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RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 1:42:52 PM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

...I've been debating about laying down an ultimatum or ending things.  The issue this is over is one that I can not deal with anymore.  She is aware that I have a problem over this issue.  I thought the issue was resolved on her end. Last night during a phone conversation she brought up the fact it was still going on.


 I'm going to throw some paint at the wall here. Sounds to me like she may have already detached and is just waiting to be 'released'. She's TELLING you its still going on - expecting you to act. So act !
 
Its never worth making yourself crazy. You'll find relief on the other side of the decision.

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"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 2:02:29 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There really is very little to go on here.  Now that I've read the thread, I've learned more about some having fun little thoughts about David Duchovny more than I have the situation in the OP.

However, I'm going to say one thing about the ultimatum concept.  Please consider, OP, that there are a lot of folks on both sides of the kneel who see ultimatums the way I do.  Unless you do want the relationship to end, they are pointless.  You may get what you want by throwing that little gem of "do this or it's over" out there, but at the same time, you're also basically telling the person that whatever "it" is, whether major or minor, is more important than anything you have said concerning commitment to the other person.  It cracks the foundation of the dynamic that you have tried to build.  So, even if you get what you want from using the tactic, you may also get something you don't want.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 12/4/2008 2:03:32 PM >

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to MsFlutter)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 3:29:55 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

This is a new relationship.  I did express my expectation already, this is why I debate about ending it instead of giving an ultimatum.



Third option? No ultimatum and let her make her choice - in the event of the wrong choice, humiliate her and kick her out of your home.

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 3:39:36 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Third option? No ultimatum and let her make her choice - in the event of the wrong choice, humiliate her and kick her out of your home.


Ok, I'm picturing a sadistic Monty Hall playing "Let's Make A Deal".... "Do you want what's behind door number one, number two, or number three?  Or the envelope I have in my hand?"
 
Sadly, the spectacle may be lost on you Brits.
 
John

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(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 4:07:15 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		i dont know if they consider that a great loss there, John...just sayin

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 5:06:23 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		when things are so bad that one party actually feels the need to hand down an ultimatum to another, the relationship is already over in my eyes.

(in reply to DogGoneBad)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 5:26:39 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eri

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

perse----
I got the vagaries of what he's saying but, I mean if it's a "she cheated for the 15th time"  situation versus a "she put the toilet paper on the dispenser with the paper dispensing over the roll rather than behind the roll" situation, these are details that will likely impact my answer to his OP.  I'm really not trying to bash the dude, but I've asked him several times for more info and he's not responded...hmmm, wonder if that plays out in his relationships; maybe.  I just don't know!  But, the post is being made interesting via the side conversations. 
Davan
(Who'd offer to let perse and simpleplan < and mc1234 for making so much sense!!! > have their way with David while she's got him chained up; see, I play nicely with other when treated well  :>  ) 


No, this is just you being nosey.

It does not matter what actions have caused him to reach this point. He isn't asking you for your opinion on her behaviour. He isn't saying, "If you had a sub and she did -this- would you give her an ultimatum or end it?" He's saying, "I've reached a point where I am considering either giving an ultimatum or ending this relationship." Then he's weighing out the pros and cons.



Wow, I hope you're kidding; if you're not, I fear for what you think is an adequate level of communication when an issue arises in a relationship.  Regardless, I question your decorum as you make rude statements like calling someone "nosey" who has expressed, several times, in several ways, a willingness to try to weigh in with more information...and, I am not the only one who has asked the guy for more information.  I couldn't care less about the dude in question but I do try to offer thoughtful answers to people on threads and he's not given enough information to answer the basic question that youve boiled it down to.  The devil IS in the details. 
  Davan
(Whose nose, she has it on good authority, is cute)

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to eri)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 5:31:42 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

mc1234----
I tried to perv your profile but was thwarted; it said one was not found; what's up? 


Ah .... I've just been having  a bad run of it lately.  Thought I'd found someone, so I took my profile down for awhile to quiet the mail while I concentrated on him.  Found out today it wasn't going to work out ... sigh ... back up again 


quote:

Ambien...aaaargh; makes me think my keyboard is melting and then I am hung over for half the day after I wake up.  Hope it does less evil things to you. 


It does - it works beautifully, though sometimes I get that melty thing going too.  Once I thought my dog was under the comforter because it was moving around so much - but he was in the other room!  I only take half now! 

quote:

Duchovny iin cuffs and on his knees...far more soothing a thought.  :>    Davan


You know, I don't have much of the Domme in me, but for him .... yeah, I could get into that.  lol



I'm so sorry that the relationship you'd been focused on isn't going to work out.  < sending much sympathy > 
Glad that you have better luck with the stuff than do I; I'd pretty much make the sign of the cross and back off hissing if someone tried to make me take it, lol! 
Eh, you know, sometimes that more Dominant side finds focus; I peg him for a subby boy.  I think he'd be much fun.  :> 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 5:33:06 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Ladies, ladies, ladies.  I'm no where near being done with the boy yet.  And when I am...I doubt there will be much left :)

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 5:36:23 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2
Ladies, ladies, ladies.  I'm no where near being done with the boy yet.  And when I am...I doubt there will be much left :)


Now why, oh, why, would you want to destroy the boy; just wear him out repetitiously and then bring him on over and 'rinse and repeat' as the shampoo bottle says. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to simpleplan2)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 5:51:49 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Oh hell. I still don't know what the problem is. I must be like a block of wood. If she is cheating ... dump her. If its a disagreement over some little thing, talk it out like adults. Quite whining and talk to her.

To the ladies perving over David D, well, I sure as hell look nothing like him. No wonder I'm alone.

There ... I said it.

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I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 6:57:30 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

mc1234----
I tried to perv your profile but was thwarted; it said one was not found; what's up? 


Ah .... I've just been having  a bad run of it lately.  Thought I'd found someone, so I took my profile down for awhile to quiet the mail while I concentrated on him.  Found out today it wasn't going to work out ... sigh ... back up again 


quote:

Ambien...aaaargh; makes me think my keyboard is melting and then I am hung over for half the day after I wake up.  Hope it does less evil things to you. 


It does - it works beautifully, though sometimes I get that melty thing going too.  Once I thought my dog was under the comforter because it was moving around so much - but he was in the other room!  I only take half now! 

quote:

Duchovny iin cuffs and on his knees...far more soothing a thought.  :>    Davan


You know, I don't have much of the Domme in me, but for him .... yeah, I could get into that.  lol



I'm so sorry that the relationship you'd been focused on isn't going to work out.  < sending much sympathy > 
Glad that you have better luck with the stuff than do I; I'd pretty much make the sign of the cross and back off hissing if someone tried to make me take it, lol! 
Eh, you know, sometimes that more Dominant side finds focus; I peg him for a subby boy.  I think he'd be much fun.  :> 
Davan


HELL TO THE NO....i leave this thread for a piddly little while and suddenly David Duchovny is a submissive??????????
Now, im going to give you all a chance to take that back...

 or else.

perse


_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:07:30 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Umm -  -  sorry perse - i see him omore as  a subbie too.  now Russell Crowe on the other hand - total dominant! *drools on keyboard*

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:10:32 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Russell Crowe?  Give me a break!  Harrison Ford?  Not just yeah, but O Hell Yeah!

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:11:40 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		alright....

<----shitlist
1. kiwi

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:14:01 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Brandon Fraser...not a dom but so fucking cute!

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:16:55 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		i am going to ignore you until Duchovny's dominant nature is restored to the boards....or until i get home tomorrow.
have to leave for work
nite all.
try to behave.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to simpleplan2)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:43:21 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DogGoneBad

I've been debating about laying down an ultimatum or ending things.  The issue this is over is one that I can not deal with anymore.  She is aware that I have a problem over this issue.  I thought the issue was resolved on her end. Last night during a phone conversation she brought up the fact it was still going on.

If I make the decision to end things, it will be final.  There will be no second chances or turning back.  If I lay down an ultimatum it gives her one last opportunity or chance. 

I can not press forward in the relationship as long as this is still going on.  In fact, I will end up emotionally detaching from her.  She has not taken this issue as a serious matter.

From what you say here, it would appear that either way you decide to go,  someone is going to be on the losing end. My advice would be to end the relationship now before both of you become so resentful.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 7:57:59 PM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I'm so sorry that the relationship you'd been focused on isn't going to work out.  < sending much sympathy > 
Glad that you have better luck with the stuff than do I; I'd pretty much make the sign of the cross and back off hissing if someone tried to make me take it, lol! 
Eh, you know, sometimes that more Dominant side finds focus; I peg him for a subby boy.  I think he'd be much fun.  :> 
Davan


Thanks much for the sympathy.  I can use it tonight. I'd be feeling all 'woe-is-mee-ish' except for the Ambien.  lol 
And I think you're 100% right on him being a sub boy ... and would be much fun indeed!!

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Ultimatum or end it - 12/4/2008 8:40:11 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		and you wonder why people shoot other people sometimes we drive people to be nut cases

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 100
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