy more in those situations. ;)

There are other times when maybe it was more difficult or my mood/emotional state was never in a good place that aftercare is very much needed and I most certainly would not expect my Master to just blow me off because he felt like it. For me this is often done with more intense pain play. Now I may not get exactly what I want or for the length of what I want but my Master does need to do something or it is going to affect me and us in a negative way and I do not mean by me being disobedient or me using emotional blackmail.

There are also things done that we have discussed well ahead of time or through experience that any type of aftercare would make the whole aspect of what was done to be lesser then he or we would want so I might really want the aftercare but knowing ahead of time it is not going to happen I can deal with it much easier.


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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:43:28 PM   
clover0320


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I have a much more severe drop if I do not get aftercare so I would not play with someone that wouldn't provide it. I agree that it solidifies the relationship as well. If I am being snuggled while I am coming back from subspace then it is a much more smooth transition. I think that it helps the M-type come back from topspace comfortably as well. 

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:48:10 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		If it was emotionally stressful and left me shakey, I would need some form of emotional stabalization. If it's physical, I only need physical aftercare if the resulting product required it for health and safety. If I'm fine, no need for aftercare, but I usually like to discuss once I've processed what happened.
Anyone who said aftercare is on a whim basis and not a need basis, would be off my list of potentials. I won't put my self into the hands of an edge player who isn't concerned about my well being.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:51:56 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		I like aftercare.  Even if my sub didn't need it, I'd give it.

As it is, we both love that part of the scene, where we relax and talk about things we enjoyed, want to try, or would rather like to have happened differently.  It's the perfect ending for a long, satisfying scene.


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Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 2:52:15 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		It's necessary for some. I personally have not yet needed aftercare. I usually prefer to be left alone to come back to my normal headspace.

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formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:01:37 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		What is this "aftercare" you all speak of? Is this where she gets up and makes me a sandwich or orders me a pizza or gives a two hour back rub?

If it is to tend to her needs isn't this why they invented emergency rooms?

Soooooo confused.

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:03:52 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		domiguy is off moderation? holy shit, I thought you were permanately gagged...


sorry for the hijack

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:09:39 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It depends on the person and the scene. How's that for vague? LOL

I make an effort to give it if my partners needs it. I expect my partner to make an effort to give it if I need it.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:11:17 PM   
nwcutie102


Posts: 162
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline 		aftercare... it is important to me. i am lacking in experience, but the times i did experience D/s with the Dom i was with, they were intense. he did give aftercare and i needed and appreciated every bit

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:15:28 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		Aftercare?  I thought that was called cuddling while we go to sleep...lol.
We are an incredibly intimate couple, which is the only reason I can trust him to dominate me.  After lovemaking, we spoon together and talk, kiss, cuddle.  Most of the time I'm so spent afterwards that I crash before the blankets are back on the bed. 

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RE: Aftercare...is it necessary? - 2/12/2008 3:20:46 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Aftercare is absolutely necessary. With subspace I usually am very sensitive, might get cold, have goose bumps. I can be flying high from endorphins or adrenaline. I need help winding down and like it when I am told that I was a good girl if I worked particularly hard. It can be very difficult to fall asleep after with pins and needles in my extremities. So yes, I believe it is vital and a time to connect in the afterglow. even vanilla women want that.

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