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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:49:29 AM

kittinSol

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThunderRoad

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:)

That's generally been my experience. :)

You just need to understand the background of why something is a hard limit; what is that fear.

Come on now... sometimes, hard limits are a sane response to Dominants' insane desires. Not trying to bait or flame anybody here, but to me, my personal hard limits reflect my self-respect and integrity.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:51:32 AM

ThunderRoad

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But can you articulate that? If a Dom is playing Safe/Sane/Consensual and not playing UNsafe/INsane/UNconsensually, then there's more to it. It is not improper to talk about it, that's all.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 6:55:22 AM

Jeffff

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I completely agree with that. Thats why I used to word " may". It was a general comment. Any knucklehead who e-mails someone and begins demanding limits be expanded deserves to be ignored...:)

Jeffwey

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:06:12 AM

joy2u

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First of all, i don't see BDSM as "a movement" of any kind. Bondage and Discipline and SadoMasochism is, to me, simply the way i choose to express my sexuality with another person. BDSM may have become more widely known because of the "Sexual Revolution" and the "Gay Rights Movement" but, i don't see it as a 'movement'.

Second, some people are responsible and some aren't. Responsibility is up to each individual. Each person decides for themself what they will and will not do with or to or for or at the direction of someone else. There's no blanket rule that everyone who engages in BDSM activities is a responsible person. In fact, believing and saying that people who participate in BDSM are all responsible would be a very irresponsible assumption and statement to make.

joy
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx

from what i've read about BDSM i got the impression that it was a very responsible movement with a great emphasis on safety and consideration So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?! some just seem to see them as a challenge!
would YOU have unprotected sex with a stranger??!! would YOU send compromising photos or cam to someone you'd never met?!
why do i have to feel bad because i have a few shreds of sanity left

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:13:16 AM

givingin

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I have things that are limits for me, but I actually think that my Dom has more limits than I do. That can make it quite interesting for us. I am more of a masochist and he is less of a sadist. There are certain things I won't and that wouldn't change for anyone. If he wanted them to, then I know it wouldn't be a good relationship. I think though if the only reason was being nervous in an excited sort of way, I would probably try it. If it was that I was totally against it because of my morals, past, or a deep rooted fear...then I would tell him to bug off.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:15:33 AM

gypsygrl

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You don't have to feel bad about anything. :)

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:19:03 AM

kittinSol

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThunderRoad

But can you articulate that? If a Dom is playing Safe/Sane/Consensual and not playing UNsafe/INsane/UNconsensually, then there's more to it. It is not improper to talk about it, that's all.

Certainly, I don't think it's improper to talk about anything at all. As long as it remains within the domain of speech, and doesn't permeate into my reality.

All this talk of safety, sanity and consent makes me think, however, that there are large differences between my notion of safety or sanity, and other people's. This is why I will never relinquish my right to say 'no', even if sometimes, it's tempting to say 'yes'.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:45:31 AM

SubbieOnWheels

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThunderRoad

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:)

That's generally been my experience. :)

You just need to understand the background of why something is a hard limit; what is that fear.

Amen to both of these!

After being talked into doing an activity that had been a hard limit, and loving it, I had to take a good look at my hard limits. Some I moved into the "Dislikes" pile, some into the "Curious About" pile, and some remained hard limits. Those that remain are there because I have serious health and safety concerns about them, in addition to, in some cases, general grossed-out-ness.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:50:54 AM

Missokyst

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OMG! LOL wow it has been so many years since those days. Gosh.. those were times.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

there was no such thing as a personal computer and cell phones were science-fiction. Back in those days, some people (99.9% male) would dial random telephone numbers and 'talk dirty' to any female they happened upon. These were called 'obscene phone calls'. The caller would often describe what he was going to do to the random female who just happened to answer the telephone, while he masturbated, or used the encounter as masturbation material later. The caller did not know the person he had called, probably didn't even know what number he'd dialed, and the talk was pure fantasy regardless of how upsetting it may have been to the victim.

Now, do you see any parallels to the above senario when conversing with 'Doms' through electronic communications?

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:53:41 AM

Jeffff

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol
Certainly, I don't think it's improper to talk about anything at all. As long as it remains within the domain of speech, and doesn't permeate into my reality.
All this talk of safety, sanity and consent makes me think, however, that there are large differences between my notion of safety or sanity, and other people's. This is why I will never relinquish my right to say 'no', even if sometimes, it's tempting to say 'yes'.

Thats why there is no such thing as real or true..

Jeff

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:56:31 AM

Missokyst

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F'ing common sense might suggest that you are not a slave to anonymous strangers you meet on the internet. If it your own choice if you put yourself in that position.
Ignore, block, delete.
As for hard limits, I have a few, real time, hard limits which are mine and do not change as I get to know my real life partner. I have other softer limits which do bend over time as I get to know him. Those limits are not mine, they are my limits for him.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

eyesopened. How many of these calls did you get? Simple explanation for the photos. I have a huge file of them. Exibitionist. Some women like to show what they have either thru photos or cam. Do you feel that makes to much competition for you. Why does any of this bother you anyway.

why does it bother me!!!!! a little matter of professional standing and not wanting to blow it.. of not wanting to give blackmail or revenge material to a stranger. fuckin common sense i call it
but thank most of you for your support.
maybe its time for another Slaves Revolt!
and its lovely to see Crowley quoted

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:57:40 AM

kittinSol

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol
Certainly, I don't think it's improper to talk about anything at all. As long as it remains within the domain of speech, and doesn't permeate into my reality.
All this talk of safety, sanity and consent makes me think, however, that there are large differences between my notion of safety or sanity, and other people's. This is why I will never relinquish my right to say 'no', even if sometimes, it's tempting to say 'yes'.

Thats why there is no such thing as real or true..

Jeff

It's 'weal or twue'. Report to the spelling thread immediately.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 7:59:03 AM

Jeffff

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Fcuk, I am skrewd now!

Jeff

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 8:15:42 AM

Dnomyar

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Op you need to stand back and revaluate why your here. What changes you need to make. There is some good advice and then there is Jefff.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 8:17:32 AM

domahpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Todays hard limit may be tomorrows craving...:)

Jeff

im with Jefff

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 8:17:54 AM

bigdom59

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Sometimes we Doms/Dommes make bad decisions with good intentions. It is a Doms/Dommes responsiblity to respect HIS/HER subs limits. That being said sometimes Doms/Dommes want the sub to experience more things and want her to Grow in her experience. IMO Hard limits should always be respected. At the Same time the sub needs to trust her dom/domme 100%. I myself have had the experience of subs setting a hard limit because the HEARD bad things about something and had never experienced. What I did was tell her try it once if you don't like it then it goes back on the hard limit list. We as Doms/Dommes must always respect our subs and slaves

< Message edited by bigdom59 -- 2/26/2008 8:19:41 AM >

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 8:21:31 AM

Leatherist

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My take is this. I do certain kinks becuase I like certain kinks.

Other people have evey right to like or dislike them. My flagging as a Top makes no difference in that. I just avoid people who don't like what I like as partners. I don't compromise, or play ego trips to get others to go along. And I chase away women who want me to compromise.

It's really pretty simple.

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 8:21:33 AM

bitch2humiliate

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ruthie... a little advice from someone with a very twisted humour !
next time you get a so called dom demanding a cam session, tell him that you WILL do it but you need to buy a cam first... that then gives you a little time to do the following....

1, send a few teasing emails back and forth with him..
2, arrange for a male friend to be there for the cam session!

when the time comes have a bit of trouble connecting (your finger over the lens!!!) so his turns on first... then when you have a good look at his face, your cam starts to work and there facing him all ready to play on cam is a man! i have done this a few times and every time i have laughed till i cried at the look on the poor blokes face

if its pictures he is seeking then do something similiar.... tell him you need to get them done which gives you the time to send a few naughty messages and google for the ugliest man you can find !!!

if a dom bitches and moans about your hard limits or sees them as a challenge in a negative way then send them a message back saying "I have just added another hard limit to my list...... talking to idiots like you!" and put them on block

after that you can be sure they wont bother you again! and it makes for entertainment for you...

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 8:35:20 AM

BlackPhx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthiexxxx
So why is it so bloody hard to have Doms repect 'hard limits'?! some just seem to see them as a challenge!

These were called 'obscene phone calls'. The caller would often describe what he was going to do to the random female who just happened to answer the telephone, while he masturbated, or used the encounter as masturbation material later.

Ok so I am cheating and answering 2 posts at the same time.

Ruthie when you find the person you consider to be your Dom and vice versa, they may stretch your hard limits but it will be with your cooperation and in ways that will still protect you physically and emotionally. It will be done over time and not all in a rush. As for those who are contacting you and being offensive, block them. Ignore them the same way you would someone passing a rude comment on the street.

Now the other post..

I get a couple of those calls way back then from the same person, ..I decided to turn the tables and proceeded to talk back to him about things that would have made the Marquis DeSade blush...a moment of silence and then "Lady Your SICK!!!!" Click..never got another call.

poenkitten (sometimes it's just too much fun not to fight back)

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RE: 'hard limits?' - 2/26/2008 9:00:46 AM

MsStress

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*Sighs* There are limits, there are apprehensions and then there are LIMITS. I had the same set of "Hard LIMITS" for years... then in the past few years one or two of those have shifted down a category or two. I still don't find them enjoyable... and likely never will, but I can work past that to please Master.

Why? Because over the few years I've known Him, I've come to trust that He will never risk HARM to me. Hurt me? Sure... if it pleases Him... but never HARM.

Assholes are everywhere. It's a fact of life. The internet (despite popular belief) has not increased the number of idiots in the world, only made us more aware of them. When faced with an idiotic message or request to which no is not accepted as an answer, I make good use of the ignore (block/report) features available and move on. Sometimes if it's a particularly 'out there' message I might even share it with friends for a good laugh.

I've met people (Dom, sub, or switch) who believe that a sub owes respect (or even obedience) to ANY Dom because of position or 'rank'. In some ways I agree. If I am in an environment (virtual or RL) that is openly D/s, I do use a common honourific when speaking to Dominants, and usually approach with a slight deference. But true respect comes with knowing a person, and that has to be earned.

Consider it akin to the 'respect' you give to your boss. At work you bow to his/her instructions etc, because you like your job/paycheque. But you wouldn't socialize with him/her if he or she is a total ass.

When a dominant or any other person demands I send them pics or webcam images or anything that I've previously said no to, and won't stop asking or demeans me because of my answer, I may if it is a public area, respectfully decline and move on. If this is virtual, I will often place them on ignore afterward, and in RL I'll take whatever steps necessary to keep them out of my face and life.

Good luck with your search.

~D

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