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RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 4:15:40 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

Not everyone is willing to be unhappy in their own life, just to make someone else happy

I agree. Nor does it make this wife any less charitable.

quote:

i once offered to help a mentally ill woman on these boards. i talked to her and comforted her for weeks. My domme dismissed me because of it. i rest my case. i have no qualms about helping anyone or suggesting that anyone be helped male or female even to the extent of losing a relationship. yes i did it and would do it again if the situation arose no matter what the cost, yes even if i was owned i would do it. why should even an owned slave not offer to help someone less fortunate when he knows that his Mistress is fine and that that other person is in far greater need, my answer he shouldnt , he might get dismissed but principles are principles and to me its dead wrong to ignore the unfortunate by staying faithful to someone else, that is just not charitable
kevin

I can almost bet that the reason you were dismissed wasn't because you were helping someone out, but rather, you completely disregarded your Mistress's feelings regarding it. As for your comment about staying faithful to someone as opposed to helping someone out, to each his/her own.

quote:

i told him that whatever happens dont have another breakdown over it, that will solve nothing and just make the relationship even more rocky.

Well if he can listen to you and not have a breakdown over his break up, then perhaps he has more control over his depression than you are giving him credit for.

quote:

She is only doing this for the sake of kids whom She is pretty confident She will get to keep as in my mate's words the courts nearly always side with the mother in these cases.

In most cases, if the spouse can prove that the other is mentally ill or is in some way unable to take care of the children, then it doesn't matter whether the spouse who gets them is the mom or dad. The kids will go to whomever the courts feel is mentally, physically and financially able to care for them.

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Post #: 81

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 4:22:05 PM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

A friend of mine has told me that his Mistress is forcing him out of her house as and from January 09. She says that as She owns him , She has the right to make him homeless. Surely this is wrong. My question is does a Mistress have a minimum obligation to a servant to provide minimum welfare, ie if in contract to her, a roof over his head or does a slave's comfort even minimum comfort become obsolete once owned
kevin

My guess is that unless they are in a legal relationship of some sort, he has no legal rights here to her house.

Legal might be as roommates -- I'd get a contract for that -- or if they were married or if was her employee -- again, need a contract to prove that I'm betting.

We need to always remember that even if we use contracts in our Ds these are not legal documents in most of our cultures and societies. Really I think we have only our own sense of honor to self and each other and any of us can change our minds about being in this relationship at any time.

I say if she's told him she's kicking him out of the house he needs to start looking for a place and he needs to realize she may have also ended there relationship depending on what they negotiated with. Fox and I have said in front of witnesses that as long as I own him and he is my slave I expect him to live in my home and his leaving or being asked to leave is the same as ending the ownership.

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Post #: 82

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 4:22:14 PM

colouredin

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I dont think anyone is 'owed' anything really, you cant stay with someone simply because they are depressed and like it or not three years is a long time to be not contributing to the household which would stress me out. If your majour concern Lob is to help someone with depression my suggestion is to read about what it means, im sure he wouldnt want her to stay with him for that reason alone thats too much of a dependancy. If hes had depression for three years then im guessing he needs some sort of help getting out of it, not working for that length of time can get you into a rut, hell i was down when i was out of work for a few months. Help him in a way that he wants you to help him. Im pretty sure bitching about it to a bunch of total strangers isnt going to do anything at all for him. Get yourself off your self erected cross and be a friend.

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Post #: 83

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 4:37:28 PM

SageFemmexx

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Around here, anyone living with someone else is entitled to an eviction notice and process. I have a friend who attempted to evict her adult daughter and son-in-law and she had to go through the legal process even though they lived in the same house. The D/s status doesn't entitle you to anything but, roommate status may very well give you some rights that you may not have realized you are entitled to.

make some calls--know your rights.

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Post #: 84

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 6:07:05 PM

lateralist1

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The relationship is over.
He needs to come to terms with that.
Maybe you can help him and maybe your anger will be a hinderance.
He needs to contact a lawyer before he accepts the money. If he accepts the money it may mean he won't get legal aid to fight his case. I don't know enough about Irish law to give advice.
Thousands of people are badly treated under the law.That in itself is a crime but we have to accept that the law's an ass because it's written by stupid people but it's the only thing that we have to at least help force people to behave in a reasonable way towards one another.
Now it seems to me that your anger is justified to a certain extent. I can empathise with how you feel but we all have to learn to take the punches that life gives out. I believe that depression is often caused by knowing that we are too weak to take care of ourselves. A lot of it comes from poor parenting. Men are expected to be stronger than women and often they aren't. I've been railing at the injustice of life since I was ten years old. It's worn me out and it will you if you are not careful. It sounds to me as if your Mistress may have been trying to help you to understand that.
Our first duty has to be to ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves we can not help anyone else.
You need to ask yourself a question. Is your on-line relationship helping you?
If your prepared to jeapodise it for the sake of someone else that you hardly know then it can't mean that much to you now can it?
Like lots of people including me it sounds like you need to build yourself a life. Which needs to include long term friends who like and understand you. More important and more difficult than finding a Mistress. Preferably people who don't have mental illness if that's possible to find. In simple terms money will get tighter in the west as the manufacturing base moves east. You may not get a job, your friend may not get a job, but people are more important than things.
I hope that helps.
Take care
Beth

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 85

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 7:22:48 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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eerr..he's a human being...he should get a job and rent a place. It's her house I'm assuming. She can do whatever she likes within her own home. Does he pay rent to her? Is there a landlord/tenant lease? No? Then she can kick him out and he can find a new place to stay. Yes? Then he could fight on possible legal terms.

But we don't know the story and really..he's an adult..not a child.

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Post #: 86

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 7:34:11 PM

YourhandMyAss

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Open your eyes, You can idolize someone all you want, worship the ground they walk on ect ect, it does not mean THEY will continue to want you. You're apparently stuck on this idea that a Mistress doesn't ever get to change her mind and get rid of someone, That's simply not true. Just as it's simply not true that a sub or a slave couldn't walk away from the Dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

No i met him yesterday, he was in bits. he has nobody outside me, his Mistress is his rock, he worships the ground She walks on, in his own words he idolises Her, if this is all true, i cant see why She turned on him. i m telling him to keep his head up and bottom line to refuse to leave. If anyone leaves in my male opinion it should be Her, after all to me She is the instigator of this problem and She unlike him has an income and could live outside comfortably, he does not
kevin

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Post #: 87

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/13/2008 8:45:42 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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Fast Reply

Guess she coulda said, "I want you out tomorrow" ... being around depressed people is depressing..harsh but true.

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Post #: 88

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:17:09 AM

lobodomslavery

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thats the thing, he told me Friday and he told Her importantly that if She was sick he would have a duty to look after Her and he would look after Her and also make sure Her kids were looked after while She was sick
kevin

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Post #: 89

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:21:56 AM

lobodomslavery

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he does not want money, he told me this. In an effort to make Her understand , he told me that while conversing with Her he pointed to their marriage certificate. He made the point to Her that when he married Her , he took Her to be his wife not for Christmas or Easter or good times but for life as a life partner. He only hoped that no matter what She would feel the same way about him. She did for many years but now She has stonewalled him. Its hard not to feel sympathy for him
On the other issue, i do get a lot out of my online relationship with my Mistress. She understands me and is sympathetic to my condition, She knows im genuinely trying to improve myself but each time i do i just get kicked in the face not physically but with setbacks. im not complaining just telling you how it is for me and for him
kevin

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 90

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:22:49 AM

LadyPact

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If they are his kids, too, I would hope to think he has a duty to look after them.

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Post #: 91

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:24:00 AM

colouredin

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Marriages fail firstly get your head round that, secondly your idea of her having to leave the house when you have just said she has children shows how far your compassion extends. She has given him warning and offered him money he should leave and you should butt out

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Post #: 92

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:45:48 AM

wandersalone

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Kevin.... it is lovely that you are so concerned for your mate, truly it is however I have a feeling that your anger over this situation is not helping him in any way.

You mentioned in one of your posts on this thread that he is "47 and no longer a spring chicken" I would like to call bullshit on that if I may.

These days people change jobs regularly and yes older workers do it all the time. I am 41, my most recent job change was 2 months ago into a job I have no previous experience in however my employers took a chance on me because of my work history and transferable skills.

He has 28 years of work experience and work skills.... he has about another twenty years of working life ahead of him, inference that he will be finding it difficult because of his age will not be helping him.

You made a comment also about how he could get a job that pays $100 000 in the next six months ....does he have the skills to get a job that pays that or is this simply fantasy talking? Hell I could get a job that pays that much....the reality is that I won't. Suggest that he look for some part time work to do while he is studying. There would be lots of part-time and casual work in cleaning, hospitality, security and retail I imagine (sorry I don't know the labour market situation in Ireland however I know that even when there is high unemployment those are the types of jobs that are still readily available.)

Ok...as to the 14 years when he was working to pay off the mortgage and she was doing nothing to contribute to it...again may I respectfully call bullshit on that.... did she lay in bed 24 hours eating chocolate while he was working? If not I hazard a guess that she was cleaning the house, cooking meals, giving birth to and looking after the UM's which you said they have, grocery shopping etc etc etc. Just because she was not contributing financially does not mean she did not contribute at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery
i m telling him to keep his head up and bottom line to refuse to leave. If anyone leaves in my male opinion it should be Her, after all to me She is the instigator of this problem and She unlike him has an income and could live outside comfortably, he does not

Telling your friend this does not help him. Your advice is not only misguided, it is encouraging him to keep his pity party going and to continue avoiding the reality of the situation....it sounds like she wants a divorce .... he cannot pretend this isn't happening.

People here have told you many times that you know only one side of the situation.

Your posts on here seem to show a propensity to try and rescue others when maybe it may be more helpful to focus on your own difficulties (which you mentioned going through) rather than trying to misguidedly help others. Whilst I am sure your intentions are good....sometimes without realising it though we are actually helping the other person to remain in the psychologically unhelpful mindset (eg. angry, bitter, why me, it's not fair, she is a bitch)

What your friend will benefit from is having a friend such as you that is non-judgmental (ie. listen but don't feed his anger, sadness etc), that is realistic (give him the contact numbers of lawyers, support groups, job search sites) support him as he continues to see his doctor to monitor his depression and also to attend counseling to help him to build his coping strategies for situations exactly like what he is going through now.

He needs someone not to join him in blaming his wife/Mistress and help him feel hard done by, he needs someone who will instead be encouraging him to be pro-active and to start looking towards the future....which clearly appears to include living elsewhere and without this relationship in its current form.

< Message edited by wandersalone -- 12/14/2008 2:49:17 AM >

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Post #: 93

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:46:49 AM

lobodomslavery

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i think you misunderstood. i have not said anything to Her personally. Nor would i dare. i have never met his wife and i dont plan to either. i just advised him as a mate to stick in and refuse to leave. i think thats reasonable particularly when he said he would do that anyway. i think its unreasonable to threaten to evict a jobless male or a jobless anyone for that matter even with the carrot of $18,000, the point is he will effectively end up on the streets, if he were to rent he would be paying $350 a week for a flat do the maths and he is left with $1,200 for food, that would run out pretty quick and then what, i think She needs to give him just a little more time. its not as if he is doing nothing, he is doing a course, which shows his determination to get back to work, if he were doing nothing She would have a point but he is doing his best to get back into a position where he can earn money. She needs to also realise that there are no jobs out there now anyway, we are in a recession in ireland and She should recognise that. many people are out of work. many married males are out of work, and married women but not everybody is separating and throwing their partner out over it, its very upsetting for him and i feel for him i really do. And the guy She get s in his place if they do separate, will She treat him the same way, it could be me , it could be anyone, i think the guy is right to take a stand, in some ways Feminism has gone too far, does women's rights extend to making life miserable for men , to threatening's a man's security by putting him out of his own home, it shouldnt but if it does its a sad reflection on how selfish some women have become, i say some most Women are fine and honour their partners wishes as She is done and i hope She continues to do i really do but at the moment its tough for him and so unneccessary, i hope She never falls ill thats all i can say and if She does i hope someone is more charitable to Her than She appears to be to him
kevin

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Post #: 94

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:49:17 AM

MissIsis

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As was stated before, we are only getting one side of a story. No one is obligated to care for anyone, wife, husband, adult offspring, ect. Relationships end. People have enough & often reach a point where they can't deal with other people's baggage anymore. Very often, people use their illnesses to play on the compassion of others, particularly, when the others refers to someone they know cares about them. In other words, people sometimes deliberately make themselves look pathetic, so they can get someone else to take care of them. I have a problem with any grown person expecting someone else to care for them. Depression can be treated & there are people all over the world who are depressed & work.

Why would your friend want to stay with someone who he knows he will be a burden to, & will only keep him out of some morbid obligation? Perhaps, in the end, he will be forced to stand on his own two feet & get whatever help he needs to do so. Perhaps, by keeping him as long as she has, she has only been enabling him to stay sick & to stay dependent on her. Maybe this is the best thing for him.

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Post #: 95

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 2:57:53 AM

colouredin

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I said it before and I'll say it again, how is it any of your business? I think 18k is bloody good, its not her fault he doesnt have a job and you havent met her you know very little about their situation and i suggest that you dont advise anything. If his refusing to leave results in being forcably removed from the home and massive animosity who is he going to blame? Also hun i used to pay £200 a MONTH for rent, god knows where he wants to live for 350 a week. It wouldnt run out quick, he has time to get a job and thats what he should be worring about now not the fact that 'life is unfair' she shouldnt do anything, two years i s a long time to wait for someone to get their act together.

We are in a recession all over the UK and there are still jobs hun, sure you wont be able to be picky but there are jobs so he really cant use that excuse. You dont know why shes chucking him out as you said you dont know her, all you know is your mates side and from how you have depicted it its a very one sided thing. The recession does mean that people cant afford to support people not working, you his great mate cant even put him up.

This has naff all to do with feminism it has to do with a marriage breaking down, answer me this if she were to move out woulod he be able to support himself then? Course not. ITs not about womens rights meaning they can make life miserabel for men, its about an adult not working while another adult works to support them and their children and themselves. You cant carry on honouring your partners wishes forever if it makes you unhappy.

She has been 'charitable' for three bloody years, why cant you get that through your narrow minded head?

Think of it this way, you are ina relationship with a woman and she totally changes, makes your life miserable and hard and you put up with it for years, you snap and decide the relationships over. What right would she have to say 'no the relationship isnt over' none zero nothing.

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Post #: 96

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 3:00:04 AM

lobodomslavery

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in answer to your first question , he worked in printing , thats all he knew and in 2005 the company closed , he was made redundant. He then as is quite understandable became quite down about this and lost his mind. He was hospitalised. He is now out of hospital having recently been re admitted. He has good social skills and im sure if anyone appreciated him he would get a job. But like a lot of men , he is not appreciated or valued, he has been crapped on and this is just another slap in the face he can do without. If his wife does not care for him , no one will. i do my best, i will always be his mate, but i cant take him in. For one while i live alone, my parents do come up from the country from time to time and it is their house. they would not appreciate another male even a friend living long term in the house.. And no they wouldnt accept rent., they would see it as another problem, and they dont want another problem, they have their hands full as it is
kevin

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Post #: 97

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 3:10:40 AM

lobodomslavery

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£200 a month for rent. laughs. Sorry i just couldnt help it chicken. Were you renting out in Ballygobackwards by any chance or Ballina maybe. it certainly wasnt in Dublin or if it was it was maybe 20 years ago. No babe unfortunately the average rent is €1400 a month in Dubllin , it might even be more out where he lives for all i know as he lives on the South side of Dublin which is a bit more expensive property wise.
as for the work issue, he is not able to work presently. She knows this and She knows he might not be able for a 9 hour job never mind 12 hour shifts which he did for 14 years. its not his fault he is sick and She has a duty to him . At the moment She is just making a guy who could make her very happy in future years very unhappy and worried. it amount s to bullying if you ask me. what happened to supporting each other through thick and thin, i agree abuse is wrong, but he is not an abusive man, he is not violent, he is just sick , he is not a threat to anyone. Nobody can help being sick, and believe me i should know on the work issue, ive tried i send out dozens of emails per week only to get the same silent or we have no suitable vacancies to match your skills rubbish but we will keep your CV on file from mainly Women bosses i have to add and thats another problem which is for another day the fact that there are very few men in human resources these days, its mostly Women and they go for women employees over men, its reverse discrimination, women's needs are being prioritised, men are being ignored
kevin

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Post #: 98

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 3:16:57 AM

colouredin

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No it was in cardiff a year ago, shared house which you can get very easily (beggers cant be choosers) Edit to add http://www.clickflatshare.co.uk/Dublin/ flatshares starting at 300pcm

Yes he can get a job. I suffered from depression for a few years, you still have to be able to support yourself. She doesnt have a duty to him, or if she does three years has fullfilled it.

Also dont talk bollocks women dont favour women for jobs, its a fact that men occupy the higher positions in empolyment, yup there are more women in hr but that really makes bog all differance. You can get work, no maybe its not great work, not an ideal job but you can get it.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 12/14/2008 3:19:10 AM >

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Post #: 99

RE: Should Mistress have minimum obligation to servant - 12/14/2008 3:21:52 AM

lobodomslavery

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Well bully for you but thats Cardiff babe. He lives in Dublin and its not for nothing that we are known as rip off republic a reference to the republic of ireland. As for the job issue im only giving you what ive experienced and thats been a lot of rejection on the job if not on the relationship front
kevin

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Post #: 100

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